Unexpectedly
by StrawberrySab
Summary: Future fiction. After divorcing Peter and ending the affair with Will, Alicia starts to adjust to her new life as a single woman. But not always things go the way we plan them. And the unexpected happens. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Some people love Alicia with Will, some people love her with Peter. Some others just want her alone. But there are people who secretly (or publicly) wished to see Alicia with another love interest. This is for you!**

**As to how this crazy idea was born, this is the conversation I had a couple of days ago with a friend:**

_**Friend: I want to see Alicia with a hot lawyer with the face of Ioan Gruffudd.**_

_**Me: Ok, how would you name him?**_

**This is the beginning of their story. For once, I don't have anything planned. No idea where this will go, I'll follow my muse, wherever she decides to lead me.**

**And if you don't like Ioan Gruffudd or have no idea who he is, just give him the face you want :)**

* * *

"Objection, Your Honor!" Alicia's voice sounded slightly pitched in frustration.

"On which basis, if I'm allowed to ask?" Tom Bryant, the prosecution attorney, was Peter's latest acquisition. His gaze was fixed on her, confident, defying, with a sneering smirk, certainly not hiding the hint of arrogance in his gaze. His dark eyes were clearly deep into trying and scan her mind, searching for every slight sign of weakness, doubt or hesitation that he could possibly turn against her.

Over the years, Alicia got used to the aggressive and brash approach of most prosecutors. She had learnt to put them in their place, managing to get completely rid of the unwelcome and weak image that Peter's scandal had spread of her. And this applied not only to people around her, but to herself too. She loved the new Alicia. She loved the feeling of strength and self-confidence she'd manage to build in her four years at Lockhart & Gardner.

Not that she did it all alone. Diane's excellent mentoring proved to be essential for her professional growth. And Will… well, there were days on which she still wondered what could have happened - if they could have worked as a couple – _not __in __private_, that was unquestionable – _in __public_. The amount of _what __ifs _had only increased after their prolonged affair, instead of diminishing. But most of the time, she felt like she had done the right thing. He'd been a very important stage of her life, helping her regain that self-confidence that Amber Madison and God only knew how many others unidentified hookers had taken away from her. It was something she would always be grateful to him for.

Now, under the probing gaze of this man standing on the other side of the justice, she was suddenly feeling insecure, tense, an undefined and uncomfortable sensation of butterflies in her stomach which was distracting and totally unwelcome. What was happening to her?

"The defendant has no criminal record, committal is unwarranted, Your Honor," Alicia promptly reacted, looking straight in his eyes, hiding her discomfort with her best poker face. She managed to hold his gaze only for a few seconds and quickly turned to face the judge. She didn't want him to see her… her what? She didn't know herself, but it made her hands sweaty and she didn't like that at all.

"He's accused of murder, Your Honor!" The prosecutor insisted on his line of action, not showing the slightest hint of doubt or weakness. It was becoming unnerving.

"I don't remember the jury issuing any verdict yet, Your Honor!" Alicia's rising voice reflected her growing frustration and anger.

"He is a threat to society!" He insisted.

Alicia could only stare at him with an unbelieving look. It was so typical of all the SA's office attorneys to be so damn annoying.

"Sustained!" The judge had the final word in Alicia's favor, causing her to sigh with relief. Turning to face Mr. Bryant, she met his annoyed and disappointed look, and paid him back with his same smirk.

As she headed outside the courtroom, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Alicia?"

Slightly turning her head, she saw Mr. Bryant stopping few steps away. "Mrs. Florrick, actually," she corrected him, her words coming out colder than she really wanted to.

"I thought you were separated," he pointed out.

Peter had made the separation official two months before and in spite of the divorce not being already finalized in every single aspect – it was only a matter of bureaucracy now – she had been Mrs. Florrick for so many years that she was finding hard now to adjust to her new condition of single woman. She wasn't Alicia Florrick anymore. She was back being Alicia Cavanaugh. She just had to get used to her old name again. To be completely honest, she was more annoyed by the fact of being back to the condition of "Miss". It made her feel a sort of spinster and she didn't like it at all.

"I'm still Mrs. Florrick, if you don't mind," she insisted, causing him to slightly stiffen. She realized how unnecessarily malicious she sounded and quickly apologized. "I'm sorry… I didn't…" she shook her head. She didn't what?

"No, it's fine… _Mrs. __Florrick_," Mr. Bryant repeated, intentionally emphasizing her name. "I was just wondering if your firm would be interested in considering a negotiation."

She smiled, nodding to herself. So typical again. At the first wavering in the accusation, they were suddenly eager to negotiate.

"We'll consider the possibility, Mr. Bryant," she told him politely, yet keeping the due distance.

"Tom, actually," he corrected her with a smile. _Touché_.

"We'll consider the possibility… _Tom_," she repeated, intentionally emphasizing his name, and she couldn't help but smile at how they obviously had started on the wrong foot. "My firm will contact you," she confirmed, her smile gone and replaced by a very professional look.

As she left, she held back the growing temptation of looking back. _Damn_. Those eyes were so distracting; the way they scanned her like X-ray made her anxious and uncomfortable. _Don__'__t __look __back_, she said to herself, _don__'__t __look __back, don't be that weak_.

* * *

Half an hour later, back at Lockhart & Gardner, she stopped in front of Will's office. Needing his advice on the possible negotiation, she patiently waited for his secretary to leave before stepping in.

"Hey," Will welcomed her with a smile, "how did it go?" He asked, obviously referring to the earlier court session.

"Good. No committal so far. The prosecution wants to negotiate," she explained, giving Will a knowing smile.

"That is the usual with the SA's people," he said, and she smiled at the fact that they thought the same. "Should we?"

"Honestly?" She asked, more to herself. "I think we should," she said, meeting Will's doubtful and thoughtful look. He was clearly against a negotiation.

"I trust your judgment, then. Play low, aim to the minimum and don't yield, whatever they offer," he advised.

"Sure," she nodded, then turned to leave.

"How is he?" Will stopped her halfway through the door.

"Who?" She asked confused.

"Peter's new hire," he explained. _Uh, __sure_. "He's the prosecuting attorney, right?"

"Yes… yes… I… he…" she stumbled nervously upon her words. How was he? _Unnerving, __arrogant, __bold, __annoying __and __uncomfortable_. "Smart, tough. He was well trained," she chose to answer. It fitted him perfectly.

She caught a concerned look in Will's eyes.

"Are you ok?" He asked, a slight worry in his voice, "you seem… nervous…"

Was it so evident? "I just want to close this quickly," she explained, trying to disguise her anxiety with a more easy-to-handle tiredness. With that, she left.

On the way to her office, she called Trisha. "Can you please call the State's Attorney's office and tell that we are ready to discuss the negotiation? Thank you." She was thankful for having a secretary. At least she could avoid having to do with that lawyer, _Tom_, directly.

She couldn't help but feeling anxious every time she had something to do with him and, for the life of her, she had no idea why.


	2. Chapter 2

"Fifteen years, second degree." Comfortably seated on his office chair, resting against the back, Mr. Bryant looked very determined, his voice decided and confident.

"No way, that is not cutting it!" Alicia promptly questioned, keeping a straight face. "Involuntary manslaughter," she replicated, remembering Will's advice of keeping it as low as possible and not giving into any offer. She smiled confidently, her gaze defiantly fixed on his, making it clear that she had no intentions to yield at all.

Out of the corner of her eye, she instinctively peeked at the surroundings. No pictures, no trophies, not a single painting or engraving hanging on the walls; his office was cold and bare, standing in sharp contrast with what was seemingly his being. His deep gaze, his way of facing both people and problems gave a general idea of a strong, passionate and dedicated man. She couldn't help but find all of this disturbing and intriguing at the same time.

"Twelve years with parole," he insisted, not moving a single finger from his stance.

With a raised eyebrow, Alicia was wondering if they would ever find an agreement. Leaning slightly forward, resting her forearms on his desk, she replied with her most relaxed tone. "He's innocent."

Repeating her own gesture, Mr. Bryant slowly leaned forward, crossing his arms on the desk, stopping few inches from her.

Feeling herself slightly blushing at the sudden closeness, Alicia quickly pulled back, her heart beating fast, suddenly uncomfortable and embarrassed. One thing was sure about this man, he perfectly fitted the principle of contentiousness typical of the SA's office, managing to make people in front of him feel small and insecure. It was something she hated.

"Are you sure?" The tone of his voice would make everyone question their own thoughts. "Ten years, this is my last offer," he insisted.

Alicia stood still and silent for a moment, considering his offer. "No," she replied dry, smiling as she noted for the first time a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.

Mr. Bryant looked away, toying nervously with his pen, probably realizing that the negotiation was heading nowhere close to his expectations.

Alicia waited patiently, smiling in pleasure at his hesitation.

As he looked back, his eyes locked on hers. He finally let out a small sigh, failing to suffocate a laugh. "What kind of a negotiation is this if nobody's giving in?" He said between laughter.

Alicia didn't move. Keeping a pleased smile on her face, she quickly replied, "You asked to debate the negotiation, that's what we are doing." Peter had surely trained him well, but he clearly forgot to train him against his own ex-wife. "We never said we were willing to give up," she concluded, a mocking smile on her face.

"I guess this means a failure on the negotiation," he concluded, resting back on his chair, looking defeated. His former smile turned into a hinted look of disappointment. "You're tougher to crack than what I thought you would be," he said with his gaze fixed on her.

_He__'__s __doing __it __again_. That deep and probing gaze was hard to sustain and Alicia found herself looking away, anxious.

"Why did you divorce?" His words came out hasty and Alicia had to look back, not sure she heard it right, meeting his expectant look.

"It's none of your business," she responded with a slightly pitched voice, not hiding a certain resentment at the sudden intrusion into her private life. "And don't ever try to do that again," she concluded cold.

"Do what?" He asked, obviously pretending not to understand.

"Making it personal in the middle of a negotiation," she explained with a harsh tone.

Mr. Bryant looked down, nodding. Alicia noticed he had gone back to toying with his pen and couldn't help but read it as his own sign of nervousness.

"I thought the negotiation was over," he commented with a smile, "and you didn't answer by the way," he added, trying again to get an answer out of her.

Alicia didn't say anything, she simply leaned forward, slightly shaking her head. "Why aren't you married?" She suddenly asked, and smiled as she noticed him looking clearly caught off guard by her unexpected question.

"Who says?" he asked with a curious look.

"Your left ring-finger says," she said, pointing at the lack of any kind of ring on his toying hands. For once, she was the one making him feel nervous and felt a hint of pride at how she managed to reverse his own attempt of questioning against him.

Mr. Bryant took a moment to formulate the answer in his mind. "It's not for me," he answered, his gaze on her, but all the previous arrogance was now completely gone.

"Why?" She insisted, her look defiantly fixed on him.

He looked down at her ring-finger. Her wedding band was gone so recently that the mark left by wearing it every single day for nineteen years of her life was still clearly visible.

"You are separated with kids, I think you might already have your answer," he said, not really replying but giving a remarkable hint as to what he was referring to. "So, why?" He asked again.

Alicia gave him a confused look. She thought she managed to switch the conversation on him, but she was obviously wrong. "Why? What do you mean?"

"Why did you decide to divorce only now, four years after the scandal?" He had just managed to throw it back again at her.

Alicia smiled in disbelief. "You know you're persistent, don't you?" She faked annoyance, but couldn't help but smiling at how he was tough to crack personally as much as she was professionally.

"That's my secret strategy to break the defences down," he said, his voice low, in a confidence manner.

Alicia couldn't help but laugh. His strategy was more than obviously winning not only in court, but in private too. Holding back the laughter, she regained some composure as she started to search for the best answer. Since he wasn't going to give up anytime soon, she might as well give him a good, although harmless reply that wouldn't give him the pretext for more questions. "I wasn't in love anymore," she said calmly. It was way more complicated than this, but it wasn't something she was willing to confide to a perfect stranger.

Mr. Bryant looked at her with some blank look that she couldn't really identify. Disappointed? She couldn't say for sure.

"That's all?" He asked, confirming Alicia's suspect that he was expecting something different.

She smiled before asking, curious now, "What were you expecting?"

He looked at her thoughtful. "I don't know… some turbid and spicy story, I think…" he said, giving her a provocative look that she smartly chose to ignore. "What a pity…" he concluded.

Alicia smiled amused, faking an indignity, she really didn't feel. "Now I have to go and tell my boss that the negotiation failed," she said, breaking the silence before it could turn awkward.

"He'll be proud of how you managed to make it fail," he joked. "See you in courtroom, _Mrs. __Florrick_?" He emphasized her name, reminding her of their earlier discussion.

As she stood to leave, Alicia stopped and corrected him, "Alicia, actually."

Mr. Bryant smiled, "See you in courtroom, _Alicia_."

Walking down the corridors of the SA's offices, she realized she was smiling and blushed. _Damn_. He really was damn cute.


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, these are the pieces of information you needed," Kalinda said, walking into Alicia's office with a folder in her hands, "and they are not good," she concluded with a touch of disappointment.

Alicia, till now confident they might win the case, gave her a worried look, stretching her arms to take the folder. "What do you mean?" She asked nervously, shifting her gaze from the papers to Kalinda to the papers again.

"Matt Wayne might not be as innocent as we thought," Kalinda started. "He had a fight with the victim the day of his death," she explained.

Alicia looked up at her, seriously worried now. "This is not good…" was all she could say. "This is not good at all…" she repeated to herself, as the thought of the failed negotiation crossed her mind. "Why didn't this come up before?"

"The guy who witnessed the fight left for a business trip that same night, before we had any chance of knowing," Kalinda explained, sounding mortified.

Alicia let out a heavy sight and let herself sink onto the chair. "We let the negotiation fail," she said, her gaze lost somewhere on the floor. "_I_ let the damn negotiation fail," she repeated, suddenly guilty. She was given the chance to take ten years and simply let it go, certain of the innocence of a man who suddenly didn't sound innocent at all.

"Do you think the prosecution might still be open to reconsider the offer?" Kalinda asked her.

It was probably their only way out. _Mr. Bryant_. How could she possibly ask him to reconsider the ten years offer? No. She just couldn't do it.

"No," she replied firmly. They needed to find another way. "We need to prove that he didn't cause the heart attack but was indeed attempting to perform a cardiac massage…" she considered, looking defeated at the police report on her desk. It was the record that their client was supposed not to have until a couple of days before.

"Ask him," Kalinda insisted politely.

"Who?" Alicia asked faking confusion, but she already knew what she was referring to.

"Ask the prosecutor to reconsider the offer," Kalinda explained, still very quietly.

"No," Alicia repeated with the same quietness, though giving away some discomfort.

"Don't let whatever feelings you might have get in the way, Alicia."

Alicia looked up to meet Kalinda's searching gaze. How did she…?

"You couldn't be anymore off the track, Kalinda." Alicia hoped she would get it and let it go, already aware that with Kalinda there was no way of letting it go.

"Am I? 'Cause I was in court during the trial session and what I saw wasn't exactly a simple debate," Kalinda said, giving her a knowing look.

Having as best friend a very careful observer wasn't always a good thing. Truth was, she would prefer ten times having to face him on safe ground of a busy courtroom rather than having another embarrassing tête-à-tête.

A knock on Alicia's door made them both turn to see Eli standing there. He silently gestured for Kalinda to follow him.

"Ok, I gotta go now," Kalinda said as she stood up, "but promise me to call the SA's office," she insisted with a pointed finger.

Alicia didn't answer, she just sighed, going through the police report in the desperate attempt to find something, although she really didn't know what to look for.

-o-

* * *

-o-

Alicia threw the folder on her desk, defeated. She had read every single line ten times, had looked at every damn detail of the pictures without finding anything useful. She had wasted more than two hours on nothing.

As she stared at her desk, lost in thought, she spotted a business card showing among the papers. She leaned out to take it and read the name.

"_Thomas Jacob Bryant – Prosecutor – State's Attorney's Office_"

Damn. She really had no other choice. Bracing up and putting every discomfort aside, she slowly dialed his number.

"Hello?" Even on the phone, Mr. Bryant's voice sounded confident and intimidating.

Alicia hesitated for a moment, suddenly losing all the strength she hardly managed to gather.

"I… I'm Alicia Florrick," she said, her voice certainly reflecting her anxiety.

"Alicia?" He sounded surprised. Of course he was, they were supposed to meet in courtroom in five days. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this _unexpected_ call?"

What was she supposed to tell him? The plain truth or just asking to reconsider the offer? She decided to go with the second, totally unwilling to give many explanations.

"I was wondering… my firm actually was wondering… if there was a chance to re-debate the negotiation," she said, her words coming out rushed.

The lack of a prompt answer on the other end didn't sound optimistic.

"The police report made you reconsider our offer?" Mr. Bryant asked. He obviously new about the new witness. How could she ever possibly have thought that he might not know?

"Not yet, actually," she admitted, "but we might decide to," she concluded.

More silence on the other end. She hated when he did it. She hated when he played with her nerves. "Okay," he finally agreed. "At lunch," he added.

At lunch? No way she was to agree.

"I'd rather meet in the SA's office, or here if it's more convenient for you." She hoped with every single cell that he would take one of the two options.

"I have a rather busy schedule over the next two months, Alicia," he explained. "It's either lunch… or dinner, - _if it's more convenient for you_," he said, using her own words against her and almost mocking her.

She wasn't sure if he was serious or just kidding. The dead silence on the other end lead her to think that he was damn serious.

"So lunch it is," she yielded.

"Okay, the Berghoff, at 12.30, is that fine for you?" He asked in a cold tone. This was nowhere close to their latest conversation, making her feel even more uncomfortable.

"Sure, that is fine." she agreed, unenthusiastically and more nervous than she was supposed to be. After all, they were only going to re-discuss the negotiation. Why was she anxious?

"Good… see you later, then," he said, his words immediately followed by the sound of the interrupted call. If it was his game to her to make her yield, it was working perfectly.


	4. Chapter 4

Close to both the Federal Buildings and the SA's offices, the Berghoff Restaurant swarmed with agents and lawyers. Making her way through the crowd, Alicia spotted Mr. Bryant sitting at a small round table close to the window, waving at her with a light gesture.

"Alicia, a pleasure to see you again," he said, standing up to shake her hand.

"Tom," she simply replied. _Tom_. She felt so uncomfortable calling him by his first name. She'd rather go with a safer and more detached _Mr. __Bryant_.

"So," he started, leaning forward, his forearms resting on the table, looking comfortable and open - a harsh contrast with their previous phone conversation, "you want to reconsider our offer…"

She was still convinced that ten years were too much and hoped they could settle for something less. "We are open to an agreement," she corrected him, laying the closed folder on the table.

"I thought you were sure about his innocence…" he teased her.

"No teasing, no beating around the bush," she cut it short. "Would you be willing to drop to seven years with parole?"

He let out a small sigh, peeking outside the window for a moment. "From fifteen to seven years, even including a parole… that's a huge drop," he commented, "I don't think my _boss_ would like it," he said giving her a knowing look.

She couldn't help but smile. "Seven years with parole," she insisted politely. "Come on, we both know it's a good compromise," she added, a hint of plea in her voice, "regardless of what your _boss_ might say," she concluded, throwing a quick glance at the folder. That's when she noted - _it_… how could they possibly not have noticed before? She stiffened on her seat, unbelieving, simmering with anger. She didn't say anything, just gave him an annoyed look, which he surely couldn't pretend to avoid or ignore.

"What's the problem?" He asked simply.

"What about the fact that you did not disclose all evidence?" She asked, anger raising. Why was she that angry anyway? It wasn't the first time it happened and, sure enough, it wouldn't be the last one either.

"We didn't," he replied quietly. "He's a prospective witness, it's exempt from disclosure, as it was taken down as a government witness-statement. We weren't bound and you know it," he pointed out, impassive.

"It's a police report! And it's dated before the last courtroom session!" She erupted, pointing an accusatory finger at the file. "It's the criminal record my client wasn't supposed to have, you were bound indeed, Mr. Bryant!" She tried to contain the tone of her voice and the growing anger. "This compromises our whole defense line and you know it!"

Mr. Bryant stood there, silent for a while, probably searching for the right answer. "I thought we were past the _Mr. __Bryant_ thing," he said instead.

"We were… until a few minutes ago," she responded, coldly.

"I was just doing my job, so are you. Why are you taking it personally?" He asked with a hint of disbelief.

"You were the one making it personal, throwing private questions during an official negotiation," she reminded him, slowly regaining composure. Being surrounded by attorneys, most of them probably working under Peter, didn't make it easier or more comfortable. Quite the reverse. "Just to clear things up, is this something you always do or is it a preferential treatment reserved to me?" She leaned forward, defying.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he quietly replied.

"Constantly pushing me, trying to embarrass me, unnerving me, making it personal when it's supposed to be just professional. Shall I go on?" She was bursting with an ironic smile. "Do you think it's funny?" She asked.

Mr. Bryant gave her a puzzled look. "Is that what you think? That I want to embarrass you?" He asked, slightly leaning forward, reducing the distance between them.

Alicia didn't move. She gathered all the possible strength not to withdraw. "I don't think you want to do it. You just do it."

Mr. Bryant looked away for a moment, his gaze lost outside the window, before reverting his attention to her with an ironic, slight laugh. "Do you know what I think? That you've probably spent too much time forcing yourself not to feel and you now stand in a place where you can't recognize some feelings anymore," he very slowly replied.

Alicia could have sworn there was a hint of bitter disappointment in his voice and in his eyes. She didn't dare move, or talk, she just looked away. _Forcing __yourself __not __to __feel_. If she had to be honest with herself, he had just perfectly summarized her last four years. She hated when people tried to probe into her. She hated even more when they succeeded. She looked up, and back at him, upon hearing him slightly shifting on his chair.

"Well," he started again, "then I'm sorry you think like that, because you are very far out left field," he said smiling, but his smile wasn't really reflected in his eyes.

"Then what is it?" She asked, never breaking eye contact. Regretting the question the very moment it was spoken. Did she really want to know? Did she really want him to put into words something she certainly didn't want to hear?

Mr. Bryant took a moment, searching the words in the glass of water in front of him. "I find your… inscrutability, control and secretiveness… interesting," he said, showing a bit of hesitation, "even… fascinating from time to time…"

"Don't make a pass at me." She tried to sound cold and distant, she forced herself to look completely uninterested, untouched and unaffected by his words. Truth was, she was scared like hell. She didn't want any more complications in her life. She wasn't ready for any complication. She was barely starting to settle into her own life, after Will, after the divorce. All she needed was time for herself.

"I'm not… You asked a question, I just gave you a honest answer," he pointed out, very sincerely. His ability not to bat an eye even under her accusatory gaze was disturbing. Much to her displeasure, she found herself being the one yielding.

"End of negotiation," she said, standing to leave. "See you in courtroom, Mr. Bryant," she concluded, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat. _Force __yourself __not __to __feel_. She had to remind herself of the words he told her only minutes ago.

"Don't worry," he stopped her. "It won't be necessary."

Alicia gave him a confused look.

"If your client is for it, we'll take the seven years with parole," he concluded.

Seven years with parole. It was what she wanted. It was more than what she was supposed to expect from the negotiation. Then why was that feeling weighing so heavily on her? She slightly nodded at him and turned to leave. Forcing herself not to feel once more.


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting at her desk, dashing off a few notes on her laptop, Alicia looked up upon hearing a slight knock at her door. Kalinda was there with a smile and two beers in her hands. Alicia smiled back, gesturing for her friend to step in and take a seat.

"So the prosecution agreed upon the seven years?" Kalinda asked as she moved to sit down.

"With parole," Alicia corrected her, "but, yes, they did." She concluded, before tasting a fresh sip of beer. It was really what she needed.

"What about the client?" Kalinda asked.

"He took them," Alicia replied, giving her a knowing look.

Kalinda stared at her with a slight surprise. "Wow, way to admit your guilt."

Yes, from pleading innocent to taking seven years, it was a pretty huge admission, Alicia considered. _Admission. Confession. Feelings_. Suddenly reminded of the sour and unpleasant conversation which came along with lunch, she let out a heavy sigh. Staring blankly through her laptop, Tom's words kept echoing in her mind.

"Do I force myself not to feel?" She asked, looking up at a clearly confused Kalinda.

"I'm not sure I completely understand what you mean," Kalinda replied to her disconnected question.

"Do you think… that I force myself… not to feel?" Alicia repeated slowly, her gaze between thoughtful and questioning.

Kalinda looked at her for a moment, probably pondering what to reply. Finally, she was able to put her thoughts into words. "I think you want people to think that you force yourself not to feel... Which is different," she concluded.

Alicia stood there, looking at her friend, trying to understand what she meant exactly. "I'm a giant mess…" It was all she managed to say.

Kalinda looked at her with a confused and inquiring gaze. She hesitated a moment before saying something else. "Does all of this have to do with a certain _someone_ working for another certain _someone_?"

Alicia raised an eyebrow. "You can be very cryptic," she just said. She was conflicted on whether having a mind and soul reader like Kalinda as friend was a good or bad thing. She would often begrudge her ability to glean bits, looks, gestures and put it all together as if it were a simple jigsaw.

"But since you know what I'm talking about, then it's _him_," Kalinda concluded, very obviously.

The jigsaw was slowly starting to take shape in front of Alicia too, but somewhat, she couldn't still get the final picture off. Letting out a small sigh, she took the courage to admit what she already knew but didn't dare wording.

"I think he feels… _something_… for me," she said in a faint voice.

Kalinda only gave her a quick look. "Okay," she just said, her mind probably already working out the best solution.

"No, Kalinda, it's not okay. It's not okay at all!" Alicia protested in a very frustrated tone.

Kalinda just gave her a concerned look.

"I don't want anyone new to feel… _something_… for me. I'm still struggling with the old ones, I can't handle any more of them!" When she was just starting to settle into her new life alone, this man appeared out of nowhere deranging her apparent newly founded calmness.

"Did you tell him?" Kalinda asked very composedly.

"Did I tell him what?" Alicia asked confused.

"The things you have just told me," Kalinda explained.

It was a thought that never, even very remotely, crossed Alicia's mind. Why in the world would she share her feelings with someone who was, after all, quite a perfect stranger? Why in the world was she supposed to justify not wanting him to feel anything for her, whatever it was he felt? She felt everything spin so fast around her, confusion, anguish, conflicts, fear and anxiety.

"I can't… and I don't want to," she just said. She was aware that she was forcing herself not to feel again, but right now it was her only self-defense.

"Do it, Alicia," Kalinda went on with her quiet tone. "Don't let him think your anger is at him, when it's really just aimed at yourself," she concluded.

Alicia didn't say anything. She didn't need to say anything. Kalinda was helping her solve that messy jigsaw that was her heart, piece by piece. She watched as her friend took her beer and left with a soft smile and a bossy look.


	6. Chapter 6

She'd been sitting on that bench, outside the State's Attorney's offices for a good ten minutes, staring at the steady stream of nondescript faces, coming and going. The unusually mild October weather would make it an enjoyable day, if it wasn't for the anxiety consuming her from the inside.

She kept glancing at the stairs, unable to force herself to go up those last few steps separating her from the building, those same few steps she'd walked on, up and down, scores of times.

Truth was, she had no idea what she was doing there. The rambling and incoherent thoughts crowding her mind were the perfect mirror of her disconnected and contrasting feelings. She was a massive essence of non-sense.

With a small sigh and a resigned look, she forced herself to stand up and enter. She simply had to do it. _Better __eye __out __than __always __ache_.

Taking advantage of the apparently very hectic day, she slipped through the disorderly crowd and towards the offices, hoping she'd pass unnoticed.

"Alicia!" A way too familiar voice made her jump. - _Peter!__ o__f __all __the __people __she __might __run __into_.

"Hey…" she just answered uncomfortable and definitely guilty.

"What are you doing here? I don't think there's any case involving you today," he asked curious.

Great. She was still struggling to come up with a speech, now she had to come up with an excuse, too. Or maybe not. Maybe the truth – part of it, at least - was the best solution, under the circumstances.

"I was looking for Mr. Bryant," she said, trying to look quiet and serene.

"I thought the case was over. Didn't you agree on seven years with parole?" He asked, between confused and questioning.

_Damn_.

"We did…" she admitted. "We just… there are a couple of details that still need to be settled down," she faked a smile. Details, what a nice way to define it. "I can't remember where his office is…"

"Round the corner, third to the left," Peter said, looking totally oblivious to what happened during their previous meetings.

"Okay, thanks," she said looking down and started to follow his directions.

"Oh… Alicia," Peter called her back.

She froze, her blood suddenly turning cold.

"Grace wants to spend the weekend at the cottage…" he said. Alicia felt a thick layer of ice melting as she took one step towards him, relieved. "Is it okay for you if I take the kids out of town for a couple of days?" So, that was it about. _The __kids_.

Her nerves were already in possess of her ability to talk and all she was able to express was a simple "Okay… sure…"

How was she supposed to even start a speech, nervous like this? She had no idea.

She turned the corner, _third __office __to __the __left_. On the half-closed door, a tag with his name.

She knocked at the door, hesitatingly and so light that she wondered if it was even audible to the human hearing.

"Come in!" His voice was confident and intimidating, even beyond a door. She wondered if he'd still sound like that by the time she'd walk out of his office.

Slowly, silently, she took a few steps in, stopping right beyond the doorstep. "Hey," she said, her voice barely perceptible.

Tom's surprise was splattered all over his face and she couldn't blame him. "Hey," he replied quietly, before adding, "I thought the case was over…"

"It is," she quickly confirmed, "I just…" Where to start? This was not going to be easy. "I just came to apologize," she admitted, looking down.

Tom gave her a confused look and gestured for her to take a seat. His dark eyes were fixed on hers in the wait for some elucidation. He was clearly expecting neither a visit nor an apology. She suddenly felt stupid and in need of supplying a quick explanation.

"I've been excessively hard… and unjustifiably and unfairly crabby…" she explained, heartfelt and sincerely crestfallen.

She looked up to see him looking at her, mouth half open, searching for something to say.

"Alicia," Tom started but couldn't finish, as Alicia gestured for him to stop. She needed to get through this.

"No, please," she said, gathering all the strength she could to keep his probing gaze at bay. "I… I don't know what you want from me exactly," she said, her words coming out in haste, only to correct herself right after. "Okay, maybe I do have an idea, sort of…," she said. After all, she'd been through it and knew perfectly that even the most _innocent_ one night stand brought complications of any kind. "The point is…" _What __was __the __point? __Did __she __even __know __that? __Was __she __unprepared? __Scared? __Still __hurting? __Maybe __it __was __a __mixture __of __all __of __them, __which __only __made __it __worse._ "I'm just… I'm just starting to get used to being alone, to try to rediscover myself… I need time… I need time _alone_," she pointed out, leaving no room for doubt. "Everything's still so fresh, _too_ fresh…" _Peter. __Scandal. __Press. __Separation. __Will. __Peter. __Divorce_. She couldn't prevent her mind from being constantly replaying the last four years of her life.

Tom was staring at her, she wasn't sure if his eyes were hurt or just disappointed, but even then, he never looked away, not even for a single second. Even rejected, he kept his confidence and pride intact. Or at least, he faked it very well.

"Alicia," Tom started, but this time Alicia didn't stop him. She gave him her reasons, he deserved at least to make his own stand known, regarding this whole situation. "I watch the news and I read newspapers… I can imagine what you've been through and how painful it can be. Let alone, I've been through a divorce myself…" he confessed in a low voice, reminding her of their conversation of few days before, about him not being for marriage.

"Then… I beg you to understand me," Alicia asked in a pleading voice, "that I can't give you… _whatever_ it is that you want." This time she couldn't find the strength or courage to meet his gaze. She was putting the end to something that wasn't even started in the first place and was very likely to never begin at all. "I'm sorry…" she simply concluded, quickly leaving his office before he could say something else, and before she could rethink this.

She was well aware of the inevitability of that, sooner or later, they'd end up against each other in courtroom again. Till then, till that moment she had to face him once more, she would have to force herself to put all thoughts of him aside.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: My constant pursuit of improvement and my inhuman perfectionism led me to hire a new beta, Mike. This is the result of my first cooperation with this extraordinary man. Enjoy and review!**

* * *

"What's her relationship with the victim?" Alicia asked, going through the police report. Sitting on the chair in Will's office leaning forward slightly waiting for his reply; he was briefing her on a new case he wanted her to take.

"Step-sister," Will explained. "Her parents divorced when she was 8, the mother remarried with a physicist and had another child."

"Our victim…" she concluded, as Will nodded in agreement. Leaning back, she let out a heavy sigh. "I hate family crimes," she confessed. "A family should be a safe place, a haven, a shelter… not a nest of vipers ready to gun you down," she said, frustrated. At the same time, she lost count of how many times the thought of doing that to Jackie had crossed her mind. She had to push away the image of her ex-mother-in-law being bitten by a viper.

"What were you thinking of?" Will asked, a curious and amused look on his face. She didn't even realize she was devilishly smiling.

"Believe me, you don't wanna know," she said, holding back a laugh.

Will smiled back. "So, are you on it?" He asked for a confirmation that she would take the case.

"Yes," she smiled, taking the folder from his hands, giving a quick look at the cover before reverting her attention back at Will. With all that happened over the last two years, the only thing that remained unchanged was their friendship, a complicated one maybe, but one of the few certainties in her troubled life.

"So, how does it feel?" Will asked, obviously referring to her new condition as a single woman. The papers were signed one month before and she was still trying to get used to being called Alicia Cavanaugh again, after so many years as _Mrs. Florrick._ It still sounded weird, unfamiliar, almost as if it belonged to someone else.

"Good… I think," she replied hesitatingly. Because if she had to be honest, the moment she signed the papers she felt both relief and overwhelmed at the same time.

On one hand, it was long overdue and just a mere formality, on the other hand she suddenly felt loneliness weighing down on her. Only recently she had found herself finally at ease being alone. "What about you? How are you lately?" She asked, giving her attention back at Will.

"Good," he said with a slight nod. "Anything new?"

_Besides __the __divorce?_ She wondered.

"Nope," she simply replied. "How's Callie doing?" She asked, trying to divert the attention on to him.

Will gave her a soft smile. "She's fine… tired… overworked," he said softly.

Alicia couldn't still say if it was love or if he had just settled in. But he seemed genuinely happy and relaxed, so whatever it was, she could only share some of his happiness. "Okay," she said, lowering her gaze. Looking back up at him, she saw his concerned and questioning look.

"Is there something… you might want to talk about?" He asked, slowly, his sweet voice on.

Was there? A lot of things were still crowding her mind. Still, she wasn't sure if she wanted to share them. "No," she simply answered with a shy smile, "but thanks for offering," she quickly added. Or maybe there was something indeed, she was just uncertain if he was the right person to ask about this, if she even could allow herself to do that. "I just wished… I just wished there was a way to know beforehand if the one we're in love with is the right one indeed… or if he's just miserably bound to break our hearts into tiny pieces," she asked, more to herself.

Will's eyes didn't hide a hint of sadness or regret. "You are asking to the wrong person," he said with a bittersweet smile.

_Of __course __he __was __the just __right __person._ She regretted asking. "I… I'm sorry, Will…" She smiled softly. "Maybe you are not the most suitable person to talk about these matters," she apologized.

Will leaned forward on his desk, reducing the distance between them with a disarming attitude. "Who is he?" He asked out of nowhere.

Okay, she wasn't really expecting this. Not from Will, at least. And honestly, she wanted to believe that the last two months served the purpose of forgetting… What was she supposed to say? Fake ignorance or simply admit that she obviously failed? She let out a small sigh, collecting some courage. "Tom Bryant," she admitted in a whisper, looking down, unable to meet his gaze. Two months since she last saw him. Two months since the Wayne case. She found it extremely depressing that her days were marked by cases. When she finally found the inner strength to look up, she met his amused look. What was funny in that? She gave him a questioning look.

"Oh," he said. He hesitated, probably trying to formulate a decent answer. "Okay… well… let's just say that… working at Peter's employ doesn't make him the ideal candidate," he said, failing to hold back a laugh.

Alicia gave him a disappointed and reproachful look. He was unashamedly making fun of her. She watched with faked indignity as he tried to regain some composure. She had to admit that fate was obviously trifling with her.

"This insignificant detail aside," he said with a look of carelessness, "what does your heart say?"

What did her heart say? She crossed her arms over her chest pulling the file as close as she could. She had spent the last two months trying to ignore it, hushing its every small attempt at letting itself be heard, pretending it was some unwelcome voice of conscience that just needed being unheeded and contradicted out of mere spite. Every time it managed to let some feeling leak out, she just became more confused.

"I don't know, a lot of disconnected, confused and non-sense stuff," she said wretched.

Will smiled bitterly, looking down, his gaze lost somewhere on the floor.

Alicia waited patiently for him to say something, although she couldn't say what. Some advice, some comforting word, maybe. Her gaze was fixed on Will in expectation.

When he looked up, she saw a hint of irony in his smile. "Welcome to the I'm-struggling-for-love exclusive club," he said.

Not what she expected. But it was Will, and he was being honest.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'll take the first witness," Diane whispered to Alicia, "this should confuse them."

"Okay," Alicia agreed, nodding.

Standing outside the courtroom, the two women were discussing the last details of their defense strategy under the attentive and clearly tense stare of their client, before facing the prosecution in front of the jury. The corridor had a life of its own, which Alicia had grown accustomed to. Attorneys and clients huddled in tense little groups with quick glances guarding their privacy coupled with the murmur of blended voices made Alicia feel at home, her home away from home, court. She took this all in, almost without a conscious thought then looked back to Diane.

"And thanks for being my second chair, by the way," Diane said.

Alicia smiled, and as Diane made her way through the wooden double doors, Alicia stepped slightly aside to let their client enter first. She watched as he strode in, his head held high. She remembered her first days at the firm and Will's speech about not being able to recognize when people were guilty or innocent. Either the man in front of her was innocent, or he was confident that his connections would make him come out clean. Situations like these made her always question herself, if she was on the right side of justice.

The man they were about to defend was one of the most important clients that Lockhart & Gardner could ever recall. The son of the Columbian consul in Chicago was accused of helping illegal immigration and they had to win this case, whatever it would take.

As she took a few steps in, Alicia recognized a familiar figure, his back turned towards her. She had a head start for once. _Tom_. She took the remaining steps with her gaze straight in front of her, hoping to avoid meeting his gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught him looking in her direction and failed at her attempt, looking back. She was expecting to get some sadness, or regret in the way he looked at her. Instead she met a soft smile, which she returned, only slightly hinted. All her previous confidence was already gone.

"Hey," Tom said softly.

"Hey," Alicia replied with some hesitation.

She stood there, unsure if she had to go and take her seat or just wait for him to say something else. The only certain thing was that their silence was more than a little awkward.

"So, you're the second chair?" He asked, finally breaking the screaming silence.

"Yes," she nodded slightly.

"Okay… good luck, then," he whispered.

"And good luck to you," she said smiling.

As she sat at the defense table, she caught a concerned and questioning look from Diane.

"Is everything alright?" Diane asked quietly.

Was everything alright? Yes, until a couple of minutes before.

"Yes… It's just… Peter played his best card," she answered, trying to keep her gaze straight.

"Make him regret it," Diane whispered, impassive and a little confused by what Alicia had meant.

Alicia felt a hint of envy. She wished she could count on even a small part of the confidence Diane showed on every occasion. Trapped in a situation she didn't like, Alicia gave a conflicted look at Tom. She caught him looking at her then he immediately switched his attention towards the judge as the man called the court into session giving the floor to the prosecution and their first witness.

Tom stood up and with a confident tone he spoke, "We would like to call to the stand Mr. André Ramirez, Your Honor."

Alicia stared at the jury trying to read their faces. They had worked hard to get Latin Americans on the jury, knowing by experience the importance played by the race factor. Still, as much effort the defense could put into trying and convince those few citizens of their client's innocence, they were well aware that these people reached the jury table with a prebuilt image of the defendant in their minds and it was sometimes hard to change it.

Alicia watched as Tom followed the witness to the stand, stopping short to give the jury a nod before turning back to the witness.

"Mr. Ramirez, do you know the defendant?" Tom said, looking back at the man sitting between Alicia and Diane. Alicia caught him lingering on her for a brief moment and felt herself blushing.

"Yes, I do," the witness said, his voice slightly quivering with anxiety. Alicia had to admit that Tom was really good at his job.

"Can you state his name for the jury?" He went on, shifting his gaze between the witness and the jury, throwing a quick look at Alicia. _Is __he __trying __to __impress __me?_

The examination had barely started and the man was already in a cold sweat. Tom's eyes were piercing and intimidating. Under Tom's gaze, the poor man would be inclined to confess everything, she thought.

"Pablo Juarez," the witness said, his look shifting nervously between the jury and the prosecutor standing in front of him, " the son of the Columbian consul in Chicago."

"How do you know him?" Tom went on with his questions.

Alicia studied him, unnoticed and interested. His walk was upright and intimidating. She couldn't say he was powerfully built or particularly tall, still his assertiveness made him overshadow everyone around him.

"He helped me to obtain the entry visa for the United States," Mr. Ramirez replied, his voice barely audible. Alicia didn't envy the man at all. She remembered her conversations with Tom and how they made her nervous and uncomfortable.

Alicia observed as Tom walked confidently, back and forth, between the witness and the jury, pursuing his questioning with decided tone and couldn't help but notice how he kept throwing glances at her with faked indifference. She forced herself not to smile. She forced herself not to look at him as, a few questions later, he said to the judge "No further questions, Your Honor," and walked back to his seat.

As Diane stood up for the cross-examination, Alicia threw a glance at the prosecution table. Tom, probably feeling her gaze, looked back giving her a smile, she couldn't say if it was sincere or mocking. What she knew was that she needed to concentrate to avoid any further weird looks from Diane.

* * *

"The court is adjourned. We'll meet back in three days," the judge declared, closing the session. Unlike both side's expectations, the first day of the trial had gone by with modest order.

As she followed Diane outside, Alicia heard her name being called and stopped. She already knew who it was and let out a small, imperceptible sigh before turning around to see Tom approaching. She couldn't help but notice that his steps were nowhere close to the confident ones he had just showed in the courtroom, as he moved forward with some hesitation.

"Hey," he just said softly.

"Hey," Alicia replied in the same soft tone, before turning to take a nervous glance at Diane, uncertain of what to do. For some reason, she knew this conversation wasn't bound to be short and she gave her attention to Diane briefly. "I'll meet you back at the office," she said, choosing to ignore the questioning look of her boss. Diane just nodded and turned to leave. She'd deal with that later.

Turning her attention back at the man standing in front of her, she didn't say anything. To be honest, she had no idea what to say at all. It had been a few months since their last meeting and she still had it completely fresh in her mind: _their __conversation_ – actually _her_ conversation, since for what she could remember, she didn't give him much chance to talk.

"So…," Tom started hesitatingly, "how are you doing, _Miss __Cavanaugh_?" He said with a smile.

Some things didn't change over the last few months; like the way he looked at _her_ and the way she felt under his gaze.

"I'm… fine," she said, trying to sound calm. "You?"

"I'm fine, too," he said. He looked around for a moment and Alicia found herself doing the same.

What was she looking for exactly? Maybe unconsciously making sure that Peter wasn't around? She didn't really know herself, so she looked back at Tom the moment she heard him catching his breath to talk.

"I was… I was wondering… if you'd like to join me for a drink," he said, not hiding some anxiety.

A _drink_. She knew by experience that drinks can be very tricky and all but innocent. Actually, last time a man offered her a drink, she found herself in a hotel room a little more than one hour later. She shrugged. No, she couldn't do _that_.

With apologies in her eyes, she didn't need to say anything else; the way Tom was looking at her, it was clear he already got his answer. Still, she was sure he wasn't going to give up like that.

"If you worry about the side effects of alcohol, we can go for a more innocent cup of coffee," he said as if reading her mind. "_Only_ a cup of coffee, nothing more…" There was a hint of a plea in his voice, that mixed with his magnetic gaze fixed on her, just took her steadiness away.

She looked down for a moment, gathering… she didn't know exactly what she needed. Strength? Courage? Confidence? Maybe all of these together. "Okay," she finally said in a whisper, "a cup of coffee… nothing more," she repeated to him, but mostly to herself.

"Okay," Tom said with a smile, as they headed outside the building, side by side, but still keeping a comfortable distance between them.


	9. Chapter 9

Sitting at a small table in the local Starbucks, Alicia kept turning the coffee mug in her hands. She had to work off the slight discomfort in some way. Better through her hands than through her eyes, she thought.

"So," Tom started, "How are things going?"

"Good," Alicia said with a slight smile. Were things good? Well, overall she couldn't complain. "They are good," she repeated, more to herself.

"Have you gotten used to your new… _old_ name yet?" Tom asked, getting a light laugh out of her.

She had to admit, that he was as good at unnerving her as he was at putting her at ease. _Alicia Cavanaugh_. She had to repeat the name in her mind to catch the effect that hearing its sound had on her. "Let's say that…" she started thoughtfully, "at least I've started to turn around when I hear it, instead of looking behind me to see if there's any Miss Cavanaugh," she concluded with a satisfied look.

"Wow," Tom replied with faked wonder, "that's noteworthy progress," he joked.

Alicia gave him an amused smile. "It is indeed," she nodded. "And what about you?" She asked softly, shifting the attention to him.

Tom looked thoughtful for a moment. He was always so confident and never short of words that if she managed to get him hesitating, even for a brief second, she couldn't help but feel a hint of pride, although pretty childish, she had to admit.

"The same old things," he said with indifference. "You know, I don't have time for a life outside the office, my _boss_ keeps on enslaving me with inhuman working hours and an unbearable pace," he concluded with a serious look.

Alicia sat there, looking at him for a moment between worried and amused, not sure if he was being serious or just kidding, before catching a glimpse of amusement in his eyes that made her go for the second, bursting out in loud laughter.

She should feel annoyed by his joking about the _boss_. Yet, she couldn't help but find his self-irony funny and intriguing. It was something she wasn't used to. She was used to people looking at her now ex-husband as a source of contacts and business, while this whole situation wasn't really working to his advantage. Far from it! She was pretty sure that Peter wouldn't find it amusing at all that his newest attorney (and, to be honest, one of the best) was sitting at a coffee table exchanging sheep's eyes with his fresh-ex-wife. The thought made her stiffen in her seat, reminding her that some things didn't change. Even divorced, she found herself in an unpleasant situation. Was she ready to risk some kind of revenge from Peter's side? She saw him using his power once, she didn't even want to know if he was ready to do it twice. Looking up at Tom, she caught his questioning look.

"Things… things didn't change, Tom," she said in a faint voice.

No, she wasn't ready to put his career at risk. Not even if he was the one ready to take the risk in the first place.

"What didn't change?" He asked, his smile gone, probably sensing where this was leading.

"The… complications," she said looking down. She didn't have to give more explanations. They both knew them well. "Not to mention," she went on, "we are opposite counsels in a trial, anything more than a coffee would be…" How could she define it? "It would be ethically wrong," she concluded.

"I know." Tom simply nodded, very calmly, without flinching.

If he knew it… "Then… what are we doing here?" She said putting her thoughts into.

Tom looked away for a moment, probably searching for the reason, before directing his gaze back on her. "Sipping a coffee," he said quietly, "enjoying each other's company for a few minutes, far from work, from negotiations, from witnesses and judges…" he went on, his voice low but not showing any hesitation. "Far from all those people who expect us to be tense and wage war against each other," he added. "Because… we are not, are we?" This time his voice showed a slight concern.

Well, she couldn't blame him. Their last conversation wasn't exactly a friendly and relaxed one. Certainly they weren't waging war against each other, but as to not being tense, she wasn't completely sure. Whenever they were together, the tension – at least from her side, was palpable. "We are not," she said with a soft smile. It was better that way. "I should go now," she said after checking the clock, "my boss is waiting for me," she apologized, "and probably… your _boss_ is waiting for you, too," she concluded, giving him a knowing look.

"May it never be that I disappoint my _boss_," he joked with a smile, getting a soft smile out of her.

They both had to go. It was a matter of fact. Still, neither of them moved a single finger or showed any intention to stand up and leave. Alicia found herself looking at him, her gaze unconsciously shifting from his eyes to his mouth. She had no idea whether Tom noticed her gaze or just decided in a moment of weakness that it – _she_ – was worth a try. All she knew was that in the next moment he was leaning forward on the table, his dark eyes fixed on her mouth. _Bad idea_. He was so close that she could feel his breath, with the strong aroma of coffee. _It's wrong_. She instinctively backed down.

"Bad idea," she whispered looking away.

"Bad idea," he repeated, but the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes didn't match his words.

They were both well aware that this was exactly the kind of complication they were supposed to avoid. Still, those lips were too magnetic and Alicia found herself leaning forward again, searching for his mouth, meeting his lips in an attempted, shy kiss. Their lips were barely brushing against each other and she had to remind herself to breathe. She had spent months trying to forget him, trying not to think about him, pretending he was just a trick played by the feeling of loneliness that had been keeping her company over the last months. For what? Was this the result of her obviously wasted efforts? All these rambling thoughts crowded her mind, making it spin, as their kiss became deeper, making her forget for a moment that they were sitting in a very busy Starbucks. She loved the feeling of his mouth and of his tongue. They were soft and warm, he tasted like coffee and something she couldn't define for sure. Mint maybe?

The moment she broke the kiss in need of air, she realized that they had just crossed the limit they were supposed to never cross. She looked in his eyes, catching the same sudden sense of guilt for not being strong enough to resist something like a simple kiss. It was just a kiss. She kissed her kids every day, she had kissed Peter for so many years that she had lost count. It was supposed to be just a kiss. But it was in fact a huge complication.


	10. Chapter 10

Alicia rushed into the SA's building. Kalinda had kept her on the phone for a good ten minutes discussing new evidence and she ended up being late for the court session. Diane would be disappointed. No, she'd probably be downright angry, since what Alicia had in her hands was the folder with the complete list of witnesses and the draft for the questionings. Running until the last few steps remained to the courtroom, she stopped right outside the closed doors. She regained some composure, smoothed down a crease from her blue skirt and roughly fixed her hair with her fingers, while she caught her breath.

Finally, she opened the door, a slight embarrassment and a hint of apology on her face as she caught the reproachful look on Diane's face. With short hurried steps, she quickly reached her seat next to her boss, careful to avoid throwing even a fleeting sidelong glance at the prosecution table.

Alicia and Tom had discussed this. Yes, they had. But in whatever way they turned it around, it didn't change the fact that it was simply wrong. The courtroom was their workplace and they needed to be professional.

"I'm sorry, Diane. I was on the phone with Kalinda, there's new evidence we need to discuss," she whispered.

"Good or bad?" Diane simply asked, her tone giving away a remnant of annoyance.

"Hopefully good," Alicia replied, her gaze fixed on the judge. _Don't look to your right_. "We should call Mr. Ramirez to the stand again," she whispered, paying attention not to let herself be heard from their opposite.

Diane gave a questioning and perplexed look. "We already questioned him and it led to nowhere," she whispered back.

"Yes," Alicia nodded, "but we didn't know that the immigration stamp was forged," she explained with a smug smile.

Diane sat there for a moment, lost in thought, probably processing her words. "You take over his questioning," she concluded, getting a broad and proud smile out of Alicia.

Well, technically it was Kalinda who got the piece of information_. Note to myself: offer her a drink later_.

"Miss Lockhart," the judge opened the session giving the nod to the defense, "You are invited to call your first witness to the stand," he concluded.

"You go," Diane whispered and Alicia promptly stood up.

"We would like to call Mr. André Ramirez back to the stand for a new line of questioning, Your Honor," Alicia said with a decided voice as she moved closer to the witness stand, reminding herself again that she shouldn't glance toward the prosecution table. Hard thing to do, she had to admit, since she could feel Tom's gaze fixed on her, following her every step, and this wasn't certainly helping at all. Still, she failed again as she threw a sideways glance at him, catching his look of worry and discomfort. He wasn't clearly expecting this twist. She felt slightly bad for him, this was certainly not good for the prosecution. But her first interest was to her firm and the client, and she knew very well that they couldn't afford to lose this case, neither economically or for their image.

The bailiff reminded the witness that he was still under oath after he was seated in the witness stand. The jurors turned their attention to Miss Cavanaugh.

"Mr. André Ramirez," she started, "you said in your previous testimony that the defendant, Mr. Pablo Juarez," she indicated the man sitting next to Diane, "helped you to obtain the entry visa for the United States. Is that correct?" She asked him.

"Yes," the man replied in a faint voice. It was time to prove that she was excellent too when it came to intimidating witnesses.

"Can you state for the jury in which way he helped you?" She went on with her questioning, walking slowly and confidently in front of the judge.

"Objection, Your Honor!" Tom's voice emerged strong from the prosecution table.

Alicia couldn't help but throw him a questioning look. "On which basis, _Mr. Bryant_?" She asked him with a hinted smirk.

"Mr. Ramirez has already been asked these questions and they led to nowhere, _Miss Cavanaugh_" he said confidently. A little too confident, she thought.

"Sustained," the judge declared in favor of the prosecution.

Tom paid her with the same hinted smirk, which she chose to ignore for her own nerves. It was distracting, and he probably knew it too.

"Mr. Ramirez," she started again, as she very calmly walked to the defense table, taking a document from the folder in front of Diane. "do you recognize this document?" She asked, as she politely handed the paper to the witness. Out of the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but notice Tom stiffening in his seat.

"Yes, it's a copy of my entry visa," he confirmed nervously.

"Can you read that number right beside the word _approved_?" She went on with her questioning.

"734," Mr. Ramirez replied in a faint voice. And for good reasons, Alicia thought.

"Can you repeat it, just a little louder," she asked, accompanying the _little_ with a gesture of her fingers, "because the jury and the prosecution might have not heard it," she explained, glancing at Tom, who was serious now.

Mr. Ramirez cleared his throat. "734" he repeated, this time louder.

"Do you know what that number is?" Alicia asked, more confident at every question.

"No," Mr. Ramirez replied.

"Well, it's a registration number, Mr. Ramirez. A _progressive_ registration number, to be more specific, made of three figures, which is odd, because we have checked personally with the immigration office and it should be four figures, unless you came in the States in the fifties, sixties maybe? Which I'd tend to exclude since you were not even born back then," she explained, looking straight in his eyes.

"Now, I am a little confused… Why should the son of the Columbian consul, who has wide access to _legal_ immigration forms, give you a forged visa?" She asked, faking confusion for dramatic effect, because the answer was right there in front of her, sitting in the witness stand in a cold sweat.

"I…," Mr. Ramirez hesitated, "I don't know," he shrugged.

Alicia knew very well that she couldn't give the answer herself without getting an objection, which would very likely be sustained. But this was certainly enough for the jury to doubt his words. "No further questions, Your Honor," she concluded.

Heading back to her seat, she looked at Tom. No quick sidelong glances this time, she stared right in to his eyes as he took the bunch of papers in front of him and threw them in frustration. This was the reason why they were supposed to keep the distance, one of them at least, since the list was long.

Diane gave her a pleased smile. "Good job, Alicia," she said, gathering the few papers scattered in front of her.

Alicia replied with a smile.

"Does the prosecution have further questions for the witness?" The judge asked.

"No further questions, Your Honor," Tom replied, glancing at Alicia.

All they had to do now was wait for the judge to set the date for the next session, give the jury their instructions and wait for their verdict.

In a moment of quiet, she caught her phone vibrating on the table. She checked the caller and had to force herself not to blush.

"_Great job Miss Cavanaugh, drink later?"_ The text said.

"_I thought drinks were off-limits Mr. Bryant_," she wrote in reply, as she failed to hide a smile.

"_Dinner? No refusals accepted. Wins require celebrations." _He insisted with a new message.

Alicia was finding it really hard not to laugh, and having her boss sitting right next her was making it awkward and slightly uncomfortable. "_We didn't win yet_."

"_I thought I said no refusals accepted Miss Cavanaugh."_

This time she failed to suffocate a light laugh, getting a weird look from Diane. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, slightly embarrassed. _Damn_. There was no way out with that man.

"_You are damned persistent. Ok for dinner_." She finally gave up. Not that she had any other option.

The moment she sent the message, she immediately regretted it. Dinner… it was long, demanding and dangerously close to the night… Maybe she had better accept the drink… Or not? Suddenly she felt panicky. How did they go from coffee to dinner after all they said about it being wrong? The way Tom managed so easily to trick her into doing things she apparently didn't want was at the same time fearsome and intriguing.

"The court is adjourned. We'll meet back here in five days for closing arguments, jury instructions, then turn the case over for the jury's deliberations," the judge declared, closing the session.

As she stood up to leave the courtroom, Alicia turned to look at Tom, who was staring at her intently. She gave him a soft smile before looking down, shy.


	11. Chapter 11

Sunk in the comfortable couch of her apartment, feet resting on the small coffee table, Alicia was sipping a glass of full-bodied red wine, slowly, savoring every drop. It was warming, relaxing and gave her comfort.

It was a late Friday night and the absence of the kids was palpable through the surreal silence surrounding her, which let her thoughts run wild, boundless, uncontrolled. It had been a positive day, but she felt the weight of the emotional stress, the anxiety derived from the questioning, the restlessness that flooded over her at the sense of discomfort she felt in seeing Tom so angry at the end of their last court session. The more she let herself linger in the thought, the more she thought dinner was a very bad idea.

The coffee, the kiss… _The kiss_… She couldn't get that little and almost innocent kiss out of her head. She unconsciously licked her lips. The dinner… She shook her head and shuddered. The dinner! Panic started to prevail at that thought. In five days they'd go before the jury for the closing arguments and, acting like two witless kids, they thoughtlessly decided to have dinner together. _Tomorrow_. Way to be coherent with your own decisions, she considered.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. The clock showed 10pm. There was only one person who would show up that late in the evening. She forced herself to stand up, annoyed by the unpleasant interruption of her little moment of quiet, as the doorbell rang for the second time. "I'm coming," she said loudly with a strained voice.

As she lazily opened the door, she met two depressed puppy-dog eyes filled with guilt.

Alicia looked at her brother with the resigned look of someone who'd been through that enough times to know he had just messed up his love life again.

"What have you done this time?" She asked as she stepped aside to let Owen in.

"Hi sis, I'm happy to see you, too," he replied with a faked sarcastic tone, making his way into her living room and sinking into her couch.

"Make yourself at home," she joked, as she sat beside him and gave him a reassuring and slightly motherly smile. "So… what have you done?" She asked again, this time softly.

"It's over," he just said defeated.

"Robert?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. Owen didn't say anything, he just nodded.

Alicia gave him a confused look. "Wasn't it already over a couple of months ago?"

"It wasn't," he contradicted her, giving her an annoyed look. "Okay, it was…" he corrected himself, taking the bottle of red wine from the coffee table. "But now it's over for good," he declared, shifting his gaze from the bottle to Alicia, to the bottle again. "Excellent wine," he changed subjects, "I'd need a glass of good wine to drown my sorrows," he said faking a winy voice.

Alicia couldn't hold back a laugh. Her brother should have acted in some soap opera instead of teaching.

Pouring him a glass of wine, she insisted on a little more, hoping that alcohol would make him open up, even if she was pretty sure she'd end up regretting it in a few minutes time. "What happened, Owen?"

"Do you think I'm not able to take responsibilities?" He asked doubtfully.

"Robert said that?" She asked softly. Owen sighed and nodded.

Alicia took a moment to choose the best answer, one that wouldn't hurt him. "I guess… it depends… Which kind of responsibilities are we talking about? Something like a full commitment or who has to do the laundry?" She asked trying to get a picture of the situation. "And most of all… how important is Robert for you to take over such responsibilities?"

Responsibilities. She was realizing only now how this was fitting for her own situation, too. She was about to do something that would involve taking on huge responsibilities, if accidentally disclosed. Her mind went to the dinner again. Her conscience kept telling her to just call Tom and give it up, but something deep inside was screaming at her to hush the conscience and just listen to her heart. Yes, she wanted it, but that didn't mean that she wasn't scared.

"Are you still with me?" Owen asked her with a concerned look.

Snapped back to reality, she smiled in the attempt to dissipate every concern from his side. She didn't want questions asked, she didn't want Owen to ask questions. She wasn't really ready to cope with his jokes or whatever he – or anyone else, for what it was worth - had to say about it.

"Wait wait wait…" Owen said, straightening up on the couch in full attention mode. "I know that look," he commented in a flourish of enthusiasm, apparently forgetting his own love pains. "Fire away!" He said with a knowing smirk.

"There's nothing to… _fire away_," Alicia said, holding tight to a pillow and hiding behind a long sip of wine. No, she couldn't do it.

"So… Mr. Georgetown struck again?" He teased her.

"Mr…? What?" Alicia gave him a confused and unbelieving look. Did he really think… "It's not… he's not Will," she confessed with a faint voice. And she immediately regretted it. Maybe it was better and safer if after all Owen thought it was still about Will. But the look of disbelief in his eyes made it clear that it was too late for a retreat.

With wide eyes and an evil grin, Owen was already on a tangent. "Sis! What are you up to?"

Alicia slightly stiffened, nervous. No, she definitely wasn't ready for such a confession. But he was her brother, the only person she could open up to and fully trust to never betray her secret.

"It's… complicated… very complicated," she started, her voice low and uncertain. Curled up in defense, her gaze was fixed on the glass in her hands, as if the wine could transmit her some strength by osmosis.

"Okay," Owen started very quietly, "I'm used to complicated… _very_ complicated worries me a little," he admitted, not hiding some concern, as he gently stroked her forearm, reassuringly.

Where could she start? What would she say to begin with if she had no idea how she felt? Slowly, hesitatingly, she decided to take it step by step.

"He… His name is Tom," she started, looking back up to meet her brother's expectant look, "and… he… he's a prosecutor," she confessed looking down, hoping this would be enough for him to get the whole picture.

Owen gave her a questioning look, his mind clearly working to elaborate the two simple pieces of information. "Prosecutor…" He repeated slowly. "Does that mean that he works for your ex-husband?" He asked as confirmation. He was obviously getting the whole picture. She found it somehow funny that Owen still had a hard time mentioning Peter's name. If she was lucky and he was in good mood, Owen usually called him _the husband_. Most of the time, he was just _the jerk_.

"Yes, it does," she said with a hinted and slightly embarrassed smile. She needed more wine. One glass wasn't enough to even start and handle this conversation. She poured herself some more liquid, giving Owen the time to assimilate her words and, hopefully, to come out with something other than a joke.

"Now… this is _very_ complicated," he said in a serious tone. "What happened exactly?" He asked very softly, "and… does Peter know it?" He asked with a slight hesitation, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Peter doesn't know it," she started, "not yet at least," she quickly corrected herself. "We only… we only kissed and…" Damn, why was it so difficult to share such personal information with her own brother? "He asked me out," she went on, looking down, her hands torturing the poor pillow in tension, "tomorrow… for dinner…" She concluded with some discomfort.

Looking back up at Owen, she met his expecting and intent look. "And?" He asked.

Alicia gave him a look of disbelief. No, he wasn't getting the whole picture. "And… I can't! It's… it's wrong, ethically wrong and inconsiderate and…" She suddenly let the pillow go to take her phone on the coffee table. She needed to do it. To call him. To say she couldn't.

"How important is this _Tom_ for you to take over some responsibilities?" Owen suddenly asked, distracting her from her anxiety.

Alicia gave him a confused look. Why was he talking about responsibilities? She was the one supposed to be giving responsibilities speeches, not Owen. "What do you mean?"

"This is very likely going to bring consequences, good or bad…," he said softly. "Is he worth taking the responsibilities for those consequences?" He asked, his gaze fixed on her questioning.

Was he? Was Tom worth that? How could she possibly know when everything was just beginning and she barely knew him? Shifting her gaze from the phone in her hands to her brother, she realized she didn't have an answer. All she had was an indelible kiss and that ungovernable attraction taking hold of both of them whenever they were around each other. This was something she couldn't deny. So was she ready to take the responsibilities for the possible consequences? One last look at her phone, she put it right back on the table, sipping some more wine, pondering Owen's words.

"I don't know," she said looking down conflicted, "but I want to know…" she said, giving her attention back to her brother with a soft smile. "You still didn't tell me if Robert is," she said, remembering what led them to this conversation.

Owen reacted by drinking up all the wine in his glass, with a sad look in his eyes. "No, he probably wasn't."


	12. Chapter 12

After three changes of clothes, hair pulled up then down again, and having been on the verge to give it up twice, Alicia was standing right there where the taxi left her a couple of minutes before, in front of a small and quiet restaurant in Old Town, unable to move. For some reason she had expected Tom to reserve some overcrowded fancy restaurant, and was pleasantly surprised to see that he had probably sensed her need to be far from the confusion and safe from prying eyes. Still, she couldn't get rid of the anxiety eating at her. Why in the world did she accept? She was scared, but she didn't know if by the dinner itself or by the thought of where the dinner could lead. She breathed in and mustered all the strength she could gather to take the last few steps that separated her from the building.

Once inside, she started to glance around nervously looking for Tom. She liked this place. The simple wooden decor was completed by yellow-earth drapery and tablecloths, which gave a touch of elegance, but were at the same time simple, intimate and familiar. She finally caught sight of him standing up to take a few steps towards her, a tense smile on his face. Apparently, she wasn't the only one nervous tonight. _Breathe, Alicia. Breathe._

As she walked with a bit of uncertainty towards him, returning the smile, a thought assailed her; how were they supposed to greet each other? A shake of hands? _Too formal_. A hug? _Too intimate_. A kiss? _Not even in discussion_. Maybe a more innocent kiss of the cheek? _Embarrassing and awkward, to say the least_. Okay, maybe it was better to go for a simple hello.

"Hey," Tom said, his gaze fixed on her.

His look confirmed to her that the third change of clothes was clearly the winning one although, for a brief moment, she thought that maybe it was too much for the occasion. The black sheath dress, bordered on its bottom with two oblique and very thin lines of white sequins, was very elegant, yet simple at the same time. And way different from the suits she always wore in courtroom.

"Hey," Alicia replied with some hesitation, leaving a few steps between them to avoid an uncomfortable proximity. Probably catching her uneasiness, Tom smiled and gestured for them to take a seat.

"I…," Tom started with some hesitation, looking around, "I thought a quiet place was better, under the circumstances."

Alicia smiled and looked around too. "I like it," she said giving her attention back to him, her hands toying nervously with the menu on the table. She found herself looking down. For some reason she still couldn't hold his gaze for more than a few seconds.

"Why are you so nervous?" He teased her.

"I'm not…," she contradicted him. Well, if she had to be honest, she was. "Okay, maybe I am," she corrected herself. "_You_ make me nervous," she admitted.

Tom smiled softy, his expression reassured her. "Why?"

"I don't know… You… You just do," she said in a faint voice. Truth was, he didn't make her nervous. It was the way she felt around him that made her nervous. It was a feeling she couldn't master, no matter how much she tried, and she loathed not being in control of her feelings.

"Okay," he said, "and what can I do to… not make you feel nervous?" He asked with a smile, but his eyes showed he was clearly uncomfortable too.

Alicia stared at him for a moment, pondering his question. Since it was not about him but about her, the only thing she could do was to try and find a way to relax a bit. "What about a good bottle of wine?" She proposed with a knowing smile.

Tom sat there for a moment, his eyes fixed on her. "Wine, mmmh?" With a light laugh, he took the wine carte. "Wine for this lovely lady, then!"

Alicia just stared at him, more intently than she really wanted, a soft smile on her face quickly turning in to a mild laugh.

* * *

_Two glasses of wine later…_

* * *

"Okay, now tell me something more about you," Tom asked with a curious expression, his forearms resting on the table. The wine had clearly reduced both the anxiety and the physical distance between them.

Alicia gave him a questioning look. "What do you want to know?" She asked with a smile.

Tom looked at her for a moment, hesitating, then asking, "Anything that didn't already go through the media is welcome," he joked.

Alicia chastened him with a reproaching look that quickly turned into a smile. "Not funny!"

"What are your weaknesses?" He said, going for something a little more specific.

"Are you going to use them against me?" She asked throwing him a slantwise look, which made Tom burst out in laughter.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said seriously, suppressing a laugh.

Alicia took a moment to decide what to answer. What seemed an innocent question could instead be very tricky. She looked down at the glass in front of her and got her answer. "Wine," she said with a soft laugh. She realized she was at her second glass and she'd better stop before starting to feel the side effects. Because then it would probably be too late. What else, then? "My kids," she said, her voice turning softer at the mention of Zach and Grace. "They are both my biggest weakness and strength at the same time," she admitted thoughtfully, her gaze lost in the plate in front of her. She realized she had barely touched her food. Not that she was hungry anyway.

"How did they take the divorce?" He asked, this time serious, no more kidding.

Alicia was taken slightly aback by the subject change. She wasn't sure she was ready to discuss her marriage, - or worse, her divorce – with him. But since they were being candid, they might as well lay all the cards on the table.

"Better than expected," she admitted. "I guess the long period of separation softened its effects and made them accept it more serenely." At least for Zach, she thought. Grace didn't show any sign of giving up till the papers were signed with no chance to turn back.

"You did good… I mean… in keeping them away from the media…" Tom said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. This was for sure a very delicate topic.

"I just… I just did my best." Her voice gave away a slight discomfort at the thought of everything she'd been through, at the thought of everything her kids had been through. Sometimes she had to stop and remind herself that it was over. The scandal, the press, the humiliation. A part of her would probably never get rid of that anxiety, that lingering undertone of fear to see her face in the news again.

She had always looked at herself as an ambitious woman, till the scandals made her reconsider her priorities, her needs, her wishes. Living outside the media's radar was definitely better for her mental health.

Staring back at the man in front of her, she realized that things weren't really completely over. She was far from the media's assault but still not free from Peter's influence. She shook her head trying to get rid of that thought. She wasn't here to think about the negative aspects but to enjoy a nice evening and a good dinner with Tom. With a soft smile, she gave her attention back to him.

"By the way…," she started, looking for a way to shift the discussion back on him. "What did you do to deserve being kicked out by your ex-wife?" She asked him with a teasing, knowing smile.

Tom looked at her for a moment without saying anything, until he burst in to a bitter laugh. "Ahhh... You women always assume you're on the right side, don't you?"

Alicia hesitated a moment. "Because we usually are?" She replied, playfully.

Tom gave her an amused smile. "Well, I'm still wondering about it five years later," he said quietly. "She left after one year, just in time to get the most out of the divorce," he explained with a knowing look.

"How uninteresting," she joked, her eyes wide in faux disbelief.

"I guess it was just wrong from the beginning," he said.

Alicia stared at him and nodded in understanding. She realized that he knew way more about her than she knew about him and decided to play his own game. "Okay, now it's your turn," she teased him.

Tom gave her a confused look. "My turn for what?"

Alicia leaned forward with a confident smile. "Your weaknesses," she said, taking a sip of wine.

"Damn, I thought I'd escaped from those questions," he laughed.

Alicia's gaze was fixed on him, amused and expectant.

His answer came with no sign of hesitation. "Tequila."

Tequila? Suddenly dinner didn't seem so scary anymore. Alicia was actually thankful they went for dinner instead of drinks, avoiding a dangerous outcome. She burst into laughter and blushed a bit at the thought. Noticing Tom's amused and questioning look, she tried to regain some composure. "Don't ask," she pleaded with a smile, "go on."

Tom took a moment himself before answering. "Good food just like it was prepared at home," he said, pointing at the empty plate in front of him, "and finger food," he added with a bit of tease.

"Finger food?" Alicia's question came along with a smile and a raised brow. "Now, this is interesting and needs for explanation."

Tom leaned dangerously forward, the reduced distance causing Alicia to blush a little.

_More wine_. Alicia suddenly felt the pressing need for more wine but didn't dare move a finger under such proximity.

"I think...," Tom started, peeping around them, "I think there is something extremely sexy in feeding someone..." he explained giving his attention back to her, "or being fed," he quickly added with a smile.

_Okay, more wine. Now._

Alicia took a long sip from her glass, looking down in slight embarrassment. The way he was staring at her really left no room for doubt. He was making his move with her, and not so subtly. This dinner was taking all but an innocent turn. Alicia had to remind herself that she wasn't the blushing kind, she's never been a woman that let men take control of her nerves. Gathering some courage and boldness, she faked a confidence that she had lost along the way and sat up straight, doing her best to hide that bit of discomfort caused by his obvious attempt. "Something tells me that it's not that kind of finger food served in cocktail parties," she said with a knowing look and a hinted smile.

"Well, it depends from which cocktail parties you are used to..." He said, his gaze fixed on her, his expression showing defiance.

Alicia nodded, and in a moment of lucidity she decided they were overshooting. With a soft smile, she looked down searching for the right words to stop what was obviously not meant to go on.

"I don't think we should do... this," she said, her voice insecure and faint. Did her words really match her thoughts? It didn't matter, her thoughts needed to be hushed.

"Do what?" Tom asked, "Talk about food during a dinner?" He added, faking confusion, obviously pretending he didn't understand the real meaning of her words.

It took a moment for Alicia to react. She threw him a look of disbelief before bursting out in loud laughter. Well, putting it that way it lost most of its mischief, but the good laugh wasn't enough for her to forget the forced - and agreed - limits. Still, she couldn't bring herself to respect those limits she herself imposed, as she leaned forward, meeting his lips slowly, hesitatingly at first, then more deeply as their kiss became passionate, urging. The red wine that he ordered a couple of hours before tasted better on his lips, its taste, cool and robust, creating a breathtaking contrast with the warmth of his mouth. She could easily get drunk under such an inebriating kiss. Leaning back in need for air, they stared at each other for a moment. It could have been one second, or one hour, Alicia couldn't say for sure. All she knew was that she was scared by her own feelings. She was used to having everything under control and the sensation of losing the reins of her heart was overwhelming, unwelcome but somehow exciting at the same time. Her eyes silently pleaded for him not to say anything. She could deal with one thing at a time and right now her mind was still reeling from the aftermath of their kiss.

"I like you, Alicia." Tom's words came out hurried, faint, thrown out there barely audible, as to reserve the chance to retreat from them if needed.

But Alicia heard them well, loud and clear. For a moment she was speechless. If she had to be honest, this shouldn't be a surprise. But there was something in hearing those words said out loud that made everything real, concrete, taking away any chance to ignore what was clearly happening between them.

At the same time, it was scary. It was easier to handle a fantasy, a figment of her imagination, or a dream. The reality was far more compelling and demanding and, most important, it bound them to a different sort of consequences and responsibilities she was not yet sure she was ready to cope with.

"I think we should stick to what we agreed," she said in a low voice, in a desperate - and probably useless - effort to bring things back to what they were supposed to be from the very beginning.

"You think it or you want it?" Tom asked leaning forward. His gaze was fixed on her, but lost most of its previous confidence.

His question caught Alicia completely off-guard. With some hesitation, she dared asking, "What... What do you mean?"

"You keep on saying... you think what we are not supposed to do, you don't say that you don't want it. What is it that you want then?" Tom's question sounded so simple. What did she want? She had no idea, and if she even did, she was still fighting to ignore its mere existence.

She remembered the conversation of the previous night with Owen, all that stuff about taking responsibility really lost its meaning when the heart decided to take control over the mind. The truth was that she spent too much time thinking instead of feeling. Thinking about what was best for her, for her kids, for Peter, even for the firm. But she didn't really take the time to stop and _feel_.

She took a moment to look at the man sitting in front of her in expectation. She couldn't deny he was attractive. But what exactly was so attractive _about_ him? His strong personality? _Well, that was unquestionable._ He was just good looking? _No, she had learnt to distinguish love from sex long ago._ Was it something more that she still couldn't define? _What exactly_?

"I don't know... but I want to find out." Those were the words she told to her brother and her honest answer to Tom's question.


	13. Chapter 13

The feeble streetlights illuminated the room outlining two blurred silhouettes standing, as the door closed behind them with a soft bang.

Alicia was still wondering what had come of all her good intentions, as she turned to look at Tom, standing next to her. In the dead silence, she could hear distinctly their irregular breathing and her own heart beating wildly, frantically.

Neither of them dared to move or to turn the lights on, afraid it might break some sort of spell. Or maybe they were just afraid to catch any sign of second thoughts in each other's looks.

In the semi-dark, only their eyes shone, smoldering, gleaming with excitement, desire, fear and anxiety. Still, they left no room for doubt that right now they wanted, they _needed _the same thing. It was written all over their faces, in the way they slowly, hesitatingly moved closer to each other, reducing to a bare breath the distance between them, as they stood there, unable for a moment to decide as to who was going to take the first step.

Alicia remembered the words she told him only minutes before about wanting them to happen, and decided it was time for her to act. After all the times she turned him down, making his every attempt fail miserably, she felt the need to give him some proof that they were in it _together_. She closed the little distance left with a soft, attempted, shy kiss.

It lasted a brief moment. The fleeting hesitation quickly left, leaving room to be filled with hushed longing, as their kisses became deep, passionate, hungry, and unrestrained.

She felt Tom's hands running up her thighs, on her dress, searching for the zipper, as she started her own fight with the buttons of his shirt.

She couldn't help but think that men knew nothing of practicalness, or they wouldn't wear so many clothes with the even remote chance of having to take them off. Alicia's dress was already gone and she barely managed to take his shirt off.

But much to their benefit, she noted that they compensated the scarce practicalness with an exceptional speed in taking their clothes off, as Tom quickly stepped out of his trousers. Was that the result of years of practice? She didn't really want to know.

All she knew was that a moment later they were lying on the soft and scented sheets of the bed, taking off what was still left of their clothes.

Alicia had a moment of hesitation as she felt Tom's hands on her now naked body. Were they really aware of what they were doing? Were they really ready to face all the repercussions ensuing from a moment of passion?

She ran her hands through his slightly curly hair and gently guided his face to meet her eyes, searching for either some sign of doubt from his side too, or the reassurance that they would be fine. But there wasn't any hint of doubt in the way Tom looked at her, longingly. Instead, she felt him caressing her thighs with firm, strong hands, running up to her hips to cover her ass.

His hold was firm but at the same time betrayed a slight insecurity. There was a touch of possessiveness in the way he held her tight, devouring her mouth, her neck, and her breasts with hungry kisses. It was both at the same time, a source of anxiety and reassurance.

The thought of _belonging _again to someone terrified her, but at the same time she couldn't help orbiting this man like a small planet that fights vainly against gravity.

All she could do was to let herself go; she clung on to his waist and sighed deeply as he entered her with vigorous, long thrusts. Holding him in a tight embrace, she breathed deeply into his strong smell of some masculine perfume she couldn't recognize. It wasn't just cologne for sure. Its smell, fresh and lightly musked, mixed with a hint of sweat, was inebriating.

The tension that had built up over the months was explosive, overwhelming, uncontrollable; it took control of their bodies, silencing their minds.

Alicia thought that her heart couldn't beat any faster than that without exploding. She wanted, she _needed_ some release after months of holding back feelings she kept on pretending that didn't exist. And she needed it quickly. The increasing pace of Tom's thrusts was the clear sign that he needed the same. She didn't care about foreplay, or teasing. And apparently he didn't care either, as they devoured each other's mouths, inebriated with passion. After all, they had the rest of the night to take their time and savor each and every moment, again and again. Right now, she only cared about the orgasm taking over her body as she gave in to the increasing pleasure, her hands clung tightly to the firm muscles of his back; it was only a moment before she felt Tom's own release into her, collapsing on to her in a tight embrace.

* * *

The early morning brought to Alicia the dream of soft hands caressing her, delicately, lightly brushing the soft skin of her arms. They were somewhat familiar but couldn't recognize whom they belonged to. It felt so real, vivid. In the half-sleep, she realized she wasn't dreaming. Still drowsy, she stiffened, peeved by a mischievous sunbeam piercing through the curtains. She opened one eye, refusing to wake up, as she tried to remember where she was. With its maroon curtains and the light creamy walls with spatula effect, the place wasn't familiar at all. She clearly wasn't in her bed. A soft kiss on her shoulder brought her back down on earth. _The dinner. Tom_. _Oh my God_. Their first passionate, wild lovemaking. She blushed at the memory. The second time, sweet, taking their time, greedily exploring each other's bodies, fully enjoying every kiss and caress, slowly. _Oh my God_.

She slowly rolled on her other side to meet his eyes and his soft smile.

"Good morning," he said in a whisper.

"Good morning," she replied, her voice barely audible, as she leaned closer, slightly unsure, letting him place a soft kiss on her lips. His touch on her skin was the same firm one of the previous night, just softer, light, probably appeased in the senses; it sent her slight shivers down her back.

The awakening threw in their faces all those complications they deftly, defiantly – or irresponsibly - chose to ignore the night before. _The trial. Peter. Her kids. The firm. The trial. Disclosure. _Were they going to regret it? With her gaze fixed on Tom's eyes, she was searching for some shadow of regret, or worry. If he regretted it, he was very good in hiding it. Still, she could read some worry in his hesitant smile. Or he must have sensed her discomfort and anxiety. Her brain's gears were spinning so fast that he could probably hear them colliding into each other.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Was everything alright? Looking away, Alicia didn't answer straightaway. Not everything was alright. There were a lot of things to discuss. What was happening between them in the first place? What did they expect from each other? How were they going to handle their situation in public? Were they even going to make it public? Everything was so new to her that it was almost terrifying. Yes, there had been Will before, but if she had to be honest, she always knew what she wanted from their relationship, she always knew that it was not meant to last.

On the other hand, her thoughts went to the dinner, to their night together. She was so comfortable with him. She loved how he could so easily make her smile, laugh, and blush. He had the ability to touch all her weak spots and make her forget all her worries in the space of a few seconds. He was a walking temptation. And she had decided the night before to just stop and not resist temptations. It proved to be worth all her inner turmoil and conflicts. She couldn't recall ever wanting something so badly, still being so scared about it. And what scared her even more was that she was pretty sure that it wasn't just sexual chemistry, but as to what she felt, she still didn't know it for sure. She only knew that she didn't want to lose it. It was the chance of something new, the chance to start all over again, but with the advantage of all her experiences, bad or positive.

She looked back at Tom, whose gaze was fixed on her, expectantly. She smiled softly, trying to reassure him that she wasn't regretting anything. All her worries weren't about him, about them. It was about her allowing herself, for once, to _feel._ "Yes," she simply said, as she nuzzled up against his chest. She enjoyed the morning sweet cuddling for a while, his soft caresses and kisses, before taking the initiative and moving on top of him, returning his endearing gestures with more steamy, tantalizing ones.

* * *

**A/N: A huge thank you to Mike for being an awesome beta even through the steamy moments!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed and to all those who didn't but still love the story! It's a joy to know that so many people are following me in what I thought was a crazy idea XD Keep your reviews coming, they mean really a lot for me! 3**

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After a weekend that still felt unreal, the detestable alarm clock on Monday morning and a phone call from Diane brought Alicia back to the reality of her every day life.

Diane said they needed to discuss something important. She had panicked for a moment at the thought she might already know about her and Tom, before realizing it was beyond impossible and decided to classify her reaction with a single word: paranoia.

Now standing outside her boss's office, she waited patiently till Diane gestured for her to step in.

Sitting in her chair, Diane was talking on the phone with an associate. "No, it's a good deal, take the six months," she concluded, then hung up.

"You said you needed to talk to me." Alicia said, as she took a seat in front of her, trying to sound and look as natural as possible.

"Yes," Diane started, looking her straight in the eyes. "We need to talk about the Juarez trial."

Alicia felt a slight shiver running down her spine. "There's only the closing arguments left to discuss," she said, her tone asking for a confirmation.

"Exactly," Diane confirmed, "and I would like you to give them."

Alicia froze for a moment, before stiffening uncomfortably in her chair. "W… what? Why me?"

Diane eyed her up and down. It was something she sometimes did, probably unconsciously, and certainly not meant to make people nervous. Maybe it was just her way to gather her thoughts before coming out with an answer. Under different circumstances, Alicia probably wouldn't even notice, but today she was a bundle of nerves and definitely oversensitive to every external factor.

"Because there is something in you," Diane said as she leaned slightly forward, "that unsettles that prosecutor."

Alicia swallowed. Diane clearly didn't notice how that same prosecutor had pretty much the same effect on her.

"I don't know what it is," Diane went on.

_No, you really have no idea_, Alicia thought.

"But if there is even the slightest chance to make his closing argument more difficult, I'm going to exploit it," she concluded.

Diane's quiet and confident tone was a striking contrast with Alicia's emotional upheaval. What was she supposed to do now? Tell the truth? _No way_. What if for some reason their relationship was to be leaked before the verdict? _No, nobody knew it so there was no fear_. After all, that's what she and Tom had agreed. Keep everything private for a while, wait and see how things would evolve between them – because, let's face it, one dinner and a night of good sex weren't enough to even start to define what they had as a relationship – and wait till the inescapable day they would find themselves against each other in a trial, again. The closing arguments were something they never even took into account, since Diane was the one supposed to deliver them. At least she was till one minute before.

"Okay," Alicia said, trying to hide her concern behind an imperfect poker face.

"Is there any problem?" Diane asked, probably catching her hesitation.

"No." Alicia's answer came out hurried in the attempt to dissipate any doubt. With a forced smile, she stood up and left.

Heading back to her office, she was assaulted by an unpleasant sense of guilt for lying to her boss. One of them at least. The other one was in front of her, deep in conversation with David Lee. For a moment she considered talking to him but quickly put the idea aside as she already knew what his advice would be.

She walked past him with hurried steps before she could change her mind, only to stop a few steps forward. _Damn me and my pangs of conscience_.

She caught Will's faint smile as their eyes met, and his body turning, almost imperceptibly, towards her. Once David Lee left, she approached him, her arms nervously folded. "Do you have a minute?"

Will gestured for her to follow him back to his office. "Sure, for what?" He asked. His voice sounded reassuring, as if he caught her anxiety.

While he took a few steps towards his desk, Alicia just stopped in the doorway, hesitatingly. "I need your advice...," she said with a faint voice.

Will acknowledged her with some concern in his expression. He waited before asking. "Legal or personal?"

Alicia thought about it for a moment. Considering the situation, the problem didn't really fit in a single category. "Both…"

Will gave her an understanding look and moved to close the door behind them. "What happened?"

"Diane put me in charge for the closing arguments in the Juarez trial," she said, following Will with her eyes as he sat at his desk.

"Good, you did an excellent job on that case," he said with a smile.

"No, it's not good, Will…," she said and realized how frustrated she sounded. She sat in front of him and hesitated for a moment, catching the concerned look in Will's eyes. She sighed, breathing in the courage to go on with the admission. "Do you remember… the talk we had about… Tom Bryant?" She unconsciously looked down, a bit for the discomfort, a bit for the memory of the bitter undertone of that conversation.

Will stared at her for a moment, silently. Clearly lost in thought, his mind was probably working to get the meaning of her words. "Is it… what I think it is?" He finally asked, with concern.

Alicia didn't answer, she nodded, clasped her hands on her lap and looked down. The silence that followed could have easily caused a new ice age. She watched as Will stood up from his chair and looked out of the window; she didn't dare to move, or to say anything.

"Does Diane know?" Will finally asked. Alicia followed his eyes as he quickly peeked into Diane's office before turning back to face her. His expression showed that he clearly already had the answer. Still, his voice sounded softer than what she expected it to be. She didn't know if it was for honest concern, or just resignation.

"No," she said. She was feeling guilty. She didn't like to feel guilty over something that was supposed to bring only happiness into her life. But these were exactly the consequences and responsibilities they knew would eventually present themselves along the way. It was just happening sooner than expected. "What should I do?" She already knew what his answer would be, yet she was still hoping he would understand the situation.

"The law is quite clear about it," he said. His face showed a hint of displeasure.

Alicia knew very well that the law provided for disclosure in the case of a personal relationship between opposing counsels. She looked at him, between crestfallen and pleading. "I don't… Will, please… we can't…." She had a moment of hesitation. Disclosure would undoubtedly entail Peter finding out about her and Tom, and that was something she'd rather postpone indefinitely until she was ready to share, only then when the moment really required it.

"If the State's Attorney finds out…," Will lowered his voice, and leaned forward, bringing the conversation on a more personal level.

Alicia shook her head. "Peter doesn't know anything about it, I assure you," she said, her own voice lowered, matching Will's discretion.

"You have to tell Diane," he said. His voice was soft and understanding, but left no room for further discussion.

Alicia shook her head, resigned, and with her gaze she followed Will as he stood up and walked to the door, gesturing for her to follow him. She followed him silently, preparing herself for Diane's reaction.

As they stepped in, Diane gave them both a questioning and confused look.

"There is something we need to discuss," Will started, while he took a seat and silently invited Alicia to do the same.

"Is there a problem?" Diane asked, eying them both.

Alicia hesitated. She turned to search in Will's expression the reconfirmation that this was needed, that she really had to reduce such an intimate and unique moment of her life to an undesired and unexpected issue for a damn trial. "I… actually yes," she finally said as she gave her attention back to Diane.

Diane's look was still confused. "Exactly what kind of problem are we talking about?"

"The closing argument," Alicia said, taking more time to put the words together in a quick and painless answer. "I… I'm… I'm in a relationship with the prosecutor," she finally threw out. She took a deep breath and forced herself not to look down.

Diane's gaze was fixed on her, grave and inscrutable. She opened her mouth twice, as to speak, but her voice was apparently refusing to cooperate.

Alicia caught a hint of disappointment in her eyes, in the way she stuck up her nose and looked away for a moment. She had seen that look before…

"Damn, Alicia." _Here we go_. "I'm already having a hard time with Will sleeping around, at least you, now…!"

Will cleared his throat, loudly. "I am here, in case you didn't notice…", Will pointed out. He faked outrage, but everyone in that room knew him well enough to know that Diane was right.

Diane shook her head, looking frustrated. "Why can't you all just... _work_ and stop complicating my life? If the State's Attorney finds out…"

"We already discussed this," Will interrupted her, calmly.

"It might compromise the whole trial," Diane insisted, diverting the conversation to Will, letting out a heavy sigh. She looked around, probably considering all the possible consequences.

Alicia suddenly felt little and invisible, her situation discussed as if it were a disease, as if she weren't even in the room.

"What do you think?" Diane asked Will.

Alicia caught Diane giving her another of those looks of complete disappointment. She was once used to them, even found them defiant at that time. What a different person she was back then. And what a different situation it was now. She and Tom were trying to build something, while everyone around them had apparently every interest to tear it down.

"At this point of the trial, the disclosure would probably only hurt us," Will said.

Alicia was surprised to see him taking her defence. After all, he was the one insisting that she should tell Diane. But maybe, she was starting to understand why he did it.

"The jury might be led to think that the prosecution favored us, are we willing to risk it?" Will asked, looking straight at Diane.

"What if the prosecution itself uses the disclosure against us?" Diane suddenly asked.

"No." Alicia's reply was firm and crisp, bringing back on her the attention of her bosses. She'd listened quietly, patiently, as they discussed the repercussions of her love life on a client. But this was something she couldn't accept. "He would never do that," she replied, trying to hide the rising discomfort. "It's against his own interest," she went on.

"Against his _personal_ interest maybe," Diane pointed out. There was a hint of annoyance in her voice that Alicia didn't like. "But what about his professional interest?"

There was something that Diane clearly couldn't see, Tom's professional interest wouldn't reap anything good out of Peter knowing. But it was just Diane's fear, and something that she couldn't share with her. Alicia had no doubt that Tom would never use her, _them_, to his profit. Or would he? Did she really know him that well? _No_. Could she really trust him that far? Her stomach knotted at the realization that what was tying them together was nothing more than a very thin, fragile relationship at its very beginning; at that frail stage where everything still had to be built, _trust included_.


	15. Chapter 15

Blissfully abandoned in Tom's embrace, her wavy hair unruly loose on the pillow, Alicia was voluptuously enjoying the sweet moment of cuddling that followed their passionate lovemaking. She loved these moments. She loved to lie in his arms and let him run his hands over her body, softly. His touch was light and tickled her skin, sending little shivers down her spine every time his hand reached the sensitive skin right above her breasts, following the path drawn by the sheets.

It was the night before the closing arguments, a night when they weren't even supposed to meet. Still, here they were; in that same quiet hotel room, surrounded by those same walls that only a few days before had silently witnessed their first time together, they had succeeded to carve out a precious little moment for themselves. Tom's invitation to go to his home was politely declined. Alicia couldn't stop thinking that they were going too fast, and to bring their relationship to their respective homes would definitely mark another step forward.

Trying to postpone as much as possible the inevitable separation with idle chatter, they had somehow ended up talking about Tom's childhood.

"You still didn't answer," Alicia asked with a smile, her eyes magnetically fixed on his.

Tom returned her smile, then looked up and stared at the ceiling, apparently lost in some memory. "I grew up between flocks of sheep and Irish green fields."

"Mmmm," Alicia murmured in appreciation, as she rolled to her side to better face him. "Now I get where that sexy accent comes from," she said, teasingly, as she leaned closer to steal another soft kiss. She felt Tom's embrace become tighter around her waist and his hand going to rest on the gentle curve at the bottom of her back. Neither of them broke eye contact, not even for the briefest instant.

"I was six when we moved to New York City… It was a blow to suddenly find myself surrounded by all those awful skyscrapers," Tom said, with a shadow of melancholy in his voice.

Alicia stared deeply into his eyes. For a moment, she could see the young kid he once was, with all his sorrow and the bitterness for having to leave his homeland and everything that went with it.

"So, when I missed home, I used to go to the zoo to see the sheep…," he said with a light laugh.

Alicia looked at him for a moment, trying with all her might to hold back a laugh, but failed miserably as she burst into laughter. A good, hearty laughter, like she hadn't done in ages.

Tom gave her an amused look and smiled softly, his eyes fixed on hers. She watched his expression slowly turning from amused to soft, becoming longing and languishing. His dark eyes, so enrapturing with those soft and attractive green streaks wouldn't leave hers.

"You know you should be working on your closing arguments, don't you?" She asked softly, knowing their moment would soon be over.

"I know," he whispered. "I should go now," he said with a bit of displeasure in his voice, as he moved to stand up.

"Don't go," Alicia pleaded with him, reaching up to kiss him. Once, twice, more soft kisses to convince him to stay.

"Are you trying to corrupt me?" Tom asked, returning the kisses. Suddenly he didn't seem to want to leave anymore.

Alicia gave him a soft, faux candid smile. "Mmmmh… yes. Does it work?"

Tom responded with a mild laugh. "No," he said as he placed a light kiss on her lips. "I'm indifferent to your charm when it comes to work," he added, but his treacherous eyes were unmasking his miserable lie.

Work. The closing arguments. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated? Suddenly she remembered her earlier conversation with Diane. _His interest_.

"Tom?" she asked with some hesitation, looking at him doubtfully. She saw the change in Tom's expression as he sat on the bed, right beside her.

"Yes?" He asked softly.

"If you had no other option… would you…," she hesitated for a moment and looked down, suddenly unable to keep his gaze. "Would you use our relationship… against me?" She asked with a faint voice. She didn't want to offend him, but at the same time she needed some reassurance. As she looked up to meet his eyes, she saw the confusion and concern in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked.

Alicia suddenly felt guilty for asking. Still, Diane's words wouldn't leave her. "I mean… disclose us… to turn the trial to your favor," she whispered, in the vain hope that he wouldn't hear.

"No." His answer was simple, harsh, and gave away the hurt for her lack of trust.

_Great_. She had just ruined their last moments together. She looked away. She didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. The silence that followed was unbearable, till she felt Tom's hand on her chin, gently turning her face back at him.

"I can only imagine what you've been through," he started, his offense turning into understanding. "And I know it's not easy to start all over again, but… you have to trust me," he said, looking straight into her eyes. _Trust._ "If we want… _this_ to work."

She watched as he got close and placed a light kiss on her forehead, his warmth was soothing. She gave him a soft smile and followed his every move as he stood up and started to dress. She wanted to trust him, she really wanted it. It was just a part of her character that got lost among the scandals. It was a part of her character that she would eventually need to find again.


	16. Chapter 16

Alicia couldn't remember ever feeling so anxious over a verdict. She spent more time repeating to herself that she shouldn't look at Tom than paying attention to the closing arguments. Between Diane's disappointment and the unpleasant sensation left from the trust conversation with Tom, she felt caught between two fires. Alicia closed her eyes, her hands sweaty and clenched in anguish as the jury foreman stood up, ready to say that one simple word – or two, if she was lucky - that would either give her a win-win situation or seriously compromise everything. She held her breath as the foreman slowly and carefully unfolded the important piece of paper, then solemnly pronounced: "Not guilty."

At that moment everything stopped, she neither heard the rest of the verdict, nor the judge close the session. Her head was still whirling, blurred by the unconsciously self-imposed lack of air. She turned upon feeling Mr. Juarez' light touch on her shoulder and realized it was definitely over only when she met his triumphant, relieved smile and his firm handshake.

Then, only then, did she allow herself to give a discreet, sidelong peek at the prosecution table. Her eyes met an empty chair, wiping the smile off her face. She instinctively turned around and saw Tom at the back of the courtroom, deep in discussion with Peter. As if feeling her gaze, Peter turned to give her a quick smile. She felt a tight grip in her stomach and quickly turned her attention back to Diane and their client.

She wondered if Peter knew. If she had found herself in the situation of having to leak their relationship, was there a chance that Tom had too? She shook her head. No, Tom would have told her. And Peter's smile reassured her that he was in the dark.

Her phone bleeping interrupted the flow of frantic thoughts before they could get out of control. "Verdict?" Kalinda's texts depicted her perfectly. The less the best.

In the attempt to prevent her thoughts from taking control of her mind again, Alicia quickly dialed Kalinda's number. She silently excused herself to Diane and quickly left the courtroom.

"Not guilty," she said as she heard the connection on the other end.

"Good. Tequila?" Kalinda asked. Her voice sounded a bit breathless. Even through a phone, Alicia could hear her hurried steps and unconsciously took the same pace to walk past the two men the quickest possible way, careful to avoid their looks.

"I need to fix something first," she said, as she stopped right outside the door, watching the disorderly mix-up of people leaving and coming as a new session was about to start. "In one hour?" She asked, vaguely distracted by the chaos surrounding her. Among the crowd, she spotted Peter leaving and sighed in a very short-lived relief as she caught Tom following him out very closely and stopping outside, glancing around till he spotted her. His inscrutable gaze fixed on her. "I gotta go, I'll call you back later," she said and quickly hung up.

The doors of the courtroom closed, confining all the confusion behind the wall, as only a few people were left in the hallway, gathered in a small, quiet group.

Tom took few steps towards her, as a light smile formed on his face. "So… congratulations on the win," he said softly.

"Thank you," she replied, returning the smile. Just one little smile and all her previous anxiety – part of it, at least - was forgotten. She wondered if he had spent so much time reviewing their conversation from last night as she did. Probably not. Probably she was just over-thinking.

"So… we can officially celebrate now." Tom's voice was quiet, slightly teasing.

"I thought we already did," Alicia replied with a mild, soft laugh. _The dinner. Everything that followed the dinner. Yes, there was no doubt about it. They already did_. It felt like it was long ago. As a matter of fact, it was only five days. Five days in which everything happened, including having to disclose her newborn relationship to her bosses.

The phone, still held tight in her hands, reminded her that she had already promised Kalinda they'd celebrate together. "I… I have already promised a celebration drink to a friend," she said in apology.

"Should I be jealous?" He asked, faking worry.

"You might…," she nodded with an amused smile. "I have to go now," she apologized, her gaze down as she toyed with her phone. "Can I call you later?" She asked in a whisper. The thought of that conversation just wouldn't leave her. She didn't want Tom to think that she didn't trust him. She truly, deeply _wanted_ to trust him. Her heart kept on saying that she could trust him. Would she even have given him a chance if she didn't? After all that she'd been through, probably not. But sometimes her mind prevailed and let resurface old memories she couldn't forget, making room for worries and unjustified fears.

"Sure," Tom replied, his voice low, matching her tone. "Is everything alright?"

Alicia looked up and met the hint of concern in his eyes. With a soft smile, she tried to dissipate any worry. "Yes," she replied.

Tom stood there for a moment, maybe pondering the sincerity of her simple answer. He leaned closer, only a couple of steps, enough for his hand to rest on her arm, briefly, gently. "Okay," he said.

The instinct brought Alicia to further reduce the distance, till only a few inches were left between them. "Okay," she repeated in acknowledgement. Her gaze unconsciously shifted from his eyes to his mouth. Two people talking walked past them. The words _evidence_ and _fingerprints_ reminded her that they were in an unsafe place. She peeped around to make sure that no prying eyes were taking notice. She gave Tom a seductive smile then turned to leave, walking slowly, letting her hips sway to send a message as she felt his eyes still locked on her.

* * *

The strong taste of tequila was still burning in her throat. She definitely needed it.

"Another shot?" Kalinda asked, turning her eyes to the empty glasses in front of them.

She'd certainly welcome another one. "I'd rather not go back to the office drunk," Alicia said, throwing a knowing look at her friend.

Kalinda certainly didn't worry, as she gestured at the bartender to pour some more for herself. "So," she started, "what did you do to upset Diane so much?"

With everything that had happened, Alicia realized she hadn't briefed her yet over the most recent changes in her love life. Maybe she needed another shot indeed. With a light gesture, she kindly asked the man on the other side of the bar to pour more for her too. She felt Kalinda's bemused gaze on her as she swallowed the liquid, emptying the glass with one quick sip. She grimaced as the burning seeped down through her throat, leaving a warming and welcome feeling of relaxation. "I slept with the prosecutor," she said very quietly, under the liberating effect of tequila. She didn't need to look at Kalinda. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her astonished smile and sipped the very last drop of liquid from her glass.

"I'm shocked," Kalinda said with a tone between teasing and amused.

"You didn't see this one coming, did you?" Alicia asked with a light laugh. She was so used to Kalinda reading her every gesture, thought, expression, that she openly exulted at the exceptional event.

"How serious is this?" Kalinda's question came out unexpected. She clearly knew her enough to know that she wasn't the sleeping-around kind, unlike Diane, who apparently seemed to think it.

With only a hint of a smile on her face, Alicia looked down and stared into the empty glass, lost in thought. How serious was that? "I…," she started with some hesitation, not sure what to say herself. Could she honestly quantify the depth of her feelings? "I don't know… I mean…," she paused, then turned and looked at Kalinda, who was staring at her, all ears. "Everything happened so fast and I…" She hesitated. Tom's image flashed in front of her, she could still feel his light touch on her arm, together with that urging need to kiss him, to let herself sink into his embrace. She felt butterflies in her stomach and realized she had her answer. "Probably way more serious than it should be at this point, this… _soon_," she said looking down. She could never allow herself to even think, let alone to tell her feelings out loud, so she quickly banished the words before they could combine themselves together in a full sentence.

Kalinda gave her a soft, understanding smile and nodded. "How does it feel?"

Alicia looked away, staring into the distance, pensively. A soft, sweet smile formed on her face, hesitantly, shyly. "Exciting, overwhelming, intoxicating…," she said. Her voice, slightly wavering, revealed the genuine depth of her feelings. "Scary… and terrifyingly intense," she concluded, as she looked back at Kalinda. The understanding smile on her face could only mean nothing good. "This… this doesn't necessarily mean I'm in love… does it?" She asked, with some hesitation.

Kalinda didn't reply. She gazed down at her glass, smiling, then looked up to her again. "Let's say…," she looked away for a moment, thoughtfully, "no, not necessarily," she said.

Alicia carefully studied her expression. For some reason, she thought that her words didn't match her amused face. She let out a mild laugh and shook her head. "Oh my God, I must sound like a teenager with a bad crush," she said in disbelief.

Kalinda's smile widened. "You sound like someone happy," she said, then quickly added, "and clearly in strong contrast with her conscience," she said, nodding.

"I don't want to come into conflict with my own conscience," Alicia said, thoughtfully. "It's just… everything happened so fast… I'm not ready for something like… _this_." She turned to look at Kalinda. She was serious, listening in silence as she gave vent to all those overwhelming feelings that till then had been held back. Alicia decided to move the topic to something lighter. "He's cute, isn't he?" She asked.

Kalinda took a moment before replying. "I guess," she said, faking doubt.

Alicia wondered for a moment what kind of guy could meet the taste of a _flexible_ woman. A quick glance at the clock, she realized that their celebration lasted longer than expected. "I have to go," she said, and let out a heavy sigh. She really wasn't in the mood to go back to the firm. Not to mention, there still was a certain phone call that needed to be made. With two shots of tequila running through her veins, she wasn't even sure if she should call Tom or not. Well, she probably freaked him out with her anxiety attack. At least an explanation was due. But maybe sober would be better… "See you back later," she said as she stood to leave.

"Yep," Kalinda replied, not showing any intention to leave the chair.


	17. Chapter 17

"And Cat's mom is remarrying," Grace said very quietly. Alicia and the kids had established months before that Wednesday evening was their gossip night. All three of them were sitting comfortably on the warm carpet in the living room, where they shared the news of the week. Broken friendships, new loves, poor figures or special events. Everything was a good topic for discussion. It was a nice and usually very funny way to spend the night; at the same time, Alicia felt like it helped her to not lose contact again with her kids. After that day when Grace went missing, she had always made sure to give them all the time and attention they needed and this was a good occasion to say whatever crossed their minds, either good or bad.

"Really?" She asked, curious. "With whom?" She loved to be part of their social life, she loved the enthusiasm in their eyes when she showed genuine interest in their business.

"A teacher from the Spanish course," Grace replied, not hiding her excitement for sharing such a juicy bit of gossip.

Alicia opened her mouth in fake disbelief. She knew Cat's mom, she had known for months that she was dating that man. She even knew that her ex-husband wasn't too pleased, being himself a teacher in the same school. "This is worth the prize for gossip of the week!" She said with a wide smile. That situation reminded her of her own, and she suddenly realized she still hadn't called Tom. A sense of guilt crept over her, but it wasn't like she could leave the kids there and interrupt their night for a phone call to her… how was she even supposed to define him? Boyfriend? Lover? Fiancé? Intimate friend? Whatever… they didn't even know of his existence. With indifference, she quickly glanced at the phone on the coffee table. _Damn_.

"Mom?" Grace asked with a faint voice. There was a bit of uncertainty in the way her daughter pronounced that word.

"Yes?" Alicia asked, softly, with a sweet smile on her face.

"Will you and dad… start… seeing other people?" Grace asked.

"Of course they will," Zach cut in. He'd quietly listened till then, while Grace told them all of everything that had happened in the whole county. He was more a listener, he had always been, but when it came to family affairs, he always voiced his opinion.

Alicia was taken aback by Grace's question. She didn't see that coming and, honestly enough, she hoped they wouldn't have such a conversation. "I… I guess… it might happen… yes," she said, trying to hide her discomfort. She had promised herself that she wouldn't lie to her kids anymore and here she was, again… "Why are you asking?" She asked, with some concern. Because after all, Grace didn't normally ask questions unless she had a real concern. Did she do something that might have given away her relationship? No, she was pretty sure she didn't.

"What will happen then? I mean… what will happen to us? To all of us?" Zach asked, sounding a bit unsure.

Alicia was starting to understand what they meant. A new man in her life would inevitably mean, sooner or later, a man in their lives too. And in their home. Or the other way around… Alicia shook her head. These were all things she had not taken into account, that she had no definite thought to consider so early. Not now, only few days into her relationship with Tom. There were bigger and more urgent issues. She shrugged. "I… I don't know," she said honestly. "I think that if, and when, it will happen, we'll find a solution together," she reassured them.

Alicia's phone started to vibrate on the table, making her jump as she read the name on the display._ Tom_. She counted herself lucky for not having changed the name in the index, as "Mr. Bryant" kept flashing on the screen. "It's work," she said, rushing to take the phone, "I'll be back in one minute," she apologized, her heart throbbing, as she quickly left the living room and entered her bedroom, careful to close the door behind her.

She breathed in, deeply, then answered. "Hello?" Her voice was still faltering.

"Hey," Tom said on the other end. His voice sounded so sweet, even on the phone.

"Hey," she said. "I… I'm sorry… I said I'd call and I…" Alicia couldn't find the proper way to apologize. A whole day and she didn't find five damn minutes to make a call.

"No, it's okay…" Tom said. "I was… I was worried... you seemed… nervous… concerned," he said.

Okay. There was no way this conversation would be over in one minute. She sat on her bed, then let herself sink on the soft mattress. She let out a heavy sigh. "I… I've been thinking a lot…" She paused, meeting a complete and uncomfortable silence on the other end. "About the conversation we had yesterday…"

"Alicia…" Tom started, "it's okay…"

"No, it's not," she interrupted him. Her voice, even in a whisper, was firm. "I don't… I don't want you to think… that I don't trust you." She finally said it.

"And I don't," Tom said, quietly. He paused for a moment that, brief as it was, it felt unbearable.

Alicia's eyes were fixed on the ceiling, thoughtfully. "I'm complicated," she whispered.

On the other end, she could hear a light sigh: she could see his sweet smile even through the phone.

"I know it," he said softly.

"_Very_ complicated," she pointed out.

"Are you trying to scare me away?" Tom asked, with a hint of amusement in his voice. She loved how, even in front of her doubts and constant back and forward, he never seemed to worry, bringing to their relationship, to _her_, that confidence she needed.

"No…," she said, slightly shaking her head. Her farthest thought would be to push him away. "I just want you to be prepared," she whispered, with a sweet, yet bitter smile.

"Okay," he simply said, "then I'm ready." His voice was confident and bemused at the same time, making Alicia smile to herself. "I have an early meeting tomorrow," Tom started again. "I thought… we might have breakfast together?"

Breakfast. She loved it. It implied seeing him again in few hours. And right now, his soft voice on the phone was making her wish it was already morning. "Sure," she said with a wide, warm smile. "I… I gotta go now," she said in apology. The kids were in the living room waiting for her.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then…" He said, then paused. "Good night."

"Good night," she repeated, then hung up. She remained lying like that for a moment, smiling, her phone held tight on her chest. She couldn't do it. Throwing all her fears and doubts on Tom was wrong. Unfair to him and certainly unhealthy for such a young relationship. Silently, she promised to herself to try and let herself go a little more, enjoying only the positive. The earlier conversation about Cat's mother reminded her of how early in their relationship they were. She had all the time she needed to face the responsibilities later, step by step, with Tom, together.

* * *

Sitting at the small table in a very reserved, quiet cafeteria, Alicia was waiting for Tom's arrival. The aroma of coffee mixed with the enticing smell of the warm, freshly baked croissants was tempting, but she had promised herself to wait for him. The anxiety for the early morning meeting had led her to arrive well in advance and she decided to spend the time working on the new case. It turned out to be a bad idea, since there was really nothing promising. Not a scrap of evidence that might in some way clear the girl of the charges. Under different circumstances, this would be the perfect way to ruin her day, but Alicia knew that in a few minutes, Tom would walk through the door behind her and cheer her up. She gave a last look at the pictures, frustrated and resigned.

A sudden clamor distracted her from her thoughts. Two tables away, a couple was arguing heatedly. Alicia stared as the man sprang up and left. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the woman: she could read on her face the pride that made her hold the tears back. It was like re-watching herself few years back.

Alicia had a start, as she felt Tom's gentle kiss on her neck. So lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even heard him approaching. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine, as she very discreetly peeped around. "Hey," she said relieved, with a soft smile on her face.

"Hey," Tom said, returning the smile. "What happened?" He asked, probably noticing her troubled look.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head in reassurance.

"Already working so soon in the morning?" Tom asked, pointing at the folder, still open on the table.

Only then Alicia realized that the pictures were still scattered on the table. She quickly gathered them and closed the folder. _Damn_. Tom was with the prosecutor's office after all, and wasn't supposed to see them. "I had some time," she explained.

"Which case is that?" He asked, very quietly, almost with indifference.

Alicia studied him for a moment, unsure if she should disclose the information or not. "Rachel Murphy," she said in a whisper. Were they working on the same case once again?

Tom winced upon hearing her client's name.

_Not good_.

"Good luck with it, then…" Tom said. He really looked sorry for her.

Alicia didn't say anything, she gave him a questioning and confused look.

"Matan Brody is on that one," he said in a faint voice, glancing around.

_Uh oh_. Peter's stooge and the worst enemy she could ever wish to meet for such a delicate case. This was bad. Beyond bad. "I wished I could do something for you… but I'm not really on friendly terms with the guy," he said in apology.

For some reason she couldn't find it hard to believe. Tom was Peter's new favorite. At least for now, because she was pretty sure that this idyllic situation wasn't bound to last long.

Alicia shrugged. "I didn't have my hopes high anyway," she said with a resigned tone.

Tom leaned forward, his features softening in a sweet smile.

Alicia gave him a questioning look. "What?" She asked softly.

He didn't answer, but leaned farther forward to close the distance between them with a delicate kiss. Alicia didn't dare to complain, and locked her lips with his, unwilling to break the pleasant, warm contact. She winced as she felt him lean back, breaking the kiss. Till she noticed a presence beside her; the waitress was standing there with a coffeepot in her hands, waiting for an okay to fill their mugs.

"So," Tom started, as the girl quickly did her job and moved to another table, "plans for the weekend?" His voice was so quiet and soft.

_Weekend_. Why did that word suddenly sound so demanding and cause for turmoil? She wasn't used to having _plans_ for the weekend. Not anymore, at least. The weekend was just the union of two consecutive days spent doing absolutely nothing; or working, if she was bored stiff. "Nothing," she answered, not really sure where this would lead. She suddenly realized how the idea of _us_ sounded unreal to her. She hesitated for a moment, then asked, "you?"

Tom shook his head. "Nothing either," he said.

Alicia nodded in acknowledgement. Okay, this was definitely going to lead _somewhere_. With a hint of teasing and a _lot_ of hard gathered audacity, she dared to ask, "What do you have in mind?"

Tom shrugged, a soft smile on his face. "Nothing special…," he started, "dinner?" He paused and looked at her, showing some hesitation. "Maybe…," he lowered his gaze for a brief moment, "at my place…" he asked, his eyes back on her.

Alicia opened her mouth, but words refused to come out. On one side, all her doubts about moving too fast. On the other, her promise to herself to simply enjoy what would come. For a moment, her mind went to her conversation with Kalinda. Happy and conflicted. Damn if she wasn't right. She always was. "I," she hesitated for a moment, her stare fixed at the coffee mug, thoughtfully, before looking back at Tom, meeting his expectant gaze. "Okay…" she said softly.

She saw Tom's smile widening in relief, as he leaned forward again. "Okay…"

Alicia felt a welcome, warm sensation, as Tom's hand moved to cover hers, their fingers entwining, playfully. It was certainly a good way to start the day.

* * *

Sitting in her office, Diane was checking those same files and pictures that Alicia had been through only a couple of hours before. "What do you think?" She asked, not hiding a bit of frustration.

Alicia shrugged. "Honestly? It doesn't look very optimistic," she said. "We might dispute the fingerprints on the kid's body as being absolutely normal, but I guess we wouldn't get less than culpable manslaughter, even with that," she said.

Diane sighed. "Is Kalinda already on that?"

"Yes," Alicia nodded. "Her neighbor was home, he might have heard something, anything that could help, she's checking. In the meantime, I'm meeting Miss Murphy in one hour but," she hesitated for a moment, then added, "Matan Brody is the prosecutor, you know what that means…"

Diane gave her a questioning look. "How do you know?"

Alicia pondered very carefully before answering. "Connections," she finally said with a knowing expression.

Diane didn't comment, but Alicia could swear she saw a very hinted smile on her face. "Okay, inform me if Kalinda finds something," she said, indicating with a light gesture that their meeting was over.

Alicia nodded and stood up. She was about to leave when Diane stopped her at the doorway. "Oh, Alicia," she called her back.

"Yes?" Alicia asked.

"Regarding the conversation we had few days ago…" Diane started.

It didn't require much imagination to understand she was referring to her and Tom.

"I'm not entitled to intervene, or judge, your personal life," Diane said, leaning forward to rest her arms on her desk, "and I'm sorry if I did… but, at the same time, you have to understand that I'm in a very delicate position, right now."

Alicia knew that the firm was still financially precarious and they couldn't afford losing important clients. "I… you don't have to worry about this… I… We won't let our relationship interfere with our respective careers." Her tone was serious, and hid a hint of offence. She was well aware of the complications, but she didn't need being reminded.

"Okay," Diane said, very quietly. "You can go," she dismissed her with a polite smile.


	18. Chapter 18

The peaceful silence that suddenly filled the home felt almost unreal. Alicia placed a soft kiss on Grace's forehead, then softly, carefully closed the door behind her. It was 11:15pm and the weariness of the day was starting to be felt.

As she went back to the kitchen, she caught Owen flipping through the folder of her case like a cars magazine.

"You work too much," he commented as she approached.

"And you should mind your own business a bit more," she replied, as she gathered all the pictures and closed the folder.

"I'm serious," Owen insisted, "you shouldn't bring your work home," Owen said, with a reproaching tone.

"I have to, if I want to give that girl at least a glimmer of hope against Mr. Hyde," she said, and realized how she sounded defeated, as she sat at the table, resting on her elbows.

"Your ex-husband?" Owen said, barely looking at her. His reading gone, he had to look up for something else and was now flipping through some electronic magazine that she had no idea where it came from. It probably belonged to Zach.

Alicia threw him a scathing look, which apparently Owen ignored completely, busy as he was in reading the magazine. There was a moment of silence. Alicia poured herself some wine, she sipped it, slowly but slightly listlessly. The only sound was the steady ticking of the clock behind her.

"So," Owen started, as he closed the magazine in front of him; his attention finally seemed to be back on his sister. "What is the latest love gossip?"

Alicia didn't answer straightaway. Lost in thought, she took another long sip of wine, a blank stare. "He invited me over for the weekend. Well, technically for dinner but… the rest is rather implicit… or not?" She hesitated for a moment, doubtfully.

She looked up to meet Owen's confused look.

"I think… we should take it one step at a time… Did you accept in the first place?" Owen asked, and for the first time that night he sounded serious.

"Yes," she said with a nod.

Owen opened his mouth in faked disbelief. "Good grief! Aren't you moving too fast?"

Alicia sat up straight, giving him her full attention. Hearing her worries put into words by her brother wasn't really reassuring. "You think?" She asked, doubtfully, till she noticed Owen's look turn in to a resigned, and a bit frustrated one.

"I was poking fun at you," Owen said seriously.

This wasn't fun. She had a hard time dealing with her inner conflicts, she didn't need people poking fun at her. Let alone, her own brother. "Well, don't do it again, it's not fun and you should know I'm oversensitive lately," she reproached him.

"Yes," he said with a deep sigh, "this is something I noticed… So, what did he say exactly?" Owen asked, encouraging her to talk with a light gesture.

"He asked me if I had plans for the weekend, I said no," she said, the still half-full glass tight in her hands. "He didn't have plans either then asked me if I felt like having dinner," she told him, then hesitated for a moment, "at his place…"

"Excellent," Owen said, with a certain enthusiasm in his voice.

"What?" Alicia asked, confused.

"That he invited you to his place," he said, as a matter of fact, as he started to pour some wine for himself.

Alicia couldn't get what he was driving at. As for her, it was only a _giant_ step forward. She patiently watched as Owen took a long sip of wine, then stood up, heading to the fridge. She shook her head with a soft smile as she considered how having him around was like being in a family of four again; one more mouth to feed.

"First," he said while chomping something – Alicia had no idea what -, "it means that he has nothing to hide," he explained as he sat back down.

Alicia gave him an amused smile. She was really curious, and a bit worried, to hear another of his crazy theories.

"Second," he went on, "you can study his den and get a better and more concrete picture of him," he said, not hiding a hint of pride.

Alicia gave him a look of disbelief. "I already got the picture, I don't need to pick over his apartment," she protested.

"Watch carefully if he has pictures around, and who they portray," he said, seriously. "If he has pictures of his ex-wife, or any other woman of dubious nature, drop him." With that, he took another sip of wine.

Alicia's eyes were fixed on him, feeling shocked, amused and unbelieving. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Just giving you some words of advice," he said as he stood up going to the cupboard. Alicia followed him with her gaze as he took a bag of popcorn and sat back down again in the most careless way.

"I don't recall asking you, and by the way, would you stop cleaning my kitchen out?" She asked, slightly annoyed. Although she had to admit that it was fun to have him around.

"As your brother, it's my task to provide support," he said with a nod, "so, as I was saying, mind the pictures. And the decor... Too many ornaments mean that a woman had her hand in it, probably his mother. Another good reason to drop him."

_Pictures? Decor? Mother_? Alicia burst in loud laughter. "Okay, we're bordering on madness," she said, finishing all of the wine in her glass. Damn. Having a heart-to-heart talk with Owen was seemingly impossible without getting drunk.

"And in conclusion…" Owen looked at her, seriously, pausing for a drama effect. "The bathroom cabinet," he whispered with a cavernous voice.

She almost choked on the wine, still running down her throat. Between laughter, she asked amused, "What am I supposed to look for exactly? Pieces of a dead body?"

Owen moved nearer. "Hair remover," he whispered in her ears.

Alicia was bent double with laughter, but forced herself to stifle the sound of her laugh. She really didn't want her kids to hear the topic.

"Be wary of a man that shaves his chest, trust me," he said, emphasizing his words with dramatic gestures.

"I don't think I'm psychologically ready to have this kind of conversation with you," she said, closing her eyes as if it were enough to stop him. Which, clearly, wasn't, as Owen really gave no sign of giving up.

"A man shaving his chest is either bisexual," he explained very quietly.

Alicia closed her ears. Okay, she really didn't want to know, but Owen's voice was louder and crossed the poor self-protection provided by her hands.

"Or has an unrestrained ego, verging on maniacal. It's the kind of man that goes with a woman only to hear her say how hot he is," he went on with his explanation, apparently oblivious of Alicia's protests.

"Okay, I think this is something I should have already noticed," she said, slightly embarrassed.

"I bet that Peter shaved his chest," he said with a confident, yet mocking smile.

"That's it!" She protested, this time seriously.

"Bingo!" Owen gloated.

"Would you mind, just for once, to take me seriously?" She asked him with a hint of annoyance.

Owen looked at her, probably pondering her question. "Yes," he said finally, "because you already spend too much time taking yourself seriously," he said, gravely. "You need me to downplay it, or you wouldn't call me so late at night." His voice was firm, yet soft.

Alicia didn't say anything. If she had to be honest, he was right. She looked down at her empty glass, considering pouring more wine, till she decided against it. "It's just that… everything's so new… starting all over again…" She suddenly felt a tight grip in her stomach. "Feeling something so…," she said, then paused as she looked for the right words, "so intense… for someone I barely know… it scares me…" Her voice was barely a whisper.

Owen sighed and gave her a look she couldn't define. Something between sympathetic and concerned. "Your problem is that you think too much," he said. "I wouldn't be surprised if your mind wouldn't stop even while having sex."

"Can you just stop it?" She pleaded, tired and definitely not in the mood for more jokes.

"Okay, I was kidding… but it's the truth," he said leaning closer, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Are you happy with him?"

She stared off into the distance, lost in thought, as a soft smile formed on her face. "Yes."

"Then stop thinking about anything else," he said as he held her in a tight embrace.

Alicia let herself sink in his comforting hug. Yes, he made her happy, and it should be the only thing that counted. Nothing else.


	19. Chapter 19

The day couldn't have started worse than this for Alicia. Her early meeting with Matan Brody had ended, as expected, with no agreement. She wasn't willing to accept a first degree with 30 years, not without concrete and incontrovertible evidence that her client really killed her kid.

"He said that he heard the baby cry oddly loud," Kalinda started to explain. She had visited the girl's neighbor and was now back, filling in Alicia with her findings. "He said it was a few minutes past 10am because his cuckoo clock had just struck ten," she said, reporting the witness' words.

"Which only adds another piece of evidence against us," Alicia said, letting out a heavy and resigned sigh. Dejected, she took her head in her hands and slightly shook it. "I refuse to believe it," she said in a faint voice, as she kept staring at the pictures in front of her. She looked up to see Kalinda's eyes reflecting her own thoughts. She clearly wasn't alone in her certainty that she was innocent. Still, there wasn't much they could do with the evidence against her piling up with every second. In a fit of nerves, she took all the pictures and reports and slid them back into the folder. Between the negotiation and the meeting with Kalinda, she had spent too much time over it and needed a pause. "I need to take my mind off it for a while," she said, as she stood up and started to leave.

She noticed Kalinda giving her a questioning and astonished look, as she followed her with her eyes. "Where are you going?" She asked.

"Taking a short walk, I need a breath of fresh air" she replied, stopping at the doorway. "Do you wanna keep me company?"

Kalinda shrugged, probably still confused by her unexpected reaction. "Sure," she said with a smile.

* * *

Chicago's traffic wasn't really what could be defined as _breath of fresh air_, but it was better than nothing. Walking down the bustling streets, the flow of people prevented Alicia's mind to linger again on the case.

"So," Kalinda started, walking beside her with the hands in the coat's pockets, "plans for the weekend?"

Alicia raised an eyebrow and hinted a smile. "How is it that suddenly everybody seems to be interested in my plans for the weekend?" She asked, pretending not to understand.

"Because you now have something to plan them around?" She asked with a faux innocent smile.

She really did. She had plans. She had someone to share plans with. Her conversation of the previous night with Owen had eased her tension and fears and helped her see her relationship for what it really was. Two people happy with each other. It was something she really couldn't deny and that was clearly reflected in her eyes. Whenever Tom was mentioned – even only implicitly – her expression lit up and a sweet, dreamy smile appeared on her face. She found it odd that most people didn't notice. Or did they but just pretended they didn't?

"We're having dinner at his home," she said smiling.

"Good, that's a step forward," Kalinda commented with a nod.

"You wouldn't find it good if you had heard my brother's absurd tips," she said, half laughing. "But yes, I guess it's good."

She caught Kalinda glancing at her with a knowing and amused smile on her face.

"What?" Alicia asked confused.

"Nothing," she said and shrugged, "it's just… good to see you like this."

And it felt good to be like that, Alicia thought, her soft smile still painted on her radiant face.

They walked the last few steps back to the firm without talking, silently enjoying each other's presence, till the familiar building brought her back to the gloomy reality of her case.

"Thanks for the small talk." Alicia breathed in, deeply, before stepping out of the elevator and back to her office.

Sitting back at her desk, she flipped through the damn folder, quickly, with no real attention. The talk with Kalinda served its purpose to give her a break. The hardest part now was to regain the concentration. Her eyes fell on the cell phone on her desk. She didn't think twice and scrolled down the recent calls till she found the number she was looking for and pressed the green button, her heart beating fast.

One ring. _Heartbeat_. Two rings. _Come on_. Three rings. _Damn_. Four rings. _Maybe he's busy_. She was about to hang up when she heard the connection on the other end.

"Hey," Tom said, softly. His voice was low, and she could clearly hear the clamor of the SA's office cover his words. She realized that maybe he was _really_ busy.

"Hey," Alicia said in a faint voice. "Sorry… wrong moment?"

"No no no," he reassured her, "I'm back now from a meeting," he said. "Are you ok?" His voice gave away some concern.

Alicia felt his hurried steps, then a sudden quiet. He was very likely back in his office.

"Yes." Why did she even call him? She realized that she didn't have a real reason. "I just… I just… wanted to hear you…" she said, and for a brief moment, she felt stupid and a bit childish. Calling him at work just to hear his voice? Infatuated teenagers did that kind of things, not a responsible adult. Certainly not _her_. Yet, here she was.

But after all, wasn't this what people in love did? _In love_. Only a couple of days before she was asking Kalinda for reassurance that she wasn't necessarily in love. And now she was plainly admitting that heavy and still uncomfortable truth to herself. She was in love. Like it or not. Easy to handle or not. She simply was.

She waited with a bit of anxiety for a reply from Tom's side. Anything that would help her feel less childish, as she silently slapped her forehead in punishment. _Stupid_.

"I'm happy to hear you too," he said. His voice was barely a whisper. "I'm having a bad day myself and this is… you are… what I needed."

_How did he even know she was having a bad day?_

"Still working on Murphy's case?" He asked, as if reading her mind.

Alicia let out a resigned sigh. "Yes," she said, resting her head on her hand. "And I can't seem to find a way out of…" She suddenly realized she was about to give away confidential information and stopped abruptly. "Nothing…" she said. A knock at her door made her jump slightly on her seat. She turned to see Kalinda at her door with a mortified look, to which she replied with a light smile. "I gotta go now," she whispered, with a bit of sorrow in her voice.

"Okay," Tom replied. "Talk to you later?" He asked, with some hesitation.

Alicia smiled softly. "Yes… bye," she said then hung up, giving her attention to Kalinda.

"Sorry," she apologized, "you asked me to remind you of the meeting at 4:00pm."

"Yes, I'm coming." Still smiling, she gave a last look at her phone.


	20. Chapter 20

Alicia's stomach was painfully upset. Between the dinner with Tom and the constant thought of Monday's trial session, she couldn't eat anything. She had thought herself lucky that it was Saturday and the kids weren't home to witness her piteous state. Or maybe it would have been better if they were around? At least they would have provided a distraction. Instead, the morning had gone by with little relief. There was no way she would work on the case, and she had to keep her mind busy at least till 6pm, if she didn't want to go insane. At last, she had opted for a nice, long, hot and relaxing bath. Maybe it didn't keep her mind busy, but it certainly helped to ease the tension.

In spite of her anxiety, she felt completely at ease selecting her clothes for the evening. The green dress was perfect for a dinner at home; low-cut and provocative but not too much, and at the same time comfortable and informal. She had smiled, picturing Tom's reaction once she arrived at his place.

Now, in front of his door, all her confidence crumbled. The beneficial effect of the bath was just a memory. She adjusted the dress. Green? What on earth was she thinking about when she opted for this dress? Not to mention the neckline, which suddenly seemed excessive. _Relax, Alicia. The dress is fine. Relax_. _Think about what Owen had said. Have a nice time, nothing else. Pictures. Decor. Bathroom cabinet._

Okay, maybe it wasn't such a great idea. Alicia shook her head to erase that image, then finally made up her mind and knocked, lightly. She took a deep breath as she heard the steps approaching on the other side of the door, her heart was beating wildly. Till the door opened in front of her. Tom's smile, so warm and sweet, swept away any anxiety.

"Hey," he said, as he got close, welcoming her with a soft, tender kiss. She noticed him discreetly checking her out, his eyes lingering on her décolleté and she smiled, flirtatious and playfully vain.

"Hey," she replied with a faint voice, as Tom stepped aside to let her in. She stopped, only a couple of steps into his apartment, as she slowly, hesitatingly, started to familiarize herself with her new surroundings. It wasn't what she was expecting. Although she had no idea what she was expecting exactly. She wasn't used to venturing into bachelors' apartments. Except Will's which, as far as she could remember, was completely different and definitely bigger. Dark parquet flooring provided a warm feeling to the ambiance through the whole apartment, at least up to where she could see. The walls were painted a light creamy color; it was warm but at the same time created a nice contrast with the dark floor. The furniture was very essential, except for a modern and huge bookcase filling up a whole wall in the living room. She turned slightly and smiled as she felt Tom's hands gently taking off her coat. "Nice apartment," she said, softly.

"Make yourself at home," he said with a smile, as he gently gestured for her to follow him into the living room, giving her full view of the room. Hidden from the foyer, there was a wall covered with dozens of pictures. In some of them, she could spot him, very young. There was one of his graduation day, she recognized the Columbia University emblem on his diploma. She realized she didn't even know where he studied before seeing this picture. Then she remembered he used to live in New York and understood his choice to attend Columbia. A soft smile lit up her face, as she came to know, little by little, more of him, of his past, of his story.

"That's my wall of memories," Tom said.

Alicia turned to look at him, as he brought her back to reality with his voice.

"I have so few occasions to see them that it helps me to not lose contact with my family," he explained, as he moved to stand beside her he took a moment to look at them himself.

Alicia's attention was drawn to one picture in particular. A blonde, young woman, seemingly in her twenties. Her radiant smile shone through the picture, as she posed in a tight embrace with Tom. She stiffened, a shadow formed on her face as an unpleasant grip took hold of her stomach. Possibly his ex-wife? She remembered Owen's advice and froze, silently panicking.

"My sister," Tom said with a reassuring and slightly amused smile, probably catching the sudden change of mood on her face.

Mouth half-opened, Alicia felt suddenly guilty. "I… I… She's…"

"Young?" Tom finished the sentence for her.

Alicia wasn't sure it was the word she had in mind but yes, she seemed really young. "Yes."

"We could say…" Tom hesitated for a moment, probably looking for the right words. "We could say she was a trick of menopause," he said with a light laugh. "She's only 26, she's always been more a daughter than a sister."

Only with a more attentive second glance Alicia noticed that in fact they had that same stunning eyes color. "More or less like with my brother," she joked, considering how protective she's always been with him, and how childish he often acted.

For a brief moment, her mind went to those few occasional times she'd been in Tom's office. She had always found its coldness and bareness so striking with his strong character. She smiled at how her first instinct had been right. She turned around, definitively giving her attention to Tom, a soft and sweet smile on her face. The more she knew him, the more she fell for him. She was seriously starting to wonder where his imperfections were hidden and what they were, as she leaned close to place a soft kiss on his lips. He seemed, so… perfect, but who is? Tom's hands circled her waist, returning her kiss with a more passionate one. She had spent the last couple of days wanting, needing to be so close to him again that she was dreading the moment they'd break that warm, so pleasant moment, even if only throughout a dinner. She winced, displeased and disappointed, when she felt him release delicately from their embrace.

"So, aren't you eager to know what this extraordinary cook prepared for you?" He asked with a proud smile.

Alicia raised an eyebrow, then smiled amused. "After our last conversation about food, I don't know if I should be more curious or worried." She still had that embarrassing conversation about finger food in her head. At that time, she had really felt uncomfortable and had a hard time concealing it. Now, she thought it probably would be fun.

"I don't know," Tom replied, doubtfully. "Can you eat with chopsticks?"

_Chopsticks? _"Okay," she said with some hesitation, "now you got me worried," she concluded.

She stopped in the middle of the living room as Tom kindly gestured for her to wait, then disappeared into the kitchen.

While waiting, she took the occasion to peek around some more. Only then she noticed that the small coffee table was laid with what was seemingly a Japanese set for two. She smiled to herself. Did he really..? In that moment, she saw him coming back with a tray full of everything possible. Sushi, sashimi, that alcoholic stuff whose name she couldn't remember. And that green hot sauce. "Did you cook… _those_?" She asked, sincerely surprised, impressed, and a bit shocked.

"Yes." Tom's voice didn't hide some pride.

"I always thought they were sold ready to eat in the refrigerator aisle," she said in disbelief as she got close to admire the perfection of those little pieces of food.

Tom stood there for a moment, looking at her with faked outrage. "Okay… this is _not_ what I was expecting to hear after spending hours cooking," he said as he placed the tray on the coffee table, "boiling rice, carefully and lovingly cutting all those poor fishes and vegetables in tiny pieces," he went on, imitating the face of a poor pained fish, "rolling them together in something edible," he concluded leaning forward to meet Alicia's bemused and guilty look.

She burst into loud laughter, as Tom stood in front of her with a pleading fishy face. "I'm sorry," she apologized still laughing, trying to regain some composure. Which was hard to do with him looking at her like that. "I'm… I'm so used to precooked stuff that I sometimes forget how hard it is to actually take the time to cook something decent," she said, as she gently brushed his cheeks, leaning him close to her for a forgiveness kiss. "Is this your… finger food?" She asked with a knowing smile, her previous fun was now replaced by a soft and lightly provocative tone.

"No," Tom said with a smile, as he sat on the floor, making himself comfortable on the large and soft carpet and gently invited her to do the same. "This is better than finger food," he said softly, as he took her hand to help her down. "It's refined, exotic," he said, taking with his fingers a piece of sushi from the tray. "Someone even says it's an aphrodisiac…" he said with a knowing smile, as he delicately put it in her mouth.

If it were one week before, she'd already be blushing in embarrassment. Now, she was just wondering if they would make it through the dinner with their clothes on. Lightly, teasingly running her tongue over his fingertips, she relished the mellow taste of fresh salmon mixed with the intense flavor of rice, wine vinegar and that unique piquancy of the green sauce. She still couldn't remember its name. But one thing was sure; it was nothing like the precooked version she once tried.

"So?" Tom asked with a smile.

"So… it's something I _will_ remember so later on I can offer my deepest thanks to the chef," she answered with a smile, as she leaned closer for a piquant foretaste kiss. Tom certainly knew how to seduce a woman, her thoughts swirled as her desires intensified, but she also knew how to seduce a man and keep him close, and the night was still young.

* * *

"Good grief, this thing is stiff," Alicia complained, as she caught the second round of sake. Its taste was really horrible and something she wasn't used to. Still, it left a pleasant warmth, although she wasn't completely sure if it was the effect of the drink, or of the dinner, or the company. Most likely it was the explosive mix of all the three.

Tom laughed softly then made a deep throaty sound almost like a growl. The way he'd been staring at her so intensely over the last minutes was a clear sign for Alicia that the dinner was almost over.

"So," she started with a soft smile, "where are all of your imperfections hidden?" Her head tilted lightly to the right, she caught the confusion in his eyes.

"Which one?" He asked, bemused.

"In you... this… everything being so perfect," she asked, hesitatingly. "What's wrong in you that I still don't know?"

Tom looked away for a moment. "Why do you wanna know?"

"Because I've been honest with you from the very beginning…," she started. "You know what scares me, what restrains me… You know those things in life that most matter to me," she said, looking down, as a fleeting thought went to her kids. "We're not kids, Tom," she shrugged, "and I'm at a point in my life where I don't like certain types of surprises anymore," she concluded, seriously.

Tom stared at her for a moment, quiet, probably still pondering her request. "Okay… I can't forgive," he finally said, looking straight in her eyes. His steady gaze was always disarming.

Alicia nodded. "Okay… why not?" She asked tentatively.

Tom slightly shook his head. "I just… I don't believe in second chances… because I don't believe that people can change," he concluded, never looking away.

The silence that followed was chilling. "People change," she said softly. "It's the way we see them that doesn't change…" She thought about the last months with Peter, before deciding definitely to divorce him. If she had to be honest with herself, he had changed and he had proved it on many occasions, in many different ways. It was the way she felt around him that didn't change. The way she had felt ever since the scandal. It was something she simply couldn't get rid of. _Forgive_. She had forgotten so many times. It was her nature. She smiled at how different her and Tom seemed to be on that front.

"Why are you smiling?" Tom asked with a curious expression.

Alicia looked straight in his eyes. "I… I think that I might probably be forgiving enough for the both of us." Only then she realized how deeply she cared for him. She had just taken the risk of getting dumped at the first slip without second chances and she wasn't worried, not by a long shot.

Tom's eyes were still fixed on hers. Alicia could read the change in his eyes, as his gaze slowly went from curious to sweet, to longing. She looked down for a moment as she felt his hand on her thigh, placing soft trails, up and down her leg and she instinctively stretched it out, resting it on his own. She looked back up, retuning the same longing look, as she moved closer to sit on his lap and nestled into his embrace, never breaking eye contact.

Tom gave her a soft smile before closing the distance with a kiss; soft and delicate at first, the urge and passion soon prevailed, taking control with passionate kisses and lustful, sizzling caresses.

* * *

A familiar, tantalizing trace of musky perfume woke Alicia up very early in the morning. She breathed deeply, enjoying the pleasant smell and the contact with Tom's warm skin. His regular, light breathing told her that he was still asleep. She relished the sight of the man who slowly, but inexorably was winning her heart over, piece by piece. Her conscience kept telling her to be guarded, that everything needed time, even – and first and foremost – trust. But as she watched him sleep, her hand rested on his heart, she considered that maybe her conscience was still on the alert and probably overburdened by the past suffering.

_Shut up_, she told herself, as she placed a delicate kiss on his shoulder, on his collarbone, on his chest, moving up to his neck as she rolled on top of him. A satisfied smile formed on her face as she heard him groan slightly under her kisses.

"You certainly know how to wake up a man," Tom whispered, his voice still hoarse by the sleep. But he clearly didn't mind being awakened, as Alicia felt his body respond, pretty eloquently, to her fondling. "Good morning," he said, as his eyes were still struggling to stay open.

"Good morning to you," Alicia whispered softly, placing another tender kiss on his cheek, delicately covering his lips, then resting on his body to enjoy the morning cuddling.

"Stay here," Tom whispered in her ear, sending light shivers down her back.

"When?" She asked confused.

"Today… the whole day…" He said very quietly.

_The whole day_. A whole day like that. Damn, he was tempting. Still… "I can't," she said, a clear tone of apology in her voice.

"The trial?" Tom asked, with some hesitation.

"Yes," Alicia answered, honestly. "This… You… are very tempting, but I really have to work on it."

"Nervous?" He asked, giving away some concern, as his hand gently toyed with her hair.

Alicia let out a heavy sigh. "Like never before…" She felt his hand on her chin, delicately moving her face to meet his eyes.

"It will work out all right," he said, then placed at soft kiss on her lips.

_It will work out all right_. She repeated the words to herself in self-conviction. She didn't have his trust in a positive outcome, but she certainly trusted Tom's genuine attempt at making her believe it.


	21. Chapter 21

_It __will __work __out __all __right_. It had been a few weeks but Tom's reassurance still loudly echoed in her mind as the foreman read the words "guilty", "second degree," and the Judge followed with the sentencing, "fifteen years". She had somehow gathered some strength to meet her client's eyes and regretted it the very moment she saw her trying to hold back tears. Alicia did her best. She really did. The result of those efforts was at least she got a lighter sentence. Matan Brody's arrogant smile was only slightly mitigated by the yet still unsatisfactory outcome, but still mocking as she caught him glancing at her.

Alicia instinctively turned around to search for some kind of support from L&G in the back rows, and she was caught by surprise when she spotted Tom standing at the back of the courtroom, a look of genuine sorrow in his eyes as he gestured, very discreetly, for her to follow him. She nodded, then turned her attention back to her client. "I'm… I'm sorry," she whispered in apology. "We will appeal," she said, rubbing her forearm, knowing that it wasn't even close to enough to comfort the girl. She stood there, watching for a brief moment as the guard took her client and took her away. She left the courtroom with hurried steps and threw cautious glances around before rushing into Tom's office.

He was already there, waiting, and closed the door a little as soon as she stepped in. They stood there for a moment, neither of them talking, till Tom moved first, closing her in a tight, comforting hug. There wasn't much they could say. Alicia was still convinced of her client's innocence and whatever Tom could say, it wouldn't change the verdict. Or the way she felt. She rested in his arms, pulling him as close as she could, sinking into his embrace.

"For what it's worth… I was sure of her innocence, too," Tom said with a faint voice.

Alicia pulled gently from his embrace, then looked up to meet the sorrow in his eyes. It wouldn't change the verdict, but it certainly made her feel better. She was so used to being the one dispensing hugs and words of compassion that it was nice and heart-warming to know that she had someone, always there to give her some comfort, when she needed that. It was something she'd missed for too long. "Thank you," she whispered, then gently brushed his cheeks before kissing him, softly.

"I have to go now," Tom said, excusing himself with a light gesture. "I'm on the next trial and I risk being late."

Alicia smiled and slightly shook her head in apology. "Sure… We'll talk later."

"Okay," Tom said, then gave her one last kiss before seeing her out.

* * *

_All the trial sessions of the day had ended, leaving the SA's office in a state of quiet that felt almost unreal. Sitting in his chair, Peter was taking a moment for himself, a moment to think about the happenings of the day. He could still see Matan's triumphant face as he came to his office with the unpleasant news. _

_Tom Bryant. Of all the people Alicia could choose to see, Tom Bryant. His best prosecutor - and one of the few people he was honestly trusting the most - was secretly seeing his wife. Ex-wife. He had to remind himself that she wasn't his wife anymore. Not for a few months now. He didn't know what felt worse; that she was moving on with her life or that she didn't trust him enough to open up and tell him that she was seeing someone. And not whatever someone. One of his employees. Now all the pieces were coming together, and he realized why on a couple of occasions Alicia had asked questions about him. Her interest wasn't professional, she was probably checking out the lay of the land._

_With a glass of scotch in hand, he pondered what was the best thing to do. Pretend not to know? Try to ask Alicia? Or just face her openly? No. This one would never work. He had learned over the years that she didn't like being confronted like that. On the other hand, in making indirect questions wouldn't that be a plain admission that he did know? _

_And how naïve was it of him not to notice it. Only now he realized what was so different in her lately. She was happy. And she was so blatantly in love. Had they become so distant at this point that he couldn't read her anymore? No, he refused to believe it. She still was the mother of his kids and the woman he'd been in love with for most of his life, and they were still friends. Even if they were divorced, he would never want them to be distant. He would never want to believe she couldn't trust him enough to share the fact that she was in love with someone else. After all… she had every right, didn't she?_

_Yes. He would make an attempt, approaching the matter in a roundabout way, so she wouldn't feel accused, or interrogated. Maybe she had her reasons for not telling him. Maybe she just needed time. What would he do anyway if she were to deny? Pretend to believe her? Damn, it was complicated. And unexpected. Something he wasn't prepared for. Drinking the last sip of scotch, he grabbed his coat and left the office, thankful that it was Friday and he had the whole weekend with his kids._

* * *

"Grace has her French test on Monday, just make sure she studies some more," Alicia said very quietly. The living room was so quiet, in contrast with the mess coming from the kid's rooms. It was the same every single Friday. The kids were supposed to be ready by Peter's arrival. As a matter of fact, it always took at least another good fifteen minutes to collect the last things, make sure they had everything they needed for Monday and brief Peter regarding homework and anything that might concern them.

"Okay," Peter said with the same quiet tone.

Alicia noticed he seemed nervous, slightly uncomfortable, but she didn't dare to ask why.

"So…" Peter started, giving away some hesitation, "how are you doing?"

"Good," Alicia replied with a light smile. "You?"

"Good," Peter replied with a nod. "Plans for the weekend?"

Alicia was caught off guard. Since when did Peter care about her weekend plans? She couldn't recall him ever asking once since the divorce. And even before, for that matter. "Nothing in particular," she asked, then gave him a questioning look. "Why are you asking?"

"Just curious," he said. "Anything new?"

What were all these questions about? For a moment she thought that… _No_. She quickly pushed every doubt aside. Tom would never do that. After all, didn't they agree that she was the one supposed to tell Peter when the right time came? _No way_. "Nothing new," she replied softly, but firmly. Peter's gaze was fixed on her and Alicia wondered what was he possibly thinking. With some hesitation, she dared venturing deeper into the discussion. If he knew something, she'd prefer him to openly tell her. "Is there… is there something you want to talk about?"

Peter didn't say anything. For a moment, he seemed lost in thought, as if searching for words.

"I might be seeing someone," he then said in a hurry.

Alicia stood there, mouth half-open. That was _not_ what she was expecting. Not by a long shot. "I… You…" She suddenly lacked for words. "Good… it's… good… Someone I know?" She asked, sincerely interested.

"No," he replied, "no."

It was the right occasion. _Come on, tell him_. "Okay… that's good…" she said, trying to find the courage to tell him about Tom. _Oh, you know, I'm dating someone too, your best prosecutor_. Truth was, in those few occasions they discussed work, she loved to secretly rejoice at hearing praiseful words towards Tom's work and morals. It was something she didn't want to change. She knew that Peter had changed. She was sure that he wouldn't get mad or react with anger. But he certainly wouldn't be pleased.

"Yes… it is…" Peter said, with a light smile, then looked down.

There was something in his eyes. She couldn't tell if he was feeling guilty for seeing someone or if there was something else he wasn't sharing. "You… you don't have to feel guilty," she started with some hesitation. "We are… _entitled_ to move on… aren't we?" Was the reassurance for him or for herself?

Peter shrugged, slightly, looking away for a moment. "Yes… I guess we are."

Alicia nodded. She didn't want to force him, uncertain of how much he was willing to give away, or of what was his intent. "I'm happy for you," was all that she said, with a sincere smile. She honestly was, although she wasn't sure whether for him or to mitigate her sense of guilt.

"Thank you," Peter replied.

His monosyllabic answers weren't really of help to keep the conversation alive. She decided to try and dig a little more. After all, he was the one who started the conversation, wasn't he?

"How is it? Starting all over?" She smiled, remembering all her hesitations, all her fears, when she first started to become aware of her feelings for Tom. If she had to be honest with herself, she was still a bit guarded, it would probably take a long time to overcome her own reservations and concerns. But _if_ she was at a point where she would consider making her relationship public, it would probably be a sign that she trusted Tom – and herself – enough to work on them. She wondered if for Peter it was the same. After all they had both hurt each other pretty deeply. If Peter had started the fire, she certainly didn't make it easy for him. And the affair with Will, if it had been a cure-all for her, it had very likely been devastating for Peter.

"Strange… new… I still have to get used to it," he said with a smile.

Alicia returned the smile. "Yes… I guess it needs time…" She said, before turning her gaze towards the sleeping area. The kids were lingering on their last arrangements.

"So… I don't know her," she repeated in confirmation, "does she at least have a name?" She asked, between curious and amused.

Peter's smile disappeared for a moment, replaced by what seemed hesitancy. "Yes… of course…"

Alicia gave him a questioning look, inviting him with a smile to give away at least that bit of information. "And?"

"Jennifer… her name is Jennifer," he said.

"Okay," Alicia said, her curiosity satisfied. She hesitated for a moment. "Do… do the kids know it?"

Peter instinctively looked towards their bedrooms, then looked away. "No, they don't."

"Okay… then I'll make sure not to mention her in their presence," she reassured him.

The silence that followed felt slightly awkward. Peter opened his mouth as to speak but didn't say anything. He paused for a moment, hesitatingly, then opened his mouth again. "If you… should you date someone… you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

Alicia stiffened, her arms unconsciously crossed in front of her. _He knows it_. She didn't know how, and she certainly wouldn't ask. But his question, plus that questioning look in his eyes, really led her to believe that he already knew about her relationship. She would tell him, wouldn't she? "Of course," she said with a faint voice. _Just not now_.

Peter seemed a bit disappointed by her answer. It only made her even surer. Suddenly anxious to break this uncomfortable confrontation, she played the only card in her hands.

"Kids are taking a long time… I'd better check what they are doing," she said as she started to walk away.

Peter stopped. "No, I'll do it… If you don't mind…"

Alicia stepped aside, kindly gesturing for him to go. She watched as he walked with hurried steps towards Zach's room and told him something. His voice was low, she couldn't hear his words.

_Damn_. Why did she find it so difficult to tell him? She rested against the wall, thoughtfully. _Tell him before he openly tells you_.

* * *

She'd been walking back and forth in her living room for the last ten minutes. Tom had texted that his business dinner was dragging on, leaving a _lot_ of time for her to think about the conversation with Peter. Eventually, she had ended up tidying up the room, setting the small coffee table with a bottle of cool wine and two glasses. She had rearranged the cushions twice, moved a vase of flowers to the kitchen then back to the living room. Checking the clock every thirty seconds wasn't surely of help.

Facing the facts that he was going to be _very_ late, she had let herself sink into the couch and closed her eyes, her mind concentrated on the absolute silence that surrounded her. She had probably fallen asleep, because the doorbell ring started her with fright. Slightly disoriented, she quickly checked the clock. She'd slept for barely twenty minutes but it felt like a few hours. She hopped up and rushed to the door.

Tom was resting against the doorframe, a look of apology in his eyes. "I'm sorry…" he shook his head. "I didn't mean to be so late."

Alicia gave him a soft smile, as she stepped aside to let him in. "No, it's okay," she said in reassurance, her voice slightly hoarse. "I guess I was a bit tired and fell asleep." As the door closed behind them, she let herself indulge into his warm, tight embrace and breathed deeply. "You smell like fried food," she complained with a grimace.

"What a romantic welcome," Tom said with a mild laugh.

"Mmmmhhh… your fault," she protested, then kissed him softly. "Short naps put me in a bad mood…" She wondered how could children sleep twenty minutes and wake up lively as if they had slept twenty hours instead, because it only managed to numb her.

"I'll make it up to you," Tom promised, looking amused.

"You better do that," she replied in faux threat, as she gently pulled away from his embrace and walked back to the living room. "Wine?" She asked with an alluring smile, as Tom followed her and moved to sit on the couch.

"I definitely need it," he said, sounding a bit tired.

As she poured some wine for both, Alicia caught a light concern in his eyes. Rather then tired, he seemed more troubled. "Is everything alright?" She asked worried, as she handed him a glass, then sat on the couch, nuzzling up against him.

Tom looked at her with a soft, reassuring smile. "Just work…" he said with a sigh, "dinner didn't go as planned."

Alicia let out a mild, ironic, laugh. "What a crappy day…" she said, remembering the conversation with Peter. Better take the weight off her shoulders at once. "Tom," she started with some hesitation.

"Yes?" He said, softly.

"Speaking of work… did you… did you tell Peter something? About us?" She asked, regretting the question as she met his confused look. "I mean… not explicitly… just something that might have hinted at us…"

Tom shook his head, firmly. "No… we agreed that you were going to tell him at the right moment… I'd never do it…" His tone gave away a hint of dismay. "Why are you asking?"

Alicia looked away for a moment, thoughtfully. "I think he knows…" she said looking back at him. "He asked weird questions… about dating other people…" Suddenly a doubt assailed her and she looked away, puzzled. Did that woman… _Jennifer_… even exist? Or was he just playing her? "He said he's dating someone… at first I believed him… now I wonder if he was just putting me to the test."

Tom wasn't saying anything. He just listened quietly, as she gave vent to all her rambling thoughts. "Then… why didn't you tell him? It was the occasion you were waiting for. Wasn't it?" He said, so evenly as it was the most logical thing in the world.

And it was indeed. Why didn't she tell him? "I… I don't know," she said, dubiously. "I think… I like where we stand now… I don't want anything to change…" She loved the secrecy. But it wasn't about the excitement of having a secret affair. It was all in the pleasure of sharing something with him, only with him and nobody else. It was _their_ relationship, _their_ feelings, _their_ moments together. For some selfish reason, she treasured what they had at the point of not wanting to share it with anyone. And the fact that, deep inside, she feared a bit of Peter's reaction, was for sure another good reason for leaving things as they were.

"Things have to change sooner or later…" Tom said, as he placed his glass back on the coffee table, then gave his attention completely to her.

Alicia realized in that moment that her glass was still on the table, untouched. Not that she felt the need, anyway. As Tom pulled her nearer and held her tight, gently placing an arm around her shoulders, she leaned in closer to let him place a delicate kiss of her forehead, enjoying the feeling of his firm hand caressing her leg. She could stay like that forever. She loved the intimacy they had reached, she loved the feeling that a simple gesture like sitting together on the couch gave her. She didn't want to change it. "I know…" she said, looking back at him. She knew it. She just didn't want it. "I will tell him… soon," she promised with a smile.

"Okay," Tom said, but the tone of his voice was betraying his real thoughts.

He probably didn't dare push her, but it was more than clear that he wanted _more_ and if she had to be honest with herself, she wanted more too. She was just not ready for everything that would come along. The kids first. How would they react? They both showed some worry as to what would happen if a new person were to come into their life. Now, here she was. It was plain obvious that Tom wasn't just some crush. Still, she didn't have a solution yet to the only question that Zach and Grace needed – and deserved - to be answered.

"I don't know how to… _fit_ everything," she said, discouraged.

"You don't have to _fit_ everything alone," Tom said with a reassuring smile. "I am here. Peter will be there, Zach and Grace are his kids too, and as much as you keep on worrying about it, he won't wage war against you. It's in his interest, too…"

The kids. That was where everything got complicated and a bit painful. For Alicia everything always revolved around them. It was time to change things and place some credit on them, making them active participants of the family and not just some passive observers that constantly needed protection. "Things… are really moving so fast…"

Tom looked at her with an amused smile. "Are you trying to back off now?"

Alicia laughed, mildly. "No," she said. Her eyes fixed in his, reassuringly, she smiled, sweetly. "I…" she started with some hesitation, then stopped. She was…

"What?" Tom asked, curiously.

No. She wasn't ready yet for that. She shook her head then looked into his eyes with a seductive smile eager to change the subject. "You promised to make it up to me for being late tonight. Well… time to pay up," she said, as she gently pulled his tie.

And she was thankful that he didn't insist, but gladly accepted her tantalizing invitation, as they both laid down on the couch in a longing exchange of pleasant, sweet kisses and gentle, yet provocative caresses, breathing deeply into the familiar, exciting scents of each other's bodies.


	22. Chapter 22

"Objection, Your honor, the prosecution is clearly overlooking the fact that no connection has been established yet between my client and Miss Evans." With confidence and poise, Alicia objected to Cary's attempted accusations towards her client. She gave him a quick look, then turned her attention back to the judge.

"Your honor, there are witnesses ready to testify that Mr. Spencer and Miss Evans were in a relationship," Cary insisted, barely throwing a sidelong glance at her.

"Witnesses that haven't testified yet," Alicia promptly corrected him.

"Sustained," the judged said. "Mr. Agos, please stick to the official testimonies. For now, the session is closed and adjourned to three days from now."

With a satisfied expression and overall calmness, Alicia gathered the papers on the defense table and gestured for her client and Maggie, her second chair - a new hire of L&G - to follow her. It was such an easy case that Maggie could easily take care of it herself.

"Good job, Alicia," Cary congratulated her, walking alongside her.

"Thank you, you did well too," Alicia replied, discreetly glancing around to check if Tom was around. Instead, she spotted Peter right outside the courtroom door, handing some papers to Matan Brody. Since she had finally made up her mind over the weekend to tell Peter, she might as well seize the occasion and tell him now. "Maggie, can you please take care of Mr. Spencer? I'll meet you back at the firm later," she kindly asked.

"Yes, Miss Cavanaugh," Maggie replied with a polite smile.

As she looked back in Peter's direction, she caught Mr. Brody giving her some weird smirk, which she smartly chose to ignore. She waited patiently till he was gone, then quickly approached Peter. "Hey."

"Hey, Alicia," he said with a light smile, "ready for trial session?"

"No, I'm done, actually, I was about to leave… Peter," she started, hesitatingly. The most difficult part was just coming. "Do you have a few minutes… to talk?"

"I have a staff meeting in fifteen minutes and still have to take care of some stuff, so I don't…" he started, but Alicia interrupted him before he could decline.

"Just a few minutes, Peter… I promise," she pleaded him.

"Okay…" Peter said, sounding a bit resigned, as he gestured for her to follow him in to his office.

With the door carefully closed behind them, Peter invited her to take a seat. "So… what did you want to talk about?" He asked, comfortably sitting on his chair, his head resting against his fist.

Alicia looked down for a moment, thoughtfully. She sighed deeply, breathing in the courage to confess something that was long due. "Do you remember the conversation we had last Friday night… about… seeing other people?"

Peter stiffened uncomfortably in his chair, then leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk. "Yes… I was the one who started it…"

Alicia couldn't help but notice his fingers playing nervously in front of him, but whatever would happen, she had promised herself to go through with it. "Well… you wanted… you wanted me to tell you if I were to see someone…," she paused, mustering some more strength. _Here we go_. She looked up to meet his face growing serious.

"I remember asking you that, yes…" Peter replied. His voice was throaty and the words came out barely whispered.

"Well… I… I am seeing someone, actually…" she said, trying with all her might to hold his gaze. After all, she had to tell him sooner or later. As Tom, said, things had to move forward. And this was the first necessary step. "Someone you already know," she said with some hesitation. She realized that maybe he could believe it was Will and quickly hastened to point out, "not Will…"

Peter was looking at her, uncomfortably. But there was something in his gaze. He seemed uncomfortable, yes, but not surprised…

"Okay…" Peter replied, leaning back in his chair, probably in an unconscious attempt to put some distance. "Who is he, then?"

She felt her stomach writhing. "Tom…" she started, her voice faltering. "Tom Bryant."

Peter didn't bat an eye. For a moment, he just sat, nodding silently.

"You already knew it… didn't you?" She dared to ask. She was quite sure about it, but she needed a confirmation.

"Let's just say that… a little bird blabbed it out…" He said in admission.

Someone had told him… who could possibly… She winced at the thought that Tom might have… no… no… he wouldn't… _ever_…

"It wasn't Tom… in case you were wondering…" Peter reassured her, probably noticing her doubtful face.

Okay… it wasn't him. She shook her head with a light smile, reproaching herself for having even only considered that thought.

"How long?" Peter seemed quieter than she expected. Knowing it beforehand had probably given him the time to digest the news.

"A couple of months…" she said with the same quiet tone.

Peter nodded. "Why are you… telling me now?"

It was more than clear to both of them that the fact that she was telling him could only mean one thing. "I wanted to be sure… of myself… of him… of what we were doing…"

"What about the kids?" Peter asked, clearly sharing her same concerns about bringing someone new in to their lives.

"I decided to tell them," she said. Her voice came out a little more faltering than she wanted. "They are growing, Peter… It's fair for them to have a say in the matter… I don't even know what's gonna happen next anyway…" She shrugged. "I don't know… everything's… new…" She said, looking down.

"Do you want me to be there when you'll tell them?" Peter asked her, with an understanding gesture.

Alicia nodded. "I think you should… We should both be there…" She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her legs, then let out a small, uneasy sigh. "Peter… they will unload their concerns onto you… and… I will need your support…" She said, as she gave him a knowing, pleading look. It was certainly going to be difficult for the kids to accept Tom. It was going to be even more difficult without Peter giving some kind of _sustain_. They both knew that.

"I'm not going to drive a wedge between you and the kids… if that's what's worrying you…" Peter said, questioningly.

"I just don't want this to be even harder for them… or that they hate Tom without giving him at least a chance…" She said, concerned. Because this was another big issue. It was not just about accepting a new person. What if they wouldn't like him? What if they couldn't find a way to connect? It wasn't just about accepting him… They were supposed to like him. Of course it was a process that needed time… but it was also true that the first impression mattered. A _lot_. "He's a good person…"

"I know that… I hired him…" Peter said, jokingly, probably trying to give her some reassurance that he wasn't against this.

Alicia lightly nodded. Yes, he did hire him. "Thank you… I was thinking… We could tell them this Friday, since you're already going to be there to pick them up."

"Okay," he said, nodding.

Then she remembered the conversation they had a few days before… that woman he was supposedly dating. "And… what about… Jennifer?" She asked, tentatively and caught Peter hinting an amused smile. "Are you going to tell them?"

Peter sat there silent and looked away for a moment. "No, she's not worth sharing," he replied with a knowing look.

As she had suspected… there was no Jennifer. There had never been.

* * *

The first hurdle had been cleared. With Peter knowing, everything changed. She had just lifted her main worry off her chest, and if she had to be honest, it went remarkably better than expected. She had been a bundle of nerves over the whole conversation, which she found amusing, because technically Peter was the one that was supposed to feel nervous and uncomfortable. If he was, he hid it very well.

Now, on to the second step; tell Tom.

She didn't dare to be so blatant to go directly to his office to celebrate. Instead, she hurried outside of the SA's building and sat on the bench in front of the entrance, with the phone in her hands. For a moment, she stared at the name on the screen. Tom Bryant. It was time to change it to Tom, wasn't it? She smiled at how her heart was melting and jumping at the same time only by reading his name.

She quickly dialed his number, her smile suddenly fading as she got his voicemail instead. What was she going to do? Leave a message or call back later? With only a few seconds to decide, she opted for the first one. "Hey… it's… it's me… call me back when you hear this… okay?" Her voice was a bit pitched by the excitement. And by the anxiety, too. Because in few days, she had to tell the kids too.

Of course Peter would be there, but they had to meet Tom eventually. Would they like him? Of course they would, how could they possibly not? _Who are you kidding? Are you really expecting them to like the man who's going to replace their father?_ She shook her head to get rid of the thought. Tom wasn't replacing anyone. He was just an additional member of the family. _Yes, an additional member who "sleeps" with their mother and occasionally shares the once marital bed with her_. She felt the panic rise as she pictured Grace's painful reaction. How could she do this to her kids? For a moment, she thought it was so egotistical from her side. But what was egotistical in being happy? She deserved that, didn't she? She had a start as the phone rang in her hands, her heart running – _Tom_ – and disappointment forming on her face as she read the name on the screen. _Diane_. Maggie had probably arrived at the firm by now. She let out a small sigh before pressing the green button. Every chance to talk to Tom now had just been wiped out.

* * *

"So what's your feeling about her?" With a soft, yet professional voice, Diane pointed at Maggie, the new associate, who was running down the corridor trying to keep up Will's pace. Seen from the conference room, it was a funny sight.

Alicia smiled. For some reason, she couldn't help but see herself only few years before. "She's… tough… just needs time."

"Good," Diane said with a nod. "Okay… back to the case, the prosecution will very likely call Miss Evans as their first witness, and if she confirms that…" Diane stopped as Alicia's phone started to vibrate on the table.

Tom. What _excellent_ timing. Alicia looked at the phone conflicted, biting her lower lip in disappointment before pressing the red button. _Damn_. "I'm sorry," she apologized for the interruption.

Diane hinted a smile, then went on. "If she confirms that they were indeed in a relationship at that time, it might give the motif for the aggression and…" She stopped at her own phone vibrating. "Good heavens! What's up today with these phones!" As she said that, she quickly stood up with the phone in hand. "Ten minute break," she said in apology, before leaving the room with hurried steps.

Ten minutes. Alicia considered that she might as well make the best of that time. Without thinking twice, she quickly dialed his number, anxiously.

"Hello." Tom's voice on the other end was warm and he seemed to be in quite a good mood.

Alicia smiled upon hearing the familiar voice. "Hey… sorry, I was in a meeting and couldn't answer… Did you get my message?"

"Yes, I was in a staff meeting too," he replied in apology.

Damn. She had completely forgotten about that staff meeting. "No no no, my bad… Peter told me about that meeting and I forgot all about it."

"Did you talk to Peter before the meeting?" Tom asked with a curious tone.

"Yes," she confirmed. "And I told him." She didn't add anything more specific, but waited for his reaction instead. For some reason, she was pretty sure that Tom didn't believe her promise to tell Peter soon and this was certainly an unexpected, yet pleasant surprise. The silence that followed was very telling. Tom was probably still trying to figure out what she meant. And if he did, he was even more probably trying to convince himself that she really did it.

"You… did? You _really_ did?" He asked in disbelief.

"I did. I _really_ did," she replied with a proud tone, but at the same time poking some fun at him. "You petty disbeliever… You didn't trust my promise, did you?" She said with a mild laugh.

"Hey hey, you're really talking to me about trust?" He asked amused. "How did he take it?"

How did he take it? Well, on the surface better than she thought he would. "Good… I think… And I was right… he already knew… I can only guess that someone saw us together…"

"Well… it doesn't matter anymore," he said in a soft tone. He paused for a moment, then started again. "So… how do you feel now?"

"Relieved… and worried at the same time…" Her thoughts went to the kids. Now she had Peter's support. Still, it wouldn't make it any easier for them.

"What's worrying you?" Tom asked, concerned.

Alicia peeped around to check if Diane was coming back around, but she was nowhere in sight. "We are telling the kids this Friday, when he comes over to pick them up." She realized how nervous she probably sounded to him.

"Relax… it will be fine." He reassured her, soothingly.

"What if they don't like you?" She whispered. Because, let's face it. The fact that she liked him didn't imply they would too. She was taken back a bit by the lack of a prompt response, but she bit her lip and waited for him to say something.

"Why should they? I'm… perfect!" He said, with faked outrage.

Alicia had to suppress a laugh. "Tom! I'm serious…"

"I know it…," He said and let out a small sigh. "It's new for me too, Alicia… but if I let my worries control me… this… _we_ will never move forward."

She realized only now that she had never considered the situation from his point of view. How could she have possibly ignored it? She felt bad, and egotistic. She only worried about the kids' reaction while it wasn't just about them. How did Tom feel about it? About meeting two teenagers who were very likely to hate him. About having to worry about making himself likeable to them, having to find a way to connect and relate with them. And at the same time, having to keep enough distance so that they wouldn't think he was trying to replace their father… She never considered _any_ of these things. Why didn't he tell her before? Why didn't he share his fears with her? She then saw it… All the time he had spent reassuring her… "Tom?"

"Yes?" He asked softy.

She hesitated for a moment, as she realized that she had never really put her feelings into words. "I love you," she whispered.

"I…" Tom hesitated.

Alicia smiled. She knew that it wasn't because he didn't love her, but simply because he wasn't expecting it. Two surprises during the same phone call.

"I love you too…" He whispered, sweetly.


	23. Chapter 23

With a brief phone call on her way out of the firm, Alicia had made sure that Tom was already home. It was relatively early in the evening by her standards, so she had decided at the very last minute for a surprise visit. The charming amazement appearing in his eyes as he opened the door and saw her standing there was everything she needed. She didn't say anything, or give explanations. Did she need to? Her arms flung around his neck, in a natural, instinctive fit of tenderness spoke louder than any words ever could. And Tom's sweet, yet craving kisses, gave her the confirmation that he really didn't need them either.

By the very brief time it took them to reach the bedroom, their clothes were already off, scattered along the foyer and on the living room floor.

Alicia loved this stage of their relationship and secretly hoped it could stay this way forever. Confident and close enough to know what the other wanted, liked, needed, sometimes even thought, without words being spoken. But at the same time still so fresh, young, and passionate. A relationship where sex still played a _huge_ part of the game and innocent gestures like a simple smile, or a prolonged gaze were enough to start a fire. Or better, fireworks. She certainly didn't need to tell him where or how to touch her. Both his skilled, firm hands and his warm mouth had learned _perfectly_ the trail and the right stops. As for her, she had discovered from their first sexual experience his very sensitive spot, right behind his ear. Just one word whispered, softly, slightly blown, and he was hers. There were moments when passion prevailed completely, turning their meetings into hurried, urging, wild encounters. Her brother would certainly classify it as _raw, animalist sex_. But there were moments, like today, when their most hot-blooded desires were appeased, that made room for the most teasing, playful, intriguing element of their sexual affinity. Moments when all that mattered was to enjoy their pleasant contact, every single thrill, every light tender caress; to breathe deeply in the inebriating smell of each other's bodies, as they moved slowly, in an unhurried, sensual, tantalizing dance. These were the moments she loved the most. The satisfaction of her body reflected in her nerves, leaving her with a pleasant feeling of relaxation.

Lying in his embrace, she let her fingers toy with his as they took a moment to review the events of the day.

"You know that I'm the one who should feel nervous, don't you?" Tom asked with a soft laugh.

Alicia smiled. "I know it… It's just…" She paused, thoughtfully, then looked straight at him. "If only they could… see you like I do… everything would be so simple." _If only they could… _

"You worry too much," Tom whispered, rolling on his side to face her.

His warm hand lightly caressed her cheek, delicately, before he placed a soft kiss on her lips. Alicia hinted a sweet smile at the sensual contact. "I worry too much," she nodded. "So…" she decided to shift the discussion to something else. "What about lunch tomorrow?" She asked with a smile.

"Mmmh…" Tom hesitated. "I'm afraid I have to decline such a tempting invitation," he said with a look of apology. "Previous engagement."

Alicia gave him a disappointed look. "What's more important than having lunch with me?" She asked with fake offense.

"Previous engagement," Tom repeated, very quietly.

"I hate previous engagements," she said with a whining voice, yet knowing that it wasn't changing anything. Not that she really expected him to cancel his engagement, whatever that was. _Very likely a client_.

"I hate them too…" He confirmed, nodding. "You should go know… or your kids will think you're missing in action."

"Yes… I should go," she said, a little disappointed. "Previous engagement, uh?"

She caught Tom's amused smile as she sat up and started to dress. Well… dress was a _huge_ word. Where the hell had all the clothes gotten to? She turned around to see Tom, propped up on one elbow, waving her bra before her. She leaned forward to quickly grab it, but Tom was clearly quicker than her, as he circled her waist to steal one more kiss.

"Previous engagement," he repeated, softly, then slowly let go of her.

* * *

"When's the meeting?" Alicia asked. On the phone with Will, she had just finished her trial session and was about to leave the courtroom. With all the confusion, she could barely hear his voice.

"At 2:00 pm… I'm sorry, I know it's really short notice but we had to move everything up," Will said, with a sincere apology in his voice.

"No… it's okay, don't worry… I'll get myself organized… See you later," she said, then quickly hung up, a bit annoyed. With only one hour, she barely had the time for lunch. And no way she was going without eating. Then she remembered the Berghoff. She had lunch there with Tom a couple of times. It was only a few blocks away and she could eat something quickly.

She walked the distance with hurried steps and by the time she got there she was flushed and a bit out of breath. She stopped outside the door to get her wind back, as she adjusted an unruly wisp of hair behind her ear.

As she went inside, she remembered why she didn't like that place. Too many prosecutors. And too many agents. But she had to admit that the food was good. Making her way through some agents gathered in the passage, she spotted a familiar, _very_ familiar face. _Previous engagement_. She didn't even consider that he might be here. Not wanting to interrupt his meeting, or even worse, to have him think that she was keeping a mistrustful eye on him, she decided that it was better to pretend she just didn't see him and started to walk away, with the smile still on her face. Till she caught sight of the other person sitting at the table. Clearly at ease and with a wide smile, the auburn haired woman certainly didn't look like a client.

Alicia felt her stomach turn, painfully, her smile replaced by a grimace as she saw the woman's hand moving to cover Tom's. And his look. _That_ look. The one he was supposed to give to her and no one else. She froze, unable to take a step, or to move a single finger, for that matter. What should she do? What should she say? Her mind was numbed, she didn't have the strength to think straight, let alone to put together some words in a complete – and cohesive – sentence. She looked around at the people surrounding her. Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore. She turned on her feet and left that place as quickly as possible. She needed fresh air, she needed to breathe. She felt a pang in her heart but decided to ignore it. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to let herself be hurt.

A single tear dared to escape out from her eyes. She wiped it away as fast as she could, before more would decide to join it. With deep, long breaths, she tried with all her might to restrain herself, to _not_ feel. How ironic. Tom, of all the people, used to tell her that she constantly forced herself to not feel. She had let him in, let him slowly win her heart, her love, her _trust_. She felt cheated. In every sense of the word.

Pain, anger, shame, frustration, everything was mixed and blurred. She couldn't say what she felt anymore. That was why she had turned the key on feelings years before. And the moment she chose to open the door to someone again, it just turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life.

_The meeting at 2:00pm. I have a damn meeting at 2:00_. She had that damn meeting in less than one hour and was a complete mess. She couldn't show up at the firm in such a state. All she could do was to stop at the first pub and try to tidy herself up a little.

An unbearable weight on her chest hindered her breathing and it wouldn't just go back to normal. She checked her image in the mirror and winced. For a moment, she hated that sight. And she didn't know if the hate was aimed at him or at herself. She had told Peter about him only the day before. She was supposed to tell the kids in few days. But what hurt the most… she had told him that she loved him. And as much as she used to play down the importance of those words, it was in fact the first time she spoke them out loud. For what?

She took her purse, and after one last quick touch-up she hurried to reach the L&G building.

* * *

"Alicia… Alicia!" Will's voice drew her attention back to the discussion.

So lost in her thoughts, she had barely heard him calling her, let alone what he was talking about. "Yes… sorry…" She said in apology. Catching the concern and questioning in his look, she just hinted a smile and shook her head in reassurance.

"Are you okay to leave the Spencer case to Maggie? Do you think she can handle it?" Will asked.

"I… Yes… I'm sure she can do it," she said, leaning forward, faking a concentration that she really lacked.

"Good," Will said, looking down and starting to collect all the papers in front of him.

She realized that she had clearly missed something. Why was she taken off the Spencer case? Was there a more important case she was supposed to follow? Damn. She missed that awful whiteboard of her first year at L&G. At least she could have taken a peek at it to steal some hints.

"We are done here, you can all go back to your offices," Diane said loudly, trying to regain the attention of the gathering of associates which had started a messy clamoring. The crowd slowly started to leave the conference room and Alicia silently stood up to follow them.

"Not you Alicia," Will called her back.

_Great_. Now he was certainly going to scold her for her distraction. As if she needed that too.

With everyone gone, Will closed the door and approached her. "Are you okay?"

_Is it so obvious that I'm not?_ "Yes," she faked, pretty badly, as she tried to convince him – and herself – with a light smile. Failing, as she caught Will looking at her, clearly not convinced. "I… I'm… I'm just having a bad day," she said in an attempt to reassure them both that she was fine.

"You're my best lawyer…" Will said, quickly glancing around. "And I need you at your best, especially in this moment when things are still so… difficult and uncertain for the firm."

"I know it, Will… You don't have to worry about that, or about me…" She didn't want anyone to worry for her, or to feel anything at all for her. All she needed was something that would distract her and keep her mind busy. Till the inevitable moment when she had to confront… No. She didn't want to think about it. Not now.

"I _do_ worry about you… so… if there's something wrong… you know where to find me…" Will said, as he lightly rubbed her forearm.

Alicia didn't say anything. She simply nodded and left the room, trying to appear calmer and less upset than she really was, as she walked with hurried steps to her office and took the first folder she found on her desk to turn her thoughts away from an image that was stuck in her mind and wouldn't fade easily.

She must have read the same line at least twenty times before finally understanding the simple words printed on the paper in front of her and get enough control on her mind to concentrate on what she was doing. At least till her phone started to silently vibrate and made her jump slightly. _Not him. Not now_. All her efforts to distract herself had been wasted with a single vibration. Her breath became erratic. She kept looking at the screen, at the name that only a few hours before would make her melt, and now didn't know what to do. She had already lost count of the vibrations by the time it stopped.

_1 missed call_.

She breathed in, deeply, looking down at the paper she was reading before the interruption. She shook her head. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't.

* * *

It was past 8pm when she finally closed the folder and the laptop. She had written down notes that the day after would probably turn out completely useless and senseless. A whole afternoon wasted on nothing.

She took her cell phone and stared at the screen with a sigh. _3 missed calls_. She couldn't ignore his calls for a fourth time. She had to answer sooner or later. And to confront him. She didn't know if it was better to call him or wait till he would call again. She didn't have time to decide. The phone started to vibrate again in her hands. She tried to muster some calm before pressing the green button.

"Hello," she answered. Her voice was low, cold.

"Hey… I've been calling you all day… I was… starting to worry… are you okay?" Tom sounded really concerned and a bit upset.

"Hey… I'm… I'm fine… Just had a bad day," she said with some hesitation. How was she supposed to confront him? By phone? At least she wouldn't have to see the lie in his eyes. Or maybe she wanted that? To get the confirmation that what she saw was _true_?

"Work?" He asked, softly.

Could that be defined as work? No. Definitely not.

"Yes," she said, lying miserably.

"Do you wanna meet?" He asked. Damn. He sounded _really_ worried for her.

"No." Her answer was dry. If there was something she didn't want now, it was to face him. It was too soon, too raw. She needed self-control that she didn't have now. "I mean… not today… I'm tired," she added. After all, he was totally oblivious to what happened. "I… I have to go now… I'm… I'm already late and I…" She what?

There was a moment of silence of the other end. Alicia bit her lips, nervously, as she gathered all her stuff to leave.

"Okay," Tom finally said. "Can I call you later?" His voice was hesitating. Was he sensing that something was wrong?

"No… I call you…," she replied. She wasn't going to spend her time in anxiety till the moment her phone would ring again.

"Okay… then… I… we'll talk… when you can…" Tom said, with a confused and definitely concerned voice.

"Yes…" she said. Her voice was barely a whisper and she wondered if Tom could even hear her before she hung up.


	24. Chapter 24

It was past 8pm. Alicia had been leaning on the kitchen counter, doing nothing but staring at the clock for the last twenty minutes. With both the kids sleeping over at friends, she had taken the occasion to talk to Tom. After letting a couple of calls go unanswered, she had finally made up her mind and asked him to come over after dinner. A dinner that – clearly - she didn't have; nervous as she was, eating was not even contemplated. She felt so tired and exhausted. The previous night had gone by completely sleepless, at least that was how she felt. Every single time that she was starting to fall into a sort of half-sleep, the image of that woman appeared in front of her, making her toss and turn in her bed, restlessly. She couldn't say for sure when she finally managed to fall asleep, but the last time she had checked, the alarm clock read 04:47am.

The doorbell rang, making her jump. She didn't move. For a moment, she couldn't force herself to move and open the damn door. Slowly, with her heart beating fast, she reached for it, as she took deep breaths to try and look natural and calm. She opened the door to see Tom as he was about to ring for the second time. The smile on his face made her ache, as well as the clear concern in his eyes.

"Hey," he said with worry in his voice. She had missed most of his calls over the last two days. One would at least wonder if something was wrong.

"Hey," she replied in a faint voice, as she stepped aside to let him in. As he walked in front of her, she instinctively looked down. She couldn't even force herself to look in his eyes.

She barely had the time to close the door behind them. As she turned, she felt his cold hands brushing her cheeks, as he leaned forward to kiss her. She didn't move. She couldn't either draw away or give in to his attempt of making their kiss more passionate. Her mouth remained closed in a cold, chaste kiss. What happened to those lips that used to make her weak every time they softly pressed on hers? They were the same… yet they felt… uncomfortable… false. But could such passion be false? Could such hungry lips be treacherous? Her heart and her mind were in such a conflicting and inconsistent state, like never before. Her heart refused to believe he could do something like betray her, but her mind kept on sending fleeting flashes of that woman, his look, their hands. She instinctively pulled away. With all the strength she could gather, she looked straight into his eyes, hoping to get the truth out of them. She caught confusion, concern, a bit of upset. Nothing that could give her the answer she needed.

"Is there… something… anything you want to tell me about?" Tom asked, clearly catching her discomfort and coldness.

Was she going to ask him straightaway? Or to approach it in a roundabout way?

"No…," she lied, "you?"

She caught his confused expression, and the hesitation in his answer was confusing her too. Maybe he didn't… maybe it was just her mind playing tricks, maybe it was just the projection of old fears. Or maybe he was a good liar, like most men were.

"No," he said, very simply, his voice faint.

Would this lead somewhere? Why was it so difficult to just face him? _Have you cheated on me? _The question, simple as it was, was playing in her mind, on and on but couldn't reach her mouth. She had just realized that knowing would be way more hurtful than not knowing.

She just stood there, and watched as Tom approached her, for a second time, his hands resting on her cheeks, his eyes fixed in hers, as if he was trying to play her own game, before he leaned forward for another attempted kiss. This time, her body won over her mind and she couldn't back down. She let him take control, sweeping her away with his burning passion, while her mind kept screaming that she was stupid, that it was wrong, that he didn't deserve her. Still, as he led her into the bedroom, taking her clothes off, hastily, eagerly, all she could think about was that if things were to go wrong, this would be the last time she could lie in his arms, under his warm body. How did she end up like that? Being so miserable to want to sleep with him, knowing what she knew, after what she had seen? It was not her. It was not what she wanted to be. As she felt his hands move up her body, she stiffened. No, she couldn't do it. She couldn't force herself to do it.

Clearly sensing her sudden rigidity, Tom stopped and looked up at her, gently brushing her cheek. There was something in his eyes, a mix of confusion and concern. "Okay, are you going to tell me what's happened or am I supposed to guess?" Well, the tone of his voice really didn't hide a little bit of bother too.

_You know perfectly well what's happened_. He just didn't know that she knew it too. She laid there for a moment, searching for the right way to ask him, to face him. To _not _make it sound like an accusation, but like a simple question. Still, in whichever way she mentally phrased it, it didn't sound good. "I… I saw you…," she started with some hesitation, "at… the Berghoff…" All her good intentions to hold his gaze, to watch his reaction reflected in his eyes, went to hell. She just looked down for a moment, then away. But she felt his hand stop and his body stiffen on her. If the saying that silence is worth more than a thousand words was true, the lack of a prompt answer from Tom's side wasn't promising at all. "Who was she?" She dared to ask. But did she really want to know?

Tom sat up, breaking their physical contact that apparently felt suddenly uncomfortable. "My ex-wife…"

His ex-wife… Alicia nodded, silently, still looking away. The woman he'd been married to. The woman that was, in his own words, _a mistake since the very beginning_. That wasn't what her eyes had seen…

"We had lunch together…" Tom explained.

Lunch? She had her own experience of _lunches_ and most of the time, they were all but eating. All those fears she thought were gone for good, were suddenly back, haunting her, turning into live nightmares. Was it really just that? Lunch? Could she trust him? After all… he hid it from her.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" She asked. Still looking away, she didn't dare meet his gaze.

Tom hesitated for a moment, she could feel his discomfort and anxiety growing. "I… I don't know… maybe I just wanted to avoid having exactly this kind of conversation," he explained, the tone of his voice lightly rising, "because I knew you were going to react like this…"

"I just asked you a simple question," she said, as she finally looked at him.

"You didn't ask Alicia, you _accused_ me," he replied, with plain outrage in his voice.

Alicia didn't reply, still deep into trying to absorb the information and decide whether she believed him or not. All she knew was that the silence was creating an unbearable pall of uneasiness. Until she felt the change of pressure on the mattress and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tom standing up and starting to dress. She didn't want it. She didn't want him to leave. "Tom…" she started, hoping they could find a way to work it out.

"No," he said, harshly. "No." His voice was softer now, but his tone.. it sounded resigned, hurt. "Just… tell me what did I do to deserve your complete lack of trust…"

What did he do? Lying about his previous engagement, in the first place? Or better, hiding its nature? But that wasn't the point… the image of them so comfortable together was still stuck in her mind. And the way he…

"I… I saw… the way you were looking at her… it…" She couldn't find the words to tell how it felt, how his eyes were smiling, glowing… she felt sick at the thought. She felt even more sick when Tom didn't move.

Not a sign that he was going to leave… or to stay. Till he finally said in a faint voice, "I was telling her about you…"

_About her_. She suddenly wanted the ground to swallow her up, making her disappear like thin air. So was that look just… She heard him sigh deeply.

"I love you Alicia… and obviously more than you think… but… I… I'm not willing to pay for something I didn't do… for… someone else's mistakes." It was all Tom said.

Alicia heard him walk away, and the door open then close back again. She didn't dare to move. She lied there and listened to the complete silence, with a knot in her stomach. _It's just a fight_, she told herself. _Nothing more than a fight. Lovers do that. It's normal. Relationships are not all sunshine and roses, aren't they? People fight, fix it, fight again. It's a necessary step for the growth of a couple_._ We fought, we fix it, we'll move forward. That's how it works._

They both just needed some time to cool down, then they could talk about it and clear things up. Right now, she needed a comforting glass of wine to cheer herself up. And maybe some company. She quickly dialed Owen's number, disappointed when she got his voice mail instead.

She started to walk back and forth, an unwelcome and upsetting feeling of anxiety growing at every step. She could have tried Kalinda. No, she had been so engrossed in her own stuff lately that she would probably not even answer. For a moment she felt so alone, like she hadn't felt in a long time. Till her phone started to ring, making her jump. _Owen_.

"Hello," she replied, as she kept walking with nervous steps through her living room.

"Hey sis, what's up?" He asked with his usual ringing voice. It was such a contrast with her low, resigned one.

"Nothing," she lied. As if she could really lie to him and not get caught. "Are you somewhere around here?"

"I don't know," he said, "Is Baltimore somewhere around there?"

Baltimore? What was he doing in Baltimore?

"Refresher course," he explained.

Oh. "New discoveries in math?" She asked, trying to sound jokingly. Though she wasn't sure she succeeded. Damn, he was so far when she most needed him.

"Every day, so what's up?" He asked again.

"Nothing… I just… I…" She finally let herself sink on the couch, with a heavy sigh. "I might have screwed it up," she finally admitted.

"You screwed what?" Owen asked, with a hint of concern.

"I… Do you think that Tom would ever be capable of cheating on me?" She asked, biting her lower lip, nervously.

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "I'm clearly missing something," Owen said. "Are you telling me that he _did_ it or that you _think_ he did?"

"We had a fight," she said in a faint voice, as she curled up on the couch. "I… I saw him with a woman yesterday and I thought…"

"A woman in general or someone specific?" Owen asked. He was clearly having a hard time putting all the pieces together.

"His ex-wife," she said with a light sigh. "I thought… I believed… I told him and…" She couldn't finish the sentence because Owen interrupted her.

"Okay… you told him or you asked him?" He said, with that resigned tone he reserved for her love confessions.

"What's the difference?" She asked, confused by his question.

Owen let out a heavy sigh. "There's a huge difference between asking and accusing!"

Great. Wasn't he really taking Tom's side, was he? Because that was how it sounded to her. And she had called him for support, not to be criticized.

"He lied to me! He said it was…" Okay, technically she couldn't say he lied. But he hid it, which was basically the same thing. "Okay, he didn't lie, but he hid it behind a lunch engagement," she said, trying to justify herself.

"Are we talking about the same Tom, right?" Owen asked.

Well, which other Tom would they be talking about? "Owen…"

"The same Tom who put pressure on you to make your relationship public?" Owen asked.

"Yes." It was definitely the same Tom.

"The same Tom who wanted you to tell Peter against his own interest and who wants to meet my adorable niece and nephew?" Owen went on.

"Okay, Owen, it's clear, I got the point!" She said, faking annoyance but lightly smiling. It lasted just one brief moment, before her discussion with Tom – and his words – came back to her mind, bringing her back to that same state of worry and anxiety she felt before. _I'm not willing to pay for someone else's mistakes..._ Repeated in her mind, they sounded even worse, they seemed so… decisive. She felt a pang in her stomach as she remembered the dinner they had only a couple of months before at his place, his only "imperfection". _I can't forgive_. She shook her head to get rid of that thought. No. It was just a fight, nothing more. He was angry, she was too. They were both wrong, they both were at fault. _Your complete lack of trust_… "He thinks I don't trust him…"

"And do you?" Owen asked. His voice gave away a patience and calmness that she didn't have, not even a little bit.

She was a bundle of nerves. "Do I what? Not trust him?" Owen didn't say anything. Did she? Did she doubt his fidelity? Or his capability to stay faithful? If she had to be honest, it wasn't about him, but most about her fears. Fears that she thought were gone forever. But the previous day's events had clearly proven her wrong. "I… I want to trust him… I just…" She didn't finish. She didn't need to. Owen knew perfectly well what she'd been through, he didn't need explanations.

"Call him…" Owen said, very quietly.

_Call him_. She couldn't. Not now. They both needed a moment. "Okay," she lied. "When will you be back?"

"Sunday," he replied.

Okay, Sunday. She had an unpleasant and uncomfortable feeling but tried to hush it. "Okay… see you then… and thank you for listening, understanding…" she whispered.

"Anytime…"

As she hung up, oppressive silence returned and filled the apartment. She turned her cell phone off and poured herself another glass of wine, hoping it would numb her mind enough to get at least a restful sleep. She couldn't go sleepless two nights in a row and remain mentally stable.


	25. Chapter 25

Sitting at the kitchen table, Alicia took some time to review all the papers before the trial session to make sure that everything was in place. Although her case had been reassigned to Maggie, she had – at least for today – to give her some kind of support as second chair before leaving the young associate to her fate.

The glass of wine she had drunk the previous night was still there on the counter. It didn't help her sleep better, but at least it had eased some of the anxiety. She glanced at the phone for what was probably the millionth time in a few minutes, discouraged. She had expected some missed calls, or voicemails, after turning the phone on again in the morning. Instead… nothing… zero… complete silence. She didn't know what to do. Call. Wait. Take more time. Present herself to his door. Or to his office. Why didn't he just call? She got the anger and everything, but damn, the waiting was exasperating and unnerving, even if it had been only one night. She stared at the screen as if she could make it ring telepathically like that Jedi in Star Wars. But nope, she clearly didn't have such a gift. Eventually, she gave in to her own impatience and scrolled through the most recent calls till she found Tom's name and quickly, nervously, pressed the green button.

Off.

_Leave a message after the beep_.

She heard the beep and opened her mouth as to speak, but words wouldn't come out.

_Beep. End of message_.

She sighed, resigned, then took her purse and papers and left for courtroom.

* * *

The SA's building was a real mess. She was so used to the disorderly comings and goings at this point that she wouldn't even notice anymore. It had become a sort of background; noisy but imperceptible. But today there was something different. Alicia spotted Maggie talking to their client and approached her with a questioning look. "Hey, what happened?" she asked, as she looked around, bewildered.

"The previous trial session is going on longer than expected," Maggie explained, then shrugged, powerless.

Now she understood the bedlam. The delay had created a gathering of peeved and fed up people waiting outside the courtroom doors in a chaotic and loud chatter.

"Our session has been postponed to 09.30am without notice," Maggie explained.

09.30am. Twenty more minutes before they were due in the courtroom. She could take the occasion and… "Okay, there's something I have to do, I'll be right back," Alicia said, as she looked around in the forlorn hope that she could spot Tom. In such a confusion, the chances were really low. She gave up and chose to pop in to his office instead and see if he was there.

His door was wide-open. She stopped, her heart beating fast in agitation, her nerves on edge, as she saw him standing at his desk. Deep into gathering some papers into an orderly pile, he was clearly preparing to leave. As he looked up and meet her gaze, he froze. He didn't say anything, just stared at her with the papers still in hand.

"Hey," she whispered. Her low voice gave away all her sadness, regret and hurt.

"Hey," he replied with the same faint voice, as he finished to collect the papers and took few steps towards her. "I… I have a meeting in a few minutes," he said, excusing himself with a light gesture.

"I… I see, I gotta be in court too…" The chatter seemed less loud, maybe a sign that the previous trial was finally over? She hesitated for a moment and looked down. "We need to talk…" she said, as she looked up to see Tom looking down in turn. He seemed to avoid meeting her gaze, and it left her with a painful feeling that things might be worse than what she thought and that she might have underestimated his reaction.

"It was the only thing I wanted, Alicia…" he said, finally locking eyes with her. "The only, single thing I made clear from the very beginning… Your trust… and you didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt…"

His expression was something between cold and grave, but his eyes… they were in such a sharp contrast. It was always like this with him. Most times he didn't need words, his eyes spoke for him. But this time, Alicia didn't like what she was reading. She swallowed, then looked away. "You hid it from me… what did you expect?" She certainly wasn't taking on the whole blame.

"I didn't…" Tom looked away, clearly trying to keep his cool. "I didn't mean to hide it… It was just… a damn lunch…"

"A damn lunch with your ex-wife!" She said, loudly, in exasperation, before realizing that she was still standing on the doorstep. She looked around and breathed deeply in the attempt to calm down as she saw two men passing by. She caught Tom nodding to them. They were probably the persons of his meeting. "How did you expect me to react?" She asked, this time keeping her voice sensibly low.

"I don't know," he replied, deluded. "To ask, maybe… or to come and… join us…. I don't know! Just… everything except an accusation…"

_Everything except an accusation_. So she was just supposed to approach him while sharing sheep eyes with a complete and attractive stranger? That was what he was expecting from her. She smiled in disbelief.

"Why are you with me, Alicia?" Tom asked.

His question caught her completely off guard, and the smile disappeared from her face, replaced by concern and incomprehension. "What do you mean?" She whispered.

"Why are you with me… if you don't trust me… then why are you with me?" He asked, seriously, with a faint voice.

Alicia opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find a way to put all her feelings into words. How could he expect her to tell him, right there, off the top of her head, how his mere presence made her walk six feet off the ground? How her heart started to beat furiously every time he touched her, or kissed her? She couldn't put all of that into words. Because it whichever way she put it, it would end up reduced to a pack of soulless, meaningless and empty words.

Tom stared down, looking defeated, then took a few steps past her, shaking his head.

Alicia stood there, her mouth opened, still trying to understand what had just happened. She turned around to watch him stop right outside his door.

"A reason, Alicia… and possibly a good one…" he said looking down, "because I don't want… I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me… it's just… it can't work…" he added, then turned to leave for good.

She couldn't move. She took a deep breath as she took a last look at his office, at those bare and cold white walls, filled with angst - a_ good reason_… - before taking unhurried, dull steps towards the courtroom.

* * *

"I think we have broken up…" Alicia's words came out murmured, thrown out there in the attempt to get rid of – or at least to ease a little - that unbearable and oppressive feeling that had been weighing on her for the whole day.

Kalinda shifted her attention from the sheet in her hand to Alicia, looking confused. "What?"

They had gone from a possible serial killer to this in the space of a few seconds.

"I think we have broken up… with Tom…" Alicia repeated, slowly, staring into the distance.

With her usual calm, Kalinda leaned the paper on the table and gave all her attention to Alicia. "What's happened?"

_Trust_.

"We had a fight last night…" Alicia said, throwing a quick glance at Kalinda. "I… I thought he cheated on me… I saw him with a woman and I thought…" She shook her head.

_A good reason_.

"Is it possible to love someone and not trust him completely?" She asked, but the question was more for herself.

Kalinda's face was unreadable. Alicia couldn't really say if she was pondering her question or just thinking that she was pathetic. Personally, she'd go for the second, but she knew Kalinda enough to know that she would never think that of her.

"I guess it is…" Kalinda said, very quietly.

Yes, it probably was. _Love someone and not trust him_. Was she in love with him? The pang she was still feeling at her stomach as she remembered their previous conversation told her that she clearly was. She did love him, it was unquestionable, and the mere thought of losing him made her heart ache painfully.

As for the trust, she wasn't even sure if it was about that. It certainly wasn't for her, at least. It was more about being afraid to lose him. It was only then that she realized… how ironic… her fear to lose him was exactly what was making her lose him. For the umpteenth time, she was letting her deepest dreads take control of her life. Would she just let it happen? If there was something she was sure of, it was that Tom was _worth_ overcoming every possible doubt or fear.

"Yes… it probably is…" Alicia said, giving her attention – at least in the appearance – to the papers in front of her.

* * *

The clock on Zach's nightstand read 11:15pm. She hadn't realized it was so late. At least now she knew why she was so exhausted.

"Mom?" Zach asked, as she gave him a goodnight kiss on his forehead. She knew he wasn't a kid anymore. With a girlfriend and soon to leave for college, he was a smart and resourceful young man. But every time she looked into his eyes, she couldn't help but see him as her little helpless child.

"Yes?" She asked, whispering.

"Is everything alright?" His voice didn't hide a hint of concern.

Was she so crystal clear? So unable to keep her problems away from her kids? She realized only in that moment that she was supposed to tell them about Tom the next day, when there was probably nothing to say anymore… "Yes, dear. It's… nothing," she lied, mentally preparing an excuse in case he would ask for more. Work troubles would always work out. Bills used to work out too at the beginning, but now that the financial situation was stable she couldn't go with it anymore.

"Work?" He asked.

She smiled lightly. "Yes, work… You should get some sleep now… Goodnight," she said, as she tucked him in, then turned the nightstand lamp off and left.

She quickly peeked into Grace's room to make sure she was asleep, then headed to her dark bedroom and let herself sink heavily across the bed. She didn't even have the strength to change for the night. She closed her eyes and rolled to reach the pillow. It was the worst thing she could have done. Tom had been in that bed only the day before and a light trace of his strong, musky perfume still permeated the sheets. She breathed deeply, losing herself in the inebriating fragrance. It was at the same time a pleasure and a pang in the heart. Forcing herself not to cry, she realized that she could never sleep like that. She gathered enough strength, fighting against the sleep, to stand up again. She stripped down the bed to change the sheets and opened the window to freshen the air in the room. When she was done, it was past midnight and she wondered if she was finally going to have a night of sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

"Are you going to court today?" Diane asked, as she went through her agenda, probably checking the daily appointments.

Alicia wouldn't mind avoiding a visit to the SA's building for a day. She hadn't heard from Tom since that conversation. And she wasn't still sure if it was because he was expecting a move from her or because he really thought it was over. The only thing she knew was that he hadn't called her, or tried to meet her. Not a single time. She was still in that mixed up phase between hurt and anger. What was worse? That he thought that she didn't trust him? Or that he hadn't been completely sincere with her? One thing was sure: they could probably spend a whole lifetime discussing it and end up with each not moving from their respective stance, neither of them admitting any fault.

"No, I watched Maggie yesterday and she can get by on her own," Alicia said, trying to look completely professional. She certainly didn't want Diane to think that she was _avoiding_ the place where she was supposed to spend most of her time.

"Good," Diane nodded with a light smile, "then I guess you can now follow the case we were discussing the other day," she said, leaning forward to give her the folder.

Alicia peeked at the name on the cover. Matt Browning. Never heard it before. _Damn_. Wasn't it the case she didn't know anything about because she was distracted during the staff meeting, was it? "I… Yes, sure," she nodded, a bit insecure, as she took the folder from her boss's hands. "Can you just… refresh my memory?" She bluffed, as she went through the unfamiliar pages, hoping that Diane would swallow it.

Diane gave her a weird look but she chose to ignore it. "Matt Browning, fireman, charged with negligence and incidental death of two women during a rescue."

Alicia put on her best poker face, as she pretended to suddenly remember everything. "Oh, yes, the fireman," she agreed, with faux calm.

"Are you on it?" Diane asked.

"Yes," she replied with a nervous smile. "Yes," she repeated, as she stood up and left.

An alleged double murder, right when her head was everywhere but at work. _Just great_. She headed back to her office, almost bumping against another associate in the corridor. She settled into her chair and quickly read through the pages. No, her head wasn't just there. She was thankful that at least it was Friday, so she had the whole weekend to brood over the last few days' events.

Friday.

_Damn. Peter. The kids_. They had agreed to tell the kids about Tom. _Tonight_. With a resigned sigh, she sat on her chair and let the folder fall heavily on the desk. What was she supposed to do now? Was there still anything to tell them, in the first place? Because, as things were, it wasn't worth dropping such a bombshell, not at all.

Her eyes fell on the cell phone on the desk, for the umpteenth time in just a couple of days. She took it in her hands, her gaze fixed on the screen. _A good reason_. Tom was probably waiting for her to call him. No, he was _certainly_ waiting for her to call him. And she was there, with guilt starting to push its way between the hurt and the anger. As if she really needed to swing with another feeling. Still, she couldn't force herself to do that simple call. It wasn't that hard, just a call. Just a damn phone call. All Tom asked her for was a reason and, although she had tons of good reasons, she couldn't bring herself to share them with him. She couldn't help but think that, considering the place where they were standing now, every word would probably be misunderstood, or underestimated. She didn't want him to misunderstand or underestimate her feelings. She didn't want him to think that she was just trying to cover up for her lack of trust. But what could she do then? Not calling him would certainly mean to let it go. To let _him_go. He once asked her if he was putting pressure on her. Maybe he was right… Maybe that pressure was now blowing up in their faces… maybe… too many maybes and not enough certainties. She put the phone down on the desk and tried to give her attention to the man that really needed it: her client.

* * *

"And don't forget the history book!" Alicia said out loud to Grace from the living room.

"Yes mom!" She shouted back.

The fateful Friday night had come. Alicia took few steps back towards the couch and sat down, slowly, with a palpable discomfort.

"So…" Peter started. Still standing in the hall, he slowly walked into the living room. "Are we telling them?" He asked.

"Tell us what?" Zach asked. Schoolbag on his shoulders, he was ready to leave.

"Nothing," Alicia said, as she threw a pleading look at Peter in the hope he would understand and let it fall.

Peter didn't say anything. He gave her a questioning look, which didn't hide a hint of concern, too.

Alicia shook her head. As she caught the change in his expression, she knew that he didn't need any further explanation.

"Nothing," Peter repeated, his gaze fixed on her.

She could swear she had read the sorrow in his eyes. She looked down, ashamed of herself, of having asked him to support her in something that ended only a few days later, of having let romantic feelings prevail, hurrying into something that neither her nor Tom were clearly ready for. And now she knew it. She had lost count of the times she had thought that they were going too fast, of the times she told him that she needed time to work on all her past issues. She had somehow expected a little more sympathy. But then… if she had to be honest, he had told her from the very beginning. He had his _issues_ too. She knew it and she had taken the risk.

"So…" Alicia looked up at Zach, trying to change subject. "Are you going with Ryan to that party tomorrow night, right?"

"Yes," Zach said, with a hint of annoyance in his tone, "and you already gave me the drive-carefully-and-don't-be-late speech twice."

"I know it," Alicia said with a smile, "but that party is so late and I…" She knew he was a responsible kid, her concern was more for the company he sometimes hung around with.

"Zach is responsible and wouldn't do anything we might disapprove, would you?" Peter said, smiling at Zach. Alicia caught Peter winking at Zach but didn't say anything. She liked their bonding and knew perfectly well that he would give him the same speech the following night anyway.

"Okay, I'm ready," Grace said, as she joined them in the living room.

"Okay, kids, go ahead, I'll be right there," Peter said, inviting them to move outside the apartment with a light gesture.

Alicia followed them with her gaze, giving them a smile as they left. Once they were out of sight and of hearing, she looked back at Peter. She already knew what was coming.

For a moment, they just stood there, till Peter broke the silence with the very predictable question. "What happened?" His voice was throaty, very low.

What happened? It would need the whole night just for the preamble. "Nothing…" she lied. But as she met his doubting eyes, she realized that there was really no point in lying. "It's… There's just nothing to say anymore," she said, then quickly looked down. She didn't want to meet his gaze, she didn't want to see his thoughts in his eyes, she didn't want to show her hurt to anyone, let alone to her ex-husband. She stood up and started to walk towards the kitchen. After a few steps she stopped and looked back at him. "Don't forget to give Zach…"

"… the drive-carefully-and-don't-be-late speech tomorrow night," he finished the sentence for her.

Alicia nodded with a smile. She was thankful that at least he didn't ask her how she was doing. Although there was really no need to ask. It was written all over her face.

* * *

She wasn't used to having so much time for herself over the weekend anymore.

Her attempts to keep her mind occupied so she wouldn't rehash everything for the thousandth time had resulted in her apartment being as neat as a new pin, laundry and grocery shopping done, the couch and end tables moved twice just to end up exactly where they were in the first place. There was nothing to watch on TV and with Owen still in Baltimore, she had nothing to do and nobody to meet. She didn't know it was possible to be at the same time devastated and bored to death. Not to mention, she detested intensely that stifling silence that surrounded her. She could even hear clearly the sound of the fridge motor. Its humming, combined with its steady thumps, was irritating and unbearable.

In the end, she chose to use what was left of her Saturday to work on the fireman case. At least she would keep her mind busy. She took the folder and a beer and moved to the bedroom. Comfortable and far from that detestable background sound, she threw herself into work and by the time she looked up at the clock it was already late night. She didn't even eat. Her stomach still refused to keep any solid food in. Not that she felt like eating anyway. She had opened the damn fridge a dozen times and although it was stuffed with everything possible and imaginable, there was nothing she fancied. It shouldn't surprise her. All things considered, she needed a few days to adjust to the very recent _change_ in her life, both physically and mentally. She needed time.

Slowly, unhurriedly, she gathered all the papers scattered on the bedspread and quickly reread her notes, before putting everything back in the folder. It was an odd hour. Late for dinner but too soon to sleep. She could go out for a drink even if she was alone, couldn't she? A_ woman in her forties in a bar alone on a Saturday night_. She winced. The mere thought sounded so lame. But, well, if needed, she could go with the _I'm-waiting-for-someone_ excuse.

She quickly changed into a nice dress, put on some lipstick and headed to the bar at the corner, sure that at least it wasn't one of those pubs popular among twenty-somethings, otherwise it would have been very embarrassing.

The music inside was loud, way too loud for her taste, but it didn't matter, since she was alone and in no mood to talk to anyone. Between the two shots of tequila and some sterile chatter with the bartender, she didn't notice time pass till she started to feel the weariness and with a very polite smile she thanked the guy for offering the second round.

It was a relief to find herself outside that late. The streets were close to empty and the freezing air was so refreshing, that she could easily stay there a little longer to enjoy the peaceful quiet.

She took her phone from the pocket of her coat. It was an instinctive gesture. She had gotten so used over the last few days to repeatedly check for missed calls or voicemails, that it had become a natural, unconscious act. At the same time, she got used to meeting an empty and silent screen. Alicia realized that the tequila was certainly playing its part when it took her a moment to focus on the message. Missed calls. _3 missed calls_. She swallowed at the thought it might be _him_ and pressed to get the confirmation. She froze. _Peter_. 3 calls, all of them past midnight. Her mind flew to the kids. She quickly dialled his number, breathing deeply to keep calm. As soon as she heard the connection on the other end, she didn't give him the time to say anything. "What happened?"

There was a moment of silence, she could hear Peter catch his breath. "It's okay, everything is under control," he said, but even through the phone, his nervous voice gave away that something was wrong.

She started to panic. "What happened, Peter?" She repeated, her voice quivering.

"It's… Zach… he had a car accident and he's in the hospital… He's _not_... It's not life threatening, Alicia," he said with a reassuring tone. "It's _not_ life threatening," he repeated.

She needed to go there. She needed to be right there. "Which hospital?" She asked. Her hands were shaking, she was thankful that she hadn't driven her car, she was in no shape to drive after hearing about Zach, let alone considering the effects of the tequila.

"Northwestern."

She hung up and gestured to the first taxi on duty to stop. _It's not life threatening_. She had to constantly repeat in her mind Peter's words to not break down. _It's not life threatening._ _It's not life threatening._ But as she started to discern the hospital lights from a distance, fear prevailed and she started to cry. It was as if she were expecting it. She never made many recommendations to Zach, she never felt the need to. But this time… She exited the taxi still crying. She took the few steps to the ER in a hurry and found Peter waiting for her at the reception desk.

"It's okay," he said, "it's okay… he's fine, he will be fine," he said, closing her in a tight, reassuring embrace. For a moment, she didn't need any further words, or explanations, just the comfort and the reassurance that he would be fine indeed. "Where is he? And where's Grace?"

Peter moved an arm around and shoulders and gently guided her towards the waiting room. "Grace is in surgery's waiting room…"

_Surgery?_

"Zach is having surgery now, but it's not serious as it may seem, Alicia," Peter said. His attempt to reassure her was just making her more worried.

"W… what surgery, Peter?" She asked, her voice broken.

"He suffered lesions to his intestine, liver and spleen. They are minor lesions, caused by the strong impact, he probably hit the steering wheel, but it's necessary to avoid that they turn into ruptures," Peter explained. His voice seemed calmer now. But those words kept on echoing in her mind, making her head spin. She had to sit down for a moment and closed her eyes. _Lesions. Ruptures. Surgery_._ Accident_._ Not life threatening._ She felt dizzy.

She looked up as she felt Peter's hands covering hers in a reassuring gesture. He was kneeled down in front of her. "He will be fine, Alicia… He will be fine."

She could read in his eyes that he wasn't lying. She nodded and held his hands tight to help herself stand up again.

She found Grace half asleep on a small couch and sat down next to her, holding her in a tight embrace. All they could do now was wait. She suddenly remembered that Zach was supposed to be with Ryan. "How's Ryan?" She asked Peter, straightening up a little.

Peter didn't say a word. He looked at her, gravely and shook his head. "He didn't survive the accident."


	27. Chapter 27

The armchair in Zach's hospital room was terribly uncomfortable and she was now aching all over. She had asked Peter to spend the night at home with Grace while she slept here. There was no reason for all three of them to stay at the hospital. She had spent the night falling in and out of an agitated, restless sleep. Every time she woke up, she checked on him. Zach had been in a drug induced coma till the night before. Doctors said it was to prevent possible internal bleeding after the surgery. Zach had woken up during the night, for just a few seconds, enough time for her to see his confused, light smile and feel relieved. He had said some opaque words that she couldn't understand. She had reassured him that everything would be fine, to sleep, that he needed to rest. And he had been sleeping since then. Alicia couldn't help but think that the worst was yet to come; to give him the news of his friend. Peter had briefly told her what happened through the words of a couple of witnesses. There was really nothing that Zach could have done. The taxi had run down his car, never even hit its brakes. He probably didn't have time to notice and to realize what was happening.

She peeked through the Venetian blinds. The sun was high, it was probably quite late in the morning but was too tired to check the clock. The soft lightning in the room was disorienting and the steady comings and goings of nurses and doctors, day and night, wasn't of any help.

"Did he wake up?" Peter's voice made her turn.

"Yes," she whispered. "Just a few seconds… he murmured something… no idea what…" She said, as she turned to look at Zach again. "When did you arrive?"

"A few minutes ago… Grace is home, she didn't sleep well last night, I told her to stay home from school and get some rest," Peter said, as he got close to Zach and lightly brushed his arm.

With all that had happened, the last thing Alicia cared about now was school. She nodded and stood up to stretch her exhausted muscles.

"I dropped in at the office, to see if there was any news, since the taxi driver has been charged with murder…," Peter started.

Alicia looked at him in expectation. "And?"

"Apparently he was drunk…" He said with a heavy sigh.

Alicia winced.

"Go home… get some decent sleep…" Peter told her, softly.

"No." Her answer was very definitive. "I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Save your energy for when he'll be back home… go home and rest," Peter insisted. "I will call you if he wakes up, or if something, anything changes… I promise…"

She stared at Zach, still in a peaceful sleep. She couldn't force herself to leave. At the same time, she knew that Peter was right. Not to mention, Grace was home alone. It had been a shock for her too and she shouldn't be left alone. "Call me when he wakes up."

Peter nodded and took her place on the armchair.

She walked back the way to the reception area with slow and absent steps. Her mind was still in Zach's room. Not to mention, the lack of decent sleep over the last few days was seriously starting to devitalize her. Still looking down, Alicia was a few steps past the reception desk when she heard a voice… a familiar one. _What…?_ She stopped and instinctively turned around. _Tom_. She froze. What was he doing there? She heard him talking about toxicological screening and an unpleasant shiver of discomfort ran down her spine. She hoped it wasn't what she was thinking… She stood there for a moment… maybe it was better if she would just leave and pretend she didn't see him… She didn't have enough strength for him too. She didn't have the strength for another lack of trust speech. In that moment, she didn't have the strength to even just meet his gaze. She was too tired for everything. She was about to give up and leave when Tom turned around; with his phone in the hands, he was about to make a call but stopped the moment he saw her.

"Hey," Tom said, very quietly. He sounded aloof, but the concern was written all over his face. He certainly knew about Zach's accident.

Right now, she couldn't care less about his concern. "What are you doing here?" She asked in a serious, cold tone.

She saw him stiffen. "Working," he said with the same cold tone.

"Mr. Bryant…" The nurse called him, interrupting the frosty conversation. "Here are the toxicological screening and the blood alcohol levels, you have to sign here."

As Tom gave his attention to the nurse and to the necessary bureaucracy, Alicia didn't move. She couldn't believe it. Blood alcohol levels… he was really on the taxi driver case, wasn't he? She didn't know if it was some kind of joke, but she didn't like it. She didn't want him on that case. She didn't want to have anything to do with him at all. She waited, arms folded, till he was done and he turned his attention back to her. "Drop it," she stated with a flat tone. She was trying to keep calm and to get her rising anger under control.

Tom stared at her for a moment. "No," he replied with a calm, yet very firm tone.

She couldn't understand. She really couldn't understand why he was doing it. All she knew was that she didn't want him on this case. She didn't want him around, asking questions to Zach. Because she knew that he had to question him, sooner or later. "Why this case, Tom? Why this?"

"Because Peter put me on it," he replied, harshly. "I have to go now." He didn't add anything. He walked past her, close enough to imperceptibly brush against her arm.

She breathed deeply. How could Peter… With quick, nervous steps, she hurried back, rushing into Zach's room. Peter turned to stare at her, looking confused.

"Why _him_?" She asked. Her voice was low to not disturb Zach's sleep, but even that way her anger was clear.

"W… what? Him who?" Peter asked, clearly oblivious.

"Why Tom? Of all the prosecutors you could have put on this case, why Tom?" Her words were slowly articulated, in the attempt to keep her cool.

Peter hesitated for a moment. "I didn't put him… he asked for it…"

He didn't… He asked… This… This was _not_ what Tom had just told her. He _wanted_ to be on this case… Alicia was confused. Why in the world…

"Alicia…" Peter's voice brought her back from her thoughts. "I know it's… it's none of my business and I'm not even sure I even have the right to put my oar in it… but… whatever happened… between you two… you clearly have to talk…"

_You clearly have to tal_k. Talking. How funny. That was exactly what had led them to where they stood now. "I'm going home…"

* * *

If sight could wear objects out, her Blackberry would undoubtedly be scrap by now. She had lied down by Grace's side but barely slept for an hour. She had lost count of the times she had thrown glances at her phone on the nightstand. Peter hadn't called yet. Either he had fallen asleep or there was nothing new. _You clearly have to tal_k. Those words coming from him had sounded so weird… almost wrong. But they were stuck in her mind and wouldn't leave her.

Grace stretched out and opened her eyes, expressing surprise on her face as she saw her mother lying next to her. "How's Zach?"

"Still asleep," Alicia whispered. Her phone started to vibrate, making both jump. "Or maybe not," she quickly added as she read Peter's name on the screen. "Hello."

"Awake, aching and complaining that he's hungry," Peter said.

Alicia laughed. It was such a Zach thing to say. "We're on our way," she said, already jumping out of the bed.

But what she found when she reached the hospital wasn't what she was expecting though. Zach's expression was… Alicia looked at Peter, questioningly.

"He asked… I had to tell him…" Peter said, clearly referring to Ryan's death. He looked up as his phone started to ring.

Alicia recognized the name on the screen but didn't say anything. Instead, she sat close to Zach, keeping one ear on the phone conversation. She caught some words… pre-trial… testify… not enough to get the point of the whole discussion. As Peter hung up, she gave him a questioning look.

"The pre-trial is in three days," Peter said. "Tom is coming tomorrow to ask Zach some questions about the accident," he said with a faint voice.

She sighed. She knew that it was necessary but had hoped that it wouldn't be so soon.

"I'll stay here with Zach," he said in a whisper.

She knew perfectly well what he meant, but if there was something she didn't want, it was to not be there for her son while he had to relive such a painful experience, although it would be equally painful for her to stay in the same room with Tom, even if it was just for the time of a quick interrogation. "No… it's okay," she said as she shook her head. "I'll stay."


	28. Chapter 28

"Are you worried?" Alicia asked with some concern. Tom would be there in a few minutes to question him. Although it was just a preliminary interview, she knew that it was going to be hard.

"No," Zach replied. "Should I?" He asked with a faint voice.

Alicia smiled softly. "No… he… this person will just ask you some questions and… I'll be right here if you need something…"

She stood up again to go and peep outside the door, nervously, for the umpteenth time. But she had a start as she opened it and found Tom standing, only a few inches away, his hand up, closed in a fist, evidently about to knock. Her body tensed. It was like being brought back a few months in time, when his eyes used to make her nervous, uncomfortable. When his proximity made her back away. She instinctively took a step back. "Hey," she said, looking down.

"Hey," Tom replied in a faint voice. The tension that filled the room was such that it could be cut with a knife. At least she could blame the accident and everything that would come along with it.

She stepped aside, letting him walk a few steps into the room, then quickly reached Zach's side.

"Zach… this is the person I told you about… the prosecutor," Alicia said, trying to sound calm and reassuring, "Mr. Tom Bryant."

Tom took the chair in the corner and placed it close to Zach's bed. "Hey Zach," he said with a light smile. The tone of his voice was soft and reassuring. He laid the folder in his hands on his legs, but didn't open it.

Watching the scene, Alicia couldn't help but think about how wrong it was. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She had pictured the moment Tom would meet the kids so many times since they decided to come out into the open. And in all her pictures, it was at home. Sometimes in front of a good dinner, sometimes in the living room with the warm comfort of the couch. When she was anxious, she saw herself with a glass of wine. But never ever had she imagined it to happen like this. She got a lump in her throat and could still not understand how things had gone from heaven to hell in a few damn days.

"Hey," Zach said, throwing a quick glance at his mother, probably in search for reassurance. Alicia smiled at him.

"How is the pain? Strong?" Tom asked, clearly trying to make Zach feel at ease before starting the real questions.

"No… it's… bearable," Zach replied very quietly. He didn't show any sign of anxiety. "But I'm hungry… they don't let me eat anything," he whispered, leaning towards Tom in a gesture of confidence.

Alicia couldn't help but laugh. "You will have all the time you need to gorge yourself when you get back home," she said, smiling.

"Well," Tom started, "if everything goes the way I've planned it… I promise you that the next time we meet, it will be in front of a giant pizza with pepperoni," he said, with a wink.

Alicia smiled, and stared at Tom, deeply, trying to hide the anguish she felt inside. It was wrong. It was all wrong.

"But now… you already know why I am here, right?" Tom asked, bringing the conversation around to the reason of his visit here.

Zach nodded.

"Okay," Tom started, with some hesitation.

The tension between them only added to the already difficult situation. They were so close… yet, Tom would barely look at her. His gaze fixed on Zach, he seemed to avoid meeting her eyes, and it made Alicia suffer even more. But maybe it was better this way… After all, he wasn't here for her. He was clearly here only for Zach. Or maybe not? She remembered Peter's words. _I didn't put him… he asked for it…_ What did that mean? Was she supposed to read into that, that some kind of _interest_ was still there? Or was she just making something out of nothing?

"I need to ask you a few questions. I don't want to make you tired, I know you're weak… In most cases, a yes or no will be enough, or you can nod or shake your head, if you prefer. Okay?" He asked, soothingly.

"Okay," Zach answered.

"Good…," Tom said with a smile. "First… I want to explain to you what I want…" He said looking up at Alicia. It was the first time he looked at her since he had entered the room. Alicia looked at him and lightly nodded. She knew that this was for her, too.

"The person who… ran down you and your friend, he was drunk and what he did was a serious crime and the law provides for imprisonment up to 14 years." Tom said, seriously.

Alicia noticed how he didn't pause after saying "friend" but got right back to the taxi driver. It didn't give Zach the time to lose his concentration and think about Ryan.

"It's called reckless homicide and my intention is to not discount him a single day… but there are some… _variables_… and that's why I am here," Tom explained.

Variables. Alicia stiffened. What did he mean by _variables_?

"The defense will probably cling to everything possible to try and reduce the sentence and I need the absolute certainty that they won't have any kind of pretext," Tom said, his gaze fixed on Zach. "They might imply that you weren't completely… _responsive_, compromising the chance to avoid the impact…"

"Are you asking me if I drank alcohol and things like that?" Zach asked with a raised brow.

Tom smiled. "I see you are a smart kid… alcohol, pot... light drugs…" Tom said, not hiding some hesitation.

Pot? Light drugs? What did he… "Zach would never do it!" Alicia blew up, offended. Zach wasn't that kind of guy. How could Tom even insinuate such things?

"Alicia," Tom looked up at her, with a light reproach in his eyes. "I'm not doubting it… but I need to hear it from him..." Tom said. His voice gave away a hint of annoyance, but at the same time his eyes were reassuring and understanding.

She knew very well how it worked, she was a lawyer after all. It was just that… it wasn't easy to hear your son being asked such questions…

"I need the certainty that you were completely lucid because… while as a prosecutor I have to disclose every evidence I gather… the defense is not… and I want to be sure that they don't have anything that might in some way reduce the sentence…" Tom explained with a very quiet tone.

"I just had a bottle of beer," Zach said, glancing at Alicia. "Nothing else."

"A bottle of beer," Tom repeated. "Okay… and nothing else…"

"Nothing else," Zach repeated, lightly shaking his head.

"Good," Tom said with a nod.

Alicia looked at him and met his eyes. She smiled lightly, relieved that nothing more than a beer had come out from the conversation.

Tom returned the smile, briefly, then gave his attention back to Zach. "Okay, now I won't ask you how the accident happened… there are witnesses and police records for that, " he said, looking down for a moment at the folder, still sitting on his legs. "I just need to know what _you_ have seen… Did you notice the taxi coming up?"

Zach nodded, a hint of confusion on his face.

"And what did you do?" Tom asked, not breaking eye contact with him.

Alicia looked at Zach and noticed the hesitation in his eyes. She tensed and concern started to grow in her.

"I… I thought he had seen us…" Zach said.

Alicia looked down at Zach, nervously, then raised her gaze to meet Tom's eyes. By the look they exchanged it was clear that they were thinking the same.

"So… this is why you didn't brake immediately…" Tom asked in confirmation.

Zach nodded.

"What happened then?" Tom asked.

"When I realized that he wasn't slowing down I slammed on the brakes and I sheered left," Zach explained, with a faint voice.

Alicia closed her eyes for a moment. It was like living the accident with him. He could have avoided it… or maybe not… who knows? Maybe they would have ended up only lightly bruised and scared… When she noticed Zach looking at her, she tried to hide her thoughts behind a reassuring smile.

Tom nodded. "I would have done the same…" He said with a reassuring tone. "Good… now… the defense will probably want you to give a deposition as soon as you are out of this room. I'll do my best to avoid it. It's already hard as it is, I certainly don't want them to break you down on the stand… Should they come here to ask you questions like I did… make sure that your mother or your father are with you… they know the law and will intervene if the questions get tough. Okay?"

"Okay…" Zach said, nodding.

"Now I have to go… Rest up and recover soon… I owe you a pepperoni pizza," Tom said with a smile, as he stood up and turned to leave.

Alicia gave him a light smile, and followed him with a gaze as he left. She looked at Zach. "I'll be right back, dear," she told him, as she stood up and with hurried steps she followed Tom.

"Tom!" She called to him, loudly. He was already walking past the reception and turned around upon hearing her voice.

She stopped a few steps away, letting him take the few steps back and get close to her. Without Zach's presence between them, everything felt so… uncomfortable and cold again. For a moment, she wondered why she had even followed him. Standing there with her arms folded, she opened her mouth to speak but hesitated. "Do you think… that he might have avoided it?" She asked, her eyes filled with worry.

Tom sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on the reception desk. "I don't know…" he shrugged. "Maybe… or maybe not," he said looking at her.

Following his own gesture, she leaned against the desk and looked away. "I don't want him to feel guilty for the rest of his life."

Tom gave her a light, yet reassuring smile. "He won't… he's young, he'll get over it."

Alicia nodded. Yes, he would probably get over it. One day.

She looked back at Tom and met his eyes. He was so close that she could feel the warmth of his body even through the coat. It felt like so much time had passed from their last conversation in his office. It was in fact not even a week. She missed him. She didn't want them to be so cold and tense. She looked away. She surely didn't want him to read her feelings in his eyes. And damn if he was good at reading her. "Why did you want to be on this case?" She asked, throwing the question casually, when in reality it wasn't casual at all.

Tom looked away. He didn't even try to insist that Peter had put him on it. Alicia's question made it very clear that she knew the truth. "I… I just want to make sure that that man gets the maximum sentence."

Alicia nodded and looked down. For some reason, that wasn't the answer she was expecting, those weren't the words she had hoped to hear. But honestly… why should she expect more? If he was the one to break it off, she certainly didn't do anything to avoid it and didn't even cling to that tiny glimmer he had given her. _One reason_. She never gave him the reason he needed, did she? And this wasn't clearly the right moment, if there would ever be a right moment again. "Okay," she said, trying to hide the disappointment with a hinted smile, then walked back to the man who really needed her now. Her son.


	29. Chapter 29

"Don't worry, Alicia, I got it." Will's voice was reassuring and very understanding. Still, she couldn't help but feel guilty for all of the time she was taking off from the firm, even if it was for her son.

When both firm and family needed the most from her, she had found herself in the unpleasant position of having to make a choice. A quite obvious one, of course, since she'd never prioritize a single billable hour over her kids. The last two weeks had gone by between long visits at the hospital and quick briefings at the firm, just to make sure that the world was still turning even without her and that her clients were getting their due attention. Zach was recovering pretty quickly. Youth was on his side and in few days he'd be able to come back home. It was like the end of a nightmare. But not until that driver would be behind bars for the longest possible time.

Today, after making a quick visit to the firm to make sure that everything was okay, she had decided to drop in at the SA's building to check how the trial was going. She stopped outside the half-closed doors of the courtroom, walking nervously back and forth. Peeping inside, she got a quick glimpse of Tom, standing in front of the judge with his typical confident and a bit arrogant demeanor, then turning around to sit back at the prosecution table.

After stepping away from the doors and back in to the busy hallway she reached for her phone. "If you need anything…" Alicia said with sorrow and total willingness in her voice.

"I will call you," Will concluded for her.

Alicia smiled. "Thank you… for everything…," she said, then hung up. And she really meant it. She had taken over many of Will's clients during his suspension, and now he had gladly shown his gratitude by taking over much of her work when she needed it. Once again, he had been a real lifesaver.

She entered the courtroom with slow, silent steps, tiptoeing very discreetly. Trying to go unnoticed and to not disturb the trial, she took a seat in the last row.

The defense was questioning a woman in her thirties. She remembered already seeing her once on the stand. She was one of the eyewitnesses. Why call her on the stand again? Alicia looked around, concerned. She had no idea if the woman had been called back for this second round of testimony by the prosecution or by the defense.

She straightened up a little to look at the front row. Comfortably sitting, his back resting against the chair, Tom seemed completely relaxed. She caught it as a good sign. He wouldn't be so relaxed if things were tough, would he?

Distracted and a bit lost in her thoughts, she only caught a couple of words from the witness's testimony that made her stiffen. _Hesitation. Late._

"Objection Your Honor!" Tom's powerful voice resounded, strongly and peremptorily, through the large room, as he stood up and threw a quick and annoyed glance at the lawyer from the defense. Alicia couldn't remember ever meeting that man before in court. "The defense is _again_ pressing the witness to change her previous testimony. It has already been ascertained and overly discussed that they guy driving the car involved was completely lucid," Tom insisted, blatantly emphasizing his words for dramatic effect.

"Sustained," the judge said, "Mr. Hamilton, don't influence the witness."

_Mr. Hamilton. _No, she didn't know him. Alicia watched as the man winced his aversion and frustration. "No further questions, your Honor."

"Mr. Bryant, does the prosecution have any further questions for the witness?" The judge asked.

"No, your Honor," Tom replied from his seat.

"Then the court is adjourned for five days," the judge declared, closing the session.

Alicia didn't move from her seat. She watched as the disorderly crowd started to gather in front of the door, leaving in a noisy clamor. Tom was still standing at the prosecution table, exchanging words with his second chair. As he turned to leave, their eyes met. An instant. She could swear she saw the hint of a smile on his face. He stopped for a brief moment, then walked to leave the courtroom with unhurried steps. She sat there and, out of the corner of her eye, she watched him leave. Only then, she stood up and left too. Her instinct told her that he was waiting for her right behind those ground glass doors. Once outside, she peeked around with discretion and there he was. Her instinct was nearly always right. She should definitely listen to it more often. Standing on the other side of the hallway, away from the messy gathering, he was staring at her with a blank face. She hated when she couldn't read him. Slowly, almost with neglect, she approached him.

"Hey," she said, trying her best to look completely indifferent and detached.

"Hey," Tom replied. "Keeping an eye on me?" he said with fake indignity.

"Nope." Alicia smiled lightly. "I trust you," she said. The moment the words were spoken, she realized how wrong, out of place and ironic they sounded. Maybe a bit sneering too. "You are a good prosecutor," she quickly added, as she noticed Tom's face clouding over. "You don't need people… _keeping an eye_ on you."

The discomfort that followed her lame remark seemed to have swallowed any chance for a decent conversation. Till Tom, eventually, broke the awkward silence. "How's Zach?"

"He's fine… that's why I was here, actually… I thought you might want to know that he'll be discharged from the hospital this Friday," she said with a beaming smile.

Tom's face brightened up with a soft smile. "This is undoubtedly the best news of the day," he said, as he lightly brushed her arm. Just an imperceptible touch, but enough for Alicia to feel a shiver run down her spine. "You must be on cloud nine," he said, softly.

"Yes, I am…" she sighed. "Of course it will take a while for the complete recovery," she explained, as she looked down at her feet.

"No pepperoni pizza?" Tom joked.

Alicia laughed. "Don't even think about it!" she reproached him with a smile.

She realized that they hadn't been so at ease, comfortable and relaxed around each other in weeks. For the first time after their break-up, they exchanged more than three sentences without trying to hurt each other. Part of her felt a warmth, a bliss at the much missed proximity. But part of her kept on wondering it things would ever go back as they were. She felt like something between them was fatally compromised and a cloud of gloom covered her face.

Tom looked away for a moment. Alicia didn't know if he had sensed her sudden melancholy or if he simply felt the same. "Speaking of pepperoni pizza…" Tom started. His light smile couldn't hide the hesitation in his voice. "I was… I was about to head out for lunch…" he said, as he looked back at her, nervously. "I thought… I don't know…" he shrugged. "Maybe you feel like keeping me company," he said as he looked down, looking insecure.

Alicia stood there, unable for a moment to utter a single word. Lunch. Did she understand correctly? Had Tom really asked her to join him for lunch? "I…" She tried but failed to put together a simple phrase. What was that supposed to mean in the first place? An innocent lunch? An attempt at a reconciliation? A sign of friendship? She didn't want to delude herself with wrong and too high expectations. But not even she could pretend to act like nothing had ever happened. "I… " She couldn't do it. Not now. She chose to go with a stock excuse. "I was about to go to Zach and…" she looked down, feeling guilty for lying. "Maybe another time," she said with a tense, regretful smile.

Tom looked away, defeated in his appearance. "Ok," he murmured. "Maybe another time," he repeated. "Say hello to Zach," he said with a faint smile.

Alicia nodded and turned to leave. She didn't look back, but could feel his gaze, fixed on her till the moment she left the building.

* * *

Even with the door of Zach's room closed, she could clearly hear the strong laughter and a familiar voice. She opened the door with a smile to see Owen deep into some clearly amusing conversation with her son.

"Hey," she said, her good mood back at the pleasant sight.

"Hey sis! We were missing you! Do you want to join our interesting discussion?" He asked.

"Mmmm… knowing you, I'm not sure I even want to know what the discussion was about," she kidded, as she took her coat off and evicted her brother from the armchair to take his place.

"Have you been to court?" Zach asked her, curiously.

"Yes… nothing new, except that the judge seemed annoyed by the defense lawyer, I guess it should weigh in favor of the prosecution," she told him. "Mr. Bryant says hello to you, by the way, he's happy that you're leaving the hospital soon," she said, carefully avoiding to meet Owen's eyes. She certainly didn't want to give him even the most insignificant, negligible pretext to come out with some joke. She was still trying to absorb the lunch discussion and that was enough to deal with for now.

"Mr. Bryant…" Owen said, pretending to be pensive. His coat only partly put on, he stopped and looked at her. "Where have I heard this name before?"

Alicia threw him a scathing, threatening glance. "He's the prosecutor, that's why you have heard his name before." Her tone was casual in sharp contrast to her glance.

"Oh, now I remember… the lawyer with that hot Irish accent…" Owen said.

"Thanks for keeping Zach company, I won't delay you any further because I know you have somewhere to go," she said, killing him on the spot.

And how in the world did he know about his marked accent? She didn't recall ever telling him such a detail. Unless… Tom had been here a few days before, while she was at the firm. She boggled at the thought that they might have met then, unbeknownst to her. "I'll show you out…" she said, with a hint of concern in her eyes. "I'll be right back, Zach."

Once outside, she carefully closed the door behind them, to make sure that Zach wouldn't hear. "Tell me you didn't meet him," she said, seriously worried at the thought of what Owen might have told him. It was embarrassing only to imagine it.

"Don't worry, I didn't embarrass you, if that's your worry… I stayed in my own little corner, quiet and silent," he said, with a hint of annoyance.

"Quiet and silent is not you… so forgive me if I don't completely trust your words," she reproached him.

"You're always so suspicious," Owen said with fake outrage. "He seems so… attentive and caring… even in his way of relating to Zach…"

Zach. Yes, she was there when Tom first met Zach and loved how easily they had seemed to bond. Not that it meant anything, but it made her smile.

"I have just declined his invitation for lunch," Alicia said with hasty words. Although she didn't know what kind of reaction she would expect from Owen.

"He tries to fix things and you decline?" Owen asked, confused.

"I don't know if he wants to _fix things_, it was just a lunch and…" And she honestly didn't even know why she had declined… She sighed heavily. "I just wasn't ready for that... We'll talk about this later, okay? And thanks for keeping Zach company by the way," she said, as she hugged him.

"Don't mention it," Owen said softly, then left.

Fix things. That wasn't no-second-chances Tom. That wasn't I-can't-forgive Tom at all. Right when she was about to resign herself to the fact that it was over for good, that he didn't have any intention to try and give her – give _them_ – another opportunity, she had found herself in front of an unexpected glimmer and had no idea of what to do with it.

* * *

Fix things. Lunch. Second chance. Her head was whirling with all these thoughts. It was past 11:30pm. She was tired but couldn't get herself to sleep. Sitting on her bed, her phone in her hand, she was looking back at the events of the day, at Owen's words that Tom might want to fix things.

All things considered, she had nothing to lose anyway, right? At worst, they would end up with another argument, back in the place where they already were. Her eyes fixed on the screen, she looked up for a moment, searching for some kind of encouragement in the ceiling, before looking down again and finally persuade herself to press the green button. She didn't even know if he would answer, if he was up in the first place. After all, it was quite late.

"Hallo," Tom answered. The tone of his voice gave away his confusion and plain surprise, probably a hint of worry too.

"Hey," Alicia said with a faint voice. In the background, she could hear his TV on and some loud sound of gunshots. It lasted a moment. Then, the complete silence.

"Hey," Tom said with the same faint voice. "Is everything okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Yes… I'm…" Alicia shook her head. "I'm sorry… it's late and…" Come on. Quick and painless. "I was just wondering if your offer for a lunch still holds." She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, nervously, as she met an awkward silence on the other end.

"11:37pm sounds more like midnight snack than lunch," he said with a light laugh.

Alicia smiled and let out a mild laugh… "I meant…"

"Is tomorrow okay?" He asked.

Tomorrow.

"I…" That was so… _soon_. "Yes, tomorrow is okay," she said with a smile.

"Good… I'll call you in the morning when I'm done with the staff meeting…" Tom said.

"Okay," she said, her voice lightly faltering in anxiety. "Good night," she whispered.

"Good night," Tom whispered back.

She was glad that nobody was around to see the idiotic, yet a bit tense smile printed on her face.


	30. Chapter 30

Alicia had been silently but immensely grateful that Tom didn't go with the Berghoff, avoiding an inevitable discomfort. Instead, he had called her with a reservation already made at the Village. She remembered walking past that restaurant once. With its three arched doors, the brick walls and that sort of clock tower, she had thought that it looked so expensive, even from the outside.

Now, in front of the closed doors of the restaurant, she had a moment of hesitancy. On one hand, at the point where they stood now, she had nothing to lose. On the other one, she felt like everything was still so undecided, unresolved and up for discussion. So much at stake.

With her head held high and a fake confidence, she opened the central glass door.

As soon as she entered, stepping into the wide entrance area, she was invaded by the smell of pizza. On another occasion, it would certainly be sublime, but today that strong smell of tomato and cheese, mixed with her anxiety, only made her feel nauseated. Such a lovely restaurant wasted on an upset stomach.

She stopped right beyond the door. The dark wood of the furniture played a really nice contrast with the light blue panoramas and ochre walls and floors. It was pleasant to the eyes and quite original. Certainly not as over-the-top as the Italian depiction she once saw in Las Vegas, but still, on the whole, it was lightly disorienting at a first sight.

She sighed deeply as she saw Tom standing from one of the near booths and walking towards her. She could tell by his tense, light smile, that if she was nervous about this encounter, Tom clearly wasn't much more relaxed. He stopped a few steps from her.

"Hey," he said. His faint voice was barely audible through the light chaos of the entrance hall.

"Hey," she said, as she silently thanked the background clatter of plates for hiding the quivering of her voice.

With a kind gesture, he invited her to follow him. As she sat, she threw a quick glance around, considering that she liked booths, more than tables. More intimate and discreet, they were surely more suitable for private and ticklish discussions. The downside, though, was that all the discomfort and awkwardness of being there, just her, Tom and their cumbersome issues, bounced off the wooden dividers, back and forth, growing larger and larger to burden the booth.

Here they were. So many things to clear up and not even the slightest idea of where to start. A girl in her twenties, dressed with jeans and a red shirt, approached them with the menus. Alicia watched carefully, yet with discretion, as Tom took them, thanked the girl with a hinted smile, then gave his attention back to her. As they locked eyes, Alicia smiled, trying to hide a bit of discomfort, then looked down and gently took one of the menus from his hands, more to keep her hands and eyes busy rather than for real interest in its content.

"So…" Tom started, breaking the thick silence. His gaze was fixed on the menu, scrolling down the long list of dishes. "What made you change your mind?"

Alicia looked up, pretending to be confused about what he meant, when in reality she knew it perfectly well.

"The lunch…" Tom clarified. "When you said _maybe another time_ I took it as a polite refusal…"

Why did she change her mind? She honestly didn't know herself. Part of her believed Owen's words that Tom wanted to fix it. Part of her would just content herself with knowing _whether _he wanted to or not. But if someone had to answer the first question, that wasn't her. Was she?

"Why did you invite me in the first place?" She asked, her eyes firmly tied to his. After all, he was the one who seemed to have made the first move.

From the look that Tom gave her, he clearly didn't see that coming. He glanced around, looking thoughtful. "I… I don't know… I…" He shrugged, then looked down, apparently searching for words. "Everything fell apart so fast and," he said, looking back at her with sad eyes. "I just needed a reason," he dared to say, with a faint voice.

Alicia swallowed, then looked away. "No reason would have fitted and you know it." For him, it had always been a matter of trust. Any other word, anything other than that, it would have been insignificant. "I… I just needed time, Tom…" How could she even start to explain to him that two months were not enough to build a relationship? They had rushed into things, just to have their fingers burnt at the first obstacle.

"And I needed you to give me some credit, Alicia… But you didn't and you still don't after all," Tom said, with delusion in his voice.

What did he mean? _You still don't_. She stared at him confused, questioningly.

"The waitress…" Tom said, with a light reproach.

Was he hinting that she might be possibly be jealous of that girl?

"I didn't…" Alicia started, but stopped as she saw Tom's don't-even-try-to-deny look.

Ok, maybe she gave her some weird look… but it wasn't the real point.

"It's… it's not about you… It's about me," she said, frustrated.

"No, Alicia. That's the point," Tom said, his eyes fixed on hers, not giving her the chance to look away. "This is not about you, it's about _us_! There isn't any me or you…. We are a couple!"

Alicia froze. We _are_ a couple. She gave him an astonished look. He still saw them as a couple. In spite of what had happened. In spite of the break-up. In spite of all their issues and incomprehension. He still didn't give up hope on them. She noticed Tom's expression change, as he noticed her confusion.

"I meant… we _were_ a couple," he corrected himself.

Of course. They _were_. Alicia nodded. Yes. They were. She didn't like past tense. She never liked past tense. She looked away, not wanting him to see the delusion in her eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him leaning back.

"Everything we do… or we say… it rebounds on the relationship," he said, looking away. "Your issues are mine as well…"

She knew it perfectly well. She'd spent half of her life in the same relationship. She didn't need lessons. Moreover…

"You have a weird way of showing it," she whispered, looking down.

Tom stared at her, seriously. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm not surprised that all your relationships fail," she said, keeping his gaze. She saw him stiffen nervously in his seat. "This is not about forgiving or giving second chances… You don't give relationships the time to grow, because you flee at the first snag." The tone of her voice was unbelievably quiet and relaxed, in extreme contrast with her blood boiling inside.

"I didn't leave… and even less I wanted _you_ to leave," Tom said with hasty words, certainly not caring to hide his growing turmoil.

_He didn't leave_? For what she could remember, yes, he pretty much did it.

They both seemed to want the same thing, but whatever they said, it just pushed them farther apart and only contributed to raising the wall of misunderstanding.

Alicia sighed deeply. Her frustration, like a black hole, sucked her words back in before they could leave her mouth.

Tom wasn't completely wrong, though. He had once said that people don't change. Maybe there was some truth in that.

"You know… on one thing you are right," she said with a faint voice. "People don't change. But it's not that they can't. It's because they don't want…." She stopped to watch Tom's reaction. Leaning against his seat, he was looking at her, head down, confused. "I don't wanna change. Not now. My issues are my defense as well. I _need_ them to protect myself," she said, with slow and well articulated words. "Maybe it will change with time, maybe not, I cannot know that now…" She shrugged.

Tom's face was plain confusion. He clearly had no idea where all of this was leading. Nevertheless, he leaned forward again, reducing the distance between them.

"If you really think that we _still_ are a couple," she said, reminding him of his own words, "then you have to accept the whole package. Me, my fears, my issues. You have to give time to me, to _us_… You don't build a relationship in two months… You can barely call it a relationship after two months…"

Her first instinct that they were rushing things had proved to be correct. She regretted not having listened to it. Maybe things would have gone in a different way. Maybe they wouldn't be here blaming each other for having failed.

"If you…" The lump in her throat ate her words. She stopped, then looked away. "If you can't accept me like this… then the problem is yours, not mine… You clearly have issues as well."

She stood up, slowly, in the vain hope that Tom would stop her, that he would say something, anything to keep her there.

She was already a couple of feet from the table when she heard his voice and stopped, not looking back.

"You asked me why I wanted to be on that driver's case…" Tom said, his words hurried.

Alicia turned around, but showed no intention to get close to him. She stood there, expectantly. Yes, she had asked him. And his answer had been, clearly, a lie.

"Because I love you…," he said.

Alicia tensed.

"Because I care for you, because Zach is part of you and by proxy I care for him too…" Alicia caught some quivering in his voice but didn't move.

"But it doesn't matter, right? Of course it doesn't. Because I just flee at the first snag…" He said with a hint of irony in his voice.

Alicia sighed deeply, searching for something, anything to say… Words failed. She looked down, and turned away.


	31. Chapter 31

Alicia was starting to feel hot. She didn't know if it was the second round of tequila finally releasing its shooting, numbing ingredient or rather the fact the place was too crowded for a weeknight. More likely it was the combination of the two.

"So…" Kalinda started, giving her a knowing look, "what happened that you need two shots to talk about it?" She smiled, lightly.

It had been… _how long? She couldn't even remember… _too long since Alicia last sat at a bar counter with her friend. Alicia knew very well that Kalinda was going through her own mess and had preferred to not intervene, press her, then add to that drop all of her own recent worries and issues on her. Sometimes she wondered how Kalinda could do it. Keeping everything inside, never confiding in anyone. But over the years she'd gotten so used to her secrecy and lack of confidences, to the point that it barely annoyed her anymore.

She stared into the distance, pondering for a moment how to even start that conversation. "I think I managed to screw it up," she said, thoughtfully, then turned to scan Kalinda's face for a reaction and met her confused look.

"I thought _he_ screwed it up?" She said, then sipped very calmly from her glass.

Alicia considered her words. Technically Kalinda was right. Tom was the one who dropped her in the first place, wasn't he?

"Well… let's say that I gave it the final blow…" She said. Yes, it was more correct this way and truer to reality. It was really the final blow. "I…," she stopped, pensively. How could she define the outcome of their lunch? "I told him to take all his issues, mine and his inability for being in a relationship and go to hell…" She said, then gestured for the bartender to pour another shot. She caught a glimpse of Kalinda's look of skepticism and quickly corrected herself. "Okay, maybe I didn't use those exact words but… the point is…" Damn, at the thought of her discussion with Tom she still felt frustration, bewilderment and disbelief – not to mention, a touch of boiling anger, too – at how it was supposed to go and how it went instead. "Why do men think they are allowed to have issues and expect us to blank out ours in less than no time?" She felt her voice rising and tried to calm down, finishing almost all of her third round in one quick motion, as she mentally forced herself not to ask for another one.

"Male universe is an inconsistent mystery…" Kalinda said, very quietly.

"Is that why you became… flexible?" Alicia asked with an amused look.

Kalinda threw her a bemused glance. "Probably… So now what?" She asked, bringing the discussion back where it started.

"I don't know…" Alicia said with a shrug. "I got everything off my chest… it's up to him now to take it or leave it," she said with a faint voice. She could barely hear her words in that chaos and wondered if Kalinda managed to hear her.

Kalinda sighed lightly. "Men have the unpleasant tendency to leave it," she said, then stopped.

Alicia gave her a look of disbelief. Wasn't she supposed to make her feel better?

"At least 95% of them are," Kalinda added.

Well. Statistics certainly weren't on her side, were they? "Great. I have five chances out of a hundred that Tom is not one of them. It could have been worse," Alicia joked, before taking the last sip from her glass. "Okay… I better go before I give into the temptation for a fourth one," she said, gesturing at the now empty glass. She stood up, slightly staggering under the destabilizing effect of alcohol. She caught the concerned expression on Kalinda's face.

"Need a ride?" Kalinda asked, not hiding a hint of worry.

It was only a few blocks. Plus she really needed some fresh air. "Thanks, but I'll have a walk," Alicia said, thanking her with a smile.

* * *

She wasn't used to drinking so much tequila anymore. She sank into her couch and had to close her eyes to make the living room stop spinning around her. She hated that feeling of dizziness. Alcohol was fun with good company, when she didn't mind having her senses a bit heightened. Surely not when the result was her lying alone and sick. _Note to myself: never, never, never have more than two shots, anymore_.

The buzzing in her head was momentarily interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She didn't even want to know who it could be that late. Probably Owen, in which case she wasn't in the physical condition to survive his rattling on. As the doorbell rang for the second time, she winced in annoyance. She was tempted to answer that nobody was in. She waited patiently, hopeful that the unwelcome visitor would give in to the lack of an answer. Instead, she heard a third ring. She lifted her head. They weren't going to yield, were they?

She slowly stood up, struggling to keep her balance, and as she walked her way to the front door, she wisely chose to give warning of her presence, just to avoid a fourth ring. "I'm coming!" She growled, making sure that her disappointment showed, loud and clear, through her words.

As she opened the door to her visitor, she froze. _Tom_. Talk about unexpected. She didn't say anything. Nor did she move to let him in. Instead, she leaned against the doorframe, arms folded, covering the inner upheaval with a mask of indifference.

"Hey," Tom whispered.

He was there. At her door. So late at night. She smiled inside. He'd never show up that late just to ruin her sleep, right? His eyes were a blaze of apology, which she pretended not to notice. She gave him a questioning look, firmly refusing to say even a single word.

But much to her surprise, Tom didn't say anything. Instead, he took a step forward, stopping only few inches away from her. Okay, it wasn't easy to ignore that gaze at such a short distance.

"Why are you here?" She asked, then realized how the soft tone of her voice jarred with what, in her intentions, were supposed to be unwelcoming words.

Tom had a moment of hesitancy, probably taken aback by her question. Was he really convinced that it would be that easy? That she would just let him in like nothing had ever happened?

She gave him a serious look, to make sure he got the message that she needed more than just him to show up at her door. Way more.

Tom didn't move any further, but nor did he gave sign to step back – even imperceptibly. "To stay," he said with a faint voice.

Alicia melted inside. In her mind, her arms were already flung around his neck, her lips covering his with passionate kisses. Outwardly, she forced herself to keep her straight face. She knew how hard it should be for him to say those words. _To stay_. She felt a shiver running down her spine. "For how long, Tom?" She asked, letting her fears leak through her words.

"Till you will have to kick me out of the window to get rid of me," Tom said, as a hint of smile appeared on his tense face.

Alicia stared at him, inscrutable and stern. "Don't tempt me."

Tom looked down. For once, he was the one unable to keep her gaze.

"You hurt me," Alicia whispered.

Tom looked up to meet her eyes again. "You did, too…"

"I need to know that I can count on you," Alicia said with worry. "I…" she hesitated, as she searched for the right words. "I can't think of… starting a life with someone I can't rely on. I thought I was…" she said, as she remembered one of the first encounters, "but… I'm not… I just can't." How irresponsible and reckless had she been?

"I know," was all that Tom could say.

"I was…" she swallowed, then looked away. "I was about to tell my kids about us… You knew what that meant for me…" She didn't know where she found the strength to hold back tears. "I can't… I can't bring in to their lives someone who's going to cut and run when things get difficult."

"I don't want to run…" Tom said, looking away. "I don't want to go anywhere… I liked what we had… I… I miss it…" The nostalgia that filled his eyes was painful to watch.

Alicia looked away. Damn if she wanted things to go back as they were. But… "I need time," she said in a faint voice, as she looked down.

She caught Tom tensing and looked back up to see him look away, defeated. "I'm not going to tell the kids, not for a while…" she said, reassuring him that she wasn't talking about taking time from him. "Not until we'll both feel…" she paused, searching for the right words, "totally confident… about each other… about our relationship…"

Tom nodded. "No more pressures…"

"No more pressures," Alicia repeated, softly. She sighed inwardly, then took a few shaky steps back into her apartment – _damn tequila_ -, leaving the front door open for him to follow her.

"Looks like someone had one too many drinks," Tom said, not hiding some concern. "Hope I'm… not the cause…" he added, hesitatingly.

_Yes, you are_. "Nope," she lied, "just me underestimating my limits."

She stopped in the middle of the living room, then turned around to face him. Her head kept throbbing painfully at each step but she tried to ignore it. She just stood there, waiting for Tom to get near her. As he stopped in front of her, she closed her eyes in a mix of anguish and relief. She breathed deeply in his musky scent – _God if she missed him_ – and leaned forward, letting him place a soft kiss on her forehead, then resting in his tight embrace. She missed him, she missed the contact with his body, with his skin. She missed his lips and his hands. She missed how it felt to be with him, to hear his voice whispering soft – and some less innocent - words in her ears. "Out of the window, mmmh?" She asked, repeating his previous words.

"Out of the window," Tom repeated, "because if you kick me out of the door, I'll find a way to step back in."

Well, it made perfect sense.

She opened her eyes to meet his gaze. It had been way too long since they'd been so close to each other. She smiled softly at him, as she leaned forward, closing the little distance with a first chaste, light kiss. The contact with his lips gave her butterflies in her stomach. She shivered, then opened her mouth to let their kiss become deeper, more passionate and urging. In spite of her head still aching, she clung on to him, holding on to his neck, firmly. The next moment, she was lying on her bed, Tom's mouth covering every exposed part of her body with hungry, longing kisses, as she struggled to take his pants and briefs off, quickly. Her skirt pulled almost completely up, she sighed deeply at the feeling of his erection against the thin fabric of her panties.

She gently took his face in her hands, guiding him back up to stare into his eyes. She caught a hint of worry, - maybe that she might have changed her mind? - and smiled softy, reassuringly. It was same look of love and passion he used to give her before, but deepened, probably by the awareness that being with her involved more dedication, care and commitment. A lot more. And this was from his side. As for her, she was pretty sure that with these premises, knowing he seemed really ready to face up to the responsibilities that would come from them being together, working on her trust issues would certainly be much easier.


	32. Chapter 32

A confused, light clatter woke up Alicia from the early morning half-sleep. It took her a very brief moment to recollect the previous night's events. _Tom_. He hadn't been some kind of hallucination caused by the alcohol, right? Still not enough awake to move a single finger, she peeped around her bedroom. Her skirt was lying on the floor, lightly creased, so was Tom's shirt. She smiled. No, it wasn't an hallucination. She moved to roll on her other side and winced. She hated to wake up with a hangover. Actually, she couldn't even remember ever waking up with a hangover. Maybe in college, once. So much time had passed that it felt as if it belonged to another life, or to someone else.

It was barely dawn with just a hint of sunlight threatening to change night into day. And she couldn't remember turning the alarm off. How early was it? She quickly glanced at the clock. Only 06:20am. Without turning, she stretched an arm to touch him. But instead of Tom's warm skin, she met an empty pillow. The pillowcase was cold, he'd probably been up for a while and it worried her a little bit. She forced herself to sit up and grabbed Tom's shirt, quickly wrapping up in it. It was the closest thing to the bed and she was damn freezing.

In the still dim apartment, she saw the lights on in the kitchen and walked towards it, silently. With his back to her, Tom didn't notice her discreet presence. Leaning against the doorframe, she smiled at the nice image of him meddling with her kitchenware. The smell of coffee and French toast pervaded the room, making her stomach grumble in hunger. Not that it was surprising, she had skipped both lunch and dinner the day before. Actually… now she understood why the alcohol had hit her so hard. Damn, she had an empty stomach. Not the smartest thing to do…

"Hey," she said very softly, not wanting to give him a heart attack. Or to drop all that bounty.

Tom had a light start. "Hey," he said with a soft smile. "Sorry… I didn't mean to wake you up," he apologized, placing a tray on the counter.

Alicia shook her head in reassurance and entered the room to get near him. "You didn't," she said, as she placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Why are you up so early, by the way?" She asked, with a bit of concern, looking over the mouth-watering result of his efforts.

"I just couldn't sleep," he said with a soft voice, as he filled two glasses with orange juice. "And I have to go home for a change of clothes before going to the office," he added with a smile.

Alicia caught him peering at his shirt. Or at her naked body beneath. She wasn't sure. But from his smile, it was safe to presume he was relishing the tantalizing combination of her naked body beneath his shirt. Still, there was something in the way he seemed to avoid her gaze, in the way his words sounded a bit elusive.

Alicia tilted her head, then moved, only a few inches, to put herself between him and the counter, getting his full attention. "What's up?" She asked, sweetly.

With a soft smile, Tom circled her waist and gently lifted her up to sit on the counter. "Nothing… I… I just…" He looked down for a moment, with hesitancy. "We'll make it work, right?" He finally asked in a whisper. "Because I don't want to lose you again."

Alicia didn't say anything. He always seemed so confident in everything he did, in everything he said. She wasn't used to his vulnerable side. She didn't even know he had one in the first place, till the night before when, his head down, he had shown up at her door. She couldn't give him the reassurance of something she didn't know herself, could she? She couldn't promise him that they'd make it work, could she? Sure she felt the same. The last few weeks had been so painful. And it was even more painful to think that all of that happened for their stubbornness and inability to communicate. Now, they were just starting all over again, resetting their relationship. They had just promised to each other, only few hours before, that they would do their best to overcome their issues together. There was no certainty in it. But there was for sure the desire and the willingness to work on it. _Together_. She didn't say anything. Instead, she just smiled.

Tom gave her a confused look. "Is it funny?"

"Noooo," she quickly reassured him. "It is sweet and.." She looked away for a moment, an amused smile on her face, pretending to be pensive, "…human!" She whispered in his ear, saucy.

"Human, mmmh?" He whispered back, with fake outrage.

She hummed her assent, and shivered as she felt his hands running up and down her spine, slowly, gently. She arched slightly under the light tickling and stretched her arms around his neck.

The stillness of the early morning felt almost unreal. The steady ticking of the clock and their whisperings were the only sound. Why were they whispering anyway? It wasn't like they could wake up someone… _Wake up someone_… Only in that moment Alicia realized the odd coincidence… Or wasn't that a coincidence at all that Peter wanted Grace to sleep at his place for the night? She leaned back a bit and threw him a questioning look. "How… how did you know that Grace wasn't home last night?"

"What?" Tom asked, then turned his back on her to give his attention back to the breakfast.

He didn't really do it, did he? She shook her head in disbelief. "You asked Peter to keep Grace for the night," she stated very quietly. Her accusatory look was completely lost on him, though, since he pretended to be busy with the pots. Arms folded, she waited patiently for his confession.

"Okay," he finally admitted, turning to meet her probing gaze. "I had to be sure you had no way of escape," he said with a yielding gesture.

Alicia looked at him with plain confusion. For a brief moment, words failed her. "Way of what?"

Tom moved close to her, his expression between guilty and amused. "You have the… tiresome habit of leaving me in the middle of lunches…" he justified himself, "or even before…" He said with a smile.

Her confusion turned into realization. Well, she had to admit that the last time they didn't even manage to go through the menu. But it wasn't all her fault, was it? She would never leave if he didn't give her reasons to.

"In the long run, you have to admit that it becomes… a bit embarrassing," Tom explained, miming the bit with his fingers, "and very irritating," he whispered with a hint of fake reproach in his voice.

Alicia let out a mild laugh. So that was the reason? He felt the need to corner her? "You know… I could as well have slammed the door on you last night," she said, knowingly.

"Nahhh, you'd never do that," Tom replied with a smirk, as he circled her waist.

_I'd never do that?_ What made him think it? Yes, if she was to be honest with herself, she had pretty much forgiven him the moment she opened the door, but that wasn't the point.

"I hate you," she said calmly, not hiding a fake grudge.

Tom reacted with a soft laugh. "It's not true," he said, sweetly, as he held her closer.

"Yes I do," she persisted. But her words were unconvincing to her ears too. "I hate how you use my predictability against me."

Tom nodded, amused, then placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She clearly didn't hate him enough to stop him. Instead, she returned the kiss with more delicate kisses.

"Then," Tom whispered, "try to amaze me." His voice really left no room for doubt as what his intentions were. Nor did his hands, which softly, yet with firm confidence, caressed her thighs, up and down, teasingly.

Amaze him? "Mmmmh, I thought I already did last night…" She whispered with faux offense. Yes, she was pretty sure she did. The relatively long separation combined with the after-effects of tequila, had certainly done the trick.

Tom looked away, pretending not to remember. "Then… I think you'll have to amaze me again," he teased her.

Alicia stared at him, pensively. The last few weeks had been such a pain, she wasn't going to let things be that easy for him, was she?

"Not before you will have amazed me with this inviting breakfast," she said, drawing lightly back and turning to admire the full tray. "I still have to recover from last night's tequila."

"That's what happens to good girls who want to play bad," Tom promptly got in a dig at her.

_Touché_. Alicia stiffened a little but didn't answer. With a provocative smile, she cast a sidelong glance at him, then stole a piece of French toast from one of the plates. "Good girl, mmmhhh?" She said, then took a small bite. "That's what I am? A good girl?"

"Good girl," Tom repeated, looking amused, probably by her reaction.

Alicia didn't like the thought of having – _she still didn't know how to define him… Boyfriend? Fiancé? Intimate friend? Sooner or later, she'd have to come up with an answer, with a point of view of how to introduce him – _a man who considered her a 'good girl'. Breakfast could totally wait.

The French toast still in her hands, she got off the counter and walked slowly, swaying her hips sensually, back to the bedroom.

The silent, though explicit invitation didn't get lost. She heard the click of the kitchen's light being turned off, then quick steps approaching, and smiled in expectation.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: I have the habit of thanking all my reviewers, one by one. This note goes to all those who don't have an account but always take the time to read and review. Thanks for following my story and for being always so nice!**

* * *

With a relieved smile on her face, Alicia still couldn't believe that the day had finally come. At the hospital with Peter, she was signing Zach's discharge form. It was Friday. Zach was finally going back home. Of course he still needed time to recover. For this reason, Peter had offered to stay with them for the weekend. The old guest room was still there. That same room where he had slept for months after his release. It needed to be tidied up a bit though. Over the last few months it had begun to look like a sort of storage room, but for a couple of days, it would serve the purpose. They would have time later for better arrangements. Peter's idea of keeping Zach at his place was immediately discarded. With the bedrooms upstairs, the continuous trips up and down would only be problematic and counter-productive, since Zach needed rest.

Paper and pen in her hands, Alicia heard her phone ringing. Since in all likelihood it was Tom, she made a quick grab for it in her purse to not miss the call and nearly let everything drop on the floor.

Her phone now precariously and deftly stuck between her ear and her shoulder, she somehow managed to answer.

"Hello," she said with a ringing voice.

"Good morning," Tom replied with the same ringing, bright voice.

Alicia smiled. "Good morning to you! I note some good humor in your voice."

Tom sighed. "You know," he whispered, confidentially, "rumor has it that the woman I love has finally given in to my pleas."

"Really?" Alicia replied, faking surprise. "'Cause I heard you're still on probation."

"Am I?" Tom said between laughter.

"Yes you are," she said with a singsong voice.

"So," Tom started, "are you still at the hospital?"

"Yep, I just finished signing the discharge papers right now," she said, as she placed the signed packet of forms and pen back on the reception desk. "I can't wait to have Zach back home," she sighed. "Any news from the trial?" For a moment, Tom didn't answer. Instead, she heard a light sigh, which wasn't promising of anything good.

"Nothing good, right now," he said with clear disappointment. "They're still trying to object to the DUI."

Alicia gaped in shock. "Are they kidding?"

"I'm going now to look at the crossing's surveillance video again to check that there wasn't any irregularity in the arrest procedure."

"What would happen then?" Alicia asked, concerned, as she started to walk slowly towards Zach's room.

"The maximum sentence could drop to one or two years," he replied with a bit of discouragement.

Alicia stopped in the middle of the hallway and leaned against the wall, looking down at her feet. "Sometimes… I really wonder on which side justice lies…"

"Hey…," Tom said, softly. "I made a promise to Zach… And I always keep my promises, whatever the cost."

If there was someone who could get the maximum sentence for that driver, that someone was certainly Tom. Her trust in his ability as a prosecutor was never put in doubt. "I know…"

"So… I guess this weekend you'll have a lot to do with Zach back home," Tom said.

"Yes… but I can count on some great help since…" _Since_… Alicia tensed. Tom still didn't know about the arrangements for the weekend. He still didn't know that Peter would be staying at her place, sleeping there too. She wondered to what extent he might be comfortable with it. But they were supposed to be completely honest with each other, and it would certainly be worse if he found out from Peter himself instead of from her. She sighed and closed her eyes, in the vain hope to make it less awkward. "Peter is staying with us for the weekend… you know… to give a hand…" _Silence_. "Zach is still not completely independent and he will surely need help." _More silence_. Alicia winced.

"Okay," Tom finally said.

"Tom…" she whispered, "it's… it's just for the weekend," she said in apology. "It's for Zach… I need help and Peter is his father, it was the most logical and convenient thing to do…"

"Alicia… it's okay… I know…" Tom said with a faint voice.

She could understand his discomfort. They had broken up once for less than this. Having her ex-husband sleeping at her place wasn't really the best for a couple still in the phase of working things out. But Zach came first. Her kids would always come first. And Tom knew it. "I didn't know that trust issues were contagious," she said with a mild laugh.

She could hear Tom sigh. Maybe a light smile? She wished she had one of those newer cell phones that made video calls.

"No… no… it's okay… just… when are we seeing each other again?" He asked.

Alicia caught Peter and Zach slowly walking towards her. She smiled. "I gotta go… I'll call you as soon as I have a moment," she said, hoping that her sincere apology and sorrow would come across clearly through her tone.

"Okay," Tom whispered, sounding a bit resigned. "Bye."

"Bye," she whispered back, then hung up. She walked to her son with a wide smile. "Ready to go home?"

"I've never been more ready!" Zach said with enthusiasm. Alicia smiled, partly in relief, partly in anxiety from the conversation with Tom.

* * *

The day had gone by very quickly. Before Alicia realized it, it was already night, late in fact. It had been quite a job to convince the kids to go to bed, fighting hard with their over-excitement. She was almost displeased by the silence that suddenly filled her apartment. The light in the kitchen was still on. She found Peter sitting at the table, going absently through a magazine. It was late for them too, but neither seemed to be sleepy. The excitement from having Zach home again was irrepressible for them too. She sat on the opposite side of the table.

Peter looked up and gave her a light smile. "It's over," he whispered in a reassuring, relieved tone, as reading her thoughts.

"It's over," Alicia repeated, relieved. She realized she probably sounded a bit tired. "I can't wait for everything to go back to normal," she said, as she closed her eyes. _Everything_. Everything included so many things… the road to Zach's complete recovery was still long, she would need Peter's help for a while, the anxiety at the thought of how Tom might react to the whole situation made her sick. They were just beginning to fix things between them, she couldn't stand the thought of losing him again. Then, the trial. The damn trial. She still hadn't heard from Tom. Now that she thought about it, she was the one who was supposed to call him as soon as she had a moment. It was past 11:00pm and she still hadn't found a minute of calm. Guilt flooded over her.

"Everything okay?" Peter asked, with a hint of concern.

She hid her worries behind a forced smile. "Yes…" She stopped, thoughtfully. They still had not discussed the developments of her situation with Tom. Peter probably didn't know anything of the outcome. "By the way… I haven't thanked you yet for _wanting_ to keep Grace with you last night." With some emphasis, she let him understand that she knew everything.

Peter clouded a bit. "Don't mention it. Are you okay?"

Was she okay? "I think yes… I mean…" For a moment, she considered confiding all her doubts and fears, the happiness for having Tom back in her life and the worry of losing him again. But then, at heart, she felt that it wouldn't be fair to throw on him her love pangs. She considered for a moment, how she would feel if Peter did it with her. She shook her head. No. Unpleasant, embarrassing and inappropriate, to say the least. "Yes… I'm fine," she smiled.

"Good," Peter said with a nod. "Your happiness is all that matters."

Alicia nodded. Her happiness. What was she supposed to tell him now? She tried to come up with a different topic, but the tiredness and the late hour didn't help.

"We should go to sleep too," Peter finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Yes," she agreed. "It's late… You can go…" She paused for a moment. She had to call Tom now that she had the chance. "I still have to make a call."

Peter stood up and stopped beside her. "Okay… good night."

"Good night," she repeated with a smile. "And… Peter… thanks for being here."

Peter didn't say anything. All he did was to smile and lightly nod.

Alicia sighed with relief. Her phone in her hands, she knew that in spite of the late hour Tom would probably be there, nervously waiting for her call. With bare feet, she peeped into the kids' rooms to make sure they were asleep, then went into her bedroom. Closing the door quietly then sliding into bed she propped herself up on her pillows, and without hesitancy, she scrolled down the recent calls. She winced when she didn't find Tom's name, but then… on second thought, the weeks of separation had him fall inevitably out of that list. She had to remedy, didn't she?

She searched for his name and pressed the green button with decision and firmness. One ring. Two rings.

"Hello." Tom's voice on the other end sounded a bit drowsy.

"Hey," she whispered softly. His voice. Even if drowsy, it made her heart beat fast.

"Hey," he replied with a low, sweet voice. "How's it going?"

"Good… everyone's in bed," she said with a sigh. "I couldn't call you before, I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Hey… it doesn't matter, Zach comes first… he needs you now… how is he going by the way?" Tom asked with what sounded like honest interest.

"Happy to be home. A little less happy with the kitchen's restrictions," she said with a light laugh.

Tom laughed. There was a moment of silence. Alicia realized that she had come to love even their silences. She didn't need to hear his voice. Knowing he was on the other end of the line was more than enough in moments like these.

"How does it come that we always end up calling each other so late at night?" Tom asked, sounding somewhere between amused and puzzled.

"Ehhhhh… I have no idea," she said slowly, "but I find it extremely romantic."

"You find it romantic falling asleep on the phone with weariness?" Tom asked, faking confusion.

"Well… put like that it doesn't sound romantic at all," she said, sticking up her nose. "Congratulations, you just managed to kill my vein of sweetness," she reproached him, jokingly.

"I'll make it up to you," Tom promised, "as soon as I can manage to see you of course…"

"Ahhh, now this is an interesting topic for discussion… let's see… how do you plan on making it up? Because I can be very hard to please…" She teased him.

"I have an abundance of evidence to question this latest statement," he said, faking his best professional tone.

Well, she asked for it, didn't she? "You know that your prosecutor's tricks don't work with me, right?" She replied.

Tom laughed, amused. "Yes, I know it… Still, I think I'll play the surprise card … when you least expect it…"

Alicia smiled inside. She had missed those late night's conversations, innocent, juicy or whatever. She had missed going to sleep with his voice still resounding in her ears, with his words still echoing in her mind. Sometimes she fell asleep with a smile on her lips. Sometimes, when Tom was in top form and in a provocative mood, she ended up turning and tossing in her bed, unable to fall asleep, with an unquenchable heat that forced her to take cold showers at the most disparate hours. But in one way or the other, he always ended up being her last thought before sleep.

"Tom…" she whispered, softly.

"Yes?" he asked with a sweet voice.

Alicia closed her eyes and bit her lips nervously. "I missed you." She didn't want to lose him again. If she had in the past even the slightest doubt about it, now she had the absolute certainty that, if she wanted to start a new life with a man by her side, that man was undoubtedly Tom.

"I missed you too," Tom replied. "You should get some sleep now…" He said gently.

Alicia glanced at the clock. Tom was right, but she knew that, very likely, she wasn't going to sleep a wink. "Yes… I probably should…" _I should_… But she couldn't even force herself to hang up the phone.

She couldn't help but think about how everything was different now. The break-up, the fear of losing him again, the fading memory of Tom with his ex-wife at the restaurant that had turned her completely upside-down, bringing into question her choice of going on with her life alone before it was even made official… Everything was different… That feeling of recklessness and the boldness of living that love without projects, without plans, light-heartedly, only enjoying the happiness that it brought with it… Part of it was gone… Still, the road that was opening in front of them, although deprived of that lightness, was enriched by something different; the challenge to make their relationship work, with everything that would come along with it.

No more pressure, they had said.

Yes, no more pressure to share what they had with the outside world. But a bit of pressure was inevitable between them, now that all the cards had been revealed and both knew perfectly well the other one's expectations.

"Is everything alright?" Tom's concerned voice interrupted the flow of her thoughts.

She thought about it for a brief moment. "Yes… everything's alright," she said with a smile. "Goodnight…"

"Goodnight…" Tom whispered, sweetly.


	34. Chapter 34

"Do we know how many women work inside that firm?" Alicia looked up from the papers laying on the oval-shaped table in the meeting room. The woman portrayed in the picture was almost Alicia's age. The umpteenth case of sexual harassment. But usually the victims were young women. And generally single. Certainly not in their forties.

"Around sixty," Kalinda replied, as she checked the data in her hands.

"Have there been other cases?" Alicia asked, interested.

"No other cases have been filed," Will answered, as he paced back and forth along the window wall. "But we still don't know if there are unreported cases."

Alicia stared at Will for a moment. Sixty female employees and no other cases, although they were discussing one involving a middle aged woman. She was a bit skeptical. She looked down at the picture again, looking for something, anything, that would draw a man to harass that woman sexually.

"You seem bewildered, Alicia," Will noticed, bringing her attention back at him. "What are you thinking?" He asked, as he leaned against the end wall in a relaxed pose, his hands in his pants' pockets.

"It's not the first case of harassment we've come across, but…" She hesitated for a moment, doubtfully. "Usually it's young women," Alicia said, externalizing her doubts.

"Are you calling yourself old?" Will said, sounding amused.

Alicia smiled. "Nope, only beyond the harassing age."

Will suffocated a laugh. "So you think it's not harassment?"

"I think that the harassment might have been _enticed_," she proposed.

"And this is exactly what our client declared during our questioning last week," Will confirmed, before sitting back at his place across from Diane.

"A questioning I didn't witness, I'm afraid," Alicia said, wincing her apologies.

"No need for an apology, Alicia," Diane offered, very politely. "You made a good point. That's exactly what we intend to prove."

She usually empathized easily with female victims. She just seemed unable to do it with this one. "I'd love to take this case, if you agree… of course within the limits of time I have at the moment." Because Zach had just come home from the hospital, and even if she was taking turns with Peter and Owen to assist him, the time she could dedicate to the firm was still reduced. She caught Will throwing an approving look at Diane.

"The case is yours," Diane said, looking at her. "Who would you want assigned to you as second chair?"

She hesitated for a moment. She had been absent so much lately from the firm that she had to mentally review all the new associates. Then she remembered one of her most recent cases. "I like working with Maggie, if she's not already on another case…"

"Okay with Maggie," Will confirmed. "Good… any more questions?"

Alicia looked around. The various associates were all looking at each other, questioningly.

"Great… Then the meeting is over, everyone back to work!" Will stirred up everyone with a clap of hands.

Alicia stood up and followed the crowd outside the room. She felt a hand on her forearm and stopped.

"I just wanted to say," Will said with a light smile. "Welcome back."

"Thank you," she returned the smile. "I missed my job."

"I wasn't talking only about the job," he said with a low voice.

Was she so crystal clear? Was her happiness such that everyone around her would notice? Well, of course we weren't talking about everyone. It was Will. He would notice even the slightest change in her mood. But yes, with Zach back home, Tom back in her life, and returning to work – although only part-time – she was happy.

"Why did you want to be on this case, by the way?" Will asked her with a curious tone.

Alicia took a moment to ponder her answer. Will's question was legit. She just wasn't sure how to reply. "I…" Which was the real reason? "Bosses harassing their subordinates… it's such a cliché, isn't it?" She asked with a funny face.

Will looked away with fake indifference. "Sounds like a good reason," he said, sounding amused, then let her go.

* * *

"Statistics about the age of the other female employees?" Alicia asked, as she flipped through the long sequence of pictures and files.

"Mostly below thirty," Maggie observed, "and judging from the pictures, girlish-looking, I'd say."

"No other complaints?" Alicia asked, looking up at the young associate. In spite of her initial doubts about Maggie, she had to admit that she loved working with her. Smarter than many of the other associates, she certainly seemed to know her stuff. And she was a cheerful company.

"Apparently no," Maggie replied. "What do you think of it?"

Alicia shrugged. Her first feeling didn't change. "That probably she was frustrated and in search of attention. She might have led him on, consciously or not."

"You seem to know what's what," Maggie said. For a moment, her attention seemed directed more to Alicia than to the case.

Did she know what was what? "About frustration, totally," she said with a smile. "But as to searching for attention, quite the reverse… I had way too much attention." Not that she had ever been the kind of person searching for attention, not even before the scandal. And she had never really cared that much about men finding her attractive.

"So where do we start from?" Maggie asked.

"The closest co-workers," Alicia replied, confidently. "Personal assistants, secretaries, every woman in direct contact with our client, let's see if this brings out something else, then…" Her cell phone ringing interrupted her. _Tom_. She jumped up. "I'm sorry," she said in apology, excusing herself with a kind gesture, as she quickly left the small meeting room.

"Hello," she answered, hurriedly.

"Hey," Tom said. His voice seemed troubled and a bit stressed.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked, as she walked into her office and carefully closed the door behind her.

"Good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?" Tom asked.

Alicia could hear in the background a sort of rustling. He seemed pretty busy.

"I hate bad news," she replied.

"Okay, then the good one first. No irregularities, neither in the arrest procedure, or in the alcohol test, or in the Breathalyzer. Absolutely nothing. They have nothing to cling to," he said with a satisfied and relieved tone.

"Great. Can I do without the bad one?" She asked, already knowing he'd tell her anyway.

"No," he quickly said. _Exactly_. "Lay-offs struck state's departments too, as you might already know. Guess what happens to those who remained?"

"A lot of extra work?" Alicia took a wild – and quite obvious – guess.

"Excellent intuition. Peter already assigned me a couple of new cases before I'm even done with the old ones. So I'll have quite a lot to do in the coming days," he said, sounding between resigned and sorry.

"And I thought I'd drop by later today to collect your apologies for last night," she said, as she sighed deeply to make sure Tom got her disappointment.

"Are you trying to make me feel even more guilty?" Tom asked with a mild laugh.

"Am I succeeding?" She asked back, smiling, as she peeked around at the associates walking back and forth down the hallway. It was an old and unconscious habit. She didn't like the idea of people staring at her during personal calls. Even less the idea that someone could read her lips. It was slightly paranoid but she didn't care.

"Maybe I can manage to carve out some time," Tom replied with faux thoughtfulness.

"I'll be there at six," she quickly seized the moment.

* * *

It seemed to have been ages since she last rang at his door. With decision, she knocked twice.

Tom certainly didn't make himself hard to reach. At the second knock, he was already at the door. Not a word, not a 'hey'. He just started to cover her with kisses before she could even cross the doorstep.

Alicia laughed amused. "What happened to 'hi darling' and 'how was your day, hun'?"

"Hi darling, how was you day, hun?" Tom asked, hastily. He clearly didn't care about getting an answer, did he? His hands were already undressing her, eagerly, yearningly.

She certainly didn't care about answering either. Instead, she hurried to break even, since Tom was still completely dressed up.

A sudden sound of ringing coming from the living room dampened their spirits, making them both wince their disappointment. "This is a conspiracy," Tom complained, as he sighed in frustration.

"Then don't answer." Alicia thought it couldn't be any easier.

"Will you tell Peter why I didn't answer?" Tom kidded.

"Such a wet blanket," she complained, as Tom hurried to pick up the phone.

"Hello," Tom answered.

Alicia wasn't interested at all in hearing their conversation. The shorter it was, the better for them. She considered that maybe, with some teasing, she could make him cut it off quickly. Without a word, she silently sat comfortably on his couch, in a provocative pose, as he paced back and forth, with obvious impatience.

Determined to distract him, whatever it took, she played her most teasing, sensuous smile, as she resumed what he had left unfinished, unbuttoning her blouse herself. Watching his reaction, - as he loosened his tie, agog, - was at the same time funny, entertaining and not devoid of a certain gratification.

Till her eyes fell on the papers scattered on the coffee table… The man in the picture… She froze as she recognized the face. How could she not? It was her client.

_Uh oh. No. It's not possible. Please let it be some kind of unfunny joke._

She looked up to meet Tom's questioning, and a bit concerned eyes and waited, tensely, for his phone call to be over.

As soon as he hung up, the question came out without hesitation, yet loaded with worry. "Are you working on the sexual harassment case?" Alicia asked, gravely. She didn't need a worded reply. His reaction was more than enough.

Tom paled and let himself sink on the couch, next to her. "Looks like we have a problem…"

Alicia looked at him, resigned. "Looks like we have a _huge_ problem."

"We're understaffed," Tom said with a shrug. "I can't leave the case."

"Neither can I," Alicia said, "same situation… Not to mention, I asked for it… I…" _Damn_. "I can't give it back…"

"So what do we do?" Tom asked, as he took all the papers from the table and put them in the folder.

The question really didn't have many options. It was either one of them dropping the case or the legal disclosure. "We do not have much of a choice, do we?"

Tom nodded, seriously. "Are you sure?"

Alicia looked at him for a moment, pondering his question. Was she sure? She looked away, thoughtfully. "So much for _no pressures_."

Tom laughed, lightly. Maybe to ease the sudden tension, maybe at the irony of fate. "Well… the client might not accept, anyway…"

She nodded. That was true, too. " I need to discuss it with Diane." Sure or not. Ready or not. It simply had to be done.

"We can make it… It's only a trial," he shrugged.

Alicia smiled softly. It was only a trial. Nothing more than that. "You know what I love about you?"

Tom gave her a knowing smile. "That I'm unbelievably sexy?"

Alicia laughed. "Aside from that," she pointed out. "Your confidence and assertiveness… whatever the circumstances." From what she could remember, it was exactly what had enticed her to him in the first place.

"You know, I can make better use of them…" Tom teased her. His longing look and a soft, yet starving kiss placed on her neck, made it clear that they were over discussing work.

"Now you have to show me how," she whispered, although he didn't need any encouragement. Or an invitation. With her blouse already unbuttoned from his first passionate assault and her sensuous tease, there wasn't much left to strip off.

With all the confidence and assertiveness he was endowed with, he handily unhooked her bra.

Alicia shivered at the contact of his warm mouth devouring her breasts, decided and firm. _Confidence and assertiveness… whatever the circumstances_. These were certainly the circumstances she prized the most.


	35. Chapter 35

Alicia's previous confidence and serenity, hard-earned after a good ten minutes of deep breathing, was gone the very moment her client - or at least the man who was supposed to be her client - walked into the meeting room, accompanied by Maggie. The young associate was, unlike Alicia, smiling and completely at ease. _Of course_. She wasn't about to disclose her 'no more pressures' relationship in front of a client, one of her bosses and, very likely, to a whole jury and judge in the very near future.

Her hands were slightly sweaty so she wisely chose to welcome the man with a polite, yet a bit tense smile, instead of shaking his hand. A couple of deep breaths and she was back on track. How was this poor man supposed to trust a nervous and uncomfortable lawyer? She mustered all the self-confidence she was capable of and introduced herself.

"Mr. Thorpe, I'm Alicia Cavanaugh, and I'll be the first chair in the trial for the sexual harassment charges issued against you by Mrs. Violet Stevens," she said, trying to look - and sound - as relaxed and positive as possible. "Before we start," she said as she looked for some support in Diane, "there is something you need to know."

"Do you know what a disclosure is, Mr. Thorpe?" Diane asked, very quietly.

Mr. Thorpe's gaze shifted, confused, between the two women.

"It's a declaration done in front of the client first, then written and presented before the judge and the jury before a trial, in which the parties involved in the trial have to disclose any kind of personal relationships, like marriage, kinship, even sexual relationships to a certain degree. This is to grant transparency before the law and for a matter of trust with the client in the first place," Diane explained with few and very precise words.

"Okay," Mr. Thorpe said, still looking confused. "And… in which way does this affect me?"

"It affects you in the way that I'm in a relationship with the prosecutor, Mr. Thorpe." Alicia heard her words come out, with such fluency and calmness that it took her a moment to realize that she spoke them herself. It was done. It was that easy. So much fuss about _those_ few words that, once out, weren't so worrisome anymore.

"Oh… I'm still a bit confused," he said.

"A trial works in this way, Mr. Thorpe," Alicia started to explain in what she hoped was the most simple and comprehensible way. "The prosecution has the obligation to disclose every discovered piece of evidence to the defense. The defense, not. As a client, you have to fully trust your lawyer in regard to the exchange of information between the prosecution and the defense."

"Does it mean that you might leak information to the prosecutor?" He asked, still a bit confused but clearly getting the meaning of her words.

"It means that I might, but that I won't," Alicia said, calmly and reassuringly.

"Mr. Thorpe," Diane addressed to the client, "Miss Cavanaugh is one of our best lawyers. You can believe me that she wouldn't be on this case if I wasn't more than sure that she is the best available. But you have the final word. You have to trust your lawyer and feel confident that she's acting for your good, in your best interest." Her voice, so soft and soothing, would reassure even the most skeptical and reluctant client.

If on one hand she felt flattered by Diane's words of praise of her ability as a lawyer, on the other one it made even more weighty the responsibility towards this man, whose future was left in her hands. Alicia gave him a light and reassuring smile. Right now, she didn't know what was better; that he accepted, or that he felt more protected with someone else.

Mr. Thorpe looked down for a moment, looking thoughtful, then nodded lightly. "Then… okay." _Damn_. "I'm in your hands, Miss Cavanaugh," he said, as he opened his arms in a gesture of approval.

She smiled at her now officially new client, as she tried to ignore the quick and unpleasant flashbacks that, all of a sudden, flooded her already overburdened mind with images of her previous courtroom altercations with Tom. The anxiety, the sweaty hands, the stormy exchanges and the studied, labored indifference after their first kiss. Even if a lot of water had flowed under the bridge since those days, it felt like being back right at the start. She wondered what would happen now. Would this whole situation end up being constructive and beneficial for their relationship? Or would it just create a further layer of pressure and unnecessary, negative tension? If only she could know beforehand. _Damn again_.

* * *

No.

She was a good lawyer. She was a great lawyer. Wasn't she? Diane trusted her. Mr. Thorpe trusted her. She looked on the bright side.

"You know what's the really good thing in this?" Alicia asked Tom over the phone. On her way back home, she stopped in her car to ring him, for she knew that she had no chance to meet him that night. The jury would return the verdict for the taxi driver trial the following day. Tom was a bundle of nerves. She had learnt to recognize when he faked serenity. His words were overly soft and sweet, but his voice was a bit gravelly. She didn't know if it was only for the responsibility of promising the maximum sentence or for the excessive workload, which certainly wasn't of help. She wished she could spend some time with him, but knew perfectly well that she would just end up making him waste time and concentration. Not that there was much he could still do at this point.

"What?" He asked, softly.

"That I can kick your nice and firm ass in court and comfort you in private," she said with tongue in cheek, yet a bit teasing. She hoped it worked to ease his tension a bit.

Tom laughed, lightly. "So… when did you go from 'I can't do it' to 'I'll kick your ass'?"

Alicia hummed, pensively. "Since when I decided to favor the pros and ignore the cons," she said with a satisfied tone. It was called survival. She had spent too much time considering the various aspects and possible consequences. And in whatever way she turned it around, the cons were surmounting the pros. Till she gave up, for her own sanity, to track the score and mentally drew a bold line through the cons.

"This is an interesting perspective and a new approach to the concept of problem-solving," he said, sounding amused.

Alicia smiled, smug about reaching her goal.

"Just out of curiosity," Tom said, "how many pros did you manage to spot?"

She hesitated. She wasn't expecting such a question, and honestly enough… "Only one," she said with a calculated tone of disappointment.

Tom burst in to loud laughter and Alicia could hear he was having a hard time trying to regain a bit of soberness. She was glad that Tom found it so very funny.

"Well," he started, "what if I won't let you kick my ass?" He said with a tone between curious and amused.

"No consolation prize, my dear..." She answered, with what was supposed to sound like a retaliation.

"Are we already into the sexual abstinence threat phase?" Tom asked, clearly faking worry.

"I have every intention of using all the possible weapons that will offer themselves along the way," she said firmly. "Even sexual abstinence," she lied deliberately. Nahhh. She could never do that. Tom knew it, too. It was such a whopper, that she couldn't expect him to believe her, could she?

Truth was, the cons were still all there. Ignoring them didn't make them go away. She and Tom could only postpone the downsides till the moment would come to face them, and try to downplay them in the meantime. "I have to go now," she said with a faint voice. Peter was home with Zach, awaiting her return. She really had to go.

"Yes, me too," Tom said.

"Good luck tomorrow," she said softly, remembering the pending verdict.

Tom sighed, with what was probably a light smile. "Thank you."

* * *

Alicia nervously checked her wristwatch. It was past 10:00am. The verdict was due quite early in the morning and she still hadn't heard from Tom.

"When did you start having the impression that Mrs. Stevens's attitude had changed, Mr. Thorpe?" Maggie asked, as she scrolled down with her pen through the long list of pre-drafted questions.

Stuck in a meeting with the young associate and Mr. Thorpe, she could neither assist with the deliberation nor send a simple text. She caught a concerned look from Maggie and smiled at her, trying to hide her anxiety. But her attempt failed miserably the exact moment her phone bleeped on the desk, making her jump.

A text from Tom.

"_Verdict ten years. Furious. In a meeting now. Call you later_."

It seemed a telegram more than a text. His anger leaked through those few schematic words.

_Damn._ Only ten years. She wondered what could have led the jury to return such a light sentence. Maybe the lack of a prior criminal record? She didn't want to know. It was simply unfair. Towards justice. Towards Ryan who had lost his life. Towards his parents. Ten years were not enough to even start and give them justice. She could only imagine Tom's frustration. He had thrown himself, heart and soul, in to the trial. She knew that for Zach ten years or fourteen wouldn't make any difference. But it made a difference for Tom. She knew him well enough to know that he didn't like compromises. Especially if the "compromise" only resulted in a score for injustice. She sighed deeply and put the phone aside, trying to give her attention back to the client.

"Last spring," Mr. Thorpe replied, not giving signs of hesitation.

"In which way did her attitude change, Mr. Thorpe?" Alicia asked, as she threw a conflicted glance at the phone. Was she supposed to text him back? Maybe some word of comfort? Something that could make him smile? She shook the idea away. First, he was in a meeting. Second, he was probably too angry anyway to entertain any kind of joke. She would very likely end up being his scapegoat. Nope. She didn't want that.

"She started, you know… with her outfits… you know… how women dress when they want to be noticed," Mr. Thorpe said with hesitation.

Alicia smiled. She couldn't say if he was nervous or just afraid he might offend his female lawyers. She checked her phone again. What could she write back to Tom? She should at least acknowledge that she got his text, right? She nodded to the client. "What else?"

"Well…" Mr. Thorpe said reflectively, "she started to drop by my office more often with some excuse…"

Alicia gave him an encouraging look and invited him to give more details. "Which kind of excuses?"

Mr. Thorpe gave her a confused look.

"Mr. Thorpe, let's speak clearly. You are accused of sexual harassment. The law tends to take the women's side because they are the weaker sex. I need way more than a low-cut outfit and some excuses to defend you," she said, in no uncertain terms, her eyes defiantly fixed in his. "And if you think that my personal _connections_ with the prosecution can somehow weigh in your favor… you can put that idea out of your head."

The man stiffened in his chair. His hound dog look made it pretty clear that he was finally acknowledging the gravity of his position. "Okay."

Alicia's eyes lingered again, unconsciously, on the phone. Maybe some word about him doing the best he could? So trite and impersonal. Some allusion to a consolation prize? No, there was really nothing funny in that shameful verdict.

"Then, Mr. Thorpe," Alicia said with a bit of annoyance, "which kind of excuses, exactly?"

"Stuff about work… Things she was supposed to know but… suddenly she started to ask advice about everything… you know… as if she was looking for any excuse just to talk to me. It was obvious she was going out of her way to have contact with me," he explained. His previous shallowness seemed to be gone.

One more look at the phone. Alicia sighed inwardly. She had to make a decision. Text him or not. With a decided movement she took the phone and started to write. _"Don't ever blame yourself. You're still the best prosecutor I know. Justice is just…"_ How was justice? "_Unjust_." She was about to press send when she opted for an addition. "_Love you_."

Now she could finally concentrate on the client.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: If this whole chapter makes sense, you have to thank two persons: Josie for all her hard research on the disclosure stuff and Mike for being patiently trying to teach me how a trial works! **

* * *

Alicia didn't dare to look around. It was something she usually did; looking over the jury, scrutinizing their faces to get a pre-emptive idea of what she could expect, how many women and men, their outfits, their expressions – hostile or condescending. Because she had learnt over the years that, there was always that single misleading juror that had a different idea during deliberations from how he or she was normally, but most of them were quite predictable and easy to see through.

But today, she couldn't do it. She felt a bit uncomfortable. And rightly so. Because that piece of paper in the hands of the judge was the written declaration of disclosure. So much for 'no more pressures', she repeated to herself, again, for the billionth time in a few days.

She wanted to look around, to turn back to see if there were familiar faces among the quite large audience crowding the courtroom. For some weird, ominous and twisted reason, sexual harassment trials always seemed to attract a lot of people. What was so fascinating in that? It was something she really couldn't understand.

This only added to her anxiety derived from the fact that the jury, should they doubt the fairness, could easily ask for the dismissal of the whole trial and demand a new lawyer. No. She shouldn't think about this. Come what may, Alicia knew that she'd defend him at her best. Alicia's pen was taking the brunt of her anxiety.

Still, she had come to the realization that it wasn't her doubts or fears regarding Tom and their relationship that made her so nervous. It was more like that tension from pre-exam panic that she always felt at school. She reassuringly repeated to herself that, once this damn trial was over, the road would be downhill all the way. As Tom said, it was just a trial. And then, it wasn't like they hadn't already been there before. It was just _another_ trial. Barely turning aside, she threw a sidelong glance at Tom. His head held high, his usual confident bearing, how the hell did he manage to be that calm? Or maybe was he just faking well? As if he felt her gaze on him, Tom lightly turned to meet her eyes. A smile, only hinted, but certain and reassuring, that Alicia discreetly returned.

She wondered for a moment if Peter was in the courtroom too, but didn't want to look behind her. That would undoubtedly create some other hassles. She was already picturing the comments. The SA's ex-wife is having an affair with one of his subordinates. _God knows the jokes_.

And the kids. How did she possibly overlook the possibility that someone in the courtroom might spread the news at school? She panicked for a moment, tempted, but unable to turn around. She had only thought about not telling them herself for now, but what about the others? There were at least a hundred people in here.

The judge invoked silence in the room, getting everyone's attention on him. "Before the trial begins, the following will be brought to the jury's attention," he said, holding the piece of paper firmly in his hands. "In compliance with the law in force in the state of Illinois, relating to the transparency, fairness and integrity, with respect of the law, to the safeguard and protection of the client-attorney and the attorney-jury relationship, Miss Alicia Cavanaugh, the defense attorney, and Mr. Thomas Jacob Bryant, prosecutor and legal representative of the State, declare under oath and in good faith, to be involved in a relationship of an intimate nature, and that this relationship will not be used in any way with the aim to influence the outcome of this trial. That the here accused Mr. Benjamin Thorpe is aware of such fact and has accepted the condition. That the court will have the legal right to disqualify or to reverse on appeal in case of established disclosure of confidential client information in violation of ER 1.6."

She had mentally repeated the words, one by one, as the judge read them. She had read that declaration so many times before signing it, that she had memorized every single word by heart. A declaration thought, written, read and reread and signed after a good two hours of work, was released to at least one hundred strangers in something like thirty seconds. What had already proved hard to put down in black and white was now food for gossip. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to make disappear some subdued clamor she heard behind her. Having those words spoken out loud to a public audience was at the same time a relief and a new source for discomfort.

"Is everything clear, members of the jury?" The judge asked, giving his attention to the real addressees.

With one voice, the jurors replied. "Yes, your honor."

Alicia glanced at the jury and caught some judgmental looks that she didn't like. _That's a good start_.

The voice of the judge inviting the prosecution to present their opening statement snapped Alicia from her thoughts.

She watched as Tom walked back and forth, confidently, in front of the jurors. Her mind was still buzzing from the stress. She felt the beginning of headache that she tried to ignore before it could worsen. She caught only a few words. Abuse… Power… Mob…

As she saw him walking back to the prosecution table, she looked down, pretending to read through her notes. She didn't want to meet him gaze. Actually she didn't want the jurors to see her meeting his gaze. That thought was somewhat disturbing. And she needed to keep focused. Because as soon as Maggie was done with the opening statement, she would have to concentrate on the State's case against Mr. Thorpe. Alicia knew that she had to give everything she had to his defense, regardless of her inner turmoil.

"The prosecution can call their first witness," the judge said.

Tom stood up and called for Mrs. Stevens to take the stand. Alicia noticed her attire and demeanor. Alicia also took notice of how the jury looked at Mrs. Stevens walking to the stand and being sworn in. She hoped the jury's impression was the same as hers, a conservatively dressed middle-aged woman who looked nice but not sexy. First impressions meant a lot at the personal level regardless of the testimony.

The good news was that the only witness the prosecution called was Mrs. Stevens. The bad news was that even after Maggie's cross-examination, Mrs. Stevens never waivered from her story. Even so, Alicia knew that their defense strategy would at the very least bring doubt into the juror's thoughts and that's what was needed. The jury would be instructed to base their decision on the evidence presented and could find Mr. Thorpe guilty only if they felt so inclined _beyond_ a reasonable doubt.

She gave a reassuring smile to her second chair and mentally repeated the main and most impacting highlights that the woman was about to submit to the jury. It wasn't an easy job to impress the jury, but Maggie had a likeable and natural way of empathizing with people. She resembled a bit of a younger version of herself. Maybe that was the reason why she liked to work with her. Alicia scrutinized the jurors faces and hinted a smile as she noticed a couple of them nodding, almost imperceptibly. As Maggie turned around to sit back down, Alicia gave her a very discreet thumb-up.

"The defense can call their first witness," the judge said. "Miss Cavanaugh?" He called her name, drawing her attention back from her considerations.

"Yes, your honor, we would call to the stand Miss Melissa Jones, your honor," she declared, loudly and with a confident tone. And for the first time, she turned around to spot her witness among the crowd. She fastened her eyes on the woman, carefully avoiding meeting anyone else's gaze. She was quite young, and definitely pretty. Out of the corner of her eye, Alicia noticed that most of the audience had turned to stare at the woman. Certainly not out of curiosity. Instinctively, she clapped eyes on Tom to catch his reaction. Oddly, he didn't even raise an eyebrow, but seemed to flick through the papers in front of him. Was he carefully – and wisely - avoiding giving to that woman even the shortest glance?

With a smile, Alicia accompanied the woman to the witness stand. The bailiff swore her in then returned to his seat.

"Miss Jones," she started, faking embarrassment. An art she had learnt very well from Nancy Crozier. What she was used to having used against her, was finally something she could recycle as a weapon herself. "Sorry for asking but… I couldn't help but notice how you captured the attention of all the male audience," she said, deliberately peeking at Tom.

Tom looked at her and shook his head, between amused and incredulous.

"Can I ask you," she went on, as she looked back at her witness, "just out of curiosity… do you dress like this even in the workplace?" She asked, pointing at the very reduced length of her skirt.

"Sure," Miss Jones replied, nonchalantly.

Alicia opened her eyes wide, in faux shock. "Wow… I guess that your boss is a happy man."

Miss Jones laughed, lightly, with what seemed fake modesty. "Oh Gosh… I don't know… He never made any comment about it."

"Can I ask you who your boss is, Miss Jones?" Alicia asked. Of course, she already knew the answer.

"Surely, he's Mr. Thorpe," she replied, very quietly.

"Mr. Thorpe, the accused?" Alicia asked, with smartly built confusion, as she looked around and pointed at the man sitting at the defense table.

"Yes," Miss Jones confirmed.

"Exactly, which kind of job do you do for Mr. Thorpe?" Alicia asked, her back turned to the prosecution table. Tom hadn't objected to anything yet. She wondered how much further she could go into the questioning without a reaction from him.

"Personal assistant," the woman replied, with a confident and a bit proud tone.

"Personal assistant," Alicia repeated, thoughtfully. "It sounds like one of those jobs in which you don't know where responsibilities start and where they finish… I always wondered what a personal assistant does exactly."

"Objection your honor!" Tom's voice rose from the prosecution table, loud and steady. "Relevance," he said, without waiting for the judge to ask the reason.

"Sustained," the judged declared in Tom's favor.

Not that it changed anything. Alicia could perfectly do without the details.

"How long have you been working for Mr. Thorpe?" She asked.

The woman looked at the ceiling for a moment, as mentally doing the math. "It's almost four years."

"You previously declared that he never commented on your… _outfits_," Alicia reminded her of her own words.

"Yes, I did," the woman confirmed with a nod.

"Really? In four years not a single comment?" Alicia asked, faking disbelief for drama effect.

"Nothing that could be considered offensive, if this is what you're asking," Miss Jones said, giving away a piece of information that Alicia didn't like. Nothing that could be considered offensive. She wondered what that girl would consider as offensive, but she thought it safer not to venture further into the matter. "No further questions, your honor," she said to the judge. As she turned to sit at her table, she met Tom's eyes. He was certainly going to use it against her, but there was really nothing that she could do at this point.

She sat down, hoping she could in some way prevent him from tearing down her first witness.

Tom stood up and walked, slowly, yet very confidently, towards the witness stand. "Miss Jones," he started, carefully looking into the witness's eyes and not at her plunging neckline. "You declared during the defense's questioning that Mr. Thorpe never made offensive comments," he said, pointing at the man sitting uncomfortably between Alicia and Maggie. "What would you consider an offensive comment?"

_False step._ "Objection your honor!" Alicia protested, promptly.

"On what grounds Miss Cavanaugh?" The judge asked. She caught some annoyance in Tom's eyes. Yes, she was objecting to his very first question.

"The prosecution is asking the witness to express a personal opinion, not facts," she explained very quietly.

"The prosecution wants to establish the depth of the relationship between the witness and the accused, your honor."

"Sustained. Please stick to the facts, Mr. Bryant," the judge said, harshly.

"I will reformulate the question. Miss Jones, would you mind stating for the jurors some _examples_ of personal comments that Mr. Thorpe is used to making to you?" Tom asked.

Alicia noticed the slight discomfort in the way the woman stiffened in her seat. _Damn_. She started to silently pray that she wouldn't come up with some stupid and spicy remark. She glanced at Mr. Thorpe. He seemed completely at ease, as if he really had nothing to hide or to be afraid of.

"Just… stuff about my skirts getting shorter and shorter every day," she stated thoughtfully and calm in her appearance, "or… I don't know…," she shrugged.

"Did he ever make explicit comments more or less of a sexual nature about your body instead of just your outfits?" Tom asked, defiantly, without batting an eyelash.

Alicia's eyes widened in disbelief. She stiffened nervously, as she hoped her ears had just tricked her into hearing words that weren't spoken. He didn't ask such an explicit question, did he?

"Yes, he does sometimes," the woman confirmed, falling miserably into his trap.

Alicia brought a hand to her eyes, frustrated. She didn't really say that. She couldn't possibly have said that.

"And this is not offensive… _in your opinion_," he asked.

The woman spared him a brief, annoyed look, then turned her attention to the judge. "Your Honor, I'm 28, single, I have a nice body and I show it. Is this considered offensive?"

"No further questions, your honor," Tom said, with a victorious smirk, as he moved to sit back down. At least he was restrained enough to avoid addressing the smirk at Alicia, but apparently gloated inwardly.

Alicia followed him discreetly, out of the corner of her eye, then turned to look scathingly at Maggie, who silently mouthed her apologies. She was supposed to have prepared the woman for the questioning. How could she fail like that? She was good at preparing witness, she was sure of that. Their first witness. It couldn't have started any worse than this.

Thankfully the session proceeded with better outcomes. The next two witnesses, although less showy, didn't give Tom the chance to turn the questioning against her client. It wasn't a win, but it was certainly better than nothing.

As the judge closed the session and adjourned it to three days from then, Alicia quickly stood up and gathered her stuff, eager to leave the courtroom as quickly as possible. She turned to see Tom, already up and ready to leave too. She sighed deeply. She couldn't really say it had been particularly hard, awkward, or unbearable, although it was just the beginning; anything could still happen. She turned and gestured to Maggie to leave with the client. "I'll be right there," she told her.

"So," Tom asked, casually looking around, "we did it…" He said, as he looked back at Alicia.

Alicia hesitated for a moment, repeating unconsciously his gesture. "Yep, we did it…" she confirmed with a nod. "Nice start," she said, hinting at that complete and embarrassing failure that was her first witness.

Tom hinted a very demure smile. "You did great too."

"Mr. Bryant…" A male voice called him from nearby.

They both turned towards the gentleman. Alicia couldn't recall ever seeing the man before as Tom nodded to him and silently pleaded his apology to her. "I gotta go," he said. "I… I should be done soon…"

Alicia smiled. _Done soon._ She liked its sound. Maybe because it was such a rare event lately. "Call me when you're done," she invited him, then turned to find Maggie, her gaze fixed in front of her, trying to hide a still lingering touch of discomfort.

* * *

Grace's and Zach's cheerful voices were a joy to Alicia's ears. Wrapped up in some Wii game, they were surely having fun. Now and then, she peeped from the kitchen into the living room, just to make sure that Zach wasn't tiring too much. She smiled at that nice picture. For once, they were home, all three of them, at a decent hour. She took the occasion to prepare a decent dinner. If not decent, something that at least smelled like that.

The table already set, she was patiently waiting for the pasta to be ready. She breathed the enticing smell, hoping it meant it was edible too. Her phone rang. Tom. She jumped slightly. Furtively, she made sure that the kids were still playing, then hurried to answer. "Hello," she said, almost whispering.

"Hey, are you home?" Tom asked.

"Yes, preparing dinner," she said, proudly.

"Wow," Tom said with an impressed voice. "You never prepare dinner for me," he said with what sounded like fake disappointment.

Alicia laughed, softly. "Believe me, you don't want to eat anything that I cook."

She sighed. They still hadn't had the chance to talk about the day, about the trial, about how they were both feeling about all of this, their situation.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked softly.

Was she okay? Well, if she had to be honest, after the initial discomfort, it wasn't that bad, wasn't it? The first trial session turned out lighter and more relaxed than expected. Of course it was just the beginning, but it could have definitely been a worse one. "Yes," she whispered, as she leaned forward, resting her arms on the kitchen counter.

There was only one thought she couldn't get rid of. No matter what, all those people in the courtroom, strangers as they might be, had conveyed to her a nebulous apprehension. Her initial thought that she had considered every possible aspect, was clearly wrong. She never calculated that it was an open trial, anyone could access the courtroom. People she didn't know, people that could do everything with the important piece of information they were given. For what she knew, it could even end up in the gossip page of some magazine. But that wasn't the real matter… she peeped in to the living room once more. Even if still playing, Zach and Grace seemed quieter now. "I have to tell them," she whispered.

There was a moment of silence on the other end. Tom was the one who had always pushed her in that direction. His silence was now confusing. Did he change his mind and didn't want her to tell the kids anymore? Or was he only elaborating what she thought was a very simple statement? She bit her lips nervously.

"I thought you didn't want to…" Tom said. Yes, he was clearly muddled.

"And I still don't, but…" She hesitated. "All those people in the courtroom today… who were they?"

Tom hesitated. "I… I don't know… Relatives, friends, sightseers, maybe some…" Tom sighed, probably getting it. "Journalists… Is that what's scaring you?"

She didn't need to answer, did she? He already knew it. "I don't want them to find out from someone else…"

"Okay," Tom said, softly. "I… You want me to be there?" He asked with some hesitation.

Alicia shook her head. One step at a time. They already had to digest this new situation. She certainly didn't want to press them any further. "No… I mean," she didn't want him to think that she didn't want them to meet him. Especially considering that indeed Zach had already met him. She wasn't worried for Zach. Her concern was more for Grace. "Thank you… but I think it's better to take this slowly… I still don't know how they will react," she shrugged.

"Mom?" Grace peeked inside the kitchen.

Alicia stiffened imperceptibly and silently prayed that her daughter hadn't overheard the conversation. "I'll be right there," she said to Grace, gesturing that she needed just one more minute. As Grace left, she gave her attention back to Tom. "I have to go now," she apologized. "I'll call you later to tell you how it went…"

"Okay, I'm here if you need anything…" He said, understandingly.

She smiled sweetly. "I know… thank you…" She inhaled some courage. Now she had to decide whether to tell them straightaway or after dinner. It didn't take her long to opt for the second. At least she would make sure that the dinner wouldn't be wasted. Not to mention, she had a little more time to come up with the right way to drop the bomb delicately.

_Mom is in a relationship_. Which kind of relationship? Rejected. Too many explanations.

_Mom is in love_. With whom? Rejected. Didn't she say one step at a time?

_Mom has a boyfriend_. Rejected. Too high-school.

_Mom is starting a new life_. Rejected. It would be the beginning of the end of the world.

She had no idea how to tell them. No idea at all. She let them eat their meal in complete serenity, in the vain hope that when the moment came, the right words would flow autonomously. The dinner rolled by with idle chatter about school, about Neesa, about some guy that Grace seemed to like and that Alicia didn't know anything about. _Note to myself: remember to delve into this matter with Peter later_.

It was halfway through the dessert that she finally decided to release the news. She laid her spoon in the untouched ice-cream cup and leaned on her elbows. Her fingers played nervously, working off her growing uneasiness. She sighed and let it out. "Mom needs to tell you something," she threw it out, trying to sound relaxed and natural. She certainly didn't want to transmit her anxiety to them.

Both kids looked up at her, questioningly, but - at least in the appearance – completely oblivious as to what the _something_ was.

"What?" Zach asked with a slight shrug.

Alicia's gaze kept shifting between her kids and her hands, closed in a tight intertwining. "I…" Time had come, but her hope that words would come out naturally proved to be vain. "I'm seeing someone," she finally let out. Seeing someone? Where did that come from? Seeing. That sentence was so generic that she might as well be seeing a shrink. Something that maybe she should consider indeed, though that wasn't the issue right now.

But Zach's and Grace's reactions made it more than clear that, despite a light confusion in their eyes, they knew perfectly well what she meant.

Grace opened her mouth as to speak but no words came out. Her eyes were fixed, serious, and staring straight into Alicia's eyes.

Alicia didn't know if she was supposed to say something more or just give them the time to down the idea.

"You mean…" Grace started with hesitancy, "like a… boyfriend?"

Boyfriend. So high-school. It was one of the solutions she had rejected from the very beginning, but maybe that was the right one instead. After all, she was facing two teenagers…

Alicia nodded, grave and a bit uncomfortable. "Yes, something like a boyfriend…" She looked at Zach, who was silent, but apparently just a bit thoughtful. He looked like he was already beyond the boyfriend definition and into the impact on their lives. For some reason, she wasn't surprised. Unlike her, he was a very practical guy and never acted on mere instinct.

The silence was chilling. "I know that it's… unexpected," she said. _Unexpected_. Was that even the right word? It had surely been for her. For them, it was probably more like a cold shower. "It was for me too… it just… happened," she shrugged. Because that was the fact. She didn't look for it.

Grace's face clouded with concern. "Why are you telling us?"

Alicia thought about it for a moment. On one hand, she knew that it was mostly to make sure that they wouldn't find out from someone else. But still, it wasn't all about that. "Because…" How could she tell them? Why now? Why was she telling them now? "Because… he's important enough in my life for you to know about." It was the truth. Plain, crystalline, simple and hearty. She had to look down. For a moment, she couldn't force herself to see their reaction.

"I…" What could she say to make it any easier and acceptable for them? "I… I don't want to force you into anything… and I don't want to turn your lives upside down again now that things are finally normal," she said, as she looked up at them. "But… there was the chance you would find out anyway from someone else and I didn't want that."

"Do we know him?" Zach asked, very quietly.

Alicia looked at Zach for a moment. "No," she started, but quickly corrected herself, "yes… I mean… You have already met him…" she admitted, as she looked at Zach. "He… he works for dad…" Was that enough for him to put two and two together?

Grace winced at the mention of her father. "Does dad know it?"

"Yes, he does, Grace… he's known for a while. We were supposed to have this conversation together but then… things happened, plus Zach's accident and… there wasn't another chance," she shrugged. She considered it better not to share the break-up thing. There was no point in going there anyway.

"That lawyer that came to the hospital…" Zach said. Yes, he put two and two together. She knew that it would be easier for Zach. She had seen them together, she had witnessed them first hand, how Tom had easily related with him. The chances that Zach would like him, or at least accept him to a certain degree were, if not high, at least moderately sufficient.

Alicia nodded, then looked back at Grace. She pretended not to notice the expression, between thwarted and disgusted that was covering her young face.

"His name is Tom…" she started. She wanted to tell her something, anything, that would make Grace feel better, but she knew that no words would work. All she needed was time to accept it.

"What happens now?" Grace asked, with clear concern in her voice.

"I…" Alicia hesitated. She had no idea. She wasn't prepared for this. She had hoped that her mother's instinct would be enough to have this conversation and keep it as serene as possible.

"Will you move in together?" Grace asked with a tentative voice.

Alicia opened her mouth as to speak but realized that she didn't have an answer. They never discussed it. Actually they never discussed or planned their future at all. Future was something you planned after reaching a stable and complete confidence that they still didn't have. They were still building their relationship. Plans had not even crossed their minds.

"What will happen to us?" Zach asked, in support of his sister's doubts.

"Will you remarry?" Grace went further on with her questioning, before Alicia could even elaborate Zach's question. "You're not going to have another child, right?"

_Marriage? Children? What…?_ "Okay, wait, wait, wait!" She said, gesturing for them to stop with all those questions for a moment, before it would really get out of control. "I… I don't know what will happen, we never talked about marriage and the farthest thing from my mind is the thought of having another child! I…" Damn, how could she have even remotely thought that she could have this conversation alone? She needed Peter's back up. She couldn't face their reactions alone. "I just wanted you to know... I want you to take your time, to get used to the idea that there's someone else in my life…" She looked away for a moment, searching for the strength to go on with what she had just started and couldn't clearly stop anymore. "Tom is a good person… and I'm sure that… at one point… you'll come to like him…" They would come to like him. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Tom would find a way to make himself loved. A man who had made his way into her heart so easily would be accepted by her children. They just needed time. She saw Grace look down and looked down herself. "I know you're scared… you have every right to be… I am too… Everything's new for me too… But it's also time for you to accept that mom and dad have divorced and… it's normal at some point to start all over again." She realized that she was almost whispering, as if it would make it any easier for them to accept it as a sort of confidence between mother and child. "You ask me things for which I don't have an answer," she apologized with a shrug. "We don't have plans… we are just… living it one day at a time… but you had the right to know…"

"He seems… okay," Zach threw out almost with nonchalance. He face was serious, but the way he shrugged at his sister made Alicia's inner self smile a bit. Yes, he was _okay_.

"You don't have to meet him now… get used to the idea first. But like it or not, that's how things are," she said firmly. She knew it was just a matter of time. Sooner or later, she knew that Grace would make up her mind about it.

"Can I go to my bedroom now?" Grace asked, making clear that for her the conversation was over.

Alicia couldn't blame her. She nodded and let her go. She never expected her to be condescending or happy about it. After all, Tom was taking Peter's place in her own life. What was difficult for Grace to understand, was that he wasn't taking Peter's place in _their_ lives. But with time, Grace would realize that herself. As she left, Alicia looked at Zach, who seemed oddly quiet under the circumstances. "Are you okay?" She asked with a light smile, as she covered his hand with hers.

"Yes… I think…" he said, thoughtfully. "Were you… were you together when he came to the hospital?"

Alicia looked down, pondering to what extent she should be honest with him. "We…" She hesitated. What could she tell him? "We were having… _problems_… at that time," she said sincerely. "Every couple has them at some point," she shrugged, "that's what strengthens a relationship." She said with a light smile. Zach had been dating Neesa for a while now. Even though they were just kids, she was sure that he would understand what she meant.

Zach looked down and nodded. "I guess it is …"

"Go stay with Grace now," she said with a pleading look. "I'll tidy up the kitchen and catch up with you when I'm done… in case you feel like talking about it…"

"Okay," Zach said, then stood up.

Alicia watched him leave the room. Once she was alone, she put her face in her hands and sighed deeply. Damn if it hadn't been hard. For a moment, she felt egotistical and wicked for putting her kids through this. Was this all worth it? She closed her eyes and let her mind retrace the last few months of her life. Tom had certainly added something very significant to her life. The way she felt around him, they way she felt under his gaze, the way he made her feel so special and unique, it should mean something. It should be worth it. She knew it would be worth it in the end.


	37. Chapter 37

"So, what do we do now since all our witnesses were disintegrated?" Maggie asked, nonchalantly.

The wide table in the conference room seemed like a showroom for men in search for a wife. Alicia and Maggie had examined all those dossiers so many times that they had come to a point where they could easily associate names and faces. The previous sessions had gone by completely unproductive. None of these women had dared to compromise themselves.

Alicia looked up from the dossier in her hands and raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Disintegrated was an understatement. "Can you _not_ remind me of this woman?" She sighed.

Maggie sat back comfortably on her chair, as if to steal a few minutes peace. "It was too fun," she said with an amused smile.

Alicia looked at her confused. She didn't remember anything funny in that trial session, from the disclosure to the jurors' faces, to the poor show of that woman. No, she was pretty sure it was all but funny.

"Your boyfriend. Think he got a stiff neck trying to look straight into her eyes and not… well, not _somewhere else_," she said, slightly rocking on her chair.

Her boyfriend. It still sounded so weird to her ears. That's what Grace had called him too. So was this how she was supposed to define him? Her _boyfriend_? She looked at Maggie for a moment, hesitantly. She wasn't sure if she was comfortable talking about her _boyfriend_ with her. Sure they worked well together, but as for women's confidences… she wasn't sure about it. But on the other hand, she didn't want to seem cold or unsympathetic for no reason. She smiled. "For what it's worth he didn't even dare to look up when I called her to the witness stand," she said, as she looked down, back at the papers, twiddling the pen between her fingers.

"Men…" Maggie said with calculated annoyance.

"Yep… men," Alicia repeated as she shook her head. "They have an inborn inclination to ask for trouble of the most inconvenient and improper nature…" Damn if she didn't know it… "And this is why we have a client in the first place," she said, bringing the attention back to their work. It was only in that moment that she came up with an idea. "What do we know about Mrs. Stevens' husband?" She asked, questioningly.

Maggie gave her a confused look and shrugged. "I… We never questioned him… What would we need to know about him?"

"The usual stuff… situation of the marriage, fights, kids, cheatings…" Alicia said, letting the _cheating_ slip casually, then glanced at Maggie with a knowing smile.

"Do you think she might have turned to her boss to overcome an infidelity?" Maggie asked, clearly catching the cheating hint.

"I don't know, but if she did, our client has a chance," Alicia said, as she started to gather all those files. The showroom was over. "Collect all the information you can about him, ask for Kalinda's help if you have difficulties, she's a master."

Having said that, she left the room. If the road was the right one, she was about to do something she didn't like. And that Tom certainly wouldn't like as well. But her client came first. She had sworn before the judge and a whole jury that their relationship would not affect the outcome of the trial, that she would be giving her client a fair defense. If for that she had to play a bit dirty, she was going to do it. But there was time for it, she had a couple of days before the next session. She considered for a moment to tell Tom something, a bit, the strictest necessary to prepare him psychologically, but chose not to do it. After all, she would just use herself as Mrs. Steven's proxy, it would stay confined to that. Nothing more.

Her phone rang in her hand. Speak of the devil… "Hello," she answered with enthusiasm.

"Hello to you," Tom replied, matching her tone. "How's the day going? Any new evidence?"

Alicia stopped and smiled in disbelief. Any new evidence… "Nice try."

"Should I take it as a yes?" He replied, raising his voice a bit. Alicia could hear on the phone the typical clamor of the courtroom. Either a trial had just ended or was about to start.

"You should take it as a _nice try_," she repeated, amused. "And you? Any new evidence you forgot to disclose?"

"Oh, not much… I just might have to question Miss Jones again," he concluded with a confident tone. "I'm sure that there's more she could disclose."

The background chatter was finally gone, she could offend him without having to shout to be heard. "Bastard," she whispered. "So what are you doing?" She asked with nonchalance as an associate walked by her.

"Going out for lunch," he replied very quietly.

"With Miss Jones?" Alicia asked with fake jealousy. She realized only in that moment that she wasn't jealous about that glaring beauty. For some reason, she didn't seem Tom's type anyway. Wait… did she know anything about his _type_? She had only seen his ex-wife, and what she could remember she was a charming redhead. She rolled her eyes. Right now, she did neither need nor want to think about other women.

"To tell the truth, I was hoping with you," Tom replied with a mild laugh, "but it's okay… I can invite her if you want…"

Alicia shook her head. "Outside the SA's building in ten minutes," she hastened to say before he could add anything else.

* * *

As she reached the familiar square, she scanned through the dozens of people coming and going, trying to spot Tom. A waving gesture caught her attention.

Leaning against a pillar, Tom smiled and started to walk towards her. "What happened to ten minutes?"

"My boss happened, I'm sorry," she said in apology. On her way out of the firm, Diane had stopped her in front of the elevator asking for a quick briefing about the case. _Excellent timing_. She leaned forward for a soft kiss of forgiveness. She smiled softly. With the disclosure, with the kids knowing, she could kiss him in public and not have to worry about people talking. She was entitled to kiss her _boyfriend_ in front of everyone. There was something in that innocent and so common gesture, that she found extremely gratifying, cheering and warming. A simple and light touch of the lips could work miracles. Even more if done openly. It was an enjoyable feeling, so much so that she leaned forward for another one, unwilling to let go of the pleasant contact.

"Are you happy to see me or just looking for forgiveness for letting me freeze out here?" He asked, sounding between amused and surprised.

In all honesty, she couldn't blame him. She wasn't usually the effusive kind in public. "Nope, just kissing you in front of everyone because I can and I want," she said with a sweet smile, then paused, faking to be pensive. "Okay, I was looking for forgiveness," she admitted. "So, where are we going?" She looked down as she felt his hand taking hers with firmness and confidence and she instinctively grasped hold of it.

"A place that I hope you will appreciate more than you did last time," he said, not mentioning the destination.

Not that he needed to. Alicia already knew it.

* * *

The Village seemed so different from the last time she'd been there. The smell that pervaded the wide hall was so enticing. It was the same restaurant, and she was pretty sure they didn't change or renovate anything. Still, she found herself staring at the nice sceneries painted on the walls as if she was seeing them for the first time. No anxiety, no worry, no discomfort or strain this time. She was enjoying a good meal in a nice restaurant with her _boyfriend_. That word kept coming back, again and again. She felt a bit stupid, and she didn't know if it was for the teenage sense that the word gave her or the fact that she was actually starting to find its sound appealing. Anyway, it made her smile and gloat.

Her girlish thoughts were interrupted by the waitress serving their dishes. She thought that Zach would certainly love this place. The pizza looked and smelled divine.

"So… how are the kids doing?" Tom asked tentatively, staring down at his lunch.

Alicia gave him a quick and a bit surprised glance. Zach and Grace were still a delicate topic for discussion. For Alicia because she had to deal with the aftermath of the revelation. Certainly for Tom too, because he now had to deal with their emotional upheaval for taking Peter's place in her life. Although… she had to admit that they both reacted better than what she had been expecting.

"Better than what I thought," she said, baffled. At least this was true for Zach. But having known Tom beforehand had just put him in a situation of a _neutral_ meeting. It was a different situation for Grace, it had been a bit harder, but she hoped she could play the mom/daughter female confidences card if needed, now that her daughter had a boyfriend. And she could at the same time use it to draw out some more information about that guy. Alicia wisely chose to skip the kids' questioning about marriage and having children. It was certainly premature and it scared her, mostly because she had no idea at all what his thoughts would be on these matters. Would he want to marry her? Or have kids? She shook her head to get rid of those thoughts as fast as possible. "They need time," she simply said. Technically, she wasn't lying, but just avoiding the inevitable embarrassment. Then she remembered something… "But, there is something you might like to hear."

Tom gave her an inquisitive look. "What?"

"Zach was accepted at two different universities," she said with more than a hint of pride.

"This doesn't surprise me," Tom said quietly, "he's a smart guy. So what's his choice?"

Alicia smiled. "Columbia…" She saw Tom's face light up at the mention. She knew he would love it.

"Really? Which course of study?" He asked enthusiastically.

Alicia paused for a moment. She was still a bit worried by Zach's ambitions but she was sure that he had what it took to achieve it. "National Security Law," she said, not hiding her concern.

"Wow… the guy flies high," Tom commented.

"It's the parental genes I guess," she sighed.

Tom nodded with a smile. "Probably. Interesting choice, anyway… What is he aspiring too?"

"I have no idea," she said, shaking her head. "That's what worries me most. Besides the fact that he will be so far from home," she admitted in a faint voice.

Tom laughed mildly. "You know that New York City is only a one hour flight from here, right?"

_True_. It would be only one hour to everyone else, except to a mother used to seeing her son every single day since he was born.

"Yes… I know…" She smiled, not hiding a bit of sadness and looked down as she felt Tom's hand cover hers, gently.

"Columbia is a great university and Zach is a responsible and smart young man. That's all you have to think about," he said with a reassuring tone.

She nodded lightly.

"Changing the subject," Tom started. "Ready for the next face-to-face in court?"

Alicia looked away for a moment, hoping he wouldn't read her concerns. If Mrs. Steven's husband really cheated on her, this wasn't going to be funny. "Getting ready," she said with faux calmness and a light, reassuring smile.

"What's worrying you?" Tom asked softly. His eyes didn't hide some concern.

Alicia shook her head, playing dumb. "Nothing," she smiled, "just working hard on it. By the way, will we have the opportunity for a real date before the trial ends or should we keep on confining our encounters to phone calls and lunches?" She asked with calculated annoyance. Between the trial and the kids, they hadn't spent some time alone in days. She wanted him. She needed him. And in an intimate way that wouldn't be proper in a public place.

"After the next session?" He proposed with a shrug.

In two days. Better than nothing. "You better not take a rain check on it…" She warned him with the fork pointed at him and a sly smile that unmasked her real thoughts.

Tom smiled, amused, and gently took her hand to point the fork back down. "No way would I ever do that!" He said with faked offence, but softened his look right after. His eyes were fixed on her, a delicate smile on his face.

Alicia remembered with a smile when she couldn't hold his gaze for a few seconds. How did she go from the most unbearable discomfort to falling in love with that same gaze? The heart was an indecipherable mystery.

"I need you too," he whispered.


	38. Chapter 38

_**A/N WARNING: The chapter is strongly M-rated for the presence of explicit oral sex content in its second part. You might not be comfortable with it. If that's the case, just skip it!**_

* * *

Alicia had the impression that the clamor behind her was less than during the previous sessions. It was always like that. Onlookers would crowd the courtroom on the first day of the trial, maybe even on the second one. Then the attention and the interest would slowly and unperceivably shift to something else. She turned around and scanned through the faces of the viewers, some standing, some already sitting and waiting for the session to begin, to check and make sure that her witness was there. She spotted Mrs. Stevens, sitting in one of the farthest rows with a tense face. Alicia would rather avoid calling her to the stand again, but in light of what Maggie had discovered, it was needed. And a desperate attempt to offer her client a chance of win. As she looked back towards the front of the courtroom she heard the judge's words calling the court to order, and her eyes met Tom's. He gave her a quiet and serene smile that she returned lightly.

This trial seemed to lead nowhere good for Mr. Thorpe. One by one, all of the prosecution's witnesses were making their client look bad under Tom's examinations. Until now. Because Alicia knew their latest evidence was – hopefully - about to stop that unpleasant trend. So when the judge kindly invited the defense to call their first witness, she stood up with confidence and articulated her words, slowly and loudly. "The defense would like to call Mrs. Violet Stevens to the stand for re-questioning."

She turned to look at Tom, eager to get his reaction. His inquiring look made clear that he was oblivious to what she was about to do. Was he oblivious even to the fact that Mrs. Steven's husband had cheated on her? Nope, knowing Tom, she was pretty sure he didn't miss such a huge detail. She gave him a quick look of apology, then turned towards the witness and accompanied her to the stand with a light smile. Alicia breathed, deeply. Now she was ready to tear the woman to pieces. The bailiff reminded the witness that she was still under oath.

"Mrs. Stevens," she started, and stopped right in front of the woman. "How many years have you been working for the accused, Mr. Thorpe," she said, pointing at her client, sitting nervously next to Maggie.

"Fifteen," Mrs. Stevens answered after a brief hesitation.

Alicia nodded. Fifteen years was a quite long period of time. "And… has he ever shown in the past signs of interest or… appreciation?"

"No," the woman replied very quietly.

Alicia faked surprise for the jury, then looked back at the woman. "When did it start?"

"About one year ago." The woman seemed very confident.

"Do you have any idea of what might have changed?" Alicia asked, with the answer already in her pocket.

Mrs. Stevens looked thoughtful for a moment before answering with a shrug. "No."

_What a liar_. She knew it perfectly well. Time has come to put on her show.

"Can I ask you how old you and your husband are?" Alicia asked very quietly, before throwing a quick curious glance in Tom's direction. Did he have any idea by now of where she was going with her questioning? From his puckered expression, he was probably starting to get a sense of it.

"Sure, 42 and 47," Mrs. Stevens answered, the tone of her voice a bit lower.

"It's annoying, isn't it? I mean… it's a difficult age…" Alicia told her, sympathetic and understandingly.

Mrs. Stevens stiffened a bit in her seat. Alicia noticed it but was unsure whether the jury noticed it too or not. They were a bunch of anonymous blank faces. But as she turned to look at Tom again, it was clear that he did. He sat up straight and uncomfortably, probably getting ready to object.

"W… what do you mean?" The woman asked nervously.

"Objection, your honor!" Tom's voice caught everyone's attention.

Alicia winced a bit. She hated to be interrupted in the thick of it.

"On which grounds Mr. Bryant?" The judge asked him.

"Mrs. Stevens' personal data are already on the trial records. Miss Cavanaugh is only trying to divert the attention from the accused." Tom's voice would probably sound perfectly quiet to everyone but Alicia.

"Overruled," the judge said to Tom after a brief pondering. "But Miss Cavanaugh, let's come to the point," he warned her.

"Yes, your honor," Alicia promptly assented and nodded condescendingly, then shifted her attention back at the woman. "Mrs. Stevens, what I meant to say… It's that miserable phase called midlife crisis, when men, not every man of course, but some of them tend to get weak and search for a new lease on life with other women." Her words came out hurried, hoping Tom had no chance and time to object to anything till she was done. "And you can trust me if I tell you that I know _very well_ what I'm talking about," she concluded, trying to sound sympathetic.

Alicia still couldn't believe what she was doing. Was she really using her own old disgrace, in front of everyone? _Everyone_. Who was everyone in the end? It wasn't like she had something to hide. Her face had been on the CBS news for months for everyone to see. The whole country knew about her disgrace. It was like making fun of herself. And the memory of those days was so far past that she could do it without the slightest embarrassment. A bit of discomfort, maybe, but mostly because she wasn't used to playing like this in court. But this time, it was needed.

"Mrs. Stevens, does your husband cheat on you?" Alicia's question, so straight and in no uncertain terms, hit the woman like a brick straight into her face.

"What?" Mrs. Stevens looked at her, mouth open.

Alicia noticed Tom sitting straight, very abruptly. She couldn't risk an objection now. She had to hurry up. She didn't waste time repeating the question. The woman heard it, and the jury too. She caught some jurors exchanging astonished glances and struck while the iron was hot. "That's why you turned to your boss for attention," she insisted, gesturing at her client.

"Objection, your honor!" Tom protested loudly from the prosecution table.

Alicia didn't give the judge the time for a decision. "He didn't harass you, did he? You _wanted_ it."

"Objection!" Tom repeated, his voice rising in frustration and annoyance.

"Sustained!" The judge declared.

For what it was worth, he could declare what he wanted. The jurors' looks were eloquent. "No further questions, your honor," she said, as she turned to sit at the defense table, flushed with fret. She didn't dare to throw even the most discreet glance to her right. She considered it was better to avoid any uncomfortable exchange of looks till they were done and out of the courtroom. She just sat, her eyes fixed straight in the judge's direction, as he adjourned the trial for two more days for the final session before the closing arguments. She was conflicted between gloating inwardly at the twist of the events, seemingly in their favor, or worry for the inevitable confrontation with Tom. He surely didn't like her approach. She probably wouldn't have liked it either if she were in his place.

She gathered her papers, gave a reassuring smile to Mr. Thorpe and gestured for Maggie to follow her. As she turned to leave, she stopped for a moment. This was ridiculous. She couldn't avoid his gaze. She couldn't leave without a word. For what then? For her line of questioning? It would be lame and childish, to say the least. She gestured at Maggie to go, then took a couple of steps towards Tom, holding her folder tight to her chest. He was still sitting, apparently deep into scanning some paper. She recognized the face of one of Mr. Thorpe's employees but pretended she didn't notice. "Hey," she said tentatively, with a light – and maybe a bit guilty – smile.

Tom slightly shook his head, almost imperceptibly, then closed the folder in front of him and stood up. "Hey," he said with a faint voice, as he returned the uncomfortable, awkward smile. "You did great…"

She did great… "Sorry for playing… _a bit dirty_…" She said, looking away for a moment, then back at him. She would have paid to know what was crossing his mind right then. Or maybe it was better not to know…

Tom nodded slightly. But he didn't seem upset about it. "We all have to, sometimes, don't we?" He said, as he looked away.

"Yes, I guess we do," she confirmed. She just wasn't used to it. "Are you okay?" she asked with some concern. He seemed concerned over something. If it wasn't about the questioning, then what was it about?

"Yes," he whispered, as he looked back at her with a reassuring smile. Reassuring in his intentions probably, because there was clearly something he was holding back.

"Tonight at 6:30 then?" She hoped nothing changed in the meantime and that they would get the chance for some time alone together.

"6:30," Tom confirmed.

Alicia nodded and smiled, "Okay… see you later, then," then started to leave.

Tom just smiled at her. "Alicia!"

As she was a few steps away, she heard his voice calling her and turned around. "Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?" His voice seemed a little uncomfortable.

She took back the few steps that separated them and stopped in front of him, her eyes reflecting the anxiety that was still strong after the trial. "Sure…"

Tom looked at her, but didn't say anything. It took him a moment for his thoughts to finally try and become words. "Do you… did you…"

Alicia gave him a questioning glance. "Did I… what?" What was eating him? What was bugging him that he just couldn't share?

He shook his head and smiled. "Nothing… We'll talk about it tonight," he said, lightly brushing her arm.

Alicia nodded, unsure. "Okay…" She turned, and this time left for real.

* * *

6:30pm. Like a precision watch, Alicia was standing in front of Tom's door, already savoring the upcoming moments. Still, there was that lingering sense of anxiety that still hadn't left her. He seemed concerned about something and she didn't like that. They had promised full honestly to make their relationship work and it peeved her that something, anything, could be left unsaid between them.

She knocked lightly and heard the sound of his steps approaching, then the door opened in front of her. The moment she saw him, casual clothes, smelling like shower gel, his hair still a bit wet, she forgot any previous worry. They would have time to talk later, if still needed. She smiled in delight and walked in, stopping only a few inches from him.

Eyes locked into each other, enraptured, Tom pushed the door closed behind them with a light thud. Whatever it was that was bugging him that afternoon, was clearly forgotten, or at least temporarily brushed aside for him too.

Alicia closed her eyes, silencing any sense that wasn't just the touch of their lips meeting. She indulged into that single, avid and starving kiss, enjoying the pleasant and turn-on warmth of his tongue playing, entwining with hers. It felt like drinking salt and water. The more she drank, the more she needed to drink.

Slowly, she ran her arms up his chest to circle his neck and got closer, her body sticking like glue against his, in a perfect fit. She felt Tom's hands gently lingering on her hips, then moving, firmly, to circle her waist, closing her in a tight, passionate grip.

She rejoiced with the fact that, for once, he was the one with fewer clothes to take off. No jacket, no tie, for once he was quick to undress. And she certainly wasn't going to waste any more precious time on that consideration. Her hands moved down on his blue shirt, taking it up and off. She didn't have the chance to reach his pants. Tom was faster than her and quickly reached for her jacket, which fell unceremoniously on the floor, then for the zipper of her dress, which wasn't any luckier in its fate.

She got rid of her heels, and delicately rubbed one leg up to his waist, teasingly, as an implicit, though very eloquent invitation for him to lift her up and move to a most comfortable place for what was yet to come.

The invitation was seized without hesitancy. She clung to Tom's neck and smiled seductively, getting a predatory look that made her burst into laughter, till she landed softly, - maybe not so softly – on his bed. Could a few days without intimacy have such a deleterious and explosive effect on them? Totally. It was nothing more than applied physics. Or chemical physics. Either way, it was something her old physics professor from high school would certainly find reproachable.

Her legs still clung firmly around his waist, she refused to let him go. She finally loosened her hold for the strict necessity to get rid of what was left of their clothes, then quickly reclaimed possession of that body she had been craving so much over the last few days.

She gazed at him, intently. She loved the way he looked at her when they made love. She loved to watch him make love to her. His eyes had always spoken for him. She closed her eyes and smiled, letting his hands and mouth toy, brazenly and unfettered, with her body. She sighed heavily, in exasperation at first, then in pleasure, shivering as his tongue made its way deliberately and provocatively slowly, from her neck, down to her collarbone and right above her breasts, then down, lingering on her nipples. Her legs wrapped around his waist in an unconscious convulsion, anticipating the destination of that exciting, tantalizing itinerary.

Her heartbeat became faster, her breathing frantic as he made his way down her belly, then stopped exactly where she wanted. Her arms reached out, searching for a grasp. All she could find was the pillow. She clenched it, firmly, as Tom's tongue played sensually with her clit, then slipped inside, wiggly, his mouth sucking, delicately at first, then more avidly. Alicia didn't even realize she was moaning loudly. Completely lost in the pleasure Tom was giving her, twitching with excitement, it took her a moment to regain consciousness and control of her body. She breathed deeply, then opened her eyes. Tom made his way back up, covering her body with soft kisses. When their gazes met, she gave him a light, exhausted smile, that Tom returned with a kiss. She savored her own wetness as their kiss become deeper, more hungry.

"If this is what I deserve for having kicked your ass in court today, I'll make sure to do it more often," she joked.

Tom laughed softly, amused. "No… this was an_ enjoy it while you still can because you're never going to kick my ass in court again_," he whispered, as he leaned forward to place a soft, lingering kiss on her neck.

Alicia smiled, amused and a bit in disbelief. "Don't count on…" Her words were cut before she could finish. She gasped, as Tom suddenly entered, deeply, leaving her breathless. "Don't count on it…" she repeated in a whisper, as she slightly moved, adjusting to the unexpected but undoubtedly welcome guest.

She certainly didn't complain. If these were the consequences and side effects of clashing in court, she'd more than gladly take it any day. She left him to lead the game, letting her senses run away with her, through-and-through, till they both laid down, exhausted and sated, just enjoying the pleasant contact of each other's warm body.

Alicia's fingers played with Tom's light curls. She could hear his breathing on her neck slowing down, as it regained its natural, regular pace. She looked down at him. His eyes were closed, but she knew he wasn't sleeping. As if sensing her gaze on him, he looked up and smiled softly, as he delicately let go of her, breaking the sexual intimacy, but nestling her close in his arms. They were used to laying like that after making love. It was an unspoken and common need of intimacy, closeness, that went way beyond the mere sexual proximity. Sometimes it was a cuddling, playful, relaxing moment, spent in idle chatter and soft caresses. Sometimes it was a desperate and useless attempt to postpone the inevitable moment when they had to say goodbye and to go back to their _separate_ lives. Day after day, Alicia liked less and less being _separate_, and she was quite sure that Tom felt the same. This was one of those days. Still, there was something in the way he held her close, a bit possessively. She thought back to the brief talk they had in court and wondered if it was just coming back now. There was something going through his mind and she didn't know what. For a moment, she considered pretending she didn't notice. But then, it wasn't just her to let things go. It took her a while before finally getting the courage. "Now… are you going to tell me what's upsetting you?"

Tom's silence was telling. "I'm not upset," he answered with clearly fake calmness.

"Yes you are," she insisted, softly, her voice nearly whispering.

"I'm not…," Tom repeated, then sighed. "I'm just… It's…"

So, she was right. There was something indeed. "Tom? What's up?" She whispered, concerned. She looked straight into his eyes and hoped he would take her encouragement and open up to her.

She caught the hesitancy in his gaze, in the way he briefly looked away, then back at her. "Who did you turn to?"

Who did she turn to? What was he talking about? Her eyes gave away her plain confusion. "What?"

"When Peter cheated on you… Who did you turn to for attention?" Tom's voice was a bit faltering, probably unsure if it was safe to have such a conversation. "That's why you wanted this case, isn't it?"

Alicia froze, but didn't dare to look away. It would only be the acknowledgement that she really did. She hoped he didn't feel her body tense under his tight embrace, as she chose to lie. "No one."

"Why are you lying?" Tom asked, softly, yet with positive confidence.

She couldn't tell him… He would never understand it, would he? "I'm not lying…" She repeated with more emphasis. She wondered how long she could hold his probing gaze. She didn't like to be scrutinized, especially when she was consciously and deliberately lying.

"Alicia… we swore to be honest," Tom reminded her gently. She could read the hint of disappointment in his voice, but chose to ignore it.

"I know it," she answered, trying to sound natural.

"Then who?" Tom insisted.

Why did he want to know it? Her affair with Will was dead and buried, ages ago. It was something that belonged to her past. How would he take the news that she had slept with her boss, someone she was working at very close quarters with, every single day? If Peter himself, who had been her man for nearly twenty years, couldn't trust her enough to accept it, how could she expect Tom to do it instead?

"No one… I… I already had too much on my plate," she repeated. And she felt miserable for lying, but some things were just better left unsaid.

"Okay," Tom whispered. But his voice, his hands that pulled her closer, probably in search for some kind of reassurance betrayed his feelings.


	39. Chapter 39

_Who did you turn to? _

_No one. _

_Why are you lying? _

_I'm not lying… _

_We swore to be honest. _

_We swore to be honest…_

The alarm clock woke Alicia up from a restless night. She had a hard time falling asleep, and when she finally did, her dreams were haunted by her lie. Because that's what it was. A lie. She didn't just hide something, holding it back. She had _lied_. On one hand, she knew that it was well-intentioned, on the other hand she couldn't forgive herself for lying in Tom's face, while looking straight into his eyes. It felt wrong. And she felt like a wretch, with the sense of guilt consuming her from the inside. What was even worse, Tom's _okay_ didn't sound like an _okay_ at all. _We swore to be honest._ She glanced quickly at her phone and wondered if Tom was already up. She wanted to hear his voice, make sure that they were _okay_. But … Then what? What if he wasn't okay? What would she tell him over the phone? That she lied? That she lied not once, but three times in the space of a couple of minutes? Denying the evidence and in spite of his insistence?

Then she remembered all the talking about trust, all the talking about _her_ lack of trust, specifically. Tom wanted trust, didn't he? Well… Then… He had to be ready to trust her himself. She was putting an insane effort in to ignoring gestures, exchanges of looks that, although completely innocent for Tom, were sometimes hurtful for her, who got so used to over the last years to over analyze every little gesture, smile, look, trying to catch nonexistent and imaginary signs. She was putting all of her heart in this relationship. Way more than her heart actually. Her kids were involved too. She didn't choose to involve them. She had to. But the result didn't change. Now there was so much at stake, that she couldn't risk anything for… for what? For a lie about her past?

She knew that Tom had a courtroom session at 9:00. So she considered meeting him before then, but … no, bad idea. Not a good idea to distract him before a trial. And lunch was quite out of the question, since she already knew he had a previous engagement with some prosecutors. But she could stop by his office after his trial… She sighed. She had no idea how he would take it but, no matter what, she had to come clean, to tell the truth. Over the years she had learned to bear the burdens that life put in her way and handle everything. She was a master at controlling her feelings. But she just couldn't deal with this sense of guilt.

* * *

The glass door of the courtroom was still closed, a sign that the session was still in progress. She thought for a moment of sliding in, discreetly and possibly unnoticed, then chose to wait outside instead. The door opened and a woman rushed out with some papers in her hand, disappearing into the labyrinth of the SA's building hallways.

She peeped inside and spotted Tom sitting at the prosecution table, while around him, people were starting to stand up and leave in a hubbub. She stepped aside and leaned against the wall, leaving the passage free for the exiting crowd, patiently waiting till Tom would leave too. She threw casual glances at the faces, till the crowd reduced to a few small gatherings. Tom was among one of them. He stopped when he noticed her, surprise all over his face. She smiled softly, as he quickly excused himself from the group and walked to her.

"Hey," he said, his voice reflecting the surprise for the unexpected visit.

Still leaning against the wall, Alicia didn't move. "Hey," she said softly, as she cast a quick side glance at the people walking past them, then looked down, briefly, gathering her thoughts. Now that she was here, everything seemed so difficult. "Do you have a minute to talk?" She asked with a faint voice.

She saw Tom's surprise fading slowly into concern. "Sure," he said, gesturing for her to follow him into his office. Without a word, she followed him, as anxiety started to grow in her. And it peaked completely the moment she walked through the door of his office. She never liked that place. So cold, it was nowhere near to how Tom was, to _who_ Tom was. "I just need a minute to write a note down or I'll forget it," he excused himself as he opened his laptop and clicked on a small icon on the desktop, then typed rapidly.

Alicia looked around and noticed a _guest_. Sort of. A luxuriant ficus was occupying the formerly bare corner at the right of the door. She didn't remember any plant in her previous visits. It was huge, she would have noticed. "Is that new?" She asked, a bit disoriented.

Tom looked up to meet the object of her question. "Yes," he said very quietly, then closed his laptop and gave his full attention to her. "My girlfriend thinks that my office is bare, depressing and uncomfortable, so I'm trying to make it more… welcoming," he said, looking between pensive and amused.

"With a… ficus?" Alicia said, laughing in disbelief.

"Well, I tried by hanging up that picture of you in lingerie but the clients found it distracting and I had to remove it," he said, shrugging matter-of-factly.

He did… what? She looked at him in complete shock before realizing… "Hey, you don't have a picture of me in lingerie!"

"I don't?" Tom asked, faking confusion. "Okay, then we must take steps as soon as possible," he said with a nod, as he got close to her with a knowing look. "So… what do we need to talk about? Besides the fact that you clearly don't like my ficus?"

Alicia's amusement died the very moment he spoke those few words. "I… I… it's about the conversation we had yesterday."

Tom looked at her for a moment, puzzled, probably trying to remember the really few words they had exchanged, since they hadn't spent too much time talking. "The one about you kicking my ass in court?" He said with a light smile, but his eyes gave away that he was probably already sensing that it had nothing to do with it.

"The one about me turning to someone for attention," she said with a faint voice, as she looked down. In that moment, she didn't dare to look at him. She didn't dare to read in his eyes the slow realization of what she meant.

"You said you didn't." Tom's voice was low, and a bit faltering. His words begged for a confirmation that he knew would never come.

"I know… I lied…" Without moving, Alicia followed Tom with her gaze as he walked past her, gently closed the door behind them, then stopped for a moment, his hand still holding the handle. She heard him sigh, almost imperceptibly, as if preparing himself for an unpleasant truth, then turned around and walked back, in the exact spot where he was standing before.

"Okay." Tom said with a light nod, probably still processing the new information, then gave her a questioning look. He had asked her the night before and probably didn't feel the need to repeat himself.

Not that he needed to, indeed. _Who did you turn to? _That question had been haunting her ever since. "I…" Where to start? From the reasons why she did it? Or just skip any reason to avoid being misunderstood? Maybe it was better to get straight to the point? "It was my boss," she said, trying to look the most natural and calm as she could.

For a moment, Tom just stared at her, a blank unreadable face. Then he nodded, slightly, not taking his eyes off of hers. "Why did you lie?" He asked with a shrug.

That was a good question. Why in the world did she lie? Had she been honest from the beginning, she wouldn't be here now having to search for a motive. "Because… I… because he's someone I work in close contact with, every single day… and I… I didn't want you to feel… uncomfortable about it or… in any way threatened," she explained very quietly. And it was the truth. She'd been through it once with Peter. She had no intention to go through it again. "I shouldn't have lied in the first place and I'm sorry for it."

Although… well, technically she didn't lie entirely. She didn't turn to him, it was Will who had turned to her. She just didn't back off. It's different.

"Are you telling me for some sudden sense of guilt or only for fear that I could find out from someone else?" His quiet tone was a striking contrast with the accusations hidden behind those words.

Alicia stiffened. She had made a mistake yes, but being accused of doing it for fear only, no… "I did it because we swore to be honest to each other… _always_. And because the last time that _one of us_ didn't, we broke up…" She realized her voice was a bit strident and tried to calm down with a deep sigh. "All your talking about trust… you want full trust from me… well… you have to be willing to give it as well…" The trust speech reached the right spot. Alicia saw Tom's look change for from accusing to accused, then aware. "Tom…" Her voice was softer now, reassuring. "It… it ended ages ago… or I wouldn't be here now in the first place…"

"How long did it last?" He finally asked. He seemed quieter, but still slightly upset.

Alicia wondered if it was all about the lying or if his male pride with a touch of jealousy spoke for him instead. If it was the second, he wouldn't like the answer… "A few months…"

Tom didn't move a single finger. "And how much is _a few_ exactly?"

"Is that important?" Alicia asked, faking indifference. She certainly preferred to skip the details.

"It is for me," Tom insisted, calm in his appearance.

Alicia looked down for a moment, then back at him. "Seven months," she said, almost nonchalantly.

Tom winced. "Is this supposed to reassure me?"

"It's supposed to be an honest answer," Alicia said very quietly.

"I don't like him," Tom said, seriously.

Alicia gave him an astonished look, before bursting into laughter. "You don't even know him!"

"He had you." His voice, low and a bit faltering, gave away an uncertainty that for Alicia was unexpected. She came here expecting a fight, instead…

"You have me." She smiled, softly and reassuringly.

"Is this how you felt when you saw me with Tracey?" Tom asked, looking thoughtful.

Alicia stared at him, confused for a moment. "Who the hell is Tracey?"

"My ex-wife," Tom answered with a hint of smile.

"Oh. Okay, I missed that detail," she said, returning the light smile. She wasn't used to seeing him jealous over someone. Was it over someone anyway? Or just the blurry idea of her with someone else? "You know… it's nice to see you jealous," she teased him, as she got close to him.

"What's nice about it?" Tom said, seriously, not moving from his pose.

"It's…" She hesitated, searching for the right words, searching for the right way to let him know that his reaction was normal, sweet and funny in a positive way. "It's like getting to know a new side of you every day… It's like… putting together a jigsaw…" And what a jigsaw, she thought. "I love every piece of it…"

Tom kept a straight face, apparently deadpan to her words. Only apparently, because Alicia had learnt to catch that light twinkle, imperceptible to everyone else, indicating that he was about to cede. And even more she had learnt to appeal to that tiny glimpse of vulnerability to make him capitulate completely. With a sly smile, she leaned closer, till only a few inches were left between them.

"I said that I'm sorry…" She reminded him, very softly.

"And I said that I don't like him," Tom repeated, very firmly. His eyes fixed into hers, his gaze betrayed his feelings. He was clearly afraid. Of losing her? Of losing her over someone? Of the thought that she might cheat on him?

Alicia smiled and shook her head. "Who says you have to like him?"

In spite of her being so close to him, Tom didn't show any sign of moving from his unmovable stance. She should have been honest from the beginning. She shouldn't have lied. She only managed to put in him unjustified doubts.

"Does he still have feelings for you?" Tom asked. He certainly didn't seem willing to just let it go.

Did he? Alicia had no idea. Probably yes. The way Will sometimes gazed at her made her think that there was still something. But that didn't mean he was supposed to be a sort of destabilizing threat to their relationship. "I don't know," she said, then shrugged. "Maybe… But if you trust me, like you are supposed to, like you always said you do," she reminded him, "this… then… what worries you?"

Tom shrugged, faking pensiveness. "His reputation?"

So that was it… She wondered if it was a lack of trust in her or in Will? After all the talking they had about trust, she seriously hoped it was the second, but didn't venture to ask. She sighed. She wanted to be honest, but not at the point of having a cumbersome ghost between them. "Will is a friend, first and foremost… he has always been… Whatever… whatever happened with him… it belongs to the past and there it stays… Okay?" Her voice was soft and reassuring, as she leaned forward to place a light kiss on Tom's lips. She was well aware that he wasn't completely convinced, but she didn't say anything. He just had to learn to deal with it, exactly like she had to before him.

"Okay…" Tom whispered. His serious gaze jarred with his arms reaching out to gently circle her waist.

Alicia's phone suddenly rang and shattered the utter silence, making them both start slightly. Alicia read the name on the screen. _Kalinda_. As she pressed the green button to answer, she didn't even have the time to say hello.

"We have a problem." Kalinda's voice on the other end was loud and a bit concerned. Certainly loud enough for Tom to hear her words too.

"I'm coming," Alicia said firmly, then hung up quickly, before Kalinda could add any compromising detail. The last thing she needed was the prosecutor to know their unexpected problem. Even more considering that she had no idea what the problem was about in the first place. She shrugged with apology in her eyes. "I have to go," she said softly.

Tom nodded and smiled, understandingly. "I should go too…"

Alicia quickly checked the clock hanging on the wall and remembered his lunch. Their conversation had gone on for longer than expected. Well, not that she honestly expected it to be nice and easy. She smiled, then looked down, before taking a few steps back and starting to leave.

"It sucks," Tom said. She stopped before she could reach the door.

"What?" She asked, as she gazed back at him, confused.

"Being on the other side… being the jealous one…" Tom said, not looking at her, but intensely searching – or pretending to search? – for something on his desk.

Alicia laughed softly, amused but at the same time not wanting to hurt his feelings. Damn if she didn't know how it felt. "Yes, it sucks," she agreed with a smirk. "But don't worry, a bit of jealousy won't do you any harm," she smiled, then left.

* * *

When Alicia reached the firm, Kalinda and Maggie were both already sitting in her office. She smiled at the thought that the three of them together were an interesting and unstoppable female brainstorm. She rushed in, no hello, no hi. "What's up?" She asked, as she quickly took her coat off.

"He might really be guilty," Maggie said, looking up briefly, then back at the papers in front of her. Papers that Alicia didn't recognize.

"What's that?" She asked, clueless, as she sat at her desk.

"The paychecks of all the employees for the last twelve months," Kalinda explained, as she handed her a paper. The paycheck of Flora Sims, one of the employees. She remembered her from one of the depositions. One of the useless depositions, more precisely.

"What am I looking at exactly?" Alicia asked, as she quickly skimmed the list of entries. Basic wage, supplements, deductions, paid vacation, one-off bonus… _One-off bonus_. This last entry caught her attention in a very particular – and unpleasant – way. "Wait… hadn't all the witnesses testified that the firm is laying off?" She noticed Kalinda's approving look and realized she was on the right track. "Are there any other employees with one-off bonuses?"

"Not that we have found any trace of so far…" Maggie said, as she let out a resigned sigh.

"Do you think he paid for her silence?" Alicia asked in disbelief. It couldn't be true. He couldn't really be guilty. She refused to believe it.

"Maggie, call both Mr. Thorpe and… " she paused to check the paper, "and Flora Sims, I want to talk to them before the final session," Alicia instructed firmly to the young associate, her gaze still fixed on that paycheck in disbelief.

"Already done," Maggie replied promptly. "Mr. Thorpe will be here in one hour, Miss Sims at 4:30pm."

Alicia looked up at the woman and smiled lightly, between proud and pleasantly surprised. Although… one-off bonus. It didn't sound good. Not at all. Did Tom know? She couldn't ask him, without giving a hint of what they were working on. Damn. At the same time, she wasn't even sure if a bonus could be considered as evidence that the prosecution was forced to disclose. She hated this whole situation.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update! Life has been a bit crazy lately, now I'm officially back in full writing modality :D**

* * *

"What are we doing now?" Maggie asked. Sitting in front of Alicia's desk, she still looked hopeful, in spite of the new piece of evidence crushing their client mercilessly.

Alicia shrugged in her seat. "Nothing… He's guilty." There wasn't really much they could do at that point, except … "We can only hope that the fact that the prosecution decided to call Flora Sims to the stand has nothing to do with what we found out."

"What are the odds for our success now?" Maggie asked, her gaze on Alicia, questioningly.

Alicia gave her a resigned look. "Knowing Tom?" She looked away pensively. "Zero." She stated, matter-of-factly. Maybe it was even below. Certainly not a positive number. Tom wasn't Peter's best prosecutor for no reason.

"Wonderful," Maggie smiled with resignation.

Alicia returned the smile lightly and shrugged. "We can only try to create a diversion for that damn bonus," she concluded with a sigh.

Maggie looked confused. "What kind of diversion?"

"I have no idea," Alicia replied very quietly.

"Deceitfully wonderful," Maggie commented.

But maybe… Alicia sat up straight, maybe there still was a chance. "If we are lucky, Miss Sims might have had financial troubles, we could play it off as a desperate loan request," she suggested.

Maggie seemed doubtful. "It will never work."

"But at least we tried," she said, as her phone started to ring. _Peter_. She took her phone in her hand and stood up. "Check with Kalinda if we can get her financial situation for…" She quickly checked her clock. "Now?" They didn't have much time if they wanted a chance. She answered the call as she started to walk away with caution. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," Peter answered on the other end of the line.

"Hey," she replied, not hiding a hint of surprise and concern. He was expected to pick up the kids that night. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," he said with a reassuring tone, "more or less… I have a business dinner tonight, it wasn't planned, so I'll be there around 9:30 pm, is that okay?"

_No. It's not okay._ It wasn't okay at all. Tom would be at her place one hour before. _Damn_. She silently cursed and started to panic. "I… I… Well…" _Damn. Damn. Damn_. "Yes, it's okay," she gave up, resigned. What else could she do?

"Okay, see you later then," Peter confirmed, then hung up.

_Damn again_. She had to inform Tom straightaway or the kids would end up meeting him, willing or not. She was about to press the green button, when a voice called her from behind.

"Alicia, are you ready?"

She looked around to see Diane gesturing at her. Ready for what? She checked her wristwatch. The meeting at 3:00 pm. It had totally slipped her mind. "Sure, yes!" She said with a smile, as she tried to steal one more minute. In vain. Because Diane didn't break eye contact for a single split second. Resigned, she followed her in the meeting room. She had to remember to call Tom as soon as the boring meeting was over.

* * *

"The meeting is over, you can all go back to your work!" Diane said, exhorting her associates to go back to their duties.

_Good. Five minutes to call Tom._

"Alicia!" Kalinda called her, a bit hastily.

Apparently today she wasn't allowed to make even a short call.

"I have the financial situation of Flora Sims," Kalinda said, as she approached her with quick steps.

"I need good news," Alicia invited her firmly.

Kalinda shrugged. "They are not excellent, but it could have been worse. She has some minor debts, nothing significant but we can still use it, it's better than nothing at all."

Alicia winced. That was not what she was hoping to hear. She took the file and started to read the figures, slowly walking back to her office. Irrelevant numbers, but better than nothing indeed. She had to come up with something, anything to endear the jurors. She was halfway down the hallway, when she had an inspiration. She turned around to reach Maggie's desk. "Do you happen to have financial troubles?" She asked, very quietly, and completely out of nowhere. She saw both Kalinda and Maggie exchanging confused looks, then looking at her questioningly.

Maggie opened her mouth but words failed for a moment. "Are you secretly checking on me?"

Alicia burst into soft laughter. "Nope, I'm openly checking if I can use you to move the jurors," she explained, amused.

Maggie peeked around discreetly, then back at Alicia. "Well… I…" She lowered her voice in confidence. "I'm not… _desperate_… but I recently happened to ask for a loan."

_Bingo_. Alicia smiled. "Would you feel like questioning Miss Sims?"

Maggie gave her a knowing look. "What do you prefer? A desperate drama or an aggressive questioning?"

Alicia shrugged. "Whatever you do better."

Maggie smiled in excitement. "It will be the most tear-jerking questioning in the history of law."

"I adore you. This is the file, you have the whole weekend to study it," Alicia instructed her.

"As commanded," Maggie promptly replied, her gaze already getting familiar with the figures.

Alicia went back to her office, opened the laptop, then started working on the closing argument. After all, the chances of new evidence after Miss Sims were very slight.

When she finally raised her gaze from the laptop, it was already darkening outside. She threw a glance at the clock and had a start. Already 7:40pm? It was damn late, she'd better go, since Peter would be home soon. No, wait… the dinner… He said he would be late. Then she remembered. Tom! She hadn't called him! With a quick stroke she closed her laptop, grabbed her purse and coat, then flew out. Phone in hand, she was already dialing his number. Voicemail. _Damn_! "Tom call me back as soon as you've heard this, it's urgent!" She started to pray that his cell didn't have a dead battery, or that he'd never hear it in time. She shook her head. How could she have possibly forgotten to call him? One last attempt as she got in the car. Voicemail again. All she could do was to rush home, while her anxiety started to overwhelm her.

She was riding the elevator up to her apartment when her phone rang. Tom. She sighed in relief.

"Hello," she answered. Her voice sounded a bit more upset than what she wanted.

"Hey, sorry, I got your message only now," Tom answered, with apology in his voice.

"Tell me you're not already on your way," her voice pleaded with him, as she bit her lips nervously.

She heard Tom sighing on the other end. "Actually there was a hitch and I'll be late," he apologized.

Late? That was fantastic! Exactly what she needed! She felt relieved for a brief moment, until she got the complete sense of his comment. "What kind of hitch? Is everything alright?"

"I was included in a last minute business dinner. There's someone in town from the Governor's office and I think Peter wants to make a good impression," he explained.

Business dinner? Now she finally got it. "Are you with Peter?" Alicia asked, to get the confirmation of her suspicion.

"Yes," Tom answered very quietly. "Why?"

"I…" She laughed lightly. Thank God, at least she was sure he wouldn't be here before Peter. "Nothing, let it go… Just, try not to arrive before him," she said with a smile.

"Yes, I know, the kids. Don't worry," he reassured her.

"Okay," she smiled, "see you later then." She hung up, then opened the front door of her apartment. "I'm home!"

"Hey mom," Zach greeted her, turning his gaze away for a brief moment from the TV.

"Hey Zach, dad will be late, so take it easy... but not too much," she warned him.

"Mmmh, 'kay," he answered.

"Where's Grace?" She asked, as she looked around. She was nowhere in sight.

"On the phone in her room," he said with a knowing look.

That guy again? She peeked very discreetly into her room, waving hello with a light smile. "Grace …"

"I gotta go," Grace said over the phone, then quickly hung up, not even saying goodbye. Sitting on her bed, she cast an attempted look of innocence at her mother. "Hey mom."

"Hey, dad will be late, he had a surprise visitor from out of town," Alicia explained, as she slowly walked in and moved to sit next to her daughter.

"Okay," Grace replied with a nervous smile.

Dealing with Grace had never been more difficult. If during Peter's scandal she had given vent to her upheaval with tears, then over the last two years she had almost completely closed herself off, occasionally sharing only the most harmless confidences. Now, with Tom in Alicia's life, with this unknown guy in Grace's life, everything seemed to have become even more difficult than before. All her hopes of trying to connect with her using this common ground seemed to have vanished completely. Most of the time, it was just complete silence. "Is everything alright?" Alicia asked, tentatively. She didn't want to force her, but at the same time Grace had to understand that she was there.

"Yes," Grace replied very quietly, then looked down. "Mom?" Her voice was low, almost a whisper.

Was it a shy attempt to open up a bit? Alicia wasn't sure. "Yes?"

"When… when we are with dad… does your boyfriend stay here?"

_Uh oh_. Grace couldn't have gone with a more tricky and delicate question. For a moment, she was tempted to reassure her that no, Tom didn't stick around in their absence. But in the end, what was the point in lying about it? It would just make it even worse. If she wanted honesty from her kids, she had to set a good example. "It depends," she shrugged. "Sometimes… why are you asking?" She dared to ask, her gaze confidently fixed on her. She didn't want Grace to think that she had something to hide.

"Just… curiosity…" Grace said with a shrug. "Is he coming today too?"

Alicia hesitated for a moment. She still hadn't completely recovered from the fear that they might meet. "Yes… later." She smiled at her and hugged her close. "I know it's not easy for you… It wasn't for me either… and I guess it still isn't in some ways." After all, she was rebuilding her own life. A life that only a few months before was supposed to be alone, not with another man by her side.

"Are you happy?" Grace asked with a faint voice.

Was she happy? She looked away and smiled softly. "Yes," she nodded, confidently. Tom made her happy. That was undisputable, wasn't it?

"Do you think we should meet him?" Grace asked, hesitantly.

Alicia looked away, a bit doubtful. She didn't expect this kind of conversation. "I think… I don't think you _should_… Zach has already met him… I…" Damn. She'd been postponing this discussion till she could, and now that the time had come, she realized she wasn't ready. And she didn't know whether she was afraid they might not like him or accept him, or if she was only concerned about their relationship still being so new. After all, it wasn't a choice she was ready to make yet, to share the news with them, rather more of a necessity. "I don't know… You should feel ready for it… you should… want it," she said pensively. "Does it make any sense?" She wasn't completely sure that Grace really got what she meant.

The girl nodded lightly. She seemed lost in thought. "How is he?"

How was he…? What did she want to know exactly?

Probably catching her confusion, Grace explained it better. "I mean… his character…"

Alicia smiled softly and looked away for a moment, trying to focus her thoughts and put her feelings into words. It was never easy. It was even more difficult to try to share them with her daughter. "He's… he's a very determined person… solid… but tender and sensitive at the same time…" She said, as she smiled sweetly. "He's very passionate in everything he does."

"Was it love at first sight?" Grace asked.

Alicia could swear there was the hint of a smile and a light twinkle in Grace's eyes but didn't venture any further as to be hopeful. Instead, she burst into loud laughter. "Nooo! Actually it was quite the opposite!" She smiled at the memory of their first trial as opposing counselors. It seemed so long ago. "I found him so… arrogant, pretentious, snobbish, self-centered and brimful with himself," she remembered with an amused wince. "I felt so uncomfortable whenever I happened to find myself in the same room with him."

"Then what happened?" Grace asked, looking all interested.

This time, sight wasn't tricking Alicia. Grace was smiling, enraptured by her words.

Alicia smiled back, a little more hopeful that maybe she was starting to open up a bit.

"Then… one day he confessed that he felt… _something_ for me and I started to realize that all that discomfort was all but what I thought it was…" For a moment, she clouded at the thought of how she and Tom had been on the verge of losing everything they had.

"When did you tell dad?" Grace asked very quietly. The initial awkwardness seemed to have gone.

"When I was completely sure that it was real and serious…" It wasn't the complete truth, since they had split up only a few days later, but this was something she'd rather not share with Grace. Speaking of serious… she could take the occasion of this intimate, quiet conversation to dig a bit more into a certain situation… "And what about that guy on the phone?" She asked with a knowing smile.

Grace blushed a bit. "He's just a friend."

Not what she was hoping for. She seemed to get nowhere fast. She smiled and preferred not to persist. In that moment, the doorbell rang. "Dad is here… Come on, time to go," she invited her sweetly.

It took Zach and Grace the usual twenty-something minutes to gather all their stuff and be ready to leave, then off they went. Alicia checked the clock with a bit of anxiety. She wondered if Tom was down in his car waiting for them to leave. A few minutes later the doorbell ringing again gave her the confirmation she needed. She rushed to the door and looked through the peephole to make sure it was him and not the kids having forgotten something. She smiled when she saw him standing on the other side of the door and finally opened it to let him in. "Hey," she said with excitement.

"Hey." Tom walked in and placed a light kiss on her lips. "I thought that given the late hour and the fact that I already had dinner, pizza wasn't the best choice anymore…"

Alicia nodded. "I'm not really hungry anyway." Her stomach had clenched two hours before when she couldn't reach Tom on the phone.

"But…," he added, revealing a till then hidden jumbo container of Haagen Dazs ice cream, "I thought that this could accompany us while we watch movie."

"Vanilla chocolate chip!" It was by far her favorite flavor. "I love you!" She said, walking into the living room with the precious loot in her hands.

Tom smiled, amused. "Just so you know, I expect you to be very grateful for it…" He said, pointing a finger at her, as he slowly followed her and took his coat off.

Alicia raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "For ice cream? You could have done better…" She turned her gaze to face him as she took two spoons from the cupboard.

"I'm not kidding," Tom said in all seriousness. "It was the last one, I had to kill a poor little old woman to get it."

Alicia couldn't help but burst into laughter, then gazed at him knowingly. "Good thing I'm a lawyer…"

Tom. A nice old movie. Her favorite ice cream. The stolen promise to be _grateful_. The night couldn't sound any better than this. She curled up on the couch and nestled against Tom's chest the very moment he sat next to her. "Wanna know what happened today?" She asked him, as the opening credits started to fade in and out on the screen. She opened the ice cream and offered him a spoon.

"What?" Tom asked, as he adjusted to welcome her, comfortably, in his arms.

"Grace asked me about you." She looked up at him as she spoke those words. She surely didn't want to miss his reaction.

He smiled, looking a bit surprised, though certainly in a pleasant way. "Did she?"

"Yes." She looked back at the screen. The volume was a bit low but she didn't want to raise it till they were done talking about it. "She asked me if it was love at first sight," she said with a light laugh, then dunked the spoon in the ice cream.

Tom laughed mildly, then looked at her, curious and interested. "What did you tell her?"

"The truth…" She replied, very matter-of-factly, as she savored the sweet taste of vanilla and chocolate.

"Which is…?" Tom asked, his gaze shifting between her and the ice cream.

"That I found you extremely… _unpleasant_ and _irritating_," she replied, giving the most possible emphasis to the key words.

Tom's eyes widened to that description. "_Unpleasant_ and _irritating_?"

Alicia shrugged and smiled.

"You had the chance to make me sound acceptable and put the final nail to the coffin instead?" He asked in disbelief. "Nice…"

Alicia laughed. "I made you human… If I told her you are perfect she would have never believed me, and probably never liked you." Perfection was something that didn't exist.

Tom winced. "But I'm perfect, right?" As he asked it, he took some ice cream with one finger.

Alicia gazed at him, amused, as he stared at his own finger. "You were… before you killed the poor little old woman." She leaned closer to him, licking away all the ice cream. Vanilla, chocolate, and Tom's finger. It tasted even better.

Tom's gaze was becoming dangerously deep.

_Bye-bye to the movie night_.

"_This_ is real finger food," he explained, then looked back at the TV, faking complete indifference.

Alicia almost choked on the ice cream. She laughed, took some ice cream herself and returned the favor. She liked finger food.


	41. Chapter 41

The buzz of the alarm clock made Alicia wince in disappointment. She silenced the annoying reminder and stretched her arms, sensually, slowly, as her eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness of the early morning. Monday mornings. They were so unwelcome and irksome in their pitiless habit of killing idyllic weekends. There was only one thing she liked of these days; rolling on her side to find Tom lying prone, still sound asleep_. Lucky him_. He had an unnatural ability of ignoring her alarm clock completely. Though today, he wasn't allowed to. "Tom…" She whispered, touching him lightly to wake him up.

"Five minutes," he murmured, still half asleep.

Alicia smiled, amused. "You should sleep more at night…" She teased him jokingly, as she leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his back. For a moment, the temptation to carve out a brief moment of intimacy peeked in. She quickly brushed it aside or they would both end up being late. Instead, she sat up and started to get out of bed. "I'm taking a shower. Don't oversleep, we both have to be in court at 9:00," she reminded him, as she stood up and left the bedroom. It was hopefully the final session before the closing arguments and the verdict.

She loved that pleasant and warm thin layer of dampness that filled her bathroom, so she let the water run hot for a while before stepping into the shower. She was enjoying the relaxing sensation of the water flowing down on her skin, when she spotted a familiar figure through the etched glass and shook her head with a smile. "Thought you wanted to sleep a bit longer…"

"Thought you wanted me to wake up.." Tom said, his voice still a bit hoarse.

From behind the glass, she couldn't read his face and had no idea at all as to what his intentions were, except that he was clearly going to join her.

"Weekends are too short," he complained, as he stepped into the shower and closed her in a tight embrace from behind.

"Yes, they are…" She sighed and closed her eyes, then let herself rest comfortably in his arms, enjoying the nice feeling of his wet skin against hers. For a while, they just stood there like that, quiet, rocking almost imperceptibly under the pouring water. The steady flowing was the only sound that filled the room. It was relaxing and delightful. "It's almost over…"

"The water?" Tom asked, sounding a bit bewildered.

Alicia laughed mildly. "The trial…" If she had to be honest, it hadn't been – at least so far – that tragic scenario she had pictured in the beginning. On several occasions, she had discovered herself taking delight and a hint of excitement in that little tension that rose from their face-offs. Well… not always of course. She didn't have a nice memory of her lie about Will. But aside from that little slip-up, they both managed to do their job perfectly, without diplomatic incidents or fights, and still have a better than decent love life. From certain angles, it even gave a boost to their relationship. And it was fun to try and predict each other's next moves.

Tom didn't say anything for a moment, maybe lost in her same thoughts. "It wasn't that bad, after all… was it?" He asked, then placed a soft kiss on her head.

"No… it wasn't… although we still don't have a verdict," she noted. One thing was to debate in court, another one was to face the inevitable win or loss of one or the other. How do you deal with your own loss and with your partner's celebration of a win? They'd already been opposing counsels, yes, but as partners, it was the first time.

"Will it change something who loses or wins?" Tom asked very quietly. In the calm of the early morning, their voices were almost whispers.

Would it change something? Alicia shrugged. "Probably not," she concluded, as she moved to take the sponge and shower gel and slyly offer them to Tom, who accepted the invitation with a smirk.

* * *

The SA's building was relatively quiet. Alicia loved having the first court session in the morning. It spared her the chaotic exchange of people between trials. She could arrive a bit earlier, sit down at the defense table, review the files, the questionings drafts, the evidences, everything in absolute calmness. Sometimes, she would even come up with a last minute intuition.

When she walked in that morning, the court was almost deserted, except for the bailiff, a few members of the jury talking in a discreet group and a few sparse early onlookers.

She cast a quick glance at the prosecutor table but Tom wasn't there yet. Instinctively she peeped around but couldn't see him. He was probably still in his office.

"Looking for someone specific?" Tom's voice from behind startled her and made her jump. Even if almost whispered, it rang out in the wide and quiet hall.

"Don't ever do it again…" She said, trying to sound calm, while her heart was still drumming like crazy.

Tom failed to hold back a laugh. "I'm sorry… didn't mean to scare you… I thought you saw me coming from the hallway…" He said between muted laughs and shy smirks.

No, she definitely hadn't noticed him. "I didn't." She said, slightly shaking her head, then smiled. "So… ready?"

"I'm always ready," Tom pointed out with a grin, as he started to walk along the benches towards the prosecution table.

Alicia smiled at the thought that Mr. Confidence wouldn't hopefully be ready for Maggie's tear-jerking counter-questioning. At least she hoped so. She trusted Maggie enough to know she would do a great job. "Good luck," she wished him with a knowing smile.

"Good luck to you," Tom replied with an amused look.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alicia noticed some movement in the rear of the courtroom. She glanced behind and spotted Maggie and their client walking in hurriedly and Flora Sims right behind her. Miss Sims seemed very tense. Alicia hoped that everything would turn out as expected, because that woman's questioning could be crucial for their client.

She smiled at Maggie as the young associate joined her. "Ready for the show?"

"You betcha," Maggie answered with a smile, as she opened the file in front of her for one last review.

Having left the questioning to Maggie, Alicia didn't have much to do today, aside from studying the jurors and making sure that their improvised strategy wouldn't turn in to a complete failure by Tom's objecting to everything possible. Alicia gave a discreet glance in Tom's direction. His head down, he seemed deep into reviewing his own papers. A soft, almost imperceptible smile brightened her face. When the distressing anxiety of having to face him in court didn't have the upper hand on Alicia's self-control, Tom absorbed by his work was a pleasant and appealing sight. His gaze was somewhere between serious and intent, but confident and calm at the same time, while his right hand played unconsciously with the pen, in a constant light tap on the table, betraying a bit of nerves.

The dragging of chairs around her pulled Alicia back down to earth. She stood up quickly to acknowledge the judge's entry, and she silently hoped that her moment of distraction went by unnoticed. She glanced behind her at Miss Sims. Her face was a bundle of nerves. Alicia didn't know what that woman should fear most; between Tom's questioning and Maggie's, she was caught between two fires.

She turned her attention back to the judge as he invited the prosecution to call their witness to the stand.

Tom stood up promptly. "Your honor, we would like to call Miss Flora Sims to the stand for a re-questioning," Tom said, quickly glancing behind him and towards the woman. For a brief moment, Alicia and Tom's eyes met in a now serious gaze. There was no more room now for the previous lightness. _Here we go_.

The bailiff kindly helped the woman to the stand and reminded her of her legal obligations to the whole truth.

"Miss Sims," Tom asked, as he moved a few and unhurried, though probably quite intimidating, steps towards the woman. "Do you remember where you were the night of February 3rd, 2012?"

The woman shrugged. Alicia didn't know if she really didn't remember or if it was all a mise-en-scène.

"I… Sorry, I can't remember…" She said as apology.

"Maybe I can help your memory with this," Tom said, as he walked back to the prosecution table and took a sheet. "It's the overtime reports for the month of February 2012," he said, as he quickly handed the document to the judge for approval. "Could you read what the date of February 3rd, 2012 says?" Tom asked, his voice loud.

Miss Sims looked down at the sheet and started to read, slowly, her voice barely audible. "It says… clocking in at 08:17am… clocking out at 08:06pm," she said, then looked up at Tom.

"Do you work overtime often?" Tom asked, his voice quiet and completely natural to everyone but Alicia. She already knew where he was going and turned to exchange looks with Maggie, who nodded, apparently very quiet.

"Not over the last two years because with the layoffs we were asked not to work overtime," Miss Flores answered, calm in the appearance.

"But you did that night… why?" Tom asked, faking unawareness.

The witness looked at Tom, then at the man sitting between Alicia and Maggie.

Mr. Thorpe looked down, revealing his sudden discomfort. Alicia patted him very discreetly on his forearm and gestured for him to keep his head high. If there was something that jurors gave special attention to, it was exactly the defendant's reactions. Guilty or not, it didn't matter. To the jurors, showing discomfort was mostly an admission of guilt. To the defense, it would only thwart their last desperate attempt to prove an unsure innocence.

"I…" Miss Flores looked down for a moment, probably fearing the consequences and repercussions of what she was about to say. "I was about to leave at my usual time… around 6:00pm… maybe a bit later…" she explained. "I.. I had a date that night and stopped a moment in the restroom to adjust my makeup…" Her voice kept decreasing, more and more, at each sentence.

"And what happened then?" Tom asked her. Alicia noticed how he tried to instill some reassurance in the woman with an imperceptible smile and a light nod.

"I… I heard some stifled sobbing and then I noticed… I noticed Violet... I mean, Mrs. Stevens… in a corner…" Miss Sims said, her gaze fixed on Tom, as if trying not to lose the reassurance that his look seemed to give her. "I… I got closer to her and asked her what happened because she seemed really upset..."

Alicia knew that she should find something, anything to object. But in that moment, she just couldn't. That woman's painful memory was written all over her face and she couldn't get herself to step in.

Tom took a few steps towards the jury, forcing the woman to face the jurors. _Smart move_. With a gesture of his hand, he silently invited her go on.

"She… she told me that…" Miss Sims looked down in a moment of weakness, then up again at Tom. "She told me that Mr. Thorpe had abused her."

The bustle that followed this declaration made Alicia wince in surrender. Except… '_She told me…_' She took a paper and wrote down quickly a few words. 'No eyewitness'. With discretion, not taking her eyes off Tom, she handed the sheet to Maggie, then turned to meet her gaze. The associate nodded in approval. It was another card they could play to their advantage.

"I… I told her that she should press charges but she didn't want to…" Miss Sims said, as she shook her head. "Maybe she was frightened, I don't know…" She shrugged.

"She unloaded what had happened to her… all those things that she has already stated in her deposition… and when we left Mr. Thorpe was there," she stated, her voice quivering under her boss's gaze.

"Did he tell you something?" Tom asked very soothingly.

"Not that same night," Miss Sims started. "But the next morning he called me into his office… and he offered me money to pay for my silence." This time there was no fear in her voice, just a subtle vein of disgust.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alicia caught Maggie straightening up and opening her mouth as to object. Instinctively, she jerked to stop her. Tom was leading the questioning exactly where they wanted: the money. An objection now would be useless, if not counterproductive. As she turned to face the witness, Alicia crossed eyes with Tom and caught a glimpse of confusion, mixed with tension, in his eyes. Did he get a sense of their plans? She hoped not, because the woman was still under questioning and he had all the time he wanted to tear down their last chance before they could even take it. She quickly, almost frantically checked through the updated list of evidence disclosed by the prosecution to make sure that there was nothing related to Miss Sims's bank reports or any kind of financial report and sighed inwardly in relief when she found none of it.

"Did you accept?" Tom asked, as he gave his attention back to the witness.

As he turned around, Alicia noticed his thoughtful look and could almost hear his brain cells scuttling, probably working to decipher their reaction.

"I had no other choice," Miss Sims said with a shrug, "we were in the midst of layoffs, I couldn't risk losing my job…"

Tom nodded, clearly satisfied in the good performance of the questioning, and clearly oblivious to Miss Sims's not so bright financial conditions. "No further questions, your honor," he said, then cast a quick, questioning look at Alicia before walking back to the prosecution table.

Alicia pretended not to notice and kept a straight face, waiting for the judge to give them their chance.

"Miss Cavanaugh, do you have further questions for Miss Flora Sims?" The judge finally asked.

"Yes, your honor," Alicia replied, very quietly, yet with a not so hinted challenge in her voice that Tom very likely noticed, as she caught him sitting up straight, probably preparing himself for the last face-off. She sat back, letting Maggie walk up to the witness stand with short, hurried steps. The young associate cleared her voice, and looked for a moment at the notes in her hands. Alicia smiled at what she knew very well was just a nicely played lack of confidence.

"Miss Sims," Maggie started, then looked back at her notes. "You said… during the prosecution's questioning… that…" she took one of the notes and started to read, or to pretend to, "you _heard some stifled sobbing_ and then noticed Mrs. Stevens in a corner of the restroom," she quoted, then looked up at Miss Sims. "Is that right?"

"Yes… it is," Miss Sims confirmed, very calmly.

Maggie was definitely a felicitous choice for this questioning. The two women were around the same age, and the put-on insecurity of the young associate, added to her natural ability to empathize with people, would probably be of help to trick the witness and make her fall into their trap.

"So… you didn't witness the… you called it _abuse_… Is that right, too?" Maggie asked again.

"I… yes… it is," Miss Sims confirmed.

"Okay, I just wanted to be sure," Maggie said, then put the notes back on the defense table and quickly walked back towards the witness stand. "Miss Sims," she paused, as if searching for the right words, "do you know how much I am paid as a first year associate?"

Alicia's eyes widened a bit and she tried to hide the amusement behind a light bite of her lower lip. She looked furtively to her right. No, Tom didn't seem to find it amusing. _What a pity_.

Miss Sims instead, was the personification of bafflement. "W.. what?" She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Nothing," Maggie answered in all calmness.

"Objection, your honor," Tom protested, though with the same quiet tone. "Relevance."

"Overruled, but Miss Porter, please don't beat around the bush," the judge declared, leaning towards Maggie with a slight reproaching tone.

"Yes, your honor," the young associate apologized. "Miss Sims, did you recently happen to ask for a bank loan?"

The witness stiffened a bit and peeped around uncomfortably. "I… Yes, I did…"

"And did you get it?" Maggie asked, then quickly added, "because I did and my request was denied for lack of guarantees, which is crazy because if I had someone else I could ask for money from too I certainly wouldn't ask for it from a bank. So did you get it?"

"I… I didn't…" the witness said, looking a bit confused.

"Yes.. I guessed so. How did you work it out?" Maggie asked, clearly faking interest in the poor woman's money troubles.

"I…" The woman hesitated, looked at her boss for a brief moment, then back at Maggie. "I asked for it from my boss." Her voice was almost a whisper as she said it.

Alicia nodded lightly in satisfaction. The questioning was going exactly where she wanted; leaving the impression of reasonable doubt with the jurors. She turned to look at Tom. He was sitting comfortably against the back of the chair, but his whole body was a bundle of nerves. She could read his tension in his eyes, in the way he kept fiddling with the pen between his fingers in a quick pace. It was definitely clear to him too where all of this was leading.

"Your boss… you mean Mr. Thorpe, the accused?" Maggie asked, pointing at their client.

"Yes," Miss Sims almost murmured.

"And when did this happen?" Maggie's little theatre was overall an entertaining show.

Miss Sims took a moment, probably to get her thoughts in order and come up with the right date. "It was… it was after last year's Christmas… so it's… I guess it was January."

"January 2012?" Maggie pointed out.

"Yes," the witness confirmed.

Alicia gazed at the jurors' faces. A couple of faces seemed disappointed by this revelation, proof that the questioning was having the hoped for result. But most of them seemed unresponsive, showing no sign of changing even slightly their idea about her client. Tom did great with his questioning, that was undisputable. So if they could at least sow the seeds of doubt in a couple of jurors, it was better than nothing at all.

"Oh… with what frequency do you get paid?" Maggie asked, looking thoughtful.

"Monthly, every 15th." Miss Sims confirmed.

"Can I ask you how much money did you ask for from your boss?" Maggie went on with her questioning.

"1,000 dollars," the woman said, then looked down. "I just… I just needed to settle with a few small debts…" She said, shrugging in self-defense.

Maggie didn't say anything. She nodded lightly, then took a few steps towards the defense table and took a piece of paper.

Alicia crossed eyes with her for a moment and nodded in approval, a hint of a smile on her face.

"Miss Sims, do you recognize this document and state for the jury what it is?" She asked, handing the document to the witness.

The woman gave it a quick reading. "Sure, it's my pay slip… for…" She hesitated and looked up at Maggie. "For the month of February 2012…"

"So it's right after you asked for that loan, isn't it?" Maggie asked as confirmation.

"Yes, it is…" The woman said with a faint voice.

"Can I ask you to read the last entry and the corresponding amount?" Maggie asked, pointing at the paper still in the witness's hands.

The woman looked down and read slowly. "One-off bonus. 1,000 dollars."

"Objection your honor!" Tom's voice stood out in the room. "The request of a loan from the witness doesn't exclude the blackmail from the accused," he said, pointing a finger at Mr. Thorpe.

"Neither does it confirm it, your honor!" Alicia reacted promptly, contesting from her seat, as a hubbub started to rise behind her.

The incessant beating of the judge's gavel silenced the mess before it could run amok. "Overruled. It's referred to the jurors to take account of the evidence and return the verdict, Mr. Bryant."

Alicia didn't dare to address even the briefest gaze at Tom. Her gaze remained confidently on the judge, before shifting to Maggie. She nodded lightly, gesturing discreetly that it was enough.

"No further questions, your honor," Maggie concluded, clearly satisfied with her job, then returned to her seat.

"Good. And with this, the session is concluded. We will meet again in three days for the closing arguments," the judge declared, then stood up to leave the courtroom with all its guests.

Alicia caught Tom standing up right after the judge's words and instinctively turned to look at him. From his look, it was clear that he wasn't expecting it. They exchanged a fleeting, soft smile, as Tom gestured that they would talk later. She nodded, mouthing an okay, then followed him with her gaze till she lost him among the leaving crowd. Peter wouldn't love this slip-up, though she was pretty sure that all of the financial disclosures weren't enough to even start and convince the jury of Mr. Thorpe's innocence. It was a good diversion yes, but unfortunately it was very likely nothing more than that. If she had to be honest with herself, Alicia was the first in line to question his good faith, how could she even hope for the jury to return a favorable verdict? She shook her head, trying to banish the negative thoughts from her mind.

"Alicia…" Maggie's voice broke into Alicia's thoughts, interrupting the gears before they could cause any damage.

"Yes?" Alicia asked, with now full attention.

"I'd like to give the closing arguments… if it's okay with you…" Maggie said, tentatively.

"You…" Alicia hesitated, uncertain. It was a huge responsibility. Not that Maggie didn't do that before. Still, considering that there wasn't a clear guilt, the closing arguments could still turn the jury in their favor, but they had to play their cards right. "Are you sure?"

Maggie nodded confidently and smiled.

"Let me think about it, okay?" Alicia said, taking her time to evaluate if it was opportune. "Now we should go."

Outside the courtroom, Alicia spotted Tom on the other side of the hallway, busy on a phone call. As they crossed eyes, Tom smiled a bit, then gestured for her to wait. "I'll be right there," she excused herself from Maggie, then took a few steps towards that hinted, though alluring smile, as Tom hung up.

"Good job your girl did with the questioning…" Tom said, as he threw a quick glance in Maggie's direction.

_Hell yes_. Alicia shrugged in fake indifference. "She has a good teacher… I was hoping for something more tear-jerking and whiny… but yes, she did good," she said with a smirk.

Tom smiled amused.

"She wants to give the closing arguments too," she went on.

Tom shrugged. "Why not?"

Alicia gave him a look of disbelief. "Because you'd squash her like a midge?"

Tom smiled, then shook his head. "You know that he's guilty…"

"No I don't. And neither do you…" Alicia pointed out, very calmly. Then she remembered Miss Sims's questioning. He clearly didn't know about the bonus, so… "How did you find out about the money, by the way?"

"I didn't." Tom replied, matter-of-factly.

_He didn't_? Then… how?

"She told me," he explained, probably catching her confusion.

Now she was even more confused.

"She had a breakdown. The same day you came to my office…" Tom said, then paused, giving her time to remember exactly which day they were talking about.

Not that she needed to be reminded about it. Tom was clearly still trying to digest the existence of such a close ex-lover. And it was far from her the idea of ever bringing up the subject again. Or to mention it, or him, even by accident.

"She came in that afternoon and unloaded everything…" Tom went on. "Isn't that nice when evidence knocks on your door?" He said, showing off all his pleasure for the unforeseen luck.

Alicia winced in disappointment. And a bit in envy, too. Evidence didn't knock at your door every day. She could count the times it happened to her on the fingers of one hand.

"It will be so much nicer when you knock at my door…" She warned him, as she gave him a studied cold shoulder.

"And how did _you_ find out about the bonus?" Tom asked with a pinch of curiosity.

"Desperation gets you everywhere…." She sighed. "I gotta go now…" She glanced at the building entrance. Maggie was there, typing quickly on her phone.

"Me too," Tom said, the previous visible pleasure in his voice suddenly replaced by a subtle disappointment.

The word _go_ always had that kind of bearing on their conversations. The time on their hands, time for themselves only, outside a courtroom, was far from being enough at that point of their relationship. It was a common, unspoken feeling. It was something neither of them could do anything about, because it was beyond their will. Alicia's kids were still dealing with the presence of someone new in her life, Grace was just making the first shy steps towards showing a bit of interest for Tom. The chances she could be ready to meet him anytime soon were really slim. And that would be just the beginning… This situation of randomly arranged dating and stolen weekends could keep dragging along for weeks, months… who could say how long? Above all that, they had to deal with their own separate social lives too. They had friends too. Speaking of whom, she had agreed to a drink with Kalinda later that day. They both tried, yet not always succeeding, to hide the impatience, to silence the quickly growing need to come home to each other after a long day. All they could do was to try and make the most of their few moments together.

The sudden and stifling silence that fell between them was the wordless proof of their unfortunate situation, even with the dreamlike weekend still fresh and vivid behind them.

Alicia nodded. At least her head did. She sighed with resignation, yielding before the awareness that she _had_ to go. "Talk to you later…" She said, as she leaned forward to steal him a delicate, brief kiss.

Tom smiled softly and nodded. "Don't get drunk…"

Alicia smiled and rolled her eyes. "Afraid some stranger might pick me up?"

"You two ladies together are explosive," he said with a light laugh.

Well, he wasn't completely in the wrong… last time they had drinks together she was pretty knocked down. Not to mention, it always ended with some guy making a pass at them, but, hey, this was a girl thing and far from her to tell Tom!

* * *

The burning taste of tequila was definitely one of the best pleasures in life. Beneficial to unwind, be enjoyable and mellow out with good company. Alicia was glad that today her nerves had already calmed down, so she could just focus on the good company instead. At least that was happening for her. Kalinda hadn't been very talkative lately. Not that she usually was, but she was distracted most of the time and Alicia knew the reason.

"Is he still here?" Alicia asked tentatively, looking down at her empty glass.

Kalinda's gaze was absently following the bartender's movements, as he filled two glasses for a couple sitting next to them. "Yes," she answered in her usual monosyllabic manner.

Alicia nodded and instinctively followed the bartender's quick moves too, though more to catch his attention for a refill. "Does he plan to stay here for long?"

"No idea," Kalinda answered, as she cast a quick glance at Alicia, then looked down at the glass in front of her, probably considering a second round too. "What about you?"

Alicia shrugged. "Nothing new," she said in all honesty, letting slip a bit of disappointment for the actual lack of something new and exciting to liven up the conversation.

A _slip_ that of course wasn't lost on Kalinda. She smiled, one of those smiles that - Alicia knew it very well - was usually either a tacit acknowledgement of something she didn't know yet or the overture to some wise eye-opening disclosure. Though, this time, Alicia already knew everything she needed to know. She just couldn't act on it or try to press things.

"I don't think I ever saw anyone shifting through so many feelings about someone in such a short time," Kalinda teased her.

Alicia raised an eyebrow in disbelief. To a stranger, the wording would make her sound a bit psychotic. Yet, Kalinda wasn't completely wrong. For months she had been a walking conflict, switching from hate to attraction, from discomfort to ease, from denial to open contentions, from the darkest depression to the highest euphoria. The thought was slightly scary. She wasn't used to such a rollercoaster of feelings. For a moment, the image of one of her first confrontations with Tom crossed her mind. _You force yourself not to feel_. She smiled, then shook her head. At that time it was so true.

"Is it wrong?" Alicia asked, amused.

Kalinda grimaced, almost imperceptibly. "It is funny," she said, very quietly, as she finally managed to get the bartender's attention and kindly exhorted him to refill both their glasses.

_Funny_. Alicia laughed. At least someone was finding it all _funny_. She thought more of it as frustrating and unnerving. "I wish… I wish I could do something to move it a bit forward…"

"Weren't you the one who thought you were going too fast?" Kalinda asked, in a clearly faux whirl.

_Touché_. Alicia looked away, faking pensiveness. "Mmmmh… no," she lied, as she emptied the second glass in one single sip. _Note to myself: find a new friend with a poorer and shorter memory_.

Kalinda shrugged. "Must have been someone else," she played along, as she followed Alicia's gesture and greedily drank all the liquid in her glass.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Finally back with a new update. Enjoy peeps :D**

* * *

Alicia was still highly strung by the closing arguments. Having agreed to leave that responsibility to Maggie, she had silently witnessed, with apprehension and in a stew, as Tom signed, unmercifully, their crushing defeat. It wasn't Maggie's fault. She did good. Actually more than good. Still, the jurors had been open books with their disgusted, adversary looks. It was one of those trials in which the expression _reasonable doubt_ seemed to have no impact at all on the jurors' conscience. With the exception of a couple of them, the great majority probably already had a guilty verdict printed in their minds. And the verdict was exactly what Alicia was waiting for, as she sat, with a nervous mind that just couldn't stop worrying, at a Starbucks table, a mug in her hand and her phone right in front of her. Maybe coffee wasn't the most brilliant idea to kill time, yet there was something in the bustle of the place that kept her mind occupied and prevented her inner lawyer from thinking unrelentingly about the forthcoming verdict. From her small corner table, she could study, unnoticed and undisturbed, all those java junkies alternating around her. Some of them had laptops open on their tables. She had no idea if they were working - how could they even work in such a racket? – or just exploiting free wifi. Most likely the second. Her table suddenly trembled as her phone made a single vibration. Alicia jumped at the thought of the verdict, then her worry turned into a mix of disappointment and relief as she saw the name on the screen.

"_Bringing over myself and pizza at 8.00pm. Owen."_

She sighed heavily and shook her head in an amused surrender. He didn't even wait for invitations anymore. He simply invited himself over, regardless of possible previous engagements. She started to pray that he wouldn't at least come out with some stupid comment about Tom. She didn't want the situation with the kids to move two steps back when she was slowly and ponderously trying to move it forward.

The phone started to ring in her hands, interrupting her considerations. She nearly let it fall on the ground in the clumsy urgency to answer, as she read the judge's name on the screen.

_The jury returned the verdict_.

She brought her phone nervously to her lips, as the inner lawyer that she had tried to hush till that moment started to speculate about the possible verdict. A criminal sexual abuse without eyewitnesses. The worst possible scenario was three years. As she quickly stood up and hurriedly walked back to the SA's building, Alicia really hoped for less, since a not-guilty verdict was very likely out of the discussion.

The pre-verdict tension inside the courtroom was palpable through the taut faces and the smothering silence. Alicia's quick steps resounded loudly on the ceramic floor, echoing in the wide hall. Maggie and Mr. Thorpe were already sitting at the defense table, yet there was no sign of Tom. She joined her second chair and her client with a hinted smile, trying to appear reassuring.

All the jurors were already sitting in their respective seats, with inscrutable, though grave faces. _Not good_. Only the judge and the prosecution were still missing.

A subdued and very familiar voice captured her attention, making her turn around in an unconscious act. Outside the half-closed doors of the court, she spotted Tom talking to someone in an undertone. Behind the etched glass, she couldn't identify the features but she could easily recognize Peter's silhouette. She turned back forward as the opaque shape walked away and Tom entered the room with hurried steps, then quickly sat at his table. Without moving, Alicia slightly turned her head to glance to her right and met Tom's eyes in a faint and very reserved smile. It was a simple and natural gesture; instinctive, spontaneous, innocent, it felt like a sort of need for both of them to acknowledge each other's nearness.

Alicia looked back in front of her, then down to her hands, crossed nervously on the table. In a few minutes, one of them would come out of that hall as winner. In a few minutes, her client would either leave that room as an innocent man or brought behind the bars of a prison cell. She sighed and promptly stood up as the backdoor opened and the judge made his entry with slow, unhurried steps. She watched attentive, severe, as the authority invited the jurors to express the verdict and one man stood up with the possible conviction in his hands and handed it to the judge via the bailiff.

"_Under Title VII of the U.S. Civil Rights Act of 1964… Guilty... Criminal sexual abuse… 18 months detention…" _

The words flowed through her ears and barely brushed her heart. As much as she wanted to feel bad for Mr. Thorpe, she just couldn't. She just nodded, solemn, as the judge finished reading then looked up to both sides to validate that the verdict was clear to all the people involved. She looked to Mr. Thorpe, searching for comforting words that wouldn't come. "If it were… if it were a different situation I'd recommend to appeal… but… you'd probably get charged with corruption of a witness too," she said, reminding him of the money he had offered to Miss Sims. "But it's your choice… not mine," she concluded, leaving the decision to him.

Mr. Thorpe didn't say anything. He nodded silently, looked down thoughtfully for a brief moment, then up at the bailiff who was approaching him, probably for the last time. "Thank you for trying…"

She nodded in acknowledgement and watched as he was taken away. "We are done here," she said very quietly to Maggie, her gaze still on the man.

"No appeal?" Maggie asked.

"Nope," she replied calmly, sounding probably colder than how she really felt. Because after all, in his guilt, he wasn't to be blamed completely. Mrs. Stevens had played her cards very well, teasing him at first, just to retreat and retract when things got beyond her control. _People shouldn't play with fire if they __couldn't handle the heat__._

A few slow steps approached, interrupting her thoughts. She looked at Tom, with a halfhearted smile. The fact that she had anticipated such a verdict didn't certainly imply that she had to like it. "Congratulations," she said, her eyes fixed on his, showing off all her disappointment.

Tom nodded, serious. "Thank you…"

Alicia looked away, distracted by the flow of people leaving the court, and noticed Maggie looking away too, though with slight discomfort. "I gotta go now, we'll talk later," she said, as she stared back at Tom for an instant, then started to leave.

"Do you still think he's innocent?" Tom asked her, his voice a bit louder to stand above the confusion surrounding them.

Alicia stopped halfway and sighed before looking back. "I think…" She shook her head. Tom just did his job. She couldn't pick on him, could she? "I just think that… Mrs. Stevens is equally guilty," she shrugged, then smiled, trying but failing to look a bit more convincing this time. "I gotta go…"

Tom stared at her for a moment, pensively, probably pondering her words – or more likely her emotional involvement - in the case. He looked away and nodded lightly. "Okay."

* * *

Sitting at her desk at L&G, Alicia quickly checked the clock. 7:00pm. It was quite late and Owen would be at her place in one hour. Done flicking through the files of her new case, - was she allowed to even breathe between one case and the next? – she briefly glanced at her phone, considering that maybe it was the right moment to call Tom, since things seemed to be quiet. She remembered the conversation they had only a few days before. Would the verdict change something? Technically no. Emotionally, well… a little bit. It wasn't about Tom, or about her losing to him, or about him winning over her. She sometimes had a hard time understanding justice. She knew that her client was guilty. But she knew too that he couldn't be completely blamed for caving in in front of a woman's obvious advances. She had been both, cheated and cheater, and she knew very well that the line between tempter and tempted was thin and very twisted.

She hesitated for a moment, her thumb dithered on the green button with uncertainty, before deciding against it. She could call him after dinner anyway, giving time for the unwelcome side-effects to taper off from the verdict. Not to mention, with the way she felt, his distorted voice at the other end of the line wouldn't make things any better. She needed his physical closeness, which was something she couldn't have that night. She wondered if he had plans for the night, she hadn't even asked. _What a terrible girlfriend_. Or maybe did she? Actually she remembered they discussed something, but with the pre-verdict tension of the last few days, every personal arrangement had sunk into oblivion. She peeped around. With the exception of a couple of lights still on, most of the offices were already dark. She sighed. One of those played up sighs that always revealed some sort of oppressive reflection.

For a moment, Alicia's mind jeered at her, and she shuddered at the image of her, the kids, Owen, and Tom sitting at the same table. She still didn't know what kind of exchange they might have had that day at the hospital. She had never wanted to know. The thought of their possible conversation had made her want to die in embarrassment. She quickly closed her laptop, as she tried to remove the picture from her mind. But maybe it wouldn't be that bad in the end. Owen was an excellent down-player and a jokester. Probably the best person indeed to mitigate the possible awkwardness. A light smile popped up on her face, as she shook her head, took her things and headed home.

* * *

Finally home, Alicia opened the door, quietly. She heard the subdued voices of Zach and Grace, coming probably from the kitchen.

"I'm home!" Alicia announced her presence from the doorway.

_Silence._

She walked towards the kitchen, peeking in discreetly. There they were, both staring at her with some weird and busted look on their faces.

"Hey mom," the kids chorused.

"Hey… what's up?" She asked, a bit lost by their sudden and hinky silence, as she sat with them.

"Nothing," Zach said with a shrug.

But to Alicia's ears, his 'nothing' sounded more like 'something', though she preferred not to insist. "Okay… uncle Owen will be here later with pizza by the way, so I'd appreciate it if you would please be social and not close yourself off in your room five minutes into dinner," she said firmly. It was a habit she didn't like, though they were teenagers and all teenagers seemed to do that.

"Mom…" Zach started with a bit of hesitation.

Finally. Alicia hoped it was confession time. "Yes?"

Zach glanced at his sister and Alicia couldn't help but notice the exchanged looks of agreement.

"Grace needs to tell you something," Zach said very matter-of-factly, flinging the responsibility of the confession to a baffled and clearly back-broken Grace.

Alicia found the exchange amusing, but a bit worrisome too. "Okay you two, what's up?" She asked, fearing some serious issue.

She waited patiently, yet a bit apprehensive, as the kids exchanged another look.

Till finally Grace seemed to make up her mind and come clean. "Zach thinks you should invite your boyfriend over for dinner sometime," she spit out, as she glanced at her brother.

_Invite. Boyfriend. Dinner_. Alicia looked at her two kids in disbelief, her gaze shifting non-stop between Zach and Grace. Did she get it right? She had to repeat the words in her mind again. _Invite. Boyfriend. Dinner_. "You…" Her mouth open, she seemed unable to put together even an elementary sentence. "You…" It was exactly what she wanted… wasn't it? The unique moment she'd been waiting for, for a long while, was about to come true? Zach. Grace. Tom. In the same room.

_Zach. Grace. Tom. In the same room._

A sudden sense of panic, anxiety, fear and uneasiness got hold of her. It was exactly what she wanted. She had to repeat the words in her mind once more to try to regain control of her nerves. A deep breath. She glanced at her kids again. "You… are you sure?" Panic. _Breathe, Alicia, breathe_.

"We…" Zach started, then looked at Grace. "We are…" He answered, sounding a bit confused. "We thought… we thought it was what you wanted…"

Alicia realized that her reaction hadn't really been a warm and enthusiastic one. She was doing the worst thing she could do; projecting her fears on them. She shook her head and smiled, trying to look reassuring.

"No no no… I mean…" Panic. _Calm down_. "I mean… yes, it is…" She reassured them, as she leaned forward on the table to tenderly put her hands on their forearms. "It is… I'm just… surprised." _And panicky. And scared to death that you might not like him_. "I… Okay… I will… I will arrange it…"

The doorbell rang. Alicia silently thanked Owen's excellent timing as she rushed to open the door.

"Pizza guy is here!" A large pizza in one hand and two cold beers in the other, he was about to step in when Alicia stopped him, causing him to give her a weird look.

With a confident manner, she leaned closer while peeping at the kitchen, just to be sure. "Kids want to meet Tom," she whispered, finally free to give vent to her panic.

Owen's reaction was a look of plain excitement, which made Alicia worry even more. "This is something to celebrate!"

Astonished, Alicia stopped him before he could move only one more step into her apartment. "W… What? This is not good! What if they don't like him? And if they can't find a way to relate? It's going to be a disaster!" She protested under her breath.

"Wait… I thought you wanted them to meet him," Owen asked, giving away all his confusion.

"And I did! I'm just… terrified…" Alicia confessed.

Owen sighed. Alicia didn't like when Owen sighed. It meant he was frustrated, exasperated and usually about to give her a big-brother speech, which he wasn't entitled to.

"We'll discuss it after dinner," he said, as he sidestepped her and walked to the kitchen. "Pizza is coming!" He shouted at the kids.

Alicia closed the door behind her, resigned. Leaning back against the door for support, she knew there was no way she could escape such conversation now.

After a round of pizza and a casual talk about school and math, Alicia felt a bit more relaxed, the conversation about Tom nearly forgotten.

"So you guys want to meet mom's boyfriend?" Owen came out, out of nowhere, in the most nonchalant way.

Alicia choked on her beer and wished that her death stare were enough to electrocute him on the spot. "Owen… don't." Two words, fierce and threatening, but that both Owen and the kids seemed to find amusing instead.

"I'm just… asking," Owen shrugged with faux innocence, as he leaned forward to take another slice of pizza.

"Did you already meet him?" Grace asked, with plain curiosity on her face.

"Only once," Owen went on, completely ignoring Alicia's invitation to stop it. "When Zach was in the hospital."

_Damn_. Now she was really worried. She had carefully avoided talking about it till now, and here she was, against her will.

"What do you think of him?" Zach asked, following his uncle in a second round of pizza.

"What do I think of him?" Owen repeated, looking away in some drama effect look. "He's… hot, very very nice-looking," he started.

_Someone kill me now_. Alicia blushed, embarrassed by the sudden turn in the conversation. With discretion, she kicked Owen's ankle in a desperate attempt to stop him before the conversation could _really_ become embarrassing.

"He has a really sexy Irish accent," Owen talked on.

"Is he Irish?" Grace asked with a raised brow.

"W… what's wrong with being Irish?" Alicia asked, concerned.

"They drink a lot and become paunchy," Grace said very quietly, though not hiding a hint of amusement.

"Tom doesn't drink a lot!" Alicia complained. And it was the truth. Actually _she_ was the drinking one. Unless there was some dark side of him she still didn't know? She shook her head. Nope. If he was a heavy drinker she would have noticed by now. She winced in horror at the image of Tom paunchy and drunk. "Where does this thing about Irishmen drinking come from anyway?"

"There's some Irish guy at school, he's famous for his problems with alcohol," Grace explained to back up her theory.

"Nah, he doesn't look like a heavy drinker," Owen said, as he looked at Alicia in acknowledgement. "And neither is he paunchy… but who knows… maybe with the passing of time…"

Alicia was at a loss for words. She had completely lost control over the conversation. They were not supposed to talk about Tom until later and – most important – without the kids. She stared blank-faced at Owen, telepathically cursing him for starting the topic.

"Oh, come on, sis," Owen started with a reproaching tone, "you don't want your children to meet a perfect stranger, right? How can you expect them to like him if they don't know anything about him?" He shrugged.

Owen's words weren't completely wrong… but still… "I'd rather have them meet him and make up their own mind about him…" She explained very quietly, in the hope he wouldn't add anything else to the picture.

"Heavy drinker and paunchy… that would have been an interesting introduction," Owen made fun of her.

Alicia couldn't help but laugh. Tom was many things, but certainly neither a drinker nor a paunchy. "I guess that not even hot and sexy are the best way to introduce him," she said, still smiling. Well, he was… but she was quite sure that this wasn't exactly what her kids might need to know to like him.

"Maybe not," Owen admitted, "although it's true."

For a moment, everybody seemed to be quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Alicia thought back to the conversation she had a few days before with Grace, at how she had defined Tom. It was true, every single word.

In the end, Owen was the one to break the silence and her thoughts. "You know what's the only thing they need to know to like him?" He asked, this time more serious.

"What?" Alicia asked, between worried and curious.

"That he loves you," Owen said very calmly, then snapped at the still hot pizza in his hands.

Alicia smiled, pleasantly surprised that, for once, he had impressed her in a positive way.

"Of course I won't get too much into the details of _how_ he loves you," Owen added, careful to avoid meeting her gaze.

_Asshole_. Alicia didn't say anything. She just punched all her disappointment in his arm. Owen would never change.

* * *

By the time Owen was gone and the kids both in bed, it was nearly midnight. What an inhuman mother she was. Allowing her kids to stay up that late when they had school the morning after.

Only then she realized how the dinner had served its purpose to relieve the tension of the day. It had been embarrassing at moments, very embarrassing, but still funny and enjoyable.

Her phone in hand, she hoped Tom was still up. She adjusted herself to get comfortable on the couch and finally made the long overdue call.

"Hello." Tom's voice, even whispered, resounded loud in her ears.

Why in the world didn't she call him before? Oh, yes… the damn verdict. "Hey…"

"Hey… it's late… you okay?" Tom asked, concerned.

"Yes… I'm sorry… Owen came over for dinner and we lost our sense of time," she said in justification of the late hour.

"It's okay… I just thought you were still in need to calm down from the verdict," Tom said, reminding her of a conversation she had tried to forget with all her might.

"I…" _Touché_. She couldn't really blame him. "I'm sorry for today…" It was just a verdict. It was just one of the many verdicts she had heard over her career as an attorney. Nothing more than that.

"It's okay," Tom said very quietly. Alicia couldn't say if he really meant it or if he was just being condescending. But she knew perfectly well that she wasn't okay. At least not as okay as she wanted to be.

"No, it's not okay…" She said, as she shook her head and peeped around one more time. "It's just… work… and we always said we wouldn't let work play havoc with our lives.

"And we are not," Tom said, with a soothing voice. "Listen… this case was a bit… odd… for reasons we both know…"

_Yep_. It was. "I just… I don't want you to think that…" Damn. The trial was over and she was still there wondering why she had accepted the case in the first place.

"I don't think…" Tom reassured her, very placid.

Alicia nodded, silently, then smiled. She didn't like the discomfort between them. "Okay," she said to break the sudden silence. She usually liked their silences but not when they screamed the unsaid. "You did great, by the way…"

"You too… and for a moment I really thought I was going to lose." The slight change of topic seemed to have restored some lightness.

Alicia smiled. "I had warned you that we were going to kick your ass in court…"

Tom sighed, probably in amusement. "So how was dinner?"

Now, that was a good question. "Bonus question?" She laughed.

"Was it that bad?" Tom asked with an amused voice.

"Embarrassing doesn't even start to define it…" She said with a light nod of her head. Though… "but it had some nice and interesting…" How could she even call it? "Developments."

Tom hummed his interest. "Which kinds of developments?"

She sighed. It was the moment. "Kids want to meet you." _Dead silence_. "Can you say something please or do you want me to die here and now?"

"Does _wow_ give you an idea?" Tom said. He sounded quiet, but Alicia knew that deep down inside his constant underplaying this meeting was his attempt to minimize his own fears. He had to make himself acceptable and likeable in front of two teenagers. Who wouldn't be frightened?

"Yes… _wow_ gives me an idea," Alicia said with a soft laugh. "I… I don't know… they talked about dinner… if you prefer something less… compelling… we can opt for something different…"

"No, dinner is good," Tom reassured her. "Plus I still owe Zach a pizza."

"Yes, you do…" Alicia smiled. "Tom?" Grace's comment about Irishmen came back to her mind.

"Yes?"

"Do you plan on becoming a drunk and getting fat?" She asked, playing worried.

Tom didn't answer straightaway, probably in shock or trying to understand where did that come from. "What?"

"Grace says that Irishmen are heavy drinkers and paunchy…" She said, trying to hold back laughter.

"This is so not nice," Tom said with fake offense.

"I have the right to know if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you," she said. _The rest of my life_. Did she really just say that? She stopped as she realized the importance of such words.

"I guess that having spent most of my life here makes me more American than Irish, so… you should be safe," Tom said very quietly. He didn't seem to have caught the importance of such words. And if he did, he was kind enough to avoid adding more to the already stuffed plate. "It's late now, you should go to sleep…"

"Yes… I should…" She repeated with a hint of disappointment. The clock kept ticking and the hours of sleep were quickly wearing thin. "Tomorrow night at your place?"

"Tomorrow night at my place," Tom confirmed softly.


	43. Chapter 43

Sitting at her kitchen table, Alicia sipped her coffee, slowly, lazily, as she enjoyed the last bits of quietness before entering the fray of another hectic day, another Monday morning. A folder was open in front of her, as a visual reminder that she was expected to concentrate on work, for another week had started. But her mind was everywhere but here.

How was it possible that it was always Monday? Weekends seemed to fly by quicker by the week. Precious drops of snuggles and pampers among seas of tasks and responsibilities.

Alicia stared blankly into the distance, as a soft, light smile brightened her face.

This weekend, specifically, had flown by quicker than the others.

Tom had woken her up on Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. When she realized that his intentions weren't some nice morning cuddling, but rather to roust her, she had wanted to kill him. "You better have very solid grounds to get me up and out of these warm sheets so soon in the morning," she had threatened him. But much as she had tried, she couldn't wring even the smallest detail out of him. Nothing.

The destination had been off topic for the entire driving time. She had given up trying somewhere down the Interstate 90, and started to stare at the road instead, paying careful attention to the road signs. Indianapolis Blvd., Gary, Portage, Michigan City. Michigan City? Where were they going? She had thought they were going south but she wasn't certain anymore. Finally, after almost an hour and a half of driving and some random attempts to trick Tom into confessing, she had spotted a city limits sign. New Buffalo. What were they doing in New Buffalo? Tom had kept the lid on till they parked. Only then, in front of a nice bed and breakfast on the lake, he had spit it out.

Two days spent touring vineyards and wineries, enjoying tastes of good wine and some nice moments of intimacy with a breathtaking view outside their room. It was heaven on earth. And it had gone by too fast. "I know you love wine. I thought you would like it…" Tom had said with a soft smile. '_Like_' was an understatement. It was a weekend she wasn't going to forget anytime soon. Nor would he easily forget how grateful she had been overnight, knowing that the wine and the relaxed mood had helped create the perfect climate. If she already loved him before, she loved him even more now. It was such an unexpected, sweet and romantic gesture that caught her by surprise, leaving her in complete amazement.

How could she go back to her everyday life after two days like that?

Monday morning. She could still smell the strong aroma of grapes and feel the fresh breeze off of Lake Michigan's south shore. Such a beautiful place within easy driving distance.

She left home with the smile still on her face, thinking that really nothing in the world could have ruined her high spirits.

Unfortunately it didn't last long. Only a few hours later, as she sat at her desk, a phone call had taken her seventh heaven mood and smashed it down to the floor.

"You're going where?" She asked Tom to make sure that her sense of hearing wasn't failing her, as she stood up to close the door of her office. A few steps away, Eli was making a scene in the hallway, yelling at someone on the phone. She wasn't even sure she got Tom's words right in the first place.

"New York. I'm leaving tomorrow in the morning," Tom repeated. "An old friend of mine was arrested last night and asked me for legal advice…"

Yes, she had got it right… "Oh… Okay." Alicia failed to hide a bit of dismay. She didn't even know how long he was going to be away. Maybe it was one day, maybe one week, she just didn't like the thought of him being away from her.

"I know that I don't have to," Tom made it clear, "but… he was a close friend and I couldn't say no… It's just for a few days," he explained with a soft voice.

Alicia sighed, silently. It was only a few days after all… And she certainly didn't want to play the possessive girlfriend. After all the trust issues they'd been through, it was far from her to come up with some lame, whiney remark. "No, it's okay… really…" Plus, he had his family there, hence, a perfect occasion for him to spend some time with them. "Are you staying with your family?"

"Yes," he said softly, probably with a smile on his face.

Of course he was. He had said it himself once; his opportunities to see his family were really limited, in spite of New York only being a one hour flight from there.

Alicia nodded. For a moment, silence fell between them. Eli's voice stood out, authoritatively, even beyond her closed door. Alicia shook her head, she could hear every single word.

"What's going on there?" Tom asked, sounding a bit concerned.

Alicia let out a mild laugh. "Nothing… Eli being Eli," she said, amused. "So… when am I gonna see you? Will you be back for the weekend?" She said, as she reversed the attention back to their discussion and to their upcoming separation. The lack of a prompt answer on the other end made Alicia stiffen a bit in her chair.

"Actually…" Tom started, a bit insecure.

_Great._ He wasn't coming back for the weekend.

"I thought… I thought I'd stay there for the weekend too," Tom confirmed.

_Of course_. She nodded with a resigned smile. She wasn't going to see him for the weekend.

"I… I was thinking…" Tom started again, not getting to the point.

What was all this hesitation about?

"Why don't you join me on Saturday?" He finally asked.

_What?_

Mouth open, it took a moment for Alicia to fully understand what he was asking her.

New York. Family. Join. Saturday.

New York. _His_ family. Join. Saturday.

New York. _Meet_ his family. Join. Saturday.

Very slowly, she put the pieces together and tried to swallow the growing panic.

Tom wanted her to meet his family. Or he wanted his family to meet her. Either way, it scared Alicia to death, sucking in her speech ability.

"Are you still there?" Tom asked. This time, he was _plainly_ concerned.

"Yes…" She managed to let out. "I…" No. She couldn't do it. She just wasn't ready for that! She was already in a sweat at the mere thought of such a compelling meeting. "I don't know…" What if his family didn't like her? What did they know about her in the first place? What did they expect from her? And how did Tom introduce her to them? Girlfriend? Fiancée? Intimate friend? Plus, they were Irish. They were probably Catholic… maybe his mother was a strong believer… maybe she wanted them married. What would they say if she started to talk about marriage? "Maybe next time," she said, with sincere apology and sorrow.

Tom's silence made clear that he was hoping for a different answer. She knew it was important for him. She just… she wasn't ready for that. She didn't know what to expect from it and it frightened her.

"Okay," Tom finally said. "I… I'll text you the address… just in case… should you change your mind," he said tentatively.

Alicia nodded. She covered her regretful face with one hand and looked down. "Okay…" She didn't know what else to say. He was leaving the morning after. They were not likely to meet that night, which meant they weren't going to meet at least for a whole week. And she had just managed to screw the still lingering memory of the last two beautiful days with her insecurities and fears.

Eli burst into her office, preannounced by a single, strong knock. "We need to discuss Mr. Powell!"

Alicia gave him a death stare. What happened to good manners?

"It seems like you've got some work to do…" Tom said, with a semblance of amusement in his voice.

"I… " She shook her head in annoyance. "We'll talk later…"

* * *

Two days later, Alicia kept staring at the address on her phone. Bainbridge Avenue, Woodlawn. Although she had decided not to go, she couldn't help but stare at it. Well, she had even finagled Zach out of teaching her how to 'street-view' something. A two-story brick house with white casings on one of the longest streets of New York City. So there was the place where Tom had spent most of his life. Some noise behind her interrupted her thoughts and she instinctively closed the laptop as soon as Zach walked into the living room.

"Did you get the street view to work?" He asked, very calmly, looking oblivious to her real objective.

"Yes I did," she nodded, "and thank you for your help," she said, as she moved to sit with him on the couch. There was a quietness that felt almost unreal, in spite of the kids' presence usually being the main source for confusion.

"When is Tom coming back?" Zach asked, almost with indifference.

Alicia threw him a questioning look. "How do you know he left, just to start?" Her suspects immediately ran to Owen.

"I heard you talking with uncle Owen last night," Zach said with an apologizing look.

Of course. Privacy was pure and simple utopia when Owen was around.

"Next Monday…" She said, layered with some melancholy.

"Why don't you go see him?" He asked with a light shrug. "You could pay him a surprise visit…"

Alicia looked at her son for a moment, then away, pensively. "I…" How could she tell him that Tom had invited her and that she had politely declined his offer? How could she even start to explain her reasons for not wanting to go? That she was terrified at the thought of _officially_ meeting his family. As she looked at Zach, she realized that she was exactly in the same situation as Tom; having to face that they weren't only a couple. It wasn't just the two of them. They had families. They had people loving them, with whom it was right to share the love that united them, people who had every right to rejoice with their happiness. Tom was ready, in spite of his legitimate worries, to officially meet her children. She suddenly felt bad as she made up her mind that she had closed the door to his wish to make her part of that significant part of his life that she still didn't belong to. She closed her eyes for a moment, then hugged Zach tightly. How would she have felt if Tom had said a resolute _no_ to meeting Zach and Grace? "Maybe I will…"


	44. Chapter 44

La Guardia airport was huge to Alicia's eyes. She looked around, lost for a moment. She wasn't used to traveling anymore. Let alone to fly. She couldn't even remember the last time she saw an airport to begin with. It took her a moment to realize that she was in New York City. And Tom didn't know it yet.

She breathed the chaotic New York air in deeply, trying to absorb a bit of the frenzy that surrounded her. She mustered up some courage, then launched into a chase for an available taxi, while holding in her hand the paper with Tom's address. Not that she needed it. She had stared at it so many times that she had learned it by heart.

For a moment, she lost herself in the view, as the road signs Manhattan and Bronx showed her that she was getting close to the destination.

She had a brief hesitation as they crossed the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge, leaving the airport behind her for good. She kept staring at the phone in her hand, unsure as to call Tom right now or wait till she was at his doorstep. She thought about it then decided for the second. She had decided for a surprise visit. Let it be a surprise visit till the very end.

She stared outside, as the miles of asphalt jungle kept mounting up, and the landscape slowly started to change, fewer buildings gave way to more open spaces, some sporadic green patches and older-looking buildings, till the green started to prevail.

Alicia had a start as she recognized Tom's address on the house. They had already reached the destination. Her heart started to drum in anxiety. The long street was lined with structures alternating between old buildings and nice single-family homes, until the regular string of red-brick homes, all similar one to the other, which made her smile. They all looked like the one she had street-viewed a few days before. And the taxi had stopped precisely in front of one of them.

In person, it looked a bit smaller than what she had thought. She breathed deeply, paid the taxi driver and politely asked him to wait a moment, just in case Tom wasn't home. The thought of having to wait out in the street, maybe for hours, wasn't a pleasant one. Suddenly the idea of the surprise visit didn't sound so nice and brilliant anymore. She took the phone and called Tom, decidedly, in the hope that her voice wouldn't betray her anxiety.

"Hello." Tom's voice sounded surprised, though in a pleasant way.

"Hey." Alicia tried to sound as natural as possible, as she wrapped up tightly in her coat to protect herself from the slightly crisp air of the mid-April morning.

"Hey," Tom answered with his usual sweet tone. But Alicia knew him well enough to catch the almost imperceptible undertone of displeasure for her decision to not join him. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes… you?" She asked, trying to hold back the growing emotion.

"Everything's good," Tom answered, very calmly.

"Are you at your parents?" She asked, tentatively, with fake disinterest.

"Yes… getting updates on the most recent neighborhood's gossip," he said with a soft laugh. "You? Whatcha doin'?"

Alicia smiled, as she thought about the nicest way to tell him. "I thought… I thought I could make good use of the free weekend and pay a visit to a good friend."

Through the silence that followed, Alicia could perfectly picture Tom mulling over her choice to visit someone else rather than joining him.

"Good," he answered with clearly fake placidity. "Some old friend from Highland Park?" He threw it out.

Alicia hummed, amused. "Not really," she said with calculated pensiveness. "I think you should peep out the window," she suggested.

The moment she was cut off, she knew that no further words were needed.

Leaning against the taxi, in need for both physical and psychological support, she waited with a satisfied, yet a bit tense smile on her lips.

_I'm about to meet his family_. She breathed in deeply to muster some calmness, at least in appearance. First impressions mattered a lot, and she surely didn't want to expose her insecurities. She was here for one reason only. Tom. Her love for him. It was everything his family needed to know.

She stood up a bit as the door opened in front of her and Tom stepped outside. For a moment, he remained there, on the doorstep. Neither of them moved.

"I thought it was a nice weekend for an out-of-town jaunt," Alicia said, knowingly. "A bit cold, maybe," she added with an amused grimace, then smiled.

Tom nodded in agreement, and finally seemed to make up his mind and walk down the few steps that separated them. He pretended to be serious, but Alicia noted his half-smile. "Thought you didn't want to come…"

"Thought you wanted me to come," Alicia answered with the same half-smile, while the distance between them was now reduced to barely a breath. Out of the corner of her eye, Alicia noticed a curtain move and someone peeking outside. She pretended not to notice but smiled in amusement.

Tom nodded. He didn't say anything. He limited himself to delicately resting his lips on hers in a soft kiss. "Thank you," he whispered.

Alicia smiled. "You know that I'm terrified, right?" She whispered back.

Tom burst into laughter, as he moved to take her luggage and gestured for the taxi-driver to leave. "You know that they'll love you, right?"

_No, I don't_._ Will they?_ She let him put a comforting arm around her shoulders, as he held her tight in a reassuring, warming hug and led her to the front door.

As they stepped in, Alicia was pervaded by a strong, yet very inviting smell. She couldn't tell for sure what it was. Something sweet - maybe chocolate? – mixed with some smell she couldn't recognize.

The foyer was very bright, in spite of the dozens of engravings hanging on the wall and of the myriad of trinkets and ornaments concealing almost completely to the sight an antique-looking cupboard. The result was at the same time welcoming, yet slightly smothering.

"We have a guest!" Tom announced from the threshold, as he laid Alicia's luggage near the cupboard and looked up at her with a warm smile.

Alicia felt her heart starting to drum nervously at the upcoming meeting. She had to remind herself that, in the worst case, the occasions of future encounters with her sort-of-in-law new branch of her family were close to zero. It was certainly nothing like having to deal with Jackie for the past twenty years of her life.

She heard quick steps nearing from inside the house and a woman in her late sixties appeared in front of them with a wide smile. A little shorter than her, buxom, two cerulean eyes that neither of her kids had clearly inherited, since for what she could remember, Tom's sister had his same eyes.

"Mom… this is Alicia," Tom said, very quietly. "Alicia… my mother, Maeve."

Alicia glanced quickly at Tom, in search for his encouraging smile, then looked back at the woman.

"Mrs. Bryant, I'm really pleased to meet you, Tom often speaks of you," she said with a soft smile. It wasn't completely true. Tom loved his family yes, but he certainly wasn't one of those mama's boys hanging off their mother's words. And she couldn't honestly remember him mentioning his mother more than a couple of times.

"Alicia!" She exclaimed, enthusiastically. "It's an honor to meet Tom's fiancée!"

_Fiancée_. That was how Tom's mother called her. Or was that how Tom himself called her with his mother? For a moment she bordered between amusement and worry. Fiancée was way more binding that girlfriend. And usually hinted at something _official_.

"And you look more beautiful in person than in the news," the woman said in what were probably good intentions but made Alicia slightly wince. "You are thinner, too." Maeve said, distancing herself a bit to look at Alicia on the whole.

Thinner? Was she saying she was too thin or just thinner than what she had pictured her to be? Alicia opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find anything suitable to say.

Probably catching Alicia's bafflement, the woman quickly corrected herself. "I didn't mean you are too thin of course."

_Of course_. Alicia swallowed.

"Mom, you're embarrassing her and we are still in the doorway…" Tom reproached her softly.

"I'm not embarrassing her…" Maeve said, looking completely oblivious to the effect of her own statement.

"She's fine the way she is," Tom said with an amused tone, as he placed an arm behind Alicia's back and gently invited her to move into the living room.

If she weren't still brooding over the _too thin_ thing, Alicia would certainly find Tom's interaction with her mother rather funny. Wait… what did he mean with _she's fine the way she is_? She gave him a questioning look, which Tom didn't seem to catch, then shook her head to get rid of that thought. For that moment anyway, because she would certainly come back on the matter later. She smiled and glanced around at the living room. She loved it. Tons of family pictures hanging on the walls, warm draperies and a rustic fireplace on the main wall. A dark brown couch and a matching sofa were placed in front of the fireplace and over a soft and fluffy creamy carpet. It felt warm and familiar. The sweet aroma that she smelled before was more intense now. The furniture seemed to be mostly original from the seventies, including the solid wood coffee table that, only now she noticed, was covered with delicacies.

"You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Bryant," Alicia complimented the woman, willing to move the subject to everything that wasn't her weight.

The woman gave Alicia a bright smile. "Thank you, Alicia," she said, then threw herself in to a detailed description of every piece of furniture and every possible memory tied to it, which included one of Tom smashing his knee against the coffee table when he was 11.

Alicia gazed at Tom, amused. His mother's enthusiasm was funny and contagious; a living river of memories. She saw him looking down in embarrassment and smiled.

"But you must be tired from the flight," Maeve said with a worried look, as she snapped back to present day and acknowledged Alicia's presence with a delicate caress on her arm.

If she had to be honest, yes, she felt a bit tired but didn't want to show it. "No, don't worry… I'm fine," she said with a smile.

"But you must be tired from the trip," Maeve said, caringly. "Come here and sit down a little," she invited her to join her, slightly tapping on the couch. "Want something to eat or drink?" She asked, offering the serving plate of something that seemed to be brownies.

"I wouldn't have more than one of those, if I were you," Tom stepped in from the sofa's armrest with a light laugh.

Alicia looked at him, questioningly. What did he mean?

"Whiskey icing," he warned her.

_Alcohol_. She needed some alcohol! "I'll gladly have one, thank you," she accepted, then tasted a small bit of brownie. The brownies were different from those she was used to. Cold, the sweet flavor of chocolate played a strong contrast to the whiskey. She didn't like whiskey, but the combination was pleasant-tasting. "It's… it's really good," she noticed, quickly seizing a small piece of icing before it could fall inconsumable on the carpet.

"Irish brownies," Maeve explained. "And there isn't enough whiskey in them to get you drunk, anyway," she said, as she reproached Tom with her eyes.

Tom burst into laughter and took a brownie himself.

Alicia looked at him, softly, following his moves with her gaze. He seemed so at ease, even if the event would warrant a reasonable anxiety. He had a nice and spontaneous kind way of tackling her mother's rambling speech. She seemed very genuine in her exuberance.

"So… how long have you two been dating?" Maeve asked, switching the conversation to her and Tom.

"A few months," Alicia answered, very quietly. Whiskey was doing its job and she felt a bit more relaxed.

"Tom is always so private about his girlfriends," Maeve complained.

Mmmhhh. _Girlfriends_?

"That's because you scared away at least a couple of them, mom," Tom said, as he stood up and moved to sit on the couch too, next to Alicia.

Alicia felt his hand on her back. Warm and soothing, his delicate touch made her feel better. She turned her head slightly to meet his eyes and smiled.

"I didn't scare them away, they scared themselves away," she corrected him. "And it's about time you find a good girl to marry," she said, matter-of-factly, with a scolding finger pointed at Tom.

_Marry_? Alicia choked. Who ever said they would marry? Her gaze shifted dumbstruck between Tom and his mother, till her eyes fell on the brownies. If she could, she'd eat the whole plate for the alcohol alone. _Marry_. She needed wine. She needed her precious, beloved and numbing wine. A _lot_ of it. _Marry_. "I think I'll have another one of those," she said, as she leaned over the coffee table to take another brownie and gave it a huge bite. If she couldn't have her wine, she could at least eat all the brownies. The alcohol's presence in one of those sweets was suddenly insignificant for her desperate need to get out of that awkward and uncomfortable situation.

She looked at Tom. The embarrassment was splattered all over his face.

The phone rang. "Must be Erin," Maeve said. "Would you excuse me for a while?" She asked as she quickly stood up and left the room.

Alicia nodded and, once Maeve was out of sight, she sighed deeply in relief and turned to face Tom. "Okay. Is there something I should know?" She asked with fake confusion.

"I'm sorry… I should have warned you," Tom said with plain amusement and a bit of apology, as he placed a hand on her back and pulled her close in a tight embrace.

"That she's expecting us to get married when we never even discussed it in the first place?" She asked with a hint of disappointment.

"That she is… she just… gets a bit out of control sometimes," Tom said in a faint voice. "She's just like that…"

"She. Thinks. We're. Marrying," she repeated, unsure if Tom really got the meaning of those words.

"I know," Tom said, trying to sound quiet but his quivering voice unmasked him.

"We never discussed marriage!" She protested, trying to keep her voice as low as possible. The last thing she wanted was for his mother to hear their conversation.

"I know," Tom repeated, very slowly.

"I don't even know if…" Alicia suddenly stopped. What did Tom want from their relationship? What if he wanted a marriage indeed? She looked at him, pensively. Did they ever talk about it? Certainly not that she could remember. And honestly enough, it was beyond untimely to even have this kind of conversation. She felt a bit forced into a topic she'd rather not discuss yet. Alcohol. More alcohol! She glanced at the brownies and instinctively stretched an arm to take another one.

"Getting drunk won't make it easier," Tom said with a mild laugh, in a clear attempt to downplay the tension.

_But all the butter will get me fat since I'm 'too thin'._

"Who says?" She asked with pretend provocation.

"Alicia… I know," Tom repeated, even more slowly. His voice, whispered and understanding, reassured her that he really didn't mean to force her into anything.

She knew that Tom knew. She read it in his face the very moment his mother spoke the word _marry_. What she didn't know, was why he didn't feel the need to tell her. Discussing it beforehand wouldn't have been a bad idea. And would certainly have spared the embarrassment.

Alicia closed her eyes for a moment and locked out every possible thought about marriage. She sat there, letting the craved contact with his body soothe her and relax her, then laughed mildly. The last thing she wanted was to ruin these two days. "She seems a good person," she whispered. "But now I know that you certainly got nothing from her," she said with a laugh.

They couldn't be any more different. So talkative and exuberant was his mother, so private and balanced was Tom. The contrast was blatant when they were in the same room.

"Yes… dad is the calm one, he's out with Erin now, they should be back in an hour," Tom said. "She's the one who got mom's genes. So prepare yourself," he said with a light laugh.

Alicia winced in panic at the thought of a second round of embarrassing exchanges. She hoped for her mental sanity that Maeve and Erin together weren't like Owen and her mother, or she would need way more than some whiskey icing to survive the weekend. For a moment, she regretted her decision to come. Then she looked at Tom and thought about what it meant to him to have her here, to have her meet his family, to make her somewhat _part_ of his family. Married or not. Fiancée or girlfriend. It didn't really matter in the end.

* * *

It was past 11pm when Tom closed the bedroom door behind them, locking out the anxiety of the day. The bedroom smelled like old wood, lavender and a hint of camphor. For a moment, they just stood there staring at each other, as silence slowly absorbed the tension and restored the natural serenity between them to normal.

All in all, it hadn't been a bad day. Erin proved to be very talkative, yes, but in a more reasoned and tactful way, turning out to be enjoyable company. Between moments of pure amusement – the full immersion into stories from Tom's past had been priceless – and some of real discomfort – Maeve didn't seem too pleased at the still lack of a meeting between Tom and Alicia's kids bopped up – the day flew by pretty quickly.

Alicia breathed deeply into the relished quietness of the room. There were so many things they needed to discuss after today, but she was just too tired for it. Nevertheless, some clarifications were needed. She watched as Tom slowly walked past her, sat on the edge of the bed, then gently invited her to do the same.

"So we made it…" Tom whispered, his tone lightly joking.

Alicia nodded. With ups and downs, but yes, they had marked another significant step forward. If it had been so hard with his family, she didn't even want to imagine what it would be like with Zach and Grace. Would the kids' concerns be the same?

"We will have to talk about it, eventually," Tom said very softly.

There was no need to explain what he was talking about. They both knew it very well. "I know," she simply said, as she looked back at him. The only time she had found herself even remotely thinking about the idea of marriage was when Zach and Grace had mentioned it. It was uncomfortable at the time, it was uncomfortable still today. In an instinctive, unconscious act, she looked down at her left hand. After almost twenty years wearing a wedding band, she was quite completely sure that she didn't want it again. And it wasn't a matter of love, trust, or whatever feeling might be influencing her reflections. She just didn't feel the need of it. But was it the same for Tom? For a moment, during the day, she had a feeling that it might definitely not be the same for him. "Just… not now," she pleaded with him with a slight shake of her head. She had enough of talking for today.

Tom stared at her between grave and understanding, then pulled her close and dragged her down to lay on the mattress. Thick and hard, but very comfortable at the same time. On such a bed Alicia could fall asleep right on the spot, if she hadn't missed Tom so much. Not moving, she just turned her head a bit to face him and gave him a sweet smile.

She couldn't help but think again about the soon-to-come meeting between Tom and her kids. "Will it be so complicated with Zach and Grace too?" She asked in a whisper.

Tom looked away for a moment, thoughtfully. "Likely," he said with a hint of amusement, as he rolled on his side and rested an arm on her waist.

"I don't want to decide my future without them," she said in a faint voice. "I don't want to impose our choices on them…"

Tom nodded, very quietly, as his hand moved delicately up and down her side and hips.

"Especially if it comes down to such important decisions… like… living arrangements," she explained. Her voice, as low and soft as it could be, was firm and left no room for doubt about how she felt about their situation.

"It's okay, Alicia…" He said, as he sneaked closer to her and adjusted to welcome her in his embrace. "I guess that it makes no sense discussing it now…"

Alicia nodded. Tom was right, after all. The only thing she wanted cleared was the kids' involvement.

"When the time comes, I'm sure that our decisions will flow naturally…" Tom reassured her, then covered her lips with a long, deep kiss, putting the final word to that conversation.

And Alicia certainly didn't complain about being hushed like that. Instead, she clung tightly to him, more than willing to make up for a whole week of lost time.

As Tom undressed her, quickly and unceremoniously, the remark of Maeve came back to haunt her. "What was that thin stuff about?"

Tom's look was of plain confusion. "What?"

"You said I'm okay like this… what was that supposed to mean?" She asked, though not stopping to free him from his pants.

Tom hesitated. "I think I'll plead the fifth," he said, before quickly going back to his former, and certainly pleasant task of taking her underwear off.

"You what?" Alicia said, as she tried to suffocate a laugh. Far from her the thought of letting anyone in the house hear what was going on between these four walls. She didn't want to wake up to another day of embarrassment the morning after.

"I'm a prosecutor. I know my rights," Tom kidded with a sly smile.

"You're such a coward," she teased him.

"You want the truth?" Tom said. His gaze, deep, confident, so disarming with its candid passion, still held the same magnetic attraction of their first times.

Alicia nodded, between amused and intrigued. Knowing Tom, he would come out with some flattering words to try and feed her female ego, in the forlorn hope she would forget the topic of the conversation.

"I think…" He said, as he placed delicate kisses on her mouth and cheeks, "that every inch of your body," he continued, as his mouth moved down to her neck, "is perfection."

His hands wandered, firm and longing, on the most craved spots of her body. Alicia sighed deeply, as she enjoyed the always welcome feeling of his hands on her bare skin.

"You're such a charmer," she whispered. "That's all I am now? Reduced to a nice body?" She asked, jokingly.

Tom laughed and looked up at her with an intense glare. "I'd take the amazing woman behind this nice body over anything else in the world."

Alicia stared at him, returning the same intense gaze. There wasn't any fun or amusement this time in Tom's eyes, just an endearing honesty. She smiled, a bit hesitatingly. Every word she might say now would ruin the perfection of such a heartfelt admission. She didn't need words anyway. Judging from the way Tom was staring at her now, her eyes were probably speaking for her. She kissed him, delicately, as a silent gratitude for his unconditioned love.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Yes. Alicia and Tom are still alive lol. A special mention to my dear Steffi for kindly lending me a gem ( you know what I'm talking about :P )**

* * *

The gavel banged the end of the trial session loudly on the judge's bench and in Alicia's head, and added to the residual pressure in her ears still troubling her from the flight home yesterday. Her ears buzzed annoyingly, it was talking her a whole day to feel relief from a flight that took a little more than one hour. There was a time when she enjoyed flying. Maybe she was getting old, maybe she had become a couch potato or a homebody. Or more simply, she was still dealing with both the emotional and physical stress of the weekend. After all, you don't get to meet your boyfriend's family for the first time every day. But one thing was sure; with Zach soon leaving for college, she had to reaccustom herself to travelling if she wanted to see her son more than twice a year.

She sat back quietly, biding her time till almost everyone had left the hall so she could enjoy a moment of relative silence before jumping back into the rowdy offices of Lockhart & Gardner. For a few minutes, she just pretended to gather papers and thoughts, staring blankly through the police report in her hand, until she heard some vague whispering behind her. She turned back slightly, a bit annoyed by the intrusion. The first onlookers of the following trial were already starting to crowd the hall. Sighing to herself, she reluctantly stood and freed the defense table up for the new occupants, as she peeked outside to get an idea of the chaos level.

A chaos that was quickly forgotten the moment she spotted Peter, Tom and some other prosecutor, whose name she couldn't remember, talking only a few steps away from her. It was an image she still wasn't used to. She felt a bit uncomfortable. But she didn't know if what made her uncomfortable was to see her ex-husband and her boyfriend together or to see them getting along so well. Peter liked and respected Tom both as a human being and as a prosecutor, this she was sure of. But sometimes she wondered if his openness and tolerance were a bit contrived and had more to do with not wanting to put a strain on this whole situation, on her, on her relationship, and on their kids. There was something in the way he was at times overly condescending that made her think he still wasn't completely at ease with it. And truth be told, she never really asked him how he felt about it. Would it be appropriate to ask something like that in the first place?

She smiled softly, discreetly, as she noticed Tom halting for a millisecond the moment his eyes acknowledged her presence in the hallway. Yet, she didn't approach them. She leaned against the wall, tactfully waiting for the three of them to end their exchange. Her gaze fixed on Tom, she studied his gestures. A hefty folder clutched to his chest with one hand, he gestured with great animation with the other, while casually throwing guarded glances around. She knew he was due in court right after her session and clouded a bit, for something was clearly wrong. The same cloud disappeared as quickly as it had appeared when Tom excused himself from the small group and walked to her, smiling.

"Hey," he said, softly, but failing to conceal his worries to her. She knew him too well by now.

"Hey… you okay?" She asked, with clear concern in her voice.

He hesitated for a moment and looked around at the people walking past them starting to fill the court. "Yes… just… just bad news first thing this morning," he said, lightly grumbling his disappointment.

If it was about work, like Alicia presumed it was, the court doorway probably wasn't the most proper place to discuss it. Not that they could discuss it anyway. Confidentiality breach was constantly lurking around the corner. It was at the same time the upside and downside of being lawyers, and even worse, being a lawyer and a prosecutor. You couldn't bring your troubles home and unload them on to someone else. Not even when all you needed was indeed to unload them on to someone else. "Your case?" She whispered with discretion.

Tom nodded, his gaze intent on scrutinizing the passerby, but his mind was lost, probably in his troubles.

"I know you'll manage just fine," she emboldened him with a light nod and a comforting smile. It was all she could do for him right now, in a public place and, above all, their workplace.

Tom thanked her with a half smile and a subtle brush of her cheek. "How are you by the way? Have you gotten over the stressful weekend?" He asked, tongue in cheek.

Stressful didn't even start to give an idea of how she felt. "I was so drunk that I nearly got arrested for liquor-pushing at the airport last night and I wasn't supposed to be in court today, but I'm fine," she said with a knowing expression.

Tom laughed and looked down, probably still embarrassed by some of his mother's gems. "Did I tell you how much it meant to me?"

"Uhm…" Alicia brought her index finger to her mouth in faux thoughtfulness. "I think you did," she said with a confident nod, "you showed it too… and pretty convincingly if I may add." A bit of teasing never hurt, she thought, and maybe would make him forget whatever trouble the work was causing him with his trial, or at least ease the worry even just for the briefest moment. Well, there was the remote chance she might make him lose his concentration, but his good mood was worth the risk.

And her alluring smile certainly wasn't lost on Tom, who returned it with more discretion. He glanced around, cautiously, as the rapidly increasing flow of people coming by made their own words barely audible to themselves. "Well, I'm pretty good at presenting my cases…" He said with fake indifference as he casually met the eyes of a couple of passerbys. Alicia looked down at her feet, struggling and failing to hold back an amused laugh. "I have to go now," he said, pointing at the court.

With the comings and goings of the last few minutes, Alicia was sure that the hall was overcrowded by now. She wished she could stay for him, but her own job was demanding for her presence at the firm. "Sure… we'll talk later…" She said with a light nod and stood there for a moment, smiling, watching him leave till he disappeared behind the etched glass doors of the courtroom. As she moved to leave herself, she spotted Peter still deep into a discussion with the other prosecutor and waved goodbye to him, but as she walked away, she heard her name.

"Alicia!" Peter stopped her and walked to her with quick steps.

"Hey," she smiled.

"I wasn't expecting to see you in court today." His face showed his surprise.

"Me neither, actually. Maggie got sick and I won the prize," she said with a raised brow. She wasn't even back home when Diane had called her the evening before. Her luggage in hand, she was about to climb into the taxi that would drive her back home when the news reached her.

Peter nodded, understandingly. "How did the weekend go, by the way?"

_Bonus question? _

Alicia looked away and winced, between amused and thoughtful. There were no words to describe that crazy weekend. Or were there? Stressing, funny, interesting, embarrassing, emotionally compelling, exhausting, engaging, certainly drunk… She could go on to infinity. "It did... go..."

Her reaction caused Peter to laugh out loud. "What happened?"

_Not nice to laugh about it. _

She hesitated, in search for a straightforward and easy way to summarize the events of the last two days. "Just glad that my... sort of new… _mother-in-law_… lives at flight distance. I'd rather deal with only one member of the Bryant family at a time," she laughed mildly.

She didn't need to add any details.

Peter's amusement showed plainly through his smirk. "Intrusive?" He chuckled.

She winced, pensively. Nope. Intrusive wasn't the right way to define Maeve. At least not for what she had the chance to figure out in a couple of days of cohabitation. "I'd say more… embarrassing," she smiled knowingly. Yes, this was the right word.

Peter nodded and smiled. "Well, Tom probably talked a lot about you."

"I guess so...," she nodded with a soft smile. _A lot_. But clearly not about their still nonexistent plans for a future together, she considered, as she remembered her awkward and instinctive response to the word _marriage_.

For a moment, she looked down, musing on how she always felt a slight discomfort in talking about Tom with Peter. Although she knew that there was good blood between them, Peter was after all still her ex-husband and he had to deal everyday with the man who took his place in her life. She sometimes thought how it was for him to deal with her getting a new life with somebody else. How would she feel about it if roles were reversed?

"You okay?" Peter's concerned voice snapped her back from her thoughts.

"Yes... it's just..." She shook her head and sighed, hinting a smile. The events of the weekend just gone-by weren't certainly the cause of her pensiveness. "Kids want to meet him... did they tell you?"

Peter nodded. "Zach did, yes..."

Zach… For some reason, she had suspected since the beginning that he was the mind behind their decision for an official meeting. For some reason, she sensed that Grace wasn't really ready yet, but Alicia didn't dare to delve into her daughter's feelings. The last thing she wanted was to end up giving her even more doubts.

"Grace seems..." Peter started, as if reading her thoughts, then stopped, maybe lacking the right word.

"Conflicted," Alicia finished for him. She had read the curiosity and the sincere interest seep through Grace's few pointed questions and knew that she was equally thrilled and anxious.

"Yes… conflicted," he repeated with a firm nod.

"Things seem to be moving faster than I can handle," she sighed.

"They did for us too," Peter said with a shrug.

Alicia caught the amusement in his gaze and laughed softly. "Yes, but for very different reasons!" She was 10 weeks pregnant when they married and had a hard time hiding it from Jackie. So much hurry to marry back then and so much hesitation now in spite of her love for Tom. For one mother-in-law who didn't want her to marry her son, there was another who had made it pretty clear she wanted to see a wedding band on her finger. "I just don't want them to feel... forced..." Or she didn't want to feel forced herself? What was all her preoccupation really about? The kids or herself? Or maybe both? The weekend's events had brought with themselves an unexpected pressure.

"You okay?" Peter asked, his brows furrowed in a sudden concern.

She improvised a prompt and reassuring smile. "Sure." _Please don't ask me anything else about the weekend. Please. Please. Please_._ Trust my smile and find another topic_. _Cars, horses, gardening, books, whatever you want._

Peter smiled and nodded. "So… about the kids?"

Kids. Dinner. Meeting. _Panic_. Another meeting she couldn't escape. "This Friday," she confirmed quite instantly. Friday was a smart choice. If dinner turned out to be a complete failure, the kids could unload all their frustration on to Peter. If it turned out to be a success, they could stay up late and sleep in the following day. Either way, she was safe. Yes. Friday was perfect.

"Ready?" Peter asked. And from the tone of his voice Alicia knew that he had caught all her anxiety.

"Nope," she laughed, a bit nervous, a bit in resignation for an obligation she couldn't duck.

"Mr. Florrick!" A male, young voice interrupted the conversation and Peter gestured for the guy to wait a moment.

Chat time was over.

"It's okay," Alicia reassured him. "We'll talk later." Not that there was much more to discuss, since she wasn't going into any more of the details of her agitation.

"Okay," Peter confirmed. And with that, she left and let him go.


	46. Chapter 46

She had changed clothes three times. It was only a dinner. At home. What was so difficult about choosing something to put on? The initial idea of wearing that nice green dress she had showed off on their first dinner at his place had been set aside pronto, as she realized the depth of the décolleté. No wonder they had barely made it through the dinner that time, she thought. But this time, it was a family dinner, with her kids. A totally different occasion. She needed something comfortable and not too much eye-catching. The green pullover, so ordinary, didn't meet a better fate; thrown on the bed in frustration. And what was this obsession with green anyway? In the end, she had decided to go with a nice pair of skintight jeans, turning the wardrobe upside down because they were nowhere to be found. Those, combined with an elegant white blouse, made a perfect outfit. Extra bonus, Tom adored her dressed in jeans. _Those_ jeans especially.

Now, standing in front of the set table, she thought that maybe the white blouse wasn't the best choice for a pizza dinner. She closed her eyes to help make the image disappear of the devastating effect of a giant stain of tomato on the candid fabric. _To hell. I won't change again_. Plus Tom would be there any moment.

She checked the table for the millionth time that night. Everything was in order. The tablecloth perfectly pressed, napkins, place settings, glasses, flower bowl. Beverages would come together with the pizza. Nothing seemed to be missing. She was thankful that at least she didn't have to cook. It was one less thing to worry about. She looked at the table, unconvinced by the visual impact. Maybe it was better without the flower bowl. But as she took the bowl from the table, she winced as she spotted a tiny, yellowish stain on the tablecloth. _Damn_. Either she'd leave the bowl or change the tablecloth. She didn't think twice and started to unset the table.

"Mom?"

Grace's voice made her jump and she nearly let two glasses fall on the floor. She stared at her daughter, embalmed and with a guilty look.

"What are you doing?" Grace asked, with a confused and a bit astonished look.

"N… nothing," she stammered, caught in the act. _Dammit_. With the glasses still shakily in her hands, _nothing_ was all but believable. "The tablecloth's stained. I need to change it," she said, as she placed the two glasses on the counter with contrived nonchalance.

"What?" Grace sounded even more confused.

In that, the doorbell rang. _Saved by the bell_. "I'll get it," Alicia hastened to say as she hurried to the door and gestured at Zach to turn off the Wii.

She stopped in front of the door and inhaled deeply. Beyond that sheet of wood, Tom was probably in the same state of panic, anxiety and utter dread. She opened the door, told herself to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong that night, and finally met Tom's nervous smile. And a very inviting smell of pizza and pepperoni. "Hey," she greeted him, softly, with a wide smile, as she quickly moved to help him and grabbed the bag with the beverages. She could feel the chill of beers and cokes through the cardboard and shivered lightly at the cold contact with the skin of her arm.

"Hey." He smiled back and leaned forward for a light kiss. Alicia hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was the right thing to do in front of the kids, which, she was pretty sure, were peeping from the kitchen. In the end, she met his lips halfway, delicately, then moved to let him in, her heart suddenly drumming off her chest in anxiety. Here they were. _Oh my God_. They really were here. The four of them within the same brick walls. All the fears she had strived so hard to remove – or at least to curb – for the last week, were back in an even more overwhelming and terrifying way. As she closed the door, she contemplated that she'd pay gold for a soothing glass of red wine. She cursed herself for not having drunk it while waiting, instead of wasting time with the table and losing her cool for a stupid, and honestly invisible stain.

_Calm down_. _Everything will be fine_.

She mustered up just enough courage with a deep breath and turned to see Zach and Grace standing on the kitchen threshold.

"Zach, nice to see you again," Tom said with a warm smile. Zach would likely never notice, but she could hear all the jitters in his voice and smiled. They were in the same boat, with their anxiety to crash into a cold, giant iceberg of disapproval.

"Mr. Bryant," Zach nodded lightly. "You kept your promise," he joked, as he pointed at the pizza in his hands.

"I told you I always do, but please, call me Tom, I'm not on duty tonight," he said with an amused tone.

A couple of steps behind, Alicia smiled at the exchange. It was incredible how an event so painful like Zach's accident had created a natural bond between the two. Her gaze shifted, discreetly yet nervously, from Zach to Grace. Her daughter's gaze was fixed on Tom, looking between curious and probing. Unlike Zach, Grace was actually meeting Tom for the first time. And she barely knew anything about him, except that he was a lawyer and Irish. She wondered what she could possibly be thinking; if she was mentally taking notes of the differences with her father; if she was only trying to figure him out.

She suddenly remembered Owen's words. _The only thing they need to know to like him is that he loves you_. She smiled and gloated inwardly. Never had words been truer. That thought was kinda relieving. Maybe it wasn't enough for them to like him beforehand, but it was a noteworthy beginning. She took the few steps that still separated her from Tom and smiled softly. "You two haven't met yet," she said, as her gaze moved from him to Grace. "Grace, this is Tom," she said with a reassuring - and hopefully confident enough – look.

"Hey." Grace's greeting, barely whispered, was lightened by a tentative, shy smile.

"Hey, Grace," Tom nodded, "Your mum speaks so much about you, I'm happy to finally meet you," he said softly. And Alicia knew that tone. It was the same reassuring one he had used back when he first met Zach. They could do it. If Grace's light smile was telltale, this dinner had some chance to succeed.

"I think we should all move to the kitchen before that appetizing pizza becomes leftovers for a dog we don't own, what do you think?" Alicia prodded them all into the kitchen before the introductions would become awkward.

She suddenly felt anxious again. The thought that Tom and Zach already knew each other was reassuring, paving the way to an easier start in their relationship. She was sure that they would have no problems in getting along. There were so many things they could discuss, starting with college. But, what about Grace? How could they possibly relate? Her gaze fixed on the pizza carton, she carefully tried to avoid exposing her concern. She was still too young for discussing college and had no particular interest, except her recent obsession for the bible. A light, almost imperceptible caress on her forearm snapped her from her thoughts. She met Tom's smile, together with his questioning look. With a light shake of her head, she reassured him that everything was fine.

The four of them sitting at the table, cool beers, cokes, and the pizza astutely placed to cover the little stain that clearly nobody noticed, all lost in their own reflections.

The fragrance that filled the room was mouth-watering. For a moment, everyone seemed to forget the reason behind this dinner and assaulted the pizza, famishedly, except Alicia. Regardless of how inviting the smell was, she was still too nervous to eat. She took her slice, gave it a couple of bites, while her attentive eyes studied the exchange of still cautious glances between Tom and the kids. She hoped that the icebreaking topic would come out spontaneously. Because she had honestly no idea how to handle – actually, to _start_ – the conversation. She gave them all a few minutes of quiet, while she tried to gather some ideas, anything that might make things easy and possibly relaxed. Easy. This was not going to be all but easy. She caught a glimpse of something in Tom's eyes and saw him open his mouth as to speak. Whatever he'd say, she was just relieved that he was making an attempt at starting the conversation, no matter the outcome. Anything was better than the embarrassing silence.

"So… am I wrong or is someone in this room about to attend Columbia?" He said with a bit of fake pensiveness.

Zach's smile was all Alicia needed to start breathing again. She knew perfectly well how enthusiastic he was about leaving, about going to New York City, about the castles in the sky he was already building as far as his future career was concerned. Tom had certainly taken the easiest and safest way.

"In five months," Zach nodded.

"Though your mom wasn't really able to tell me which course you've chosen," Tom said with a knowing look.

Alicia stiffened in faux offense and laughed. Her gaze kept shifting to Grace, with an attentive eye, to make sure she was fine and not feeling left out.

"National security law, they have a course about the use of modern technologies applied to national security," he explained, very quietly.

Tom's face was a speechless one. "I'm impressed… Government?"

"That's the idea," Zach confirmed with a nod, then quickly looked at Alicia. She made sure that all her mom's pride showed through her wide smile.

_Government. National security._ Was her child really so ambitious? The thought was equally reason for pride and worry.

"Mom's already freaking out," Grace commented with a light, shy smile.

"I'm not freaking out…" Alicia protested, very mildly, because she was indeed freaking out. "Okay, maybe a bit," she admitted. She had to constantly remind herself that Zach wasn't a child anymore. Neither was Grace. Very soon, she'd follow her brother's steps and leave as well. She was thankful to have Tom in her life now.

"New York City is around the corner," Tom reminded her.

Around a flight corner, Alicia thought, but yes, it could have been worse.

"Plus it's such a sensational city," he added. "Do you know that the New York Public Library is the largest in the whole nation?"

"Really?" Grace asked with what seemed genuine interest.

Tom nodded. "There are collections of every possible kind and a branch at every corner. I think I spent most of my life in there until I came to Chicago. You can really find everything you want."

"Even about religion?"

_Oh no. Please not a religion talk tonight._ If there was something that Alicia knew about Ireland, it was the religious bloody conflicts. And she wasn't quite sure it would make a good discussion topic for Tom. But at the same time, she trusted him enough to know he would handle it in the best possible way.

Tom nodded. "I can't really say how many, but I guess a few thousand."

Alicia stared at him. His forearms rested on the table, in a totally relaxed pose, he would have seemed so at ease if it weren't for the nervous glances he kept casting at her. So much for a first meeting with her kids. Stuck in what was likely bound to turn into a prickly debate.

"Wow, that's… a lot…" Grace answered, looking impressed. "You…" She started, then hesitated.

Alicia looked at Zach. He seemed interested in the library discussion, but lightly annoyed by the religion stuff. As their eyes met, she gave him an understanding, pleading look. If that was Grace's way to fraternize with Tom, she'd take it. It was better than nothing.

"Mom said you're Irish…" She asked, a bit unsure.

Tom nodded. "I've spent most of my life here but yes, my family is Irish, we moved here when I was seven."

"Are you catholic?" She asked. If the light halting in her voice was telling, Grace had doubts herself about this discussion. But Alicia knew that she could be very strong-willed when she felt the need for answers.

"I have the feeling that someone has a special interest for religion…" He joked a bit, getting a light smile out of Grace. "By the way, yes, I am," he nodded, "though I wouldn't define myself as a strong practicing one."

"I pray every night," Grace said, not hiding a bit of pride.

Tom smiled. "I think it's a beautiful why to express our love for people we care about. I don't do that often, certainly not the way I should."

Grace gave him a confused look. "Why? I mean… isn't that something that should be done every day?"

Tom hesitated. For a moment he looked thoughtful. At times Grace really had an innate talent for causing people distress. "Because right now I don't feel the need for it," he shrugged. "But yours is a very tricky question, you know?" He paused, looking down at the table. He seemed to be gathering ideas.

Alicia thought that if he came out alive from this conversation, he could survive anything.

"Now, I'm telling you something… Religious conflicts are the order of the day in my country. But I have learned that most of the time it has nothing to do with who you believe in, or who you pray to, or how you pray. It's about… turning to someone in hard times, in discouragement, or when we have questions that nobody can answer. It's about… knowing that there's someone that will listen to us when nobody else does."

_Answers_… It was something that Alicia never considered before. And probably neither had Grace, judging from her meditative stare. Honestly enough, with everything they had been through, it made sense.

"So… the fact that you don't feel the need to pray… is that supposed to be good?"

"I don't know if it's good," Tom shrugged. "I know that in this moment of my life I have everything I need to be happy, I don't need answers." He hesitated, probably pondering if he should add something else or not. "Okay, maybe I lied," he said with a look of pretend guilt on his face. "I actually prayed for this dinner to turn out good."

Alicia laughed mildly. "Oh, well, I did that too." And she didn't believe in God, or anyone else for what that was worth. "Okay, can we now all move on and talk about something else?" she urged everyone. There were so many things they could talk about. They had to accept Tom, yes, but even more, they had to accept that he was a significant part of her life and, by proxy, would become part of theirs too. Talking about college and God had proven to be an excellent warm-up for the kids, but it would go nowhere. "I know… I know that this situation is new, for all of us…" Her hands nervously crossed in front of her, she realized that her slice of pizza was still there, barely touched. What a waste. "If there is something you want to know, you need to know, if you have doubts or concerns, this is the right occasion… I… I realize that I tried to keep a sort of distance between you and my life with Tom," she said, as her gaze shifted nervously between Zach's and Grace's severe looks. "It's time to build a bridge."

Tom nodded, silently. In spite of the probably uncomfortable exchange with Grace, he seemed relaxed. Maybe it was the beer, maybe actually having her kids in front of him was less scary than its thought.

"So whatever comes to your mind, whatever you want to know, just ask," she said, softly, as she gave them an encouraging look. "I just… before you ask… we haven't made any plans for our future. We have talked a lot about that," she said, meeting Tom's smile and his light nod, "and we decided that… we'll discuss every choice with you first, respecting your pace."

Grace and Zach exchanged glances. They both seemed unsure and hesitant. Finally, and much to Alicia's surprise, it was Grace who seemed ready to break the uncomfortable silence.

"What made you fall in love with mom?"

Such a Grace thing to ask, Alicia considered, at an age – and in moment – when a girl's main thought was love. She remembered the conversation they had only a couple of weeks before, when Grace asked her more or less the same about Tom. She remembered her honesty as she admitted that it hadn't been love at first sight, like it happens only in movies, and smiled at how Grace probably felt the need of hearing Tom's version – sort of.

She looked at Tom, and met his soft gaze fixed on her, as if mentally reviewing his feelings. She smiled and stared at him expectantly. There was nothing more pleasing and gratifying than to hear him list all those things that made her feel so special. At the same time, she felt for him a bit. Having to bare his heart like that, in front of two still wary teenagers and a jumbo pizza, would be a hard test for anyone.

"Her… her unique, extraordinary combination of stubbornness and tenderness… her smartness and strong-will, her way of being so modest and understanding, demure, at times even shy." He didn't break eye contact for a single moment as he said all those words. "And beautiful in a breathtaking way."

To Alicia, it felt like hearing him declare his love for her all over again. She would probably never get used to it, even less get tired of it. There was a reason things had been moving so fast between them. He was so damn endearing and convincing in life like he was professionally.

"And I know that this might not be enough for you… I don't expect it to be… after all, feelings arise and wane, every day. But you can be sure of one thing… I never loved anyone in my life like I love your mother… and I'm not trying to buy your affection, I'm just giving you an honest, blunt answer."

Grace's satisfied look was enough of an answer that he had passed the test.

The rest of the night went by between inquiring - though innocent - questions about his youth, his country, the motives behind his choice of becoming a lawyer and more frivolous discussions about New York City, about alcoholic brownies and Alicia's over-passion for wine.

It was past midnight when, exhausted by the late hour and by the psychological stress of the dinner, she invited the kids to go to sleep. She wasn't sure she was ready for their on-the-spot comments. Better give them the time to grasp all the feelings and information, absorb them and face their reactions the morning after.

When they were finally in their rooms, she reached Tom back in the living room and let herself fall heavily onto the couch and into his tight embrace. She felt a light headache starting to weigh down on her as she finally gave herself the chance to relax, but she'd deal with that later. Her head rested in the hollow of his neck, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply into the soothing scent of his skin. Neither of them said a word. After all the talking, the constant tension and the infinite third-degree questions, all they needed was a bit of peaceful calmness in each other's arms.

"It wasn't that bad… was it?" she whispered after a while, as her arm instinctively clung more tightly around his waist.

Tom took a moment to answer, probably replaying the night, or maybe only unwilling to break the sudden quiet that filled the apartment. "They're smart kids," he said, as his hand caressed her back, up and down, with a relaxing effect.

Alicia nodded and smiled.

"Did I pass the admission test?" He asked jokingly.

Alicia laughed. "Trust me, if you didn't, you'd know it."


	47. Chapter 47

Alicia was exhausted. From the morning spent in court, to the lunch with Tom, to the staff meeting in the early afternoon and two new clients later, the day had flew quickly, and before she knew it, the sunset outside was already burning the sky to a dark orange color. It was already 6:20 p.m. and she still had no news from Tom about his afternoon trial. The jury was supposed to return the verdict and she was a bit worried by his silence. But maybe, it was just taking longer than expected. After all, it wasn't that late yet. For once, she could go home at a decent hour, and even make a quick stop in Will's office. She needed some distraction till Tom would call, and it had been a while since the last time her and Will had a nice, relaxed talk about something that wasn't work. She sort of missed those moments. Life seemed to be always so hectic lately. She took her coat, purse and the folder for the next day's trial session – last thing she needed was to present herself in court without the client's file – and turned the light off. As she approached his office, she smiled, pleased that the light was still on. Not that it was surprising. Will was always the first in and the last out. From the side glass, she watched him, deep into some papers, his pen in his left hand, and with silent steps she walked to his office door.

Her delicate knock on the door made him start, lightly. "Oh, hey," he said with a smile.

"Hey," she said, not moving from the door, unsure if he was up for some chatter or not.

"You leaving?" he asked, pointing his pen at her coat and purse.

"Yep, and at a decent hour for once," she said with a satisfied look.

Will checked the clock. "I should too," he said, then looked back at her. "How was your weekend, by the way?"

She smiled. Yes, he was definitely up for some casual chatting. She walked in and sat down on the chair in front of him. "Good… Nothing particular, though. Friday was the… _big night_, so we chose to have a quiet and relaxing weekend at home."

_We._

Only after she worded it, she realized how she had, easily and rather unconsciously, settled into the condition of "we".

_We._

She mentally repeated it. She loved its sound. There was something so intriguing in the fact that such a short word – only two meager letters – would bring with itself the deep meaning of the union between two persons.

Will smiled, seemingly amused. Maybe with her sudden thoughtfulness? "You seem so at peace… Can I take it as a sign that dinner went well?" He asked, as he put the pen on his desk and gave her his full attention.

_Hmmm._ Alicia looked up, thoughtfully. All in all, it wasn't that bad. Actually, if she had to be honest with herself, it went beyond the most optimistic expectations. "Aside from Grace's embarrassing third-degree about Tom's religious beliefs… Yes, it wasn't bad," she concluded.

Will burst into laughter. "Even the _thought_ of watching that exchange is embarrassing," he said, as he quickly glanced at the clock.

"Yep, for a moment I feared a catastrophe, but Tom stood his ground amazingly," she said, nodding her pride.

"When's the next round?" he asked, with plain amusement.

"Next Thursday… Friday would be better but… you know… I don't want to steal any time from Peter to spend with the kids, especially to get them to spend it with Tom…" She explained.

"Yes," Will nodded, understandingly. "It would turn a bit unpleasant, I guess…"

Alicia nodded in turn. She certainly didn't want to make things hard for Peter, because Tom's meeting with the kids had been a significant step for him as well. Tom was officially introduced into their kids' lives.

For a moment, a weird silence replaced the laughs. She gave a curious look at Will, who seemed suddenly lost in his own thoughts.

"How is it… to start everything over again?" He asked, reflectively.

How was it? She took a moment to think about it, as she went back over how she felt when it started with Tom, at how she was scared to death by feeling such a strong attraction for someone she barely knew. But what caught her attention, more than the question itself, was the fact that it came from _him_. Why did he want to know? Simple curiosity? Or something more? She noticed how he discreetly glanced at the clock again, and she smiled.

"It's… weird… exciting, but scary at the same time… I mean… you have in front of you someone whom you know barely anything about, and who barely knows you in turn… You start from zero, with virtues and vices… and with the risk to fail, or to realize that it's not like you had pictured it…" She scanned his face, searching for some sign, hint, anything. "It's a challenge," she added, carefully checking his broody gaze. "Why are you asking?" She asked, tentatively.

Will's look was fixed on her, but blank at the same time. "Do you know Judge Moore?" He finally asked, a bit out of nowhere.

Alicia had to focus on the faces of all the judges she had met over the last years. _Moore_. She was sure she had already heard that name before. "I think I do, though I'm not sure he ever presided over one of my trials."

_No, wait. _

She had a sort of flash. Now she remembered. He was that judge in his sixties that always warned Will not to use his Casanova ways in his trials because they were wasted on him. A smile escaped. "Why? You have a date with him?" she joked.

Will laughed, a bit nervously, she noticed. "Almost… with his daughter…"

_Oh._

She tried to hold herself back from giggling. Not easy.

She opened her mouth to speak, but failed. She was surprised. It was not like Will to disclose his feelings for other women. And least of all, to let her share in his romantic plans. Surprised, yes. But in a pleasant way.

"You look dazed," he joked back, clearly amused by her reaction.

"I'm shocked," she said with faux worry.

"Don't poke fun at me," he reproached her.

"I'm not poking fun at you," she said with a light shake of her head, striving not to laugh in his face.

"You're laughing at me behind that friendly grin," he said with mock severity.

_Busted__._

"No," she denied the obvious, giggling.

"You're having fun, confess."

He had unmasked her. Not a hard task, actually.

"Oh, yes!" she said, then burst into loud laughter.

"See, I knew it, I shouldn't have said _anything_ to you," Will said, as he opened his arms theatrically in surrender and sat back on his chair.

"You mocked me for falling in love with one of Peter's subordinates and _you_ date the daughter of a judge who hates you? Congratulations," she nodded, making sure to show off all her amusement for this situation.

_Payback time._

"Moore doesn't hate me!" Will contradicted her, though very unconvincingly.

"Shall I remind you how he defined you last time you two met in court?" she teased him. This was just too fun to let it go.

"No, thanks," Will stopped her with a rapid gesture of his hands.

Alicia laughed. "Well… what can I say? Good luck?"

"Your moral support is outstanding," Will noticed, leaning forward again.

"Your fault, you shouldn't have made fun of me months ago," she chided him, faking seriousness. "You should know that fate is deceitful and always comes home to roost."

Will smiled.

Alicia fought hard to regain some self-control and stop laughing. "I'm happy for you, by the way," she finally said, kindly.

"And I'm terrified," Will answered with a light laugh.

Alicia laughed, softly. "What's her name?"

"Kat… Kathleen actually, but she prefers Kat, I think she has some kind of aversion for that 'L' in the middle," he said with an amused look.

Alicia studied him, silently. That dreamy, enthralled gaze… He was already in love and probably didn't know it yet. She didn't dare to say anything, in the hope that maybe he would open up a bit further.

"You know what's really absurd in all of this?" He asked, rocking on his chair.

"What?" She asked, with a raised brow.

"She doesn't know anything whatsoever about law, to begin with," he said with a faint voice and a knowing look.

Alicia nodded in acknowledgment and smiled. This conversation was rather entertaining.

"And the gravest thing..." He leaned forward, in a confident demeanor.

Alicia replayed his own gesture and leaned forward in turn. Judging by Will's gaze, she was ready for something very stupid.

"She knows nothing of baseball," he whispered, almost in her ears.

Alicia gave him a look of fake scandal. "Oh my God."

"Not even the most basic rules," he added with a light shake of his head.

"Shameful."

"Either of baseball or any other sport that requires the use of a ball," he clarified.

"Totally unacceptable," she said, poking fun at him.

"That's exactly what I told her," Will said, as he leaned back, took his baseball, and started to spin it in his left hand.

"And what did she say?" She asked, half-laughing.

"That she prefers swimmers."

"What a humiliation," she said, and shook her head in disapproval.

"A real insult to my past as a pitcher," he pointed out, as he took aim, stretched his arm, and threw the ball in the umbrella stand with a satisfied look.

"Absolutely," she nodded, amused.

Will cast another glance at the clock.

"I guess it's time to go," Alicia said, freeing him politely from the confession time.

"Yes. I'd rather not leave her hanging at the restaurant," he said with worry.

"Perish the thought, maybe there's the national swimming team in town," she teased him.

Will looked at her, astonished. "Thanks for the reassurance."

"Any time." She stood up and started to leave, then stopped halfway through the threshold. "Have a nice evening."

"Thank you," Will whispered with a smile, as he gathered all the papers on his desk in a more or less orderly pile.

She had barely reached the elevator when her phone rang. _Tom_. Her heart skipped a beat, in happiness for she was about to hear his voice, but at the same time in anxiety for the verdict. She could sense the idiotic smile on her face and was grateful that nobody was in the hallway to witness what a teenager-ish effect he always had on her. She let a couple of rings go, then answered. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey, my love," Tom said with a cheerful voice.

_My love_?

Where did that come from? Alicia laughed, mildly. Tom wasn't the _my love_ kind. Or _honey_. Or whatever nickname lovebirds usually exchanged. "Someone's happy?"

"Someone won the Bates trial, and won it big," he said with a tone that gave away all his satisfaction.

And rightly so. That case had been in the news for weeks now, and Tom was starting to feel the pressure of the press crowding the court at every session. Something he was definitely not used to. She sighed in relief. "Celebration is required," she teased him. It was 6:40 p.m., they had all the time to _celebrate_ properly and she could still get home before dinner.

"Still working?" Tom asked, hastily. His excitement was overflowing.

"Leaving the office right now, see you at your place," she said, as she bit her lower lip in anticipation. A bottle of chilled red wine and hot sex. What more could she ask for?

* * *

A glass of wine in her hands, sitting in Tom's lap on the couch in his apartment, Alicia was bent in half with laughter, enjoying completely the longed for moment of celebration and relaxed intimacy.

"I still can't believe it," Tom said with pretend upset, as his left hand caressed her back, up and down, pleasurably and lightly tickling her. "Are journalists all stupid like that?"

His question was clearly rhetorical, because yes, they were. She had learnt it over the years and at her own expense. Their ability to always come up with the wrong and less appropriate question should definitely be grounds for study. But this time, they had outdone themselves. It was a pity that she couldn't have been there to witness that memorable moment and to see Tom's reaction.

"Of _all_ the possible things she might have asked about the trial," he said, as he gesticulated his righteous indignation, "she wants to know the details of my love life!"

His shock was loads of fun. Not that she could honestly blame him. The first encounter with the press was never easy to handle. Even harder if you sort of expected to be asked specific questions and you ended up as food for some gossip magazine. His look made it clear that he wasn't prepared.

"Maybe she was from some women's magazine," she shrugged, then sipped her wine, slowly, enjoying its full-bodied taste. It was so pleasing to the palate, an excellent choice from the man that never seemed to stop amazing her. "Next week I'll find you on the cover of US Weekly with a giant title 'Thomas Bryant. 10 reasons why we like him'," she joked, miming the giant print in the air.

Tom laughed, amused. "10 reasons, hmm?" he asked, holding her tighter and adding softly, "now this is an interesting topic for discussion."

"Magazines seem to like the 10 things stuff," Alicia laughed and shrugged, then put the glass down on the coffee table to give him her full attention.

"I clearly don't read enough magazines," he took note.

"Too bad," she complained. "In the last issue there was a very engaging article about the 10 things that a good prosecutor can do for a woman," she added, teasingly, as she snugged up to him in her most seductive way.

Tom looked away, reflexively, and clearly pretending he didn't notice her allurement. "Was 'send her to jail' included in the 10 items' list?"

Alicia stifled a laugh, then hummed, pensively, as she moved closer to place a soft kiss on his lips. "I don't think so…"

"Damn, I was so sure about that one," he whispered, returning the kiss with a more passionate one.

Alicia's mind was on the job, mentally compiling the list on his behalf. There were a thing or two that she considered should absolutely make it into it. "How about you let_ me_ compile the list?"

Tom stared at her, looking puzzled. "You don't trust me?"

She faked thoughtfulness, and looked away for a moment. "Uhm… okay, let's do this another way. You show me the first five points, then we'll discuss the remaining."

"You know we don't have much time, do you?" Tom asked, amused.

"Then why are you still talking?" She reproached him, then shut his mouth with a devouring kiss that didn't leave any room for doubt.


	48. Chapter 48

The Thursday morning's alarm clock had woken up Alicia to her usual old routine. Firm, courtroom, lunch, firm again, staff meetings, and if working obligations wouldn't detain her till late hours, she could carve out a moment – even a very short one, she would content herself – with Tom.

Except on Thursdays.

It had started as a way to introduce Tom to the kids, to get them all acquainted and familiar with each other. It was only a dinner. _Pizza night. _But before Alicia – or any of the members involved - could realize it, it had become a nice habit, a sort of tradition. Thursday was the pizza night with Tom and the kids. And week after week, through ups and downs, through moments of laughter and a few tense ones, the climate had become more relaxed, comfortable and friendly. Warm. Both metaphorically and pragmatically.

It was mid-June and the mild morning sun felt pleasant on her skin as she walked to the offices at L&G to meet a potential new client. _Potential_ because she already knew that Tom was the appointed prosecutor, and the client didn't know it yet. Again the disclosure declaration. She should feel nervous, for she knew that to confront Tom in court was neither easy, nor healthy for her mental state and for their relationship. Still, as she walked into the conference room with a confident gait, there wasn't even the slightest shadow of worry in her. Maybe because this time the case didn't have any personal implication, unlike the previous time, taking away a lot of the stress derived from the emotional involvement. Maybe because over the months she had acquired a self-confidence, a genuine trust in their relationship, in _them_. Or maybe she was just being reckless and irrational. Everything was possible.

"Mr. Graham?" Alicia asked to the brood-looking man who was already sitting in the room.

"Yes," the man confirmed, in a low voice.

She sat down and put the folder, closed, in front of her, then smiled, reassuringly. "Mr. Graham, I'm Alicia Cavanaugh, and I'll be the first chair in the trial for the charge pressed by the Illinois State against you for bankruptcy fraud," she explained, soft-spoken. "But before we start…" _Here we are. Breathe in. __Breathe __out. Smile._ "There is something you need to know," she said, her gaze fixed on the man, reassurance and certainty etched on her face. "Do you know what a disclosure is, Mr. Graham?"

The man's face was one of plain unawareness. "Does it have to do with sharing information?"

"Something like that," Alicia nodded. "In this specific case, it's a declaration done in front of the client first, then before the judge and the jury at the beginning of a trial, in which the parties involved have to disclose any kind of personal relationships, like marriage, kinship, even sexual relationships to a certain degree, for a matter of trust with the client and to grant transparency before the law." The little explanation came out perfectly worded, after a few hours spent repeating the little speech in her mind. The fleeting image of Diane giving the same speech, only a few months before, quickly crossed her mind. This time, she didn't need either, any kind of support or someone defending her lawyer's abilities. And maybe it was better that way, she considered. A client should trust a confident lawyer more, shouldn't he?

The man looked at her, deep in thought. "Does that mean you have a relationship with someone involved in the trial?"

This man was making things easy, wasn't he? "Exactly. With the prosecutor, more precisely," Alicia said with her most quiet tone.

But Mr. Graham's confused gaze showed that he had not clearly understood how it worked. "And what does it entail exactly?"

"It entails that while the prosecution has the obligation to disclose to the defense every discovered piece of evidence, the defense doesn't. And the chance of an exchange of information between the two parties is… higher, if there is a personal connection. May it be accidental or intentional, there is the possibility that information could get leaked," she explained, honestly. "You have to trust your lawyer, that's why the law demands this kind of disclosure."

She smiled, sure that her bluntness would win his trust. She'd already been there and knew perfectly well how to avoid that, even the tiniest, most insignificant bit of information would slip.

But the man's reaction wasn't exactly what she was expecting. "I'd rather have another lawyer, if you don't mind."

_Another lawyer._

She opened her mouth to say something but a giant black hole of let down engulfed her words.

_Another lawyer?_

"And a male one, if possible…"

Mistrustful and with a light vein of misogyny? If it weren't that it would cost a lost client to the firm, she'd more than gladly cover him with insults. Instead, she swallowed her wounded pride and growing turmoil, she smiled and stood up. "Could you… could you wait one moment?" She asked, excusing herself with a light gesture.

With quick steps, she strode down the hallway to Cary's office but came across his empty chair. _Dammit_.

"Mr. Agos is busy in a meeting with a client," a female voice said from behind her.

Alicia turned around to see the secretary walking into his empty office with two overflowing folders in her arms. She couldn't leave the asshole waiting. So without a thought, she walked back down the hallway to Will's office and lightly knocked on his door. "Will… you have a moment?"

He looked up with a half-smile. "Sure. What's up?"

"I… I have a _problem_ with a client," she said. "Mr. Graham… he wants another lawyer, a _male_ one…"

"What?" He asked with a confused gaze.

Alicia shrugged. "I don't know if the real problem is the lawyer's gender or the lawyer-prosecutor liaison," she explained, "but he doesn't want me," she stated, slowly, with a high-pitched voice that gave away all her disappointment.

"Is Tom the appointed prosecutor?" Will asked, very quietly, and certainly not hiding some amusement, probably at her reaction.

Alicia nodded. "I wanted to ask Cary but he's busy with another client, who do you think could take it? Tom is a tough nut to crack."

"What's the case?" he asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Bankruptcy fraud. Why?"

"I can take it," he said, nonchalantly.

_He what?_

_No._

_No no no._

_Will vs. Tom._

_No._

_No._

_No way._

_Tom vs. Will._

She shivered at the cringe-worthy image of the two men against each other in court.

"It's not such an important case," she tried to backtrack, "one of the other fourth year associates can handle it with no problem," she said with a nervous smile. "Maybe Martin?" she suggested.

Will gave her a confused, questioning look. "Wasn't Tom a tough nut to crack?"

She swallowed. "Not… not so tough… and bankruptcy is not his strong suit anyway," she played down. _Lie_.

"He's going to rip Martin into pieces and you know it too, we need…" Will suddenly stopped, looking puzzled. "Wait… why don't you want me on this case?"

"I…" _Damn. A pretext. And a good one. Now_. "It's only a minor case, I just think we shouldn't waste our best resources on a small fry." She swallowed, very discreetly, hoping he wouldn't catch her light discomfort. She already had to handle a Tom-under-Peter every day, she didn't need a Tom-versus-Will to complete the already embarrassing picture of her quadrangular love life. Not to mention, Will's sympathy for Tom wasn't exactly reciprocal. Or at least, it hadn't been. And she really didn't want to delve into the matter. She had learned that some questions were better left unanswered.

Will's sudden laughter took her unawares. It didn't take her long to realize that he knew the real reason.

"So glad you find it funny," she mocked him, ironically.

"Martin is not the best for bankruptcy cases, ask Bryan…" He suggested, still half-laughing, offering her a way out.

"Bryan," she nodded and smiled. "Okay." She sighed inwardly, allowing herself to breathe again, then left.

_Narrow escape._

* * *

After a rude client, the escaped Will vs. Tom face-off and a fight with another client in the afternoon, Alicia had closed her apartment's door behind her with a relieved sigh, leaving out all the stress of the day. Well, almost all the stress, since Thursday night meant dinner with Tom and the kids. She had begged Grace not to mention religion for the whole night and to be nice, because the last thing she needed was to add more strain to an already heavy day.

And thankfully, dinner had gone by smoothly. Grace had taken her plea and moved the conversation to his family, making room for some funny – and a couple of lightly embarrassing – anecdotes.

"You say that because you haven't seen her with my mother," Tom said, amusedly.

Sitting on the sofa, he always left the couch to Alicia and the kids. It kinda felt like the best for all of them. In a phase where he still was slowly, tactfully, making his way, finding his role into the family, even something apparently so insignificant like choosing where to sit held an importance that wasn't to be underestimated. His poise, even if relaxed and confident, always kept a comfortable distance. He cared to never cross that limit of physical proximity that he wasn't granted yet.

"Can we _not_ talk about my meeting with your mother?" Alicia pleaded. In vain. She already knew that pleading was pointless with them. And Grace's expectant smile wasn't really working in Alicia's favor. She winced at the memory of that weekend.

"Why not? It wasn't that bad, was it?" Tom asked with a light laughter.

Was it?

She looked away, thoughtfully.

"I don't know," she said in the end with a light shake of her head. "I was too drunk to remember."

Grace and Zach both gave her a reproachful look.

"What?" She asked, confused. "You didn't taste her brownies…"

"And you better not either… unless you plan a rebellious drunk night," Tom said.

Alicia shot him dead with one quick glance.

"Which of course you don't and you never will," he immediately corrected himself, "because you are good guys and because your mother is giving me a scarily withering look," he said, his gaze fixed on her in fake fright.

Alicia shook her head in amused surrender. A quick glance at the clock made her realize how late it was. Past 1:00 a.m. Late beyond any possible considerations.

"Okay, kids, it's late, _very_ late. You two have school tomorrow and Tom has a long drive home, so everybody says goodbye and goes to sleep," she exhorted them all, jokingly pushing Grace and Zach off the couch and up with a smile.

"Mom?" Grace asked, looking a bit hesitant.

"Yes?" Alicia asked back, as she stood as well, fighting against a tiredness that was gravitating her back down.

"Maybe… maybe Tom can stay here since it's late," she offered, her gaze shifting nervously and a bit unsure, between Alicia and Tom.

For a moment, an odd silence filled the room.

Alicia was about to ask her to repeat, to make sure that she understood correctly. But no, she was sure she had gotten Grace's words right. She didn't know if she really meant it or if she was only being polite. But she felt that it was… premature? Uncomfortable? Still a bit out of place? She didn't know how to feel about it, but most of all, she didn't know how Tom felt about it. She glanced at him and caught his light confusion. Their eyes met, reflecting the same doubts. She was about to speak, but Tom anticipated her.

"It's very kind of you… and I thank you for offering," he said, softy. The soft tone of his voice left no doubt about the honesty of his words. "But I… I have to go home anyway… you know… a change of clothes, shower…" He smiled, gently, then looked back at Alicia.

They both knew it was a lie. Tom had at least two complete changes of clothes in her wardrobe. But the kids had no way of knowing it, so it was fine and the best way out of this lightly embarrassing situation.

Alicia smiled at Grace and caressed her arm delicately. "Time to sleep now…"

Grace nodded and looked back at Tom for a moment.

Zach seemed to be the only one not really concerned. With the most placid tone he only wished Tom goodnight and walked towards his room.

"Night, Tom," Grace said, then followed her brother into the sleeping area.

Once the kids left, they both exchanged confused, astonished looks. What had just happened?

"Don't dare to run, I'll be right back," she said, pointing at the bedrooms.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered with a knowing smirk.

Alicia laughed lightly and left. She needed to check on Grace first. She peeked into her room and found her sitting by the window, looking outside. As their eyes met in the reflection of the glass, Grace turned to look at her mother.

"Hey," Alicia whispered with a soft smile.

"Hey," Grace answered, quiet in appearance.

Alicia moved and sat in front of her, placing a reassuring hand on her knee. "I… I just wanted to tell you that it was a very kind gesture of you… to ask him… you know…" Every time she was in the situation of talking with Grace about Tom, she always ended faltering. Even ignoring every other factor, that alone was a sign that the road to normality and comfort was still long.

"I meant it," Grace said.

"I know it," she nodded and smiled. "I… I just think you are not ready yet to wake up and find Tom hanging around our home…" She explained. Her over-imaginative mind was already visualizing the embarrassment of Tom sipping a coffee, only in his underwear. A picture that, as much as aesthetically very pleasing for her, wouldn't have the same reaction on her teenage daughter.

Grace shrugged and smiled. "I guess you're right."

At the same time, the thought that Zach would leave in three months had been bugging her for a while now. She couldn't help but think that Tom's integration in their everyday life would be much easier with both kids still home. It was a situation that needed to be pushed a bit, even if the level of confidence and acquaintance reached over the last weeks wasn't certainly enough for such a settling in.

She sighed in frustration. "Go to sleep now… it's been a long day," she said, and placed a comforting kiss on her forehead.

She left, careful to close the door behind her, and went back to the man she had temporarily abandoned, still standing in her living room. She didn't say anything, she just let herself sink into his warm embrace, enjoy the proximity she'd been longing for and the soothing, relaxing effect that his body and his scent had on her when she was tired and tense, like now. Moments when she didn't need words - she had way too many of those during the night – but only their physical intimacy, the feeling of his hand playing with her hair, the warming contact of his lips on her head.

"Is she fine?" He finally asked in a whisper.

Alicia didn't move. Or talk. She nodded lightly, almost imperceptibly, unwilling to break up that peaceful moment. Even if it could mean to fall asleep right there and then. "It has to happen, sooner or later," she murmured in his tight hug.

"I know," he said.

Alicia felt his embrace soften and winced in disapproval as she realized that he was delicately letting her go.

"I should really go now," he whispered.

In this moment, she'd pay to fall asleep with him on her bed, by his side. She nodded, and savored the last moments with him before he walked out of her door.

Her mind was already stargazing for the day she wouldn't have to wish him goodnight on the phone, or on a door threshold. She now knew that that day wasn't as far off as she had thought it would be and smiled to herself at the thought.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: So, the journey is almost over. This is the penultimate chapter of the longest thing I ever wrote in my whole life. Enjoy this, and prepare yourself for the big finale. As for me, I'm already tearing, thinking that it'll soon be over.**

* * *

Only a few weeks ago, she would have freaked out and panicked hysterically at the simple thought of Tom accidentally meeting the kids. Now, leaning comfortably against the counter, her richly deserved glass of wine in her hand, she watched attentively as Tom and Zach went through the list of courses at Columbia.

"I don't know him personally but I've heard praiseful words about Waxman, he's highly knowledgeable as a professor," Tom said, sitting next to her son at the kitchen table. He came over a little earlier today, quiet day at work.

Alicia quietly strolled over to Grace's bedroom door and peeked in. She was gathering the last of her things before leaving for the weekend. With school finished and homework being just a faint memory, Peter had taken the occasion to go camping with the kids at Starved Rock Park.

Alicia made her way back to the kitchen table, smiled at the quiet, comfortable picture, as she slowly savored her favorite chilled. Day by day, Tom was slowly becoming, more and more, part of the family.

"Oh, I forgot this," Tom said, as he took a small creamy envelope from his jacket's pocket and handed it to her.

"What's that?" She asked, with a raised brow and a questioning gaze, as she put the glass on the table.

"We are invited to a party next week," he said, his eyes lingering on her, as if to study her reaction.

"A party? For what?" She asked, puzzled, as she slipped the invitation card from the envelope.

"Well, technically I am the one invited. But the invitation is extended to a person of my choice and I thought of my better half," he said with an ingratiating smile and a pleading look.

Too pleading for her taste…

"Why does this sound like a rip-off?" She asked, suddenly suspicious. Then she read the invitation. On yellow-earth paper, the few words, printed in an elegant brown hand-writing font, announced the retirement of Judge Moore. Moore? She thought he was younger. "A retirement?" she asked, disgruntled. "It's the most boring thing ever," she complained, unconvincingly, for she already knew there was no way out of it.

"That's why I need your exquisite presence by my side," Tom said with a mellifluous voice.

She cringed at the image of the massive gathering of prosecutors, judges and old men in general.

"Lucky me," she said, sighing in resignation. "So what am I? Your, plus one?"

Tom smiled. "Please," he begged her.

"An invitation to what?" Grace asked, as she walked into the dining room with her backpack on her shoulders and clearly ready to leave.

"A judge's retirement," Alicia said, gravely.

"It's cute," Zach said, matter-of-factly, barely raising his gaze from his papers.

What was cute about a bunch of boring men commemorating their careers and in their wives gossiping in a sort of exclusive club? She stiffened a bit at the realization that, for many years, that had been her own life. She used to love it. It was the backstabbing from people that – at the time - she considered friends, that made her hate its memory. It was the hypocrisy of those who turned their back on her that made her see these events under a completely different light today.

"It's your first official social appearance together," Zach said with a light shrug.

"Yes, at a retirement party," Alicia pointed out, making Grace laugh in amusement.

"Is dad going to be there too?" Grace asked.

Alicia shrugged. "I don't know, I think so, he's the State Attorney after all." For a moment she considered begging Peter to bring the kids as his plus one, but quickly brushed the idea aside. She certainly didn't want her kids to hate her.

She gave a last look at the card before slowly slipping it back into its envelope, then looked up to Tom's expectant gaze. If the kids weren't in the room, she could have told him that _begging_ wasn't definitely an admissible argumentation to convince her to go through such a suffering. But right now she couldn't, so her only option was to yield under his pleading stare. "Don't dare to leave me alone for more than thirty seconds," she warned him.

But a light smile was already lightening her features.

_Your first official social appearance together_.

Zach's quiet voice gave to those words a nice sound. Or maybe it was that the idea of them being _officially_ together in public was a _cute_ thing indeed. Their first official outing as a couple. It was at the same time exciting and a source of apprehension. "Okay, guys, time to go," she exhorted the kids out of the dining room. Peter was waiting for them and they were already late for dinner. Zach quickly gathered all the college papers and put them into his backpack. As much as Tom's help was valuable to him, his father's advice certainly held the highest importance. And rightly so.

After the goodbyes, she kissed them both with the recommendation to drive safely. Even if Peter lived only a few blocks away, anxiety never left her since Zach's accident. She slowly closed the door behind her and walked back into the dining room, taking a seat next to Tom.

"So… Our introduction to the society," she said, jokingly.

Tom nodded and smiled.

Not that it was such a big fuss, to be honest. Most of the guests were quite certainly from the State's Attorney's office and their relationship was already known to many of them. And she was confident – actually, hopeful – that during the last months all those people had ran out of jokes about her dating Peter's best prosecutor. She had heard them so many times that it wasn't funny anymore.

"Nervous?" Tom asked, with an amused look.

She looked away, thoughtfully, then shrugged. "No, you?"

Tom stared at her, a light smile on her face. "I think it's going to be fun."

She looked up at the ceiling, reflectively. She had a very different idea of fun. But yes, it was probably going to be an enjoyable night. The moment she glanced down and back at him, their eyes met in a loving, tender gaze. She loved this man to the point that sometimes it was overwhelming. So much for someone that only one year before was going around swearing that she was done with love and with the whole male universe. Even one single day without him had slowly, almost unconsciously, become unbearable. She leaned forward, closing the little distance with a delicate kiss on his soft mouth, letting her lips rest on his for a moment, enjoying the warm, pleasing sensation. "I love you," she whispered against his lips, her eyes closed. She felt Tom move lightly and hinted a soft smile.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

She was always so disinclined to pronounce those words. She remembered saying once that their meaning was belittled by pronouncing them so much and so often, especially when they were unnecessary, that in the end she had almost stopped saying them aloud, sometimes even thinking them. At the point that now she sometimes had to force herself to speak them. And Tom's reaction was always the same. A light surprise, his eyes brightening up, the edge of his lips curling a bit in an almost imperceptible smile. She resisted the temptation to apologize for not voicing them as often as she should. Tom would probably answer that those words were unnecessary, that she showed her love every day. He always did.

* * *

Chicago's Cultural Center was one of the most magnificent buildings she had ever seen in her entire life. And that was the place that Moore had chosen for his retirement gala. She had to admit that the man had good taste, though probably his wife had a lot of say in the setting.

Her fingers lazily entangled with Tom's, she gave him one more pleading look before walking through the arched vault of the hall, fluttering her eyelashes in a last desperate – and equally vain – attempt to weasel out. A gesture that was totally lost, since Tom's gaze was already wandering beyond the arched vault entry and inside the hall.

The party hall was an architectural masterpiece. Small and wide archways crossed the high- ceilinged room in a fascinating sight of formations, giving life to the refined white marbles and to the frescoes that decorated the walls. It was spellbinding.

There might have been more than one hundred people inside the bright room. Under the main archway, she spotted Peter, Matan Brody and a few other prosecutors, all busy talking to Moore. On the opposite side of the hall, Judge Abernathy was apparently entertaining a small gathering of women, probably all _plus ones_ like her. She tilted her head lightly to the right, smiling at the hilarity of the unusual picture. In the farthest part of the hall, a small area was reserved for the dancers.

"It's kind of disturbing to see so many judges in the same room," Tom said. There was really a good part of Chicago's law community attending the event. It was like being in court. Except for the evening attire everyone was wearing. Speaking of… tonight was the first time she had seen Tom in such a fine looking suit. The usual court grey suit had made way for a very sophisticated dark shade of blue, which happened to match perfectly with her blue china dress. She discreetly checked him out, then looked back at the guests.

"Yep, and so many prosecutors," she added with an amused smile. Good manners would demand to greet the guest of honor first thing, but it was physically impossible to approach him. "Should we wait till the crowd is drunk, and tired of his jokes?" she whispered in Tom's ears.

"Good plan," Tom said as, with a quick gesture, he took two flutes of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter and handed one to her.

"Or we get drunk instead," she proposed with a smirk of complicity.

Tom laughed mildly, raising his flute against hers in a light toasting clink. "To the guest of honor," he said, solemnly.

"May he spend the rest of his life fishing and… playing golf," she added.

Tom laughed. "How do you know that Moore plays golf?"

"I don't. Isn't that what old judges do?" she asked. She was pretty sure young judges played basketball. She had been to a few herself years ago. But Moore wouldn't survive ten minutes running after a ball.

"I think it's doctors playing golf," he corrected her with an entertaining tone.

"Such a cliché," she noticed. In that, she saw Peter looking in their direction, then quickly excusing himself to the group and walking up to them.

"Hey," he greeted them, when he was only a few steps away. "I'm sorry, I hate to interrupt you, but I need Tom for a moment," he said, looking at her.

She tried to look impassive but was pretty sure that her lightly annoyed gaze betrayed her.

"There is a person I'd like you to meet," he said to Tom, apologetically. "Moore's replacement is here tonight."

She looked down. Work. Not that it was unexpected, but still a bit frustrating.

"Sure," Tom nodded, then caressed her arm, gently, up and down. "I'll be right back," he promised with a smile.

She nodded. "Thirty seconds…" She reminded him, in a singsong voice, as he started to walk away.

Left alone, she started to peek around at the guests, searching for some familiar face. A failure. The only option left – besides getting drunk – was to join the small female crowd gathered around Abernathy. At least, they seemed to be having fun. But halfway to the destination, she was stopped by the woman she recognized as Mrs. Moore.

"Mrs. Florrick, what a pleasant surprise! It's a joy to have you here tonight," she greeted her with enthusiasm.

_Florrick_.

"Ehm… Cavanaugh, actually. I'm… I'm not Florrick anymore," she pointed out, in the most possible polite way.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Mrs. Moore apologized. "You divorced, right?"

Alicia nodded and smiled. "Yes."

_Wine._

"What a pity, you were such a nice couple," she said.

Alicia stiffened a bit, smiling uncomfortably.

_I need wine._

"You are here all alone, why don't you join us?" She offered, very politely.

With no better excuse at hand, she had no other choice than to accept.

"Marjory, Sarah, you already know Mrs. Florrick, right?" She said with a warm smile.

"Ehm… Cavanaugh," she corrected her, again.

With discretion, she peeked around, searching for the bar.

_Wine, now. _

"Oh, you're right, sorry… Cavanaugh, of course," Mrs. Moore said with a decided nod.

"You divorced?" One of the two women asked.

"Ehm… yes," she said with a bit of embarrassment. "I think it made it to the newscasts too," she pointed out, poking light fun of them. Getting rid of the name she wore for half of her life wasn't easy, was it? She had had a hard time getting used to her old name again. She assumed it would be even harder for strangers, who probably didn't even remember all the fuss caused by the scandal. It was ages ago. It was almost one year since she had signed the divorce papers. "Would you excuse me?" She apologized to the trio, then walked quickly – for how quickly she could walk in that dress – towards the bartender. All they had was that damn French champagne, so she had to settle for it. She leaned against the table, observing from outside the rowdy celebrating mass. Tom was still trapped with Peter and the new judge. She smiled as they locked eyes for a moment and she caught all his sorrow. Eventually, they would let him free to enjoy the party. That she was sure of. It was only a matter of _when_.

"All alone?"

A familiar voice behind her startled her slightly.

_Will?_

Then she remembered. Moore's daughter! How could she have forgotten everything about that? He was probably here with her.

"Hey," she smiled.

"Where's Tom?" he asked, looking concerned. Was her bored gaze so eloquent?

"Kidnapped," she said, pointing at the group of men in front of them.

"Consolation drink?" He asked, amused.

"Nope, it's more an attempt to repress my ire towards your future mother-in-law," she said, taking a long sip of champagne. She cast an inquisitive sidelong glance at him to catch his reaction to her feelings for Mrs. Moore and couldn't suppress a laughter at how he stiffened and adjusted his tie with twitchy hands.

In return, she got an amused, soft laugh. "What did she do?"

"Let's just say that if she calls me Mrs. Florrick again, I will need a lawyer," she suggested.

Will burst into a hearty laugh, then turned towards the table, taking a glass of champagne himself.

"Would you defend me?" She asked with faux pleading.

"I… I'm afraid I would have some… minor conflict of interest," he stated between laughter.

"What a pity," she complained, as she kept a watchful eye always pointed towards Tom. She caught him glance back and stiffen, as his whole body sent strong signs of impatience; his gaze shifting nervously between her and the two men in front of him, his feet moving restlessly, his head nodding condescendingly and way more frequently than it was necessary. She didn't know if he was just bored and anxious to get back beside her, or if he was annoyed by Will's presence next to her. It didn't matter if the result was to get him back where he was supposed to be. And she had already counted too many thirty-seconds. The moment she saw Tom excusing himself and starting to walk in her direction, she exhaled in relief. She didn't even have the time to thank Will for the company. When she turned around, Tom was already there with that light, gratifying possessiveness in his gaze and a charming half-smile. She caught him glimpsing quickly at Will and she shook her head, smiling at his comically unjustified jealousy.

"What happened to thirty-seconds?" she teased him.

"Your ex-husband happened," he replied in the same teasing tone.

Okay. She breathed, deeply. _Introductions__? _No, she was pretty sure they already knew each other, to a certain degree.

"By the way," she started, trying to hide the light inner uneasiness, "Do you already know each other, right?"

"Yes," Will nodded, "Mr. Bryant, nice to see you," he greeted Tom warmly.

Tom nodded lightly, "Mr. Gardner."

_Silence._

_Awkwardness at 360°._

"Where's…" What was his girlfriend's name? Damn… Memory was failing her when she needed it the most. She looked around, in the hope to spot any woman that could possibly look like his girlfriend and maybe reconnect the name to the face.

"Kat?" Will asked.

_Kat. Right_. Will she ever remember such a short and easy name?

"Yes, Kat," she repeated with a light nod in the attempt to imprint the name in her mind once and for all.

"Powdering her pretty nose, I think."

"Will is dating Moore's daughter," Alicia updated Tom. Letting him know that Will was engaged with someone was the smartest thing she could come up with right now. "Can we finally enjoy the party?" She pleaded with him.

"Of course," he confirmed with a smile.

She looked down as she felt his hand cover hers and smiled back.

"Would you excuse us," Tom told Will, as they started to walk away.

His hand holding hers firmly, she knew he was leading her somewhere but she just didn't know where. Till he stopped in the dance area and gave her a tempting look.

She looked around at the few people already dancing around them. Most of them were well beyond their sixties and unknown to her, probably friends of the Moore's. The long-lasting intimacy from their years together that seeped through their natural, well-coordinated and elegant movements was fascinating.

She looked back at Tom and smiled, as she moved closer and gently, languidly placed her left arm on his shoulder, her beaming eyes locked with his. _Their first official appearance. Their first official dance_. There was a first time for everything, she said to herself. This party wasn't so bad, after all. She felt Tom's hand resting in the small of her back, then delicately pulling her closer to him, till their bodies blended into each other. Any word would just tarnish the perfection of the moment, so she just stared at him a bit longer, then rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of his cologne, letting the music lead the slow swaying of their bodies. In that moment, she was sure that she didn't need anything more than this in her life to be happy.

* * *

By the time the party was over and they arrived back at her apartment, it was past 1:00 p.m. She knew that the kids should probably both be sound asleep by then, but her maternal instinct whispered to her that she would find them still up and waiting in the living room for her to get home.

So Alicia wasn't completely surprised when, as she opened the door, she found that the lights were on. Both on the couch, Grace seemed half asleep. She had stiffened and straightened up, probably disturbed by the bang of the door closing behind them.

"Hey, what are you two still doing up?" She asked, tenderly, as she and Tom walked into the room.

"How was the party?" Grace asked with clear enthusiasm.

Alicia smiled, took her too high-heeled shoes off and carefully placed them by the couch, then sat between the kids. "Less boring than what I had imagined. And how was bowling night?" Her voice was a bit hoarse, she must have sounded tired. Tom was probably exhausted too. He had spent half of the party being dragged into a public relations' tour. She watched as he sat down on the sofa, resting against the back and closing his eyes for a moment.

"A bloodbath. We lost four games out of five," Zach said with light disappointment.

And judging by the look he gave to Grace, she guessed his sister was the cause of the massive defeat. _Better not ask_. "We should all go to sleep, now… we have time tomorrow for the gossips," she offered with an exhausted smile, then glanced back at Tom and met his own fatigue. Maybe it was better if he… She hesitated, her smile replaced by insecurity. "I think…" She stared at the kids, then back at Tom. "I think that Tom should stay for the night… It's… It's late… and we are all tired."

Tom sat up straight and looked at her, probably conflicted whether he should contest that it wasn't necessary or just let the situation follow its natural course.

With a decided look, she made it clear to him that he should just let things go their way. She caught the exchange of glances between Zach and Grace and let them think it.

In the end, Zach shrugged, carelessly, as if all she was asking them was what to cook for dinner. "Okay," he said at the light nod of Grace.

"Okay, then," she whispered, then placed a soft kiss on their foreheads and invited them to finally go to sleep.

"I have a feeling that tomorrow morning is going to be the most awkward awakening of my life," Tom whispered, amused, once the kids left.

"Even more awkward than any of your college bravado day-after's?" she joked.

Tom gave her a mixed look of fun and worry. "I don't recall ever telling you about my college bravado…"

Nope. He hadn't. But his sister had been a precious blurting spring. Something she'd keep to herself, just in case… "Come on, let's go to bed," she urged him, rolling her eyes in fun, as she took his hand and lifted him from the sofa with a put-up excess of strain.


	50. Chapter 50

The cold air of Christmas Eve's early morning disturbed Alicia's quiet sleep. She nestled under the two layers of woolen blankets that covered her bed and moved to snuggle up against the warm comfort of the still sleeping body of Tom. The gesture, so natural in its physical intimacy, was still surprising and new to Alicia's mind; to fall asleep and wake up by his side, in her apartment, with Grace – and Zach now that he was home for winter break - sleeping next door. Sometimes she would wake up before everyone else, just to avoid any awkward morning encounter. To be honest, it was all in her head.

It wasn't a habit, or a cohabitation, but more a step-by-step path in that direction. In the end, there had been no choice made, no decision discussed. Everything was unfolding with the naturalness of those events that seemed would take insurmountable decisions, when – in reality – there wasn't any decision to make at all. Their life together was practically writing itself. Grace had one more year before moving out and leaving for college. And the idea of moving to Tom's apartment, or to search for a new one, never really crossed their minds. At least, it wasn't in their immediate list of things to do.

As she made herself more comfortable, snuggling her body sensually to Tom's, she felt him move, almost imperceptibly, under the sudden contact with her bare skin. Then his arm moved, circling her waist in a soft embrace.

"Tomorrow by this time I'll already be at the airport," he murmured, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

"I know," she whispered, covering his arm with her own, already clouding over the upcoming separation. He was going to spend Christmas in New York, with his family. As was only right. She had been the one suggesting it in the first place. After all, Tom still had two families. His _real_ one in New York, and the one they were slowly building together in Chicago. Kids would spend Christmas with Peter anyway, and she, for once, had made a resolution to spend that day with Owen and her mother. She already knew it was bound to end in the usual fight, but at least she would have tried it. "I already miss you," she said with faux whining. Faux only up to a certain degree.

"I think it was your own idea," Tom poked light fun at her, as his hand started to move up and down, delicately caressing her belly. At every downward move of his hand, she felt her heart throb and tensed up in anticipation, unconsciously holding her breath. And the delicate, yet sizzling kisses he was planting right below her ear only added to the soft tantalization, taking away every remaining trace of sleep.

She wanted to protest his casual reminder, but chose rather to enjoy the pleasant combination of the early morning's silence and his kindling attentions. She just smiled and savored the moment.

"I've been thinking," Tom said, breaking the silence with a whisper. His voice, a bit insecure, and his hand that stopped his soft and regular movement, gave away some sort of hesitation.

"About what?" She whispered back. In the silence, she heard him catching his breath a few times, in a clear attempt to find the words. She had a moment of hesitation herself, wondering what could that possibly be about. She dismissed any worry before she could even give it a second thought. After all, it was Christmas Eve, whatever it was, it couldn't be bad.

"I know our relationship is amazing, close, and… and we never really talked it over, but…" He paused, making her anxious for the first time since he mentioned _thinking_.

Instinctively, she slowly pulled away from his embrace and turned around to meet his halting gaze. "Talked over what?" She encouraged him, though not really self-confident herself about where the conversation was going. And what it was about in the first place.

His eyes, though thoughtful, never averted to hers. "Do you think that… at some point… I mean not now but… at some point… do you think we might need something… anything… to seal what we have?"

It took her a moment to properly register all the words, put them together and give them some sense. But as she repeated them in her mind, slowly, to get their meaning, one in particular caught her attention.

_Seal_.

What did he mean with…?

_Seal_.

Then realization hit her. The word marriage popped into her thoughts and she tried to push it down before it could lodge in her mind with no way out. _Too late_. She opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. "I…" What was he even asking her exactly? Was it an attempted proposal? Or just testing the waters? "I…" Or was she completely off the track? And why now?

_Seal what we have._

Did they need something more than what they had? Did she feel the need of a ring adorning her left hand? Did she feel the need to be called _wife_ again? "I don't know…" She whispered. And she was honest. She already felt complete. "I think… no… you?"

The light shadow of displeasure in Tom's stare betrayed the real sentiment hidden behind his quiet nod. "No…" He hinted a smile and adjusted his body to wrap her in a soft, pleasurable embrace.

Her hands toyed playfully, as she tried to unleash the slight discomfort by lazily tracing light patterns on his chest. What was he thinking in this moment? She felt like she had just spoiled something but wasn't completely sure what. She wanted to ask but didn't dare to. But she certainly didn't want their first Christmas – sort of – together to have an undefined aftertaste of bitterness of something unsaid. She looked up at him. His gaze was fixed on the ceiling, pensively. "Are we okay?" She asked, tentatively.

Snapped from his musing, Tom looked down and gave her a reassuring smile. "Sure… I…" Behind the closed door of Alicia's bedroom, the sound of light, barefoot steps walking down the hallway made him halt. "I think Grace is already up."

Alicia nodded. "And I think it's way too early in the morning to be up as well," she demurred, as she snuggled up closer to him and sensually intertwined her legs with his. She watched as Tom slightly lifted his head and checked the alarm clock with a brooding stare.

In that, she heard Grace's steps walking back and the sound of her door being closed.

"Yes, definitely too early," he nodded.

And before she could move or say anything, he had flipped her on her back, resuming what he had hinted but left pending.

No teasing this time. No deliberate tantalizing. She felt his hand move down, confident, precisely where she needed it the most and sighed deeply, liberatingly, under his gentle fondling touch. Their lips met in a seductive chain of devouring, insatiable kisses, that she heated with a light bite on his lower lip. She smiled as a low groan escaped him and had to suffocate a moan herself as the delicate, light touch of his fingers was replaced by his strong erection filling her completely. His deep, unhurried thrusts matched both their needs to take it slow, to fully enjoy the moment without pressure or hurry, in a tender, yet fervent lovemaking. She closed her eyes and clung on to him as an intense, pleasurable orgasm took over her, consuming her both physically and emotionally till they both laid, spent. One hand around his neck, the other holding firmly the hard muscles of his back, her long legs were twisted tightly around his waist, unwilling to let him go, as her body still moved slowly around him in the afterglow.

They laid there, enjoying the last few minutes of intimacy as Tom's words still lingered in the back of Alicia's mind. She had a weird, vague feeling that she simply chose to ignore.

* * *

Zach had been away from home for three months, but to Alicia it felt like an eternity since she last saw her son in flesh and bones and not in a video call. Peter had gone to pick him up at the airport two days before and the moment they had walked through the door, she had hugged him for a good five minutes, ignoring his mild protests that she could let him go. His absence had been palpable. Grace especially was the one missing him the most. To have him back home for Christmas was undoubtedly an unrivalled gift for both her and Grace.

Sitting more or less quietly in the living room as they waited for Owen to arrive at any moment, Zach was showing them on his phone some of the pictures he had taken during the very first days of college. Alicia cast an intrigued, scrutinizing glance at Tom and smiled as he looked back, probably feeling her eyes on him. It was his first Christmas in a family that wasn't yet completely his. How did he feel? How was he going through it, behind that quiet appearance and the serene smile? For her, there was something still strange, uncustomary. Not completely unfamiliar, because the atmosphere was one of quiet comfortable relaxation, yet not completely free-and-easy; as if they were all still adjusting to the idea of _family_. Only one year before, though already divorced, they had spent the day with Peter. So many things had happened in such a relatively short lapse of time.

The doorbell rang and pulled her out of all those considerations. As she hurried to open the front door, she caught both kids standing up and throwing glances at the Christmas tree. "Tonight!" She warned them from the foyer, sensing their intentions.

But the moment Owen stepped in she had already lost control, and her decision to postpone the gifts opening to later that night was unanimously subverted.

Alicia opened her arms in disbelief. "What happened to the good old tradition of waiting till midnight to open the gifts?" She asked, as her kids' teenage frames were suddenly transformed into two little children instead. She shook her head in surrender, sat on the floor with them and invited a clearly entertained Tom to do the same, as Owen read out loud the name on the cards.

"From mom for Zach… From Zach to Grace… From Zach to mom… Isn't there any gift for me this year?" He asked in faux complaint.

Alicia flinched when he raised with excessive enthusiasm the gift that she knew was for Tom and, not to mention, rather fragile.

"From Alicia to Tom… this is huge! If it's a blow-up of you naked, I'd rather not see it," Owen spiced it up.

Her instinctive reaction, a well-placed swat, reached the back of his neck before he could shelter himself from it.

"From Tom to Zach," Owen went on, almost pretending nothing happened.

"Should I open it in the kitchen?" Tom asked with plain amusement, while his hands were already busy unwrapping the gift with meticulous handling.

She didn't say anything. She just stared at Tom, not wanting to lose even only a millisecond of his reaction. And if she was good in reading his expressions as she thought she was, she had hit the mark. His mouth open, he stared for a good minute, speechless at the incredible piece of memorabilia in his hands. Framed in wood, with suede matting, it enshrined the four biggest legends of tennis with photographs and autographed tennis balls.

They certainly didn't talk a lot about sports, but the signed ball of Rafael Nadal that was on display in his library had caught her attention on more than one occasion.

"This is…" Tom started but couldn't finish. "I don't know what to say," he said with a wide smile.

Alicia nodded, very pleased and smiled. "That's more or less the reaction I was aiming for."

"It's a magnificent gift," he observed. His gaze, fixed on her, beamed all of his surprise and thankfulness.

"I know," she said softly, as she leaned forward to steal a delicate thank you kiss.

"Oh my God… a Kindle Fire!" Grace said, almost in a whisper. "This is… how did you know?" she asked to Tom.

"Uhm… a little birdie told me something," Tom said, glancing quickly at Alicia.

Mission accomplished. Two perfect gifts. Now she hoped that even the one for Zach would get the same reaction. Because that one, it was Tom's own idea. So she kept a careful eye on Zach as he opened the small envelope to reveal two tickets for the Justin Timberlake and Jay Z concert at Yankee Stadium.

"I thought it was sold out," Zach murmured as he smiled.

"Let's just say that you don't wanna know what I did to get them," Tom said with a put-up wince.

"If it's something that requires being defended by a lawyer I know one," Zach said with an amused nod. "Thank you, really… and Neesa will be happy too."

The frantic unwrapping slowed down, gradually, till the floor was reduced to a multi-colored carpet of crumpled scrap paper. Alicia started to tidy up quietly, putting all the wasted paper in a bag. She glanced behind her as she noticed Tom standing up and disappearing discreetly into the kitchen. With the same discretion - and with the fortunate distraction provided by the brand new gifts - she followed him, likely unnoticed.

She found him sitting at the island, pouring himself a glass of wine. "I could do with one too," she joked and smiled at him.

He returned the smile with a softer one, as he took another glass, filled it for her and handed it to her for a light toasting.

She could tell by his lightly absent and brooding look that something was making him nervous. He seemed a bit uncomfortable and she wasn't completely sure what was wrong. "Are you okay?" She asked tentatively.

"Sure," he whispered with an overly-decided tone, which only confirmed that he was holding back something. "I just…"

So there was something indeed.

"You didn't open your gift yet," he said, his gaze shifting between her and the door.

"I… I didn't…" She stammered, then paused, as she realized that in all the enthusiasm and joy in their moments of chaos she had overlooked such a significant detail. The power of Owen's presence. She just smiled and nodded. "Yep, I didn't."

She suddenly got a bit emotional, her heart beating faster, inversely to her breathing, which was reduced to a light, imperceptible one. She was holding her breath and barely noticed it.

And why did he choose to give it to her in the reserved quietness of the kitchen instead of in front of her kids? And where was the gift in the first place, since she couldn't see any sort of package?

Then she saw him move lightly, revealing a small package, very sober in appearance, that he had probably been hiding behind his back. A _very_ small package.

_Oh my God._

Her heart suddenly skipped a beat. Or maybe two.

She swallowed as she remembered the conversation they had that same early morning.

_Oh my God._

She started to unwrap the gift, carefully, with shaky hands. Every reasonable doubt went away with the paper. There was no chance to mistake the content of the little, black velvety box.

That weird undertone feeling of anxiety that hadn't left her ever since he mentioned _sealing_ wasn't misplaced, after all.

Mouth half open, she found herself totally incapable of moving a single finger. She just sat there, her heart throbbing furiously, and watched him open the box for her, unveiling an antique-looking ring. By the look, probably a family heirloom.

She was quite sure that a rebellious tear escaped from her eyes but dried itself off at the contact with her burning cheek. "I…"

She was overwhelmed and she didn't know by what; by the embarrassment of the earlier talk, by the commotion of what this gift meant, by the staggering beauty of the jewel, of the two small diamonds that with their delicate brilliancy highlighted the deep red luminescence of the round ruby in the middle. She always loved rubies, she always loved the passion that came along with their intense color. She was crying and laughing at the same time, powerless to the emotions, too many at the same time.

"Of course this doesn't mean that… you know…" Tom stumbled on his words.

The damn conversation of the morning. How could she be so stupid and totally blind?

"I… I know," she said with a light, reassuring shake of her head. And she knew that he really meant it. "I…" She couldn't remember the last time she was left speechless like this. She offered him her hand, as a silent invitation for him to put the precious gift on her finger. And so he did. With a slightly quivering hand, he took it with delicacy and slowly slid it around her finger.

She spent a long moment lost in her gaze of the jewel on her hand. It was such a strange feeling, though in a good way. She smiled and looked back at Tom. Any _thank you_ or _it's beautiful_ in the world would be an understatement to say the least. Especially compared to the loving, enamored look he was giving her in that moment. She didn't think twice. She stood up and instinctively put her arms around him, locking him in a long and tight embrace.

"Mom! Uncle Owen is stealing my Kindle!" Grace shouted from the living room.

Alicia burst into a soft, amused laughter. Reluctant to release him from their warm hug, she didn't move for a long while. Or maybe she was terrified to come back into the living room with the noticeable stone shining on her finger and have to explain that it didn't mean what a ring like that usually meant.

"I'm just borrowing it for a while," Owen shouted back.

She wondered who was the real kid in her living room right now. Rhetorical question of course.

"Give the Kindle back to Grace. Now!" Alicia shouted at Owen, doing her best to sound serious and intimidating. She unwillingly released from Tom's embrace and stood up straight. "We should go back there now."

"Yes, there's some order that needs to be restored," he said with an amused smirk.

She had barely put a foot into the living room. She caught Owen looking up at her, back down at the Kindle still in his hands, then up again, staring goggle-eyed at her hand. _Damn_.

"Oh. My. God." He exclaimed, quite emphatically, dropping the Kindle in the hands of an oblivious Grace.

_Damn._

"It's just a gift," she said in a vain attempt to dampen his enthusiasm.

"That's not just a gift!"

Attempt failed. Miserably.

"Yes it is," she tried to contain him.

"What gift?" Grace asked, puzzled.

"The dazzling ring on your mother's finger," he revealed, as he took Alicia's hand and started to examine the stunning ring closely.

_Oh Jesus._

"A what?" Grace stood up and looked at Zach. The Kindle war seemed forgotten – at least momentarily - and both kids hurried to check Alicia's hand. "Is it…?"

"No it's not," Alicia repeated, firmly. There was no easy way out of this.

"Wow!" Grace said. Her voice and look were a feast of astonished excitement.

"Nice ring," Zach noticed, more composed than the others.

"Thank you," Tom said, collecting the approval with a pleased smile.

"You sure? Because it looks like that," Owen insisted, not letting go of her hand.

"Okay, no need to freak out," she tried to cool down everyone's excitement as she regained possession of her hand. "No one's getting married."

"You two are such a wet blanket," Owen protested in disappointment. "I already had the perfect dress."

"I'm sure you will have other occasions to wear your perfect dress. Now I need help in the kitchen to prepare for lunch," she said, putting an end to any wedding discussions.

The rest of the day went by rather quietly. Neesa joined them in the afternoon and her scream at the sight of the concert tickets was probably heard by the whole condo.

Alicia was tidying up the kitchen when Owen walked in and sat at the island, giving her a weird look.

"What?" She asked, feeling under scrutiny.

"For someone who's totally uninterested and unaffected by the ring and admittedly against the idea of remarriage you keep staring at your gift a bit too much," he observed with a hint of teasing.

"I don't stare at it," she denied, firmly.

"Nope. Actually when you don't stare at it, you toy with it," he poked fun at her. With a perfect mimic, he stressed his words toying with his own finger.

Truth be told, he was right. That gift had destabilized her tranquility in a way that she couldn't define. "Do I?"

Owen gave her an entertained smirk and nodded. "What does that ring mean for real?"

She sighed deeply, relieved that she could let it out. She _needed_ to talk about it. "Exactly what a ring like this should mean. I just… I'm not sure…"

"About what?" Owen shrugged.

"About getting married again, about becoming someone else's wife again, about sealing something that maybe doesn't need to be sealed because it's perfect the way it is now," she said it all in one breath.

"Does it mean that you don't want it?"

She could read Owen's confusion but couldn't dispel it because she was honestly confused herself. "It means that… It means that I didn't want it and now I'm confused and I don't know what I want anymore." She couldn't really expect Owen to erase her doubts for her. She had to take her time and think about it. There was no other option.

Owen nodded. "It's a beautiful ring by the way. And ruby red suits you."

"I love rubies," she observed.

They both burst out in laughter, probably at the irony of the casually perfect choice of stone.

"Now go and take the cake to the table, I'll be right there," she said, handing him the platter with the Christmas cake that Grace had nicely decorated that morning. Finally alone, she took a moment to enjoy the delicious sight of her bejeweled finger and smiled to herself. The initial panic was slowly leaving in its place a vague sense of butterflies in her stomach. All her certainties had been chased away, collapsed under the few-grams-weighing combination of gold and shining stones. Whether it was a good thing or a bad one, she was still unsure.

All that she knew was that, later that night, in the dark of her bedroom, the mix of excitement and agitation wouldn't let her fall asleep. Her mind kept recalling the events of the day. And the discomfort of the early morning just didn't square with the emotional turmoil that Tom's gift had aroused. Wide awake, the light glittering from her finger kept on catching her eye in a spellbinding way.

"Tom?" She whispered in the stillness of the night. She didn't even know if he was awake. Wrapped against his chest and into his arms, she could feel his regular breathing on her neck. She smiled as she perceived a light change in the pressure of his embrace and felt his hand move to cover hers, caressing it gently. She knew he was awake. Maybe not completely, but enough to hear her calling his name. "Yes." One word. Short. Three simple letters. It was all she needed to say.

"Yes what?" Tom asked. His voice seemed confused as his hand suddenly stopped its light stroking.

"The question you didn't ask me today," she added with a light, uncertain smile that Tom couldn't see.

"I didn't ask you a lot of things today," Tom answered with a light teasing in his voice that made her beam and roll her eyes.

"Or did you?" she teased him.

"Maybe I did, Mrs. Bryant…"

_**The End**_

_**A/N: And here comes the part where I start to sob uncontrollably. I'm at **__**a**__** loss for words. I really don't know what to say other than thank you for all the support, for making me wish with all your unique and heart-warming reviews that this story could go on forever, for all the times you turned my twitter timeline into a crazy gushiness and quotes-overload, making me laugh so much. **_

_**And a due and very special mention to my irreplaceable beta Mike and to my amazing team of cheerleaders; Mary, Josie and Steffi. You made this all more special. I will miss like hell writing these two. **_


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